godofhorizons
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May 5, 2025 6:15 AM
godofhorizons
36320
1209
15
Piotheman
That's a painful but important lesson to learn.
donthaveonebrojustlurk
It's cause we are making history. We are convinced we are at the end of it, and therefore the only achievements can't be progress from where we are at, but perfections within it.
Slewth87
Except Game of Thrones. That was good, we all enjoyed it for a while, and then it did straight up fail.
AgamemnonsMemes
My mother retired and opened a bakery, and i worked there with her. We did okay, broke even most of the time, usually didn't take a wage but whatever. She loved it, she loved talking to all the people and she loved baking and trying new stuff. She closed it after about 5 years having made no money, really, probably lost money, but it was 5 great years.
B0reas
Beautiful and important fact that a lot of stuff is good while it lasted. +1
NomNomNeutron
Okay, but also we can't forget how our choices affect others. When you're in any of those positions, you are in a shared commitment or your work affects others. Open a coffee shop? If you close it on a whim, your employees lose their job. You can leave a marriage if it isn't right, but your spouse probably expects you to put some work into fixing it, and they should as well. Friendship? People don't all want fair-weather friends. "Failure" doesn't mean it's temporary. It means there was a goal.
redundancy
Some things should indeed come to an end. Such as The Simpsons. Please...I'm begging you...anyone really...we're long past the golden age.
Bantasm
Great food for thought. Is an athlete a failed athlete if they stop winning one day? If you never tried anything at all, does it mean you are less of a failure than those who tried but could not go on forever?
SansAandAnguS
100% agree! To everything there is a season. Not everything is supposed to last, and that does not diminish it or take away what it has given you.
I agree we need to stop viewing things in absolute terms.
tollerscream
This will sound funny, but what taught me its ok to end was when my favourite game died. It was a beautiful time in my life, took up my social calendar, I went to events for it, and I have so many wonderful memories. And it's ok that it's over now. It's sad, but there's so many new things and experiences out there :) (and other games)
JeremyPeevin
I feel like it's a capitalism thing. I mean all the examples can be traced to monetery things. Failed business, failed writer, that's because you didn't make enough money. Even marriage, because the government treats it like a business transaction and when it's over you lose half your money. It's all because everything needs to be monetized.
KingHippie
There are glorious, golden, moments. Enjoy them. They are earned with struggle and hardship and bounded by transience.
busterfixxitt
"If there's no eternal afterlife, if this life is all there is, why bother? Why not just kill yourself? What's the point?" - an apparently genuine question I was asked many, many times by religious folks while doing atheist club stuff on campus
beatmacster
Mind.blown. I needed to read this. I consider myself a failure in so many things. I’m fortunate in the fact that I will not consider or care if other people think I’m a failure. Thank you.
DrKidemonas
RecurringNightmare
yes and no...the shop and marriage examples are true, but for creative jobs like artists and authors that doesnt fully apply, as you would be paid for just one successful piece of work forever, like all those one-hit-wonder bands, or harper lee who like paused for one year per million sold copies of her one successful book...
PotatoLifter
This is not true, if you ran business with a profit you will usually sell it and it was a successful business. Even if you just close it and don't sell it, we usually say we ran a successful business if we profited from it, likewise say it was unsuccessful if we didn't profit. The marriage thing is that it's supposed to be until death do you part by the old standard, so yeah that's a failed marriage by that definition.
littleswimming
The neurotypical urge to label the weird thinking cycle you find yourself in is "we, as a culture". Are people really out there calling all this stuff 'failed'?
EDlux
Forever chemicals!
Tjitso
I don't know man, but this feels like an Amercan thing. Not trying to bash anyone, but this is a sentiment I don't recognize from where I'm from.
Amomani
Because people forget they will die and disappear and be gone. Then, in time, your memory will be forgotten and your name will disappear. No such thing as forever for us humans. Not even close.
SirMarcsalot
...are you....are you breaking up with me?
idrinkcheapbeer
I have a brother I've known since the 70s. he is 2 years older than me and kind of an asshole. we dont get along that great but I can ask him about things from that early 80s era that will cut him to the core and he can do the same thing. im lucky to have that. I dont think its a "win scenario" but what the hell is? Im lucky to have what i have.
Alistairetheblu
Same for "one-hit wonders", although that term is slightly less negative.
MaleProstateMilker88
In a lot of situations we WANT these things to continue, though.
xETM
if people stop upvoting and commenting this will be a failed post /s
beatmacster
https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTY1YjkxZmJlZWF1dDFkdTkxbHFlMjU1MGc1emJ4a2Njb3F4YmF2dGloeDExNzE5ZiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/vUEznRmVQfG2Q/giphy.mp4
Wapusk
I think the root of the problem is the entire concept of "winning" in general, life is about experience and betterment, not competition. But I'm a dirty Red, so what do I know?
TacTheScribbler
I started doing track and field in high school. I didn't like losing out on my study time after school because track and then study left less time for my creative writing. I quit track so I could put more time into study and writing. My parents called it "quitting" and I've had to unlearn that mentality.
DutchBoeremeisie
Amen to this, all of it.
I was with my husband for 20 years. I in no way regret being with him - we had some great times and I got a beautiful daughter out of it. It is finished now, but it was never a failure.
2000000bees
Yes same, my marriage lasted 18 years, most of them happy, and we made some wonderful people - no way is that a failure. I'm still friends with my ex wife and her partner, no way I'd ever want to be with her again but I absolutely don't regret it.
My only regret is that I wish I'd understood at the time that it didn't have to last forever to be good - it could have done with ending a couple of years sooner really
notsureofanything
I guess it depends on how that ending went. I would considered it failed if the child has to go to therapy and grey rocks/go no contact the parents. Because a marriage with kids imo is about raising kids and if the kid (who had no choice in their creation) has to get therapy because the actions of the parents it’s failed. That’s not to say all childhood has to be perfect and medical reasons for therapy but if you are the topic, you failed as parents and the marriage failed.
DutchBoeremeisie
She's playing Diablo II with her dad as I'm typing, and laughing, so for today at least, things are good. I mean, she's a teen, so lots of anxiety and stress with high school (long story) but she definitely sees home as a safe place and her parents as a united front who love each other but just aren't *in love* with each other.
DutchBoeremeisie
(I still live with my ex - thank you housing crisis - although we did both think it would be better for our daughter till she finishes school/leaves the house anyway. He and I still consider ourselves a team and we still do things with our daughter as a family.)
Bukoden
Based on what the intent of marriage USUALLY is (obviously a diff goal for it can mean success in what you wanted, then ended it), divorce is the marriage having failed in the long run. That doesn't mean all of the relationship/other things that resulted from it are a failure, but when marriage is, generally, seen as a "till death do us part" intended to be forever thing, it ending by choice is it having failed in the end. Forever is a built in part of what marriage is usually intended to be.
Bukoden
note: "ending by choice" meaning through divorce, rather than by something like death. Could have worded it better, but with character limit and brain doing the braining, that's how it came out.
Bukoden
Failure also isn't always as bad as it's treated though. End things amicably and everyone is content? The marriage having failed doesn't really mean much other than you are now separated. It's not an insult to what it was to acknowledge what it is.
Spidermonkey969696
I would argue that for most people the "till death do us part" bit is symbolic, and the intent of modern marriage is not actually for forever, but more of a "for as long as we can make it work" deal.
Bukoden
Going by that standard, the marriage is ended when... it fails to work anymore. The same. Regardless of the reasons, unless it is intended to be ended from the beginning, it failing to work in the long run is still "failure".
Also, just to get ahead of a potential line of debate: "For as long as we can make it work" is not INTENDING for it to end, but ACCEPTING that it might.
Again, I want to stress that a thing that is intended to last failing to last does not negate the good there is/was.
Spidermonkey969696
Sure, you could use the word fail, but that implies that a relationship that stops working is a failure, when that is often not the case, which is the point of the whole post.
Thing ending does not equal thing failing. Sometimes relationships evolve into a different type of relationship naturally.
Completing a work contract is not failing. Why would completing a relationship contract be a fail?
Bukoden
Something that stopped working as it was wanted to work is it failing. Yes.
Completing something (reaching the sought after goal) is not the same as what I had described, now is it? MY point is that something having failed in the long run, doesn't devalue or remove what was/was gained. Everyone fails. It's ok to fail. We learn from failing.
Thing ending does not equal thing succeeding. Things can fail and it still be ok.
historymemesandstuff
I agree for the rest of that stuff but marriage is specifically promising to stay together for life. Isn't breaking up a failure to live up to that promise? Or a at the very least an acknowledgement that the promise shouldn't have been made in the first place?
TheMuellmann
It is - but I would interpret that as really supporting the original point. Setting up a concept like marriage with the condition that it will work forever is setting a lot of people up for failure to begin with. It is obviously not something any of us can plan ahead "til death do us part", and even if that works out, it's usualyy still just one possible positive outcome for the people involved.
SlammedCarsAreRuinedCars
At the age people tend to get married... They absolutely don't understand what forever means.
TheobromineAddict
I'm in my 4th marriage. The first 3 had the death clause in the vows. The 4th did not, and has outlasted all the others combined. Looks like this one will be to the death, without the promise.
onemorethanme
I agree. If ppl get married planning on it being for a certain amount of time.. then fair enough. If they get married planning on it being forever.. then by their own standards it is a failure.
AntaNce
There could be ANOTHER type of marriage. Just because some say there's 'one' way to do it- doesn't mean ya gotta. 20 year ship? OK by me.
AntaNce
It *is* a contract- agree to a number of years, renew if both want to. It's possible to be loving and not demand ALL. Work it out.
OccasionalManatee
If strictly defining it that way, sure, but I think it depends a lot on the parting terms. It's okay to realize something that *was* working well isn't working anymore and part ways without considering the time spent a total waste, especially if contrasted against trying to continue to make it work (to avoid "failing") resulting in more misery than just splitting might.
It also depends on the culture. Marriage is a huge deal in some, in others you might choose marriage for mere tax reasons.
Bukoden
Having failed in the long run doesn't mean that everything that was a part of it was a failure or bad. A thing failing to hold up to the intent of it is still it failing, and that's ok. It's not an insult to what was (the good times of the marriage) to admit to what is (the marriage having failed in its intended goal of being together forever).
historymemesandstuff
Yes I agree
OccasionalManatee
Idk if I fully agree with that as pertaining to the example of marriages specifically, but that's a genuinely thoughtful paragraph you've written; I'll be thinking about it in relation to how I feel about the notion of failure in general for a while.
Bukoden
Well, that's all that was really hoped for with both the post and my comment. Not every ending is a failure, but also failure is ok and it does no harm to call it what it is.
Don't feel like what you did didn't have value, but also know that failure is a natural part of life and growing, so try not to demonize it, either.
OccasionalManatee
I've kind of come at it from a different angle, I guess?
I used to struggle a lot with thoughts like "this might fail so it's not even worth starting" (oversimplified ofc, but that's my baseline for relating to the OP's text).
I've done a lot of internal work to not consider things failures as easily as I used to. It's been good for being able to start things, but I don't think the work is necessarily finished; notably since "yeah but it's *okay* that things fail tho" can still strike a chord.
alyssajones123
Our current idea of marriage is very much borne from religion, and stems from a time when a woman was given to her husband by her father.
In modern times we've made the church less involved, but we've never updated the rest of the contract. i fully believe marriage shouldn't be this romantic, forever thing. it should be a contract that both parties negotiate, that is set to be renewed at specific intervals. Will you try to have kids? If so, who goes back to work when? Will you 1/2
alyssajones123
pool money in one joint account or simply split expenses? Who's career is taking the front burner? And even allow for end of relationship things, like 'if at the end of this contract term, we don't renew, this is how we'll split the assets'
It IS a contract, we should treat it like one.
SonnyUtahna
It also stems from a time when average lifespan was like 38.
notsureofanything
Average is not a medium (as in mean, median, and mode). The average as skewed because of all the child death. If you managed to make it to 20 yrs (adult hood) the expected life span would jump to be around 60-70. As a Phd I’m always very skeptical of averages or percentages when I see them in papers. Give me the raw numbers first and then break it down. In most cases, the biggest threat to an adult was accidents and cancer. Disease didn’t spread as much as towns were regionally isolated
SonnyUtahna
Settle down, brain guy. It was illustrative, not scientific.
greentights
And the women dying during child birth. So if we can start washing our hands before touching people, that'll help
notsureofanything
This too as well as men dying in war