Sums up how my life is going

Here i am, going to be 37 years old. Moving back in with my mother. 10 year relationship is over. She keeps my kids, my house, my dogs.

I'm not going to say suicides the answer, but i get it. At this age, starting from scratch and building up again is a monumental feat. Trying to zero out debt and pick myself up, it's friggin tough. I'm just so fucking pissed about it. I gave someone my everything. I bent over backwards to keep my kids fed and have a stable household. I cooked, i cleaned, i fixed, i sacrificed..... But when i asked for help because it's too much, suddenly I'm controlling. Even when i was laid off of work, i bought groceries on my credit cards and racked up my debt. When my dad passed, i don't get time to grieve and had to make things work.

The way i look at it, if you have a family, that's another full time job on top of your current full time job. But you need to split responsibilities with your partner. So rather than having 2 full time jobs, you have your full time plus a half time job. Am i wrong for wanting help with daily house hold chores? If i cook, can you atleast do the dishes, or vice versa? If i go grocery shopping, can you atleast get the doggo food? ($60 every 3 weeks). Why do i need to nickel and dime myself while you decide to spend money daily on alcohol and cigarettes?

I'm not going to kill myself, so please don't flood my inbox with anti killing numbers. I cannot imagine leaving my kids with that image. I prolly won't respond to many messages either. But if you got happy wishes or positive advice, feel free to send it. Boobs are always appreciated. I'm just so pissed off and tired. I try to set a good example for the kids, it's frustrating when it feels so one sided.