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A Cybertr, erm, WankPanzer has sunk in the harbor in Ventura, Calif. after its driver attempted to load a jet ski into the water. Musk previously claimed the WankPanzer could be used as a boat for a short period of time, allowing the vehicle to cross rivers.
alwaysupvotethegoat
A pile of shit CAN be a hat. Don’t recommend that either. Fucken magtards.
Doompug
To be faaaaaair, a U-boat is a boat.
Johwin
Fuck em
idiotsonfire
Go fuck yourself, fascist, you bought the fuckup truck, I'm glad you're out >$100k. Anyone that still owns a Tesla is a fascist enabler.
PunnyTiger
what's that? Elon made shit up and actually has no clue? Use as a boat? it fucking dissolves in water like toilet paper, which is approprate considering the shitstains that drive them
Crazycoke1994
Idiots following what an idiot says to only lose money to said idiot.
5ing
Aw, a simultaneous lithium-battery fire would have been a nice addition. Well, maybe tomorrow
witheredspoon
That happens when they pull it out of the water.
SakuraSunsets
subparsubpoena
Ha, another Tesler Swastikar bites the dust!
Snarkywisecrack
Trump said "Tesler" yesterday trying to endorse them by buying one.
CouldntCakeLess
olololololol
mumbleape
And if I may: lmfao
ZeldaShotFirst
You may
humblewordsmith
Dare I roflmao?
busterfixxitt
Well, was the driver electrocuted, or eaten by the shark?
Whichever it is, it could be a fluke; we'll need to request the experiment a few hundred more times.
madjo
PaperinoVB
"Musk previously claimed the WankPanzer could be used as a boat for a short period of time" and some idiot believed that. Probably together all his other lies. Not technically worth of the prize, but... well done, right Dr. Darwin?
schrodingerscatfood
StTriniansHeadBoy
It’s definitely a bold claim to make of a vehicle whose warranty is voided if you take it through a car wash
digitalaaron
SilenceLikeWisdom
"Ok, who's the U-boat captain?"
Mehlbox
firlefranz
That´s a perfect analogy for their stock price:
"Tesla has lost over 800 billion dollars in stock market value since December."
Sauce: https://www.forbes.com/sites/shaharziv/2025/03/11/tesla-stock-plummets-50-since-december-heres-how-investors-can-manage-the-volatility/
Whatdoyousaytoanicecupoftea
Surely it's a Panzer Wank?
Necromartian
I was more inclined towars Wanker Panzer.
Whatdoyousaytoanicecupoftea
But it's Panzar Tank?
Necromartian
Original German term is Panzerwagen. It was shortened to just Panzer in speech, and would mean a tank. Now I do appreciate Panzer wank, as it is a good play on words and means a Tank wank. I however prefer my Wanker Panzer because it means "wanker tank" and the rhyming ends of Wanker and Panzer makes it more pleasant to say, in my opinion.
Whatdoyousaytoanicecupoftea
Semantics is an important part of insults +1
jinbee
borocanuck
That's it acts like a submarine after that short period is really pleasing.
GrandmasterSpank
Redshirt looks like he will buy another Cybercuck just to "own the libs" or whatever dumbass logic they always use.
butcherfan0301
Can be used as a boat but can't go through a car wash
myloveforyouislikeatruckberserker
He got rich lying about what he’s selling. That’s not even a talent, so frankly I only blame anyone who’s ever bought anything from him. And this weird general insanity in the media which has believed him to be extraordinary in any way other than being devoid of any moral fibre.
Radix865
Or left out in the rain.
dwarfinathonginacaskinthewaterwoooo
AyatollahBahloni
Magnar1183
Too bad that generation was handled so damn poorly! The character designs are super pretty!
Bigblackdick69
I know right! gen 5 had so much potential but Hasbro went thru an identity crisis and just killed the brand. I have cutie marks tattooed on me so I am hoping they can redeem themselves
Bigblackdick69
whitebbwolf
if u misuse German, do properly. They re "Lutscher Laster" cauze Wank is not known in the German language. and I hate Denglish
turbovespa
boat? it's some sort of submarine. a broken one, that sunk
KingORedLions
It absolutely can be used as a boat for a short period of time, just nobody mentioned quite how short that period of time was.
marcnoel1052
Planck time.
AtmaDarkwolf
lol the fine print that was never there. :P
Goldensands
And just the 1 time
YuckFuMaga
4 seconds. Then it shorts out.
Ha ha to that stupid fuck
Jimbo64
kJerAFK
Or whether the boat could float
bildschoen
Something something the Titanic was a boat, too...
LastEverUsername
Until the cartoon coyote realises he's fucked up!
SlippeyPetey2000
CyberT: Reaches hydroplane speed.
Me: "Boat mode engaged"
wisher1977
Technically all automobiles are boats for at least a moment…
Oatmealman1
Every swastikar owner should give it a try! It's great fun for everyone!
p7zjnq9gei9000
Ford Crown Victorias will actually float for a surprisingly long time.
OtterlyMagnificent
A Crown Vic is a better boat than a Wankpanzer
Iryshe
once.
landbaronness42
Guys lucky it didn’t lock him in and kill him like it did Mitch McConnell’s sister in law.
iWantedAcoolNameButTheyOnlyHadThisOne
Also, nobody mentioned whether it will still be usable afterward. I mean, also a sheet of paper can be used as a boat for a short period of time.
NorthmanoftheNorth
Once you go float, you can't undo boat.
madeejit
Anything can be a boat once.
spinballwizardmtg
Maxim 32: Anything is amphibious if you can get it back out of the water.
dffksh
I think that one will just go "THOOOOOOM!"
spinballwizardmtg
(I don't think this is coming out of the water.)
BishlamekGurpgork
I mean, maybe with a crane and/or winch.
Icantthinkofacleverusernametouse
Everything's a boat the question is how long before it becomes a submarine
cheesedogs
Meanwhile in China https://www.wired.com/story/this-chinese-luxury-hybrid-suv-combines-a-tank-a-bentley-and-a-boat/
DaveSamsonite
It can even become a submarine.
derekjohn
It's about the same amount of time you can fly, depending on how high the building was.
IAmTheBadW01f
Its terrible aerodynamics probably gives the wankpanzer a relatively low terminal velocity, extending that time
intashu
Falls roughly equivalent to a brick you say?
CodyWeber
"It's hung in the air in exactly the way a brick doesn't. "
SirBonSama
Falls equivalently to a dumpster full of garbage...
MrNobodyWTB
And the garbage is on fire
jeejeejerrycotton
Considering that both Teslas and jetskis are only owned by the worst people, this is a nice twofer.
IllinoisEnemaBandit2
I have a pony
MechKelly
Tesla yes, jet ski no. They're relatively cheap and a lot of fun.
InvadingYourSpaces
Jetski's can be cheap fun if you buy an old used one. Cheaper than a PC, honestly.
DadjokeDad
Absolutely! I lost my job a few years ago just as I was about to start a vacation. I picked up the rental jet ski before heading to a friends cottage and can 100% confirm it is impossible to be sad while on a jet ski!
Davos10
Yeah you should rent jet skis.
JPandhismightypotato
Someone calling someone else the worst people is an interesting stance to take.
SirBonSama
They're just preemptively trying to prevent the "Democrat terrorist who are jealous of my brilliant son's success" from setting the swastikar on fire.
waheliod
Yea, seriously, ouch, don't lump jet skis with cyber owners. We got our own thing going, bastard.
shorey66
I bought one long before he turned into Hitler. Now I can't sell it because of low value. It's still a good car but I wish I could sell it.
ShaunB
Do what the dealerships are doing, light that sumbitch on fire and get the insurance money out of it.
shorey66
Rather not risk a criminal record when the Tesla board might expel him any day now
MoonPieTown
I mean...I would assume the jet ski survived the ordeal.
Valdor99
To shreds you say?
NotNateEz
I don't own either, but I think you are the worst.
Leethesuperflea
Man what a cross over but kind of makes sense, as a sailboat owner, jet ski owners can be pretty bad sometimes. No offense to those that responsibly jet ski however.
sethb1978
I own a large pontoon boat but often enjoy kayaks and jet skis can be real dicks to kayaks and people fishing
Leethesuperflea
True, I like kayaking but same for kayakers, they seem bad but it's often that they don't know the rules of navigation because they don't need to know.
sethb1978
I agree
ninjarnia
geraltofriva
Exactly who I thought of when the jet-ski was mentioned.
tinydog
Big ass titties!
Ryebread91
Sauce?
SniffMyPinkies
Eastbound and down
dragoonwraith
I am unfamiliar with this so I inserted Willem Dafoe’s “There was a FIIIREFIIIIIIGHT!” from Boondock Saints here, and it’s honestly pretty glorious.
ninjarnia
Unfamiliar with Kenny Powers, the All-American hero (from Eastbound and Down)?
rbudrick
Eastbound and Down is the funniest show ever made, period. Always Sunny is a close runner up, but maybe wins anyway due to 4x more content.
TinyLiehon
Mobius is a nice guy
OnlyByMoonlight
naught101
He's not real though
QuartzPoker
The Multiverse means everyone is real somewhere and somewhen
youreathing
YOU'RE not real.
DimwitF
Your MOM'S not real!
IceWeaselX
I felt attacked because I enjoy jetskiing. Then I remembered that I don't own one.
Loophole exploited.
(I'm admittedly a pretty terrible person at times, though)
macgerdo
"I'm admittedly a pretty terrible person at times, though" welcome to the club.
Once you are able to judge yourself, it's even easier to judge others. We are all terrible.
ChiLLeCheeze
Not me. My dog thinks I'm the best person. Are you going to argue with my dog? He'll beat up your dog. Not really because he's a sweet dog.
macgerdo
Only a moron would question what a dog says. Give him a treat for being a goodest boy and another one for not beating me up.
rulek
Actual terrible people would never admit that.
jeejeejerrycotton
Jetskis are for people who value their own entertainment over the well-being of others. (Not to mention local wildlife.) You should try a row-boat.
vanderzee
100% this
waheliod
Row yourself to a good time, on a jet ski.
Gayforbae
This has the same vibe as meat eating is for those who value their own taste over the wellbeing of animals. You should eat mung beans instead.
jeejeejerrycotton
I've never eaten a jetski. And I can't eat legumes.
Gayforbae
You've also never aced the reading comprehension portion of the SAT i see.
siddily1
I didn't realize jet skis were so bad for everyone. I don't think a row boat is going to offer the same entertainment though lol.
jeejeejerrycotton
Have you tried?
angus02
Former coxswain here, Jetskis are more fun
jeejeejerrycotton
You've seriously never noticed they make a shitload of noise compared to basically any other water-going vessel?