Badass Norsewomen

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Veborg the Shieldmaiden

The Battle of Brávellir was fought between Sigurd Hring king of Sweden and Harald Wartooth king of Denmark. Essentially Harald was old as dirt and wanted to die in battle so he called up Sigurd and said yo lets meet up and really get a good battle going. Sigurd agreed because if he won he'd be king over both lands. Mercenaries from Russia, Germany, Ireland, England, Norway, every where showed up it was a big goddam deal.

Among Harald's people was a band of 300 shieldmaidens led by Veborg, Visna, and Harald's own daughter Princess Hed. One of Harald's stongest men was Ubba of Friesland who defeated three Swedish princes and the fighter Agnar before being killed by Starkad, Sigurd's greatest warrior.

Veborg then rushed forward to kill Starkad. Eventually after taking several wounds Veborg cut of Starkad's jaw. Starkad had to bite onto his beard to keep his face from falling off. But Starkad escaped Veborg and ran for Visna who held Denmark's standard and cut off her arm.

Next Veborg engaged the warrior called Thorkell the Stubborn and after a furious struggled and much verbal taunts was slain although Thorkell was wounded greatly himself. Veborg is described as very brave and proved herself on the battlefield against some of the greatest warriors alive. As for Harald he killed a lot of folks despite being blind and was clubbed to death by his slave who determined it was a good time. They say 40,000 warriors died in the battle although that is likely over exaggerated.

Breeches Aud

Long story short there's a guy named Thord who married Aud. But he also had a thing going for another lady who was very well to do and opinionated. Gudrun was also married but clearly wanted Throd to herself and one day as they rode together asked if it was true Aud wore men's breeches (hence the name in case you missed that). Thord said he had not noticed.

You see, kids. In Viking Age society divorce was relatively easy. Both the husband or wife could divorce each other. But there were penalties depending on the reasons for the divorce. In a divorce case you needed a good reason and witnesses. One of the reasons to divorce your wife would be if she wore men's pants with a crotch. Similarly if a husband wore a shirt with a slit that exposed their nipples they could be divorced.

Thord quickly divorced Aud on those grounds and married Gudrun. Aud was not happy and went to Thord's house while he slept and attacked him. She hacked at his arm so hard that the blade stuck into the bed frame. Others who saw the attack claimed it was a man but Thord knew it was Aud dressed as a man. He lost the use of the arm but did not pursue revenge because in his words, 'Aud was only evening the score.'

Aud appears in the Laxardal saga.

Þorbjörg litilvölva

Pagan Norse believed their world was home to powerful forces and powerful beings. Women who practiced magic, seiðr, were called volva. Some men practiced magic but they were thought to be effeminate despite Odin being the god who taught mankind the magical arts.

When magic was used for evil purposes the people involved were despised and considered cowardly. However, magic used for good was admired and so was Thorbjorg the Litte-prophetess. In Greenland on the Thorkel farm there was a famine and Thorbjorg was asked to come and work magic to tell the people when it would end.

She arrived, ate a meal consisting of the hearts of various animals around the farm. The next day she and the Vardlokir (her assistants) sang sacred songs while Thorbjorg gathered the spirits. The songs charmed the spirits who revealed that the famine would end in the spring.

Thorbjog can be found in Erik the Red's Saga.

Auður Vésteinsdóttir

Like many women in the Viking Age Audur was a tower of strength. Women were often more stubborn than the men refusing to give up in a struggle especially when maintaining family honor.

During a battle she defended her husband Gisli striking a man named Eyjolfur with a club removing him from the fight. Afterward Gisli praised her saying, 'I knew I had married well but did not realize, until this moment, how well.'

Earlier in the saga Eyjolfur visited Audur and Gisli's farm in Iceland. Gisli was outlawed for murdering his brother-in-law. So whenever visitors came to the farm he would retreat to his hideouts elsewhere in the valley to escape capture.

Eyjolfur thought he could bribe Audur to give up Gisli and brought a large sack of silver. Audur asked if she could examine the silver first. Then, after examining it, asked demanded that Eyjolfur agree that she could do as she wished with the silver. Eyjolfur agree and Audur promptly stood up and hit Eyjolfur in the fucking face with a heavy-ass bag of silver breaking Eyjolfur's nose. She called him a gullible coward and stated that she would never surrender Gisli.

You see it was a very unmanly thing for a Norseman to be struck by a woman. It was even more so for the blow to draw blood. And manliness was very, very important. But Eyjolfur made his dishonor worse and ordered his men to 'seize the cur and kill it, though it be a bitch.' Havard, one of Eyjolfur's men, refused stating how goddam terrible that would be. To strike and kill a woman was one of the most shameful actions a man could do and would make him a nidingur (a thoroughly despicable cuntwagon).

More in the Gísla saga.

Freydís Eiríksdóttir

Freydis is Leif Erikson's sister, the daughter of Erik the Red. After successful expeditions were led by Leif and Thorvald Eriksson and Thorfinn Karlsefni, Freydis wanted to share in the prestige of a Vinland journey and convinced two Icelanders, Helgi and Finnbogi, that they should go together and share the profits 50/50.

Tension began to form between the Greenlanders and Icelanders and they constructed two separate camps. Freydis eventually went to the Icelander's camp to see how they were doing. The Icelanders said they were doing well but were unnerved by the hostility that was growing between them so Freydis made peace.

Things took a hard turn at this point. Once outside, Freydis beat herself bloody and returned to her husband, who was easily manipulated by the strong willed Freydis. She claimed that Helgi and Finnbogi had done this to her and demanded her husband seek revenge. They gathered their men and killed Helgi and Finnbogi as well as the men in their camp when they were sleeping. When he refused to kill the women, Freydis, this psychotic bitch, picked up an axe and massacred them.

There is another event mentioned in Erik the Red's saga during Karlsefni's Vinland expedition. In the night their camp is attacked by Skraelings -Native Americans, with what is believed to be catapults. After seeing them the men flee. Freydis, who is eight months pregnant, yells at the men, "Why run you away from such worthless creatures, stout men that ye are, when, you might slaughter them like cattle? Let me but have a weapon; I think I could fight better than any of you." They ignored her since she is pregnant but Freydis doesn't give a fuck, runs out to a dead man, snatches his sword, rips open her sark so that one titty is hanging out, smacks her boob with the flat of her sword, and charges the Skraelings. The Skraelings shit their pants in terror and fled. (She is usually depicted with one boob out in the pose of the nice lady pictured above.)

Freydis is mentioned in the two Vinland sagas; the Greenlander's saga and Erik the Red's saga.