A tattoo and a story...

I drunkenly wrote the following in the "notes" on my phone: One day an 18 year old girl went to a pawn shop with her friend, so he could sell his PS2. She walked into the pawnshop with blue hair and pink UFO pants. She thought the guy behind the counter was attractive and stared flirting with him. He found her attractive too, but he was 27 and unsure of her age, so he slyly got a glimpse of her ID to ensure she was "legal". She was 18. Barely legal...but she was. Later that week, he met her in the hotel room she was living in (because "life" just happens sometimes, and she had been ejected from her childhood home), with alcohol in hand (as she was yet unable to buy it herself), and they connected more. He was older, and recently had gotten out of a long term relationship. He saw this this girl as "cool...but young". After a few encounters, he told her how much growing she had left to do. He said "Come back to me when you're 21. You're going to change so much between now and then." But she was stubborn, and refused to walk away so easily. Despite his attempts to separate, she stayed in his life. One day, he saved her from killing herself. The first "I love you" that was said between them was as he was about to drive away after that rescue. They joked for years afterwards about how that first time the "L word" was uttered, during that ending, it was in a "fuck you" tone, but meant so much. Months passed, and she found out she was pregnant. They were both unsure of the next move, and filled with all kinds of emotions. After much talk and thought, they decided to have the child and continue with their lives...together. He even hired her to work at the pawn shop with him. It was actually her "home" for awhile until they got an apartment together. They had so much in common. They bonded over similar beliefs regarding music, literature, philosophy, religion, and so much more. They exposed each other to new things. As happens as a result of pregnancy, they became parents, and ended up with a beautiful baby girl to raise. Eventually, when that baby was 3 years old, they got married one Halloween. More time passed, and they had another child together. Years went by. Jobs. Houses. Good times. Bad times. They shared it all. As he had predicted...the girl grew and changed. She bettered herself with each new day, and each new experience. He told her that she had become the woman he always dreamed of...someone who was so beautiful inside, that it showed without. The problem was...HE didn't grow or change. He was the same person she had met that first day at the pawn shop. And he prided himself on that. He was stuck in the past, and refused to move forward or better himself. He tried to keep her on that level with him. No matter the detriment it had on her. He became abusive and controlling. He loved her, and just wanted to keep her with him, but he went about it in all the wrong ways. She felt trapped. The time came that she realized how much she had outgrown him, and for the sake of herself and the offspring they had together...she had to leave. It was hard. She still loved him, but also knew that the right decision was not always the easy one. Since he hadn't been willing to join her on the forward path, she worked hard to make a better life without him. But she always loved him. And they stayed best friends. No matter what...they were there for each other. They were each the person the other could rely on, whatever happened. Even if they weren't getting along, they were each other's "safety net". She kept hoping he'd change. The roles had reversed, and she was waiting for him to "grow up". Age wasn't a factor in that. Things kept improving for her, and things kept getting worse for him. They still talked. They would randomly meet for coffee. They would enjoy things together with their kids as a "family", even though they didn't reside together. They would "rescue" each other, without question or hesitation, whenever the need arose. Then, one day, without warning, he died. He showed up for work one morning, and had taken his last breath before paramedics arrived. 2 days after his 39th birthday. Sudden cardiac arrest, with no explanation. No "medical history", no drug use, no indication of cause. (Side note-I still haven't gotten the death certificate with the autopsy results-I kinda don't want to know.) They had been been separated for a long time by then....but it hit her really hard. She suddenly forgot all of the "bad", and all that ran through her head was the reasons she loved him, and all the memories they shared. Suddenly...it was all over. She looked back and realized how much he was a part of her. How much they had been through. How much she was him, and all that he had made her. It was like a part of her died too. The inside jokes they shared. The memories only the two of them would know. The way he knew her better than she even knew herself. All gone. Without so much as a chance to say goodbye. She had already moved on, and had, years ago, mourned the loss of the man she fell in love with. But it was all fresh again...and she lost him once more, but worse that time. It didn't matter who was in her life, or who supported her...she felt like she was absolutely alone...for the first time in over a decade. And as the days passed, their children bounced back from the loss. But her...well, she felt more and more dead inside. She missed him more than she ever would have thought possible. She realized that she WAS him. Somewhere along the way, they had become two separate parts of a whole. That may not have meant they should live together, or even that they should be in a romantic relationship together. But they were family. There were no better words to describe it. She was supposed to heal as the days passed...but she still waits for that to happen. Instead her heart hurts, and she feels lost more and more each day. She replays their entire life together over and over in her head....and still can't believe he's gone. She has so many mixed emotions she can't even explain them to anyone. He was the one person who would have understood...and it's him causing her this turmoil. He's not there anymore. She's been left to raise those children by herself...and knows they will always be missing that one puzzle pieces in their life that he could have provided. She no longer has him to catch her if she falls (which he did without question, no matter where they stood with each other). She no longer has him to talk to about the latest book by their favorite author. There will be no more ridiculous social commentary or "one-liners" only he would laugh at. She will no longer get to see his stupid smirk or hear his voice again.
She was a girl when she met him. He made her the woman she is today. The good. The bad. The amazing. The awful. He helped shape her. Now she feels the need to get a tattoo of him. She lost him, but needs to have him on her permanently to represent how much he was, and is, a part of her. But she doesn't know how to do that. How do you sum up an entire persons meaning to you into a single image? Picking an object, symbol, or word(s) to represent him seems like it's not enough. Picking a significant memory to focus on doesn't seem right either. She needs something to represent all that he was, and all that he meant to her. How do you fit an entire person, and everything you shared and meant to each other, into an image that you will carry on your body forever? (Apparently I can't use "enter" to make a new paragraph on mobile?) I decided on the above design. So much meaning to our lives together. The jack-o-lantern is obvious-we got married on Halloween. The rest...I keep as meanings to just myself. I once heard that sometimes the smallest tattoos have the most meaning. This one is fairly big, but has more meaning than some of my others. And perhaps it means more because I don't explain it. Wish I could show him. I still miss him everyday. It's been 5 months now. TL;DR: Don't ever take anyone for granted. Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is the main act. I'm happy with my new tattoo.