Three years

It's been three years since my sister died suddenly. I've traveled a long way since then, from Japan to Virginia to Colorado. Now I'm in Nebraska for work and there's nothing here to distract me from thinking.
I've traveled a long way, but I haven't moved on at all.

Grief for me started as an emptiness. A confusion. The nonsensical nature of death and losing someone I thought I would always have left me with, well, no answers. Life can be random. Death is always cruel. From not understanding I drifted into a rage. Against the unfairness of the universe, the pointlessness of anything, of being alive myself.

Alcohol and binge eating took over my life. A lot happened in 6 months, but 70 lbs and many regrets later I kind of woke up to who I was becoming. I didn't like that guy. Not sure anyone did. My sister, always proud of me, wouldn't have been of that dude.

I'm not much happier now. But I'm trying my best. My life has changed dramatically and I'm moving forward to be that kid she was always talking up. Slowly. Bit by bit. With lots of pitfalls along the way.

I'll make it.