peppersalt42
769
42
16
I’ve been getting second thoughts since we got engaged in January, but I always denied them and shrugged them off as normal. There have been several red flags throughout our relationship, which I also denied. Tonight I was at a party at my moms house, outside on the porch, and I started to feel like I was going to faint. I told my fiancé, “I feel sick, I feel like I’m going to faint.” He told me to drink some water and went inside. No one else was outside. I had lost my vision at this point so I was scared and disoriented. I was able to get down on the ground and lie down until I felt better. He didn’t come back to check on me, or tell anyone else. I asked him when I went to bed why he didn’t help me. He said because I didn’t ask for help. I started sobbing and he kind of tried to console me but I could tell he just didn’t care. He never apologized.
We sent out our invitations last weekend. Everyone is starting to make plans. We gave several grand invested into this wedding at this point. My bachelorette is next weekend. I feel like I need to go through with it to save the embarrassment but I also feel like it’s stupid because it can’t last more than a year. I moved to be with him several hours from any friends or family last year and that too has been extremely challenging. I’m at a loss of what to do.
I know this will die in usersub. I just don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone I know about this because I don’t want to ruin their view of my fiancée in case I’m over-reacting and we stay together. I can’t sleep. If any of you strangers have the time to leave some kind words or advice, it would make a world of difference for this girl right now.
TLDR: fiancés an ass but I can’t bring myself to call off the wedding
whelmed
End it now before it gets further along. Next thing you know you'll be going with the flow and you'll be in a loveless marriage with kids.
eled
Not sure this is the best advice but better to end it now than later
Domexitium
Definitely shouldn't go though with the wedding. I doubt he's going to change anytime soon
samurai77
Call it off, fuck the money, fuck everyone else, you know it's not right. Trust yourself. It's ok to take care of yourself.
Bartacomus
well.. som egood ol honesty would make you feel 100% better
ChanceVLuck
IMHO, there is a very real chance that you're a drama queen.
Chaosmonkeypoop
Unanimous opinion here to end it now. Everyone will be worse off if you don’t.
stoutde
It might be embarrassing and expensive to leave now, so wait a while and it'll be even more embarrassing and expensive.
autmed
GnomeAndGarden
Well, important question as this was a party, had fiance been drinking? Because some people just get bonehead stupid after a couple.
DoctorWhoovesReads
pre-marital counseling is a thing, you can air it to a neutral party and see how your fiance/therapist feels after you have said your peace
charliechaulks
End it now. My marriage lasted 2 months and that was much worse than cancelling a wedding.
IposteverytimeIhavesex
OMG LEAVE! Don't worry about the embarrassment. Don't worry about the money. I ignored the red flags and the divorce was so expensive!
SgtMajorFenmarelVimes
The money is not worth your happiness. If he behaves like that, get out.
EMTsaidwhat
Nah. You clear the air with him. Reputation and money be damned for both of you. If you're not happy get it out now.
EMTsaidwhat
Address any red flag with him and other ppl, for perspective. You thinking of having a family too? This isn't a good way to start a marriag
FilthyRaider
You should be looking forward to getting married. If you aren't, postpone it. Then think it over before you walk away for good.
Potatopeelerkind
Cancelling a wedding is pretty awkward. You know what's a hell of a lot more awkward? Getting a divorce. Better to end it sooner than later.
bj52398
So... she's on the market?
JamesInTasmania
If you're going to pull the pin, best do it now, later will only cost more in more ways than financially.
wolf1dude
You NEED to talk to him about this.
RandomEarthling
Tell him you are having massive doubts about you 2 marrying . He might be feeling compelled to get married too w/out really wanting to.
RandomEarthling
to be fair tho, I've been with my husband for 12 yrs. If I said I was dizzy or light headed. He'd just tell me to eat or drink something too
YourSelfMan
Express/share with your partner. Don’t fear a reaction. Communicate until there are no arguments/questions.
Meikhaila
Your Fiancee is not an ass for this but from what you say your not on the same wave length and you seem to need more from a relationship.1/2
Meikhaila
This is ok and if your having these feelings. If they won't go away you need to make a choice to walk away or stick with it.
thebridgejumper
Your wellbeing comes first and foremost, however I would advise you take a good look at your relationship before making any decisions.
ItWasIWhoFarted
It sounds like you've already made a decision but are afraid of it. This feeling won't go away. Trust yourself and start talking.
JustAGuyTrying
Well you didnt ask for help or communicate to him that is what you need from him in those situations. Call it off and work on communication.
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jnxinthewoods
Tell you what, if a stranger said to me that they felt sick/faint, I wouldn't leave them alone. That *is* asking for help.
JustAGuyTrying
In that situation, I agree. But if you don't think a relationship is differemt than an encounter with a stranger, your gonna have a bad time
jnxinthewoods
Of course a relationship is different than an encounter with a stranger, holy hell. I was making a point.
JustAGuyTrying
For all we know OP could complain about headaches/migraines/dizziness etc often.
jnxinthewoods
True. Fair point.
JustAGuyTrying
I know my mom, and my sisters, amd my High school girlfriends, and ex-wife, my current partner, and all of my female friends do this.
jnxinthewoods
Okay, and now that's just all kinds of fucked up. Do you purposeful)y surround yourself with over-dramatic, manipulative women, just 1/
JustAGuyTrying
And in a vast majority of those instances, its just them complaing because it makes them feel better, not because they need help.