pilomotor
23432
694
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Oct 17, 2024 4:51 PM
pilomotor
23432
694
13
Thesaya
Literal realisation of "I'm not stupid".
UWOTM7M8M9
I was diagnosed with most but i already know im stupid, weak, annoying, unlovable, etc. :)
LiterallyAWizard
Reminds me of that time when one of my teachers told my mom I was evil, with full conviction. TBF, I wouldn't stop making spooky voices at the time.
iBoulderDash
I remember when I was a little kid before my diagnosis with my disabilities, how I blamed myself for being stupid. I tried so hard, studied so hard, but kept getting F's, it seemed like there was no other explanation. These are terribly traumatic memories for me and a big reason why I am so god damn glad I'll never have to go back to school. I want an education reform so bad that aids disabled kids and not punish them for not fitting the mold.
DeeplyBroken
I didn't think I was stupid because I consistently performed well above my grade level in school. I aced a 9th grade final when I was in first grade. But my school would never allow me to skip a grade because I had "attitude." So I wasted my time in school, not studying but pulling straight A or A+ grades until I graduated. Then I went to college where I was shown stuff I didn't already know and found out I had no study skills. I was over 50 before I was diagnosed as autistic.
Protectandserve
Ah you forgot to tag my ex in this…
DYLANLEE79
"Lazy", was what my parents diagnosed me with.
OldNewAccount
My sister and my nephew... even doctors in straight forward and blunt german told her he's basically retarded.
Iggythemushroom
Yep that's me
nikinnorway1337
Not diagnosing, over diagnosing, and self-diagnosing are all real problems that can impact your kids present and future. Professional guidance is essential.
robingal1
Yes! This!
cactusjuiceitsthequenchiest
The first book I read about ADHD after being diagnosed was "You Mean I'm not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?" It was... illuminating to say the least
huffnpuff72
Diagnosis used to just be a label. It should be a tool to help find solutions to make stuff easier. We're getting better at finding solutions.
ttwshowtime
Especially if those in a position of trust or authority keep asking “what’s wrong with you?”
FormerlySable
I teach adults, not children, but I am SO sick of hearing parents say, “I don’t want my child tested for (learning disability) because I don’t want them to be labeled.” JFC! It’s not a “label,” it’s a diagnosis! Even if a student is an adult, I can’t legally make ANY accommodations or give them ANY special help if they don’t have a specific doctor-documented diagnosis. And I’m also (legally) barred from suggesting that they GET tested—although I’ve done it anyway because screw college admins.
elhigh
Yes, thank you for captioning my adulthood. This is where I am now. It fucking sucks but at least I have my ground-in fear of ostracization left over from childhood to help ensure I will never get a formal diagnosis.
Sarasaur228
YES! ALL THE WAY- YES! I'm a special education teacher and I see this first hand.
ADDGirl
I'm currently in therapy to try and curb the constant negative self talk in my head before I pass it on to my son.
OliverOtter
Yet again this life I get to see the pendulum swing the other way. Hide the family shame. There's help if it's an actual diagnosis. He's fine; you just want him to conform! We should take pride in him as he is, including whatever conditions he has. No, it'll tie him to that label forever. A diagnosis will give him positive explanations for his struggle. I'm curious what the reasoning will be in another six or seven years for refusing to get the kids diagnosed again.
Cholf
Yeah mom. Fuck you. Fuck all the years you and my stepdad did nothing but shit on me and look for excuses to my life. I begged for help other than what you said I "needed", and you still give no fucks. Because kids don't know what the hell they are on about. Because it was more fitting to stuff me in a group home for 4 fucking years, and not actually help. Even when I asked specifically for certain help, it was denied and refused. Thanks for the life and ptsd of hell.
RunawaySpoons
Similarly with 'we shouldn't label people' - well they already have labels like lazy / stupid / worthless / etc. so which label(s) would you rather they have?!
Salticido
On a related note, I find it mind boggling that some people think that labels only exist to be trendy instead of having a term to communicate and be able to lookup useful info to help you navigate life. Like they expect people to google stuff like "recipes for people whose bodies don't process insulin correctly" instead of "recipes for diabetics". Ugh, why do you need a label? Just use dozens more words, duh!
Grimvarr
I can attest, this is very true. And if left to fester it can literally destroy an entire life from within and you don't understand why it's happening, why life isn't 'working' as it should.
Iliekbirbs
Yeap. This was me in high school, my teachers calling me stupid b/c I couldn't figure out the work. I have anxiety, depression, most likely autism.
DisgruntledFerret
Or, before the dawn of psychiatric science, that elves are in their head.
Wolfshead009
There is a fair amount of debate as to comparing the stories of "changelings" to how some variants of autism present. I am no doctor, but it looks like there is some matter for debate there.
Wirefish
So glad I worked out I have dyscalculia and a little dyslexia. No dad, I’m not stupid, I just can’t math the way you do. I am not a waste of space.
Illithidbane
It's better to understand you're a typical zebra than to think you're just a fucked up horse.
SitsLikeDog
@ElbowDeepInAHorse
ucandcantunc
Yea but sometimes it's ok to be a zebra.
lizardbones
nobody was saying otherwise
ElbowDeepInUserSub
The difference between "there's something different about me", and, "there's something wrong with me".
BeaverOnFire
I vote both!
RevengeIsIceCream
Also if you know exactly how you are different, you have the opportunity to learn coping mechanisms that has worked for others.
CythrawlArawn
Yeah, apparently I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in kindergarten. Mom never told me until she was diagnosed and realized how much better she felt on adderall (I was 33). Gee, maybe if I had adderall and a functional understanding of my disorder, I wouldn't have had to go college twice.
catmonger
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope things are easier now
drakionx
Or in my case, filled with Satan's demons because I don't pray or love Jesus enough.
InTheShadowsOfMyMind
Other concluted about me that I am stupid, weak, annoying, just plain lazy, problem child, "acting out", not worth to teach because does not learn like others, stupid stupid stupid, "I pray for god to make you better" <-schooling at grades 4 to 6
And my only problem was that back in 90s threre were no clue about ADHD or anything and I ilive in country where mental health sickness is still not taken seriously.
So of course I also thought Im stupid, lazy, weak basically unlovable all my life
InTheShadowsOfMyMind
Until year ago I was diagnosed with bad case of ADHD and possibly autism etc.
I feel better now because I am not stupid or anything and it really is not my fault but thinking about how much better my life would be, if I had been diagnosed as child or teenager. Now im over 40 years ol and diagnose helped me but I hate that I am tired nonstop and exhausted.
SardineGoblin
I suspect this is why we have a lot of boomers that are clearly neurodivergent but are ableist as hell: They're the ones who survived and managed to find some success in life, and they see diagnosed kids as "snowflakes" who are "weak" because culture is changing toward accepting and including them, instead of them being driven to end their own life, or tortured into a facade of "normal".
IhopeyougetstageIIIcoloncancer
"In MY DAY, we didn't have all this autism!"
[goes to play with meticulously crafted model train set in basement next to the room where they keep thousands of dollars worth of hardcover books on specific nuances of WW2 materiel]
RunawaySpoons
I think there is also an element of … I don't know what to call it; kind of denial that the way they were treated was wrong and that they didn't deserve to be treated badly. Kind of like how acknowledging trauma and healing from it can be incredibly painful, so suppressing it or ignoring the hints and glimpses that sometimes surface is often the easiest option in the short term. The pain leaks out elsewhere but they've survived this far, it's shaped their entire outlook and it's all they know.
RunawaySpoons
I'm not excusing them by any means, especially when they perpetuate those cycles of trauma, actively hurting other people because they were hurt. They still have a responsibility to learn and do better. But I find it helps understand their behaviour, and understanding can help inform how we deal with it in a way that protects ourselves - and in the best case scenarios, can help to gently and gradually help them to soften, and maybe in time understand as well (if we have the capacity for that).
RunawaySpoons
In addition, many of them believe, consciously or unconsciously, that you get what you deserve. So they can't acknowledge that they were treated badly because in that belief system, that would mean they deserved it so were bad people. So for many, that mindset needs to change first as well.
msfeatherbottom
Taxicat
Gets weird when even as a kid you can tell a lot of them are NOT doing as well as they think they are, and were only “successful” because they managed to find a neurotypical who already had it all to prop them up.
NarratesTheDarkerStory
My good ol parents. Still treat me like a child because I have a "history of problems" they call it. I was an ADHD/aut kid that didn't live up to my potential, per every teacher ever.
SerialChickenLover
I’m a 33 year old man. My parents still treat me like the “emo,” “emotional,” and “crybaby” when I try to maintain the boundaries I tried to set when I was a child. I am not allowed to not be the family’s emotional punching bag.
LariCheltsy
MeowMachine12
Yep. My emotionally constipated father always used my sensitivity as an insult instead of understanding or caring why his daughter (and son, my older brother) had emotional issues stemming from my parents' absolute shit neglectful parenting. Born in 1950, he died in 2023. Bye, Dad. You sucked at being a father, friend, and person.
SardineGoblin
I've got a kinda similar situation but I'm the sibling who couldn't escape. Lemme tell you, it sucks when you can't escape because of finances and level of functioning (due to 'tism and having-been-fucked-up-ness) and they have the ability to lie about elder abuse if you ever stand up to them.
Anarchduke
GenX here. I was never diagnosed with ADHD as a child because my mother refused to have me diagnosed. Because then I'd be labelled and forced into special education programs or something. Can't let anyone know that I have a mental disease. To be fair to my mother, she was looking out for me. Because she was born in the early 1920's and that was how things actually worked back then. one of her aunts was given a lobotomy to cure her of her insanity. The insanity was supporting women's suffrage.
cjandstuff
Even in the 80's and 90's if you had any kind of learning disability, too often you didn't actually get help. You were either drugged so you could focus in class, or sent to special-ed where you'd learn nothing.
Anarchduke
This is very true. But I wonder if late Millenials, GenZ or Gen Alpha can relate. I have a feeling their first reaction would be to think "what a bad mother" when she was doing her best to protect me.
PagetheFound
Intention means nothing if the outcome is damaging. "But i ment well" was my mothers excuse for every fck up, never changed anything.