None of this is exaggerated or parody

Feb 21, 2026 10:14 AM

As a German, if my new roommate asked me to shower with a timer, I'd move right back out again. And I don't even take very long showers.

1 month ago | Likes 28 Dislikes 0

There is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing. Es gibt kein schlechtes Wetter, es gibt nur schlechte Kleidung. ^^

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Lüften is serious business over here, okay?

1 month ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Compared to my wife, this guy is a light weight. I kid you not. She told me yesterday that she opened the bedroom windows from 8:30 PM to 9 PM.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

Why does your wife do it?

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

No, your honor, I don't know anything about a trip to the hardware store for Job-site sized plastic bags, duck tape, a hack saw, and a 5 gallon bucket of heavy duty detergent used by crime scene cleanup crews?

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

Better this than invading Poland I guess.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

There are some good ideas here.

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

As a German, I don't see the humor.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Moving to Germany in October. Good to know, especially the house "burping"

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

The shower one is great, I’ve been doing it religiously since we remodelled the bathroom two years ago, and I’ve only cleaned the tiled walls once or twice - soap scum just doesn’t build up at all (we do have soft water though).

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Zis iz not thoroughly done. Lüften is important, obviously, but in the summer it's kippen that matters most.

1 month ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 0

This

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Everything here is same for me in Sweden except my water is free, even hot water, so I take long hot showers 2 or 3 times per day for the pleasure. I vaccuum maybe twice per week. I open windows 5 min in the morning and again 5 min before sleeping. Replace all air but not let walls or furnitutre get cold.

1 month ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

But the three shells are missing, ja?

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Every one of these!!! Perfect

1 month ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 1

aside from vacuuming once a day, all of this seems perfectly acceptable(I am 100% an American, never left the country sadly). Separate recyclables, clean after yourself, the only thing I would say is, for me? I'm not worried about the change you get from bottle recycling. He can have the whole thing.

OR, we could put it all towards a community fund for maybe buying or upgrading various parts of the community home, such as living room, kitchen, etc?

1 month ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

So accurate. Also, no showers after 10:00pm, too much noise.

1 month ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 1

Of course that's purely out of consideration for the neighbors, legally nobody can stop you even at night. At least for half an hour after that it's getting excessive.

1 month ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Das ist aber nur logisch.

1 month ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

I need to move to Germany

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

TIL I'm German. I should speak to my mother about this.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Two flush options in toilets are uncommon in America?

1 month ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 1

I'd seen it maybe a couple times before I moved to LA and it's every toilet here, must be a city ordinance or something for water conservation. They are so bad though, even the #2 setting. I have landed on a min 2 flush system, once for my work and once for the paper. Sometimes it's 3 if it's a particularly bad toilet and I used a wipe, I'm not taking any chances and think wipea are more "flushable" than flushable

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

they're on the way in with newer installations.

1 month ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

I've only seen it in public toilets in the airport or other large my modern buildings

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Poor fella would have a coronary living in my place.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Do they have incredibly short doorways, or is that man 7 feet tall?

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

welcome to Germany ... yes we are very tall AND have low ceilings ... just enough space to not hit your head ... very efficient

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I think you guys are just lowering the ceilings and doorways to make you LOOK like you're all tall.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Right?! I do think it's a bit of both - tall guy & low ceilings.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

What about Sunday?

1 month ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Not German, but I do know that their Sundays are more rest days. Lots of things will be closed (like even grocery stores) and you shouldn't do noisy things like mow the lawn and such.

1 month ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

as a German: Sundays and Holidays have very restrictive noise laws ... they count as "Ruhetag" aka "days for resting" ... any activity that creates a lot of noise (mowing the lawn or craftsmanship with drills or hammers) is forbidden

1 month ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

The eternal German struggle: You want to lüften, but you also don't want that it zieht.

1 month ago | Likes 66 Dislikes 0

well, actually you do want it to "zieh", all the stuffy air out, fresh air in, as fast as possible so you can close the damn windows again, we arent heating for outside after all! ideally open 2 windows on opposite sides of the house and all doors in between so the wind goes right through, 2-3 minutes should do the trick, maybe 5 minutes when there is no wind outside...

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Get a husky. The Husky will not tolerate being abandoned outside (door closed) nor will he accept being trapped inside. Hence, door open enough for perpetual husky travel. In. Out. Out. Out. Out. In. But mostly out. We’re in permalüften. In Canada. In February.

1 month ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Oh wow, I thought that was just my husky. Drives me bonkers

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Like pike soup

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

😂

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Is MHRV (mechanical heat-recovery ventilation) popular in Germany? Seems like it would solve the lüften struggle.

1 month ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

no it isn't !
And most windows are completely hermetic ! No ventilation unless you open the window. Most foreigners get humidity problems because off not being use to that much luftung.
Crazy when you think of the wasted heat... You would think Germany is taking care of their carbon footprint

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Well, that's why you don't lüft that long, usually only 3-7 minutes, depending on room size and airflow through the room. Also, it's like every 2-4 hours only. But it all depends on, again, room size and how many people are in there.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Very strange. We have it (in an 80’s bungalow in Ireland), and the house is warm, but the air is always fresh - best of both worlds. (We made the house as airtight as possible to work with a heat pump, but there’s a radon issue, so it was essential).

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

What was on the ceiling?

1 month ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

Seconded.
Why are there orange dots on the ceiling?

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Luminous dots or maybe a map of where that hijacker Cooper buried his money.

1 month ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Why were they in the shape of my parents fighting?

1 month ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Man there are so many things similar to sweden here, and dust sucker is by far the best word for that machine. dammsugare.

1 month ago | Likes 90 Dislikes 0

In Hungarian it is also dust sucker—porszívó.

1 month ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 0

Stofzuiger- Dutch.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

When I learned english in school, I didn't know that staubsaugen means to vacuum, so I wrote "I sucked the carpets". And I learned "hoover" first, which made nooo fucking sense in my head

1 month ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

Hoover is/was a brand name for vacuum appliances, so the name was used for the thing. Similar to German where you can ask for a Tempo, and get a handkerchief.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Yeah, I know. Another example would be Uhu for glue. But in elementary school, I did not know that, and the teacher did not explain it

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

That's Pölynimuri for perkele's sake!

1 month ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

In 'murica a hand held vacuum is called a dust buster, so we've got that going for us.

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Støvsuger in the superior Scandinavian language.

1 month ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 2

That is a funny way to spell the silliest language

1 month ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

We always say that Danish sounds like trying to talk with a big hot potato in your mouth.

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

"It was, in fact, a bit exaggerated and a parody. Apart from the Pfand!" - in Morgan Freeman's voice.

1 month ago | Likes 28 Dislikes 3

Girls just wanna have Pfand

1 month ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

As a german speaker I know all of it, some exaggerated, but a lot more than only the Pfand exactly spot on for some people I know.

1 month ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Do germany also have commercials reminding people to pfand more ?

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

When the system was changed a few years ago, this was however the number one topic on every TV channel, in every paper and all over the German Internet for months. Nothing else happening in Germany and in the world came even close.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Hahaha, that was brilliant! Thanks!

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

No, Germans get hard money for pfanding, so, no. Conservative Germans will mock this system and yammer about it the whole way to the pfand machine and back, but they will do the journey, because Conservatives ... and money. ;-)

1 month ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

No, everyone does it, because 4 bottles = 1 €, so if you are not rich, better do it! xD

1 month ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Sure! You can even pay your Rosie ;-) with pfand bottles and cans! It won't cause a Skandal!

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

As an autistic German - is there something funny about this? Everything he says is resonable from my point of view.

1 month ago | Likes 183 Dislikes 10

Americans are just s but more messy than Germans

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

I mean just get a robot vac for starters.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I would kill that guy after one day..or probably he would kill me because of my chaos...

1 month ago | Likes 29 Dislikes 2

The flexibile vacuum was pretty neat

1 month ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

As a person from the usa, this is how I prefer to live as well. I think people have problems with this lifestyle because they do not take time in anything-it's always rush rush rush. So they convince themselves they don't have time to do any of it and then they have convinced themselves it's tedious to take care. Then, anyone who takes their time to separate the trash, or clean up after themselves, is seen as neurotic, because it's easier than admitting they have no patience or cleanliness.

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

Lights shouldn't be a problem anymore. LED lights are so efficient... they can be on all the time and still be much cheaper than incandescent lights used sparingly. The vacuuming? Depends upon where you live. I've been in some locations where there's a lot of fine dust in the air outside that makes its way inside. You need to do it a lot. Some locations? Dust accumulation is slow. Also, use an air filter--that helps.

1 month ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

I live in the PNW. Dust accumulation isn't too high on my list of concerns

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

If you're vacuuming that m kick, it's offsetting electricity saved by shutting off the lights, too.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Vacuuming twice a day and then worrying about lights being left on is pretty irrational. Trying to save the planet by reducing your personal consumption is misguided and belies a lack of understanding of the inherent wastes of capitalism. For every pound of red meat you buy the grocery store will be throwing out even more, and that's thousands of gallons of water usage. The amount you flush down the toilet is irrelevant when you understand the consumption each of these items represents.

1 month ago | Likes 40 Dislikes 1

Just because others are wasteful doesn't mean I should be too. I understand that collective failure to avert disaster won't be any individual's fault, but I'll still feel a little bit bad about it. We can always do our part.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I believe we should all be reasonable with our personal consumption. But lights are far down on the priority list. Especially when you vacuum 2x a day, you open the windows 1h per day, drive big cars with no speed limit, and use coal as energy source

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

Wasser ist teuer, after all!

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I mean, it should be - the water resources are dwindling rapidly, and climate change will lead to a lot of water shortages where it was previously unknown

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

except that most of the water used in homes is recycled: it taken up from a river, "used" (really, just dirtied), then it's cleaned and released to the same river it was taken into

that's not _use_ of water; it's _use_ when you are drawing it in from aquifer that will take year or more to regain that water

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

"Most of the water" is the point - it's not all of it, and so one should be mindful how much and for what water is used :)

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

It's a little overboard for most people. Much of it is personal preference presented with no option. Some of it is pedantic, like splitting the electric bill because a person leaves lights on; most lighting these days left on for a month costs less than $1. Vacuuming twice a day is a lot; how much dust is actually being created over 8 hours. Just because one person thinks these things are the best way to live life doesn't mean it's true.

1 month ago | Likes 123 Dislikes 0

Robots that vacuum and mop are getting ever more common anyway. Mine does my bath and kitchen every day and the whole flat three to four times a week while I am at work.

1 month ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 2

Yeap. They don't make a perfect work, but since you can use them effortlessly multiple times a week, or even a day - who's stopping you, they end up reducing the dirt load by a lot. I pull a cat's worth of cathair twice a week from it. House is looking spotless every day and it kinda helps me mentally to know the house is clean and a couple of chores are out of the way.
Also once a month I pick up the big guns and do all the spots the robot misses/can't do. Which again is way less now.

1 month ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

I left my Christmas tree on for about 40 days and used less than $1. It was less than I expected.

1 month ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

I'll leave the lights on and save on the vacuuming. One vacuum probably uses more electricity than all the lights on use in a day.

And opening windows.

1 month ago | Likes 17 Dislikes 1

Also closing the lights vs using the vacuum twice a day. A few 10Watt bulbs vs 2000Watt vacuum. Even battery powered needs charging.

1 month ago | Likes 29 Dislikes 0

"Closing the lights"

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Oh well, it's "turning off the lights", I know I know. My ESL brain takes over sometimes. I'm sorry.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I understand, haha. It's similar in German.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I actually once asked to split an electricity bill. My roomate bought himself a new 1.5k€ GPU and started 3d rendering. 5-10hours per day, full load, 7 days a week.

The bill almost doubled within a month and I was confronted with "what's the big deal??". So entitled.

1 month ago | Likes 67 Dislikes 0

Hey if it's not a big deal for him he can carry the whole bill or not?

1 month ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

😂
well yes, that was a very fun conversation once.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

In that case it makes sense

1 month ago | Likes 30 Dislikes 0

That's when you get one of these

1 month ago | Likes 28 Dislikes 0

Oh shit, I did not know those existed

1 month ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 1

Kill-a-watt

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Didn't even explain how to clean the poop shelf. ...And for the pedantic Germans out there: I'm kidding. That is clearly a modern toilet and would not have a poop shelf. ...And I'm aware that "pedantic Germans" was redundant.

1 month ago | Likes 254 Dislikes 3

He didn't cover using a poop knife.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Newly-minted Germans are usually less... stereotypical (well, at least for Germanness).

1 month ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

What's the poop knife and the three shells called in german?

1 month ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Flachspüler.

1 month ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 1

Fäkalienmesser und drei Muscheln.

1 month ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 1

I visited my brother in Europe a couple of years before 911 and I was dumbstruck upon seeing and interacting with the inexplicable poop shelf… what in the Kentucky fried fuck spawned such a phenomenon?

1 month ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Probably their propensity to eat raw and under-cooked meats and other nasty shit, which can lead to parasites and other issues. It was probably a bigger concern before more strict modern regulation, refrigeration, transport, etc. so it was mainly in older toilets.

1 month ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

I would prefer drowning the worms versus standing there and mocking them

1 month ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

the little shower squeegee is right there so i assume you use that

1 month ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

When I lived in Germany I was thoroughly confused by the poop shelf to the point where I thought i was using the toilet incorrectly

1 month ago | Likes 64 Dislikes 0

It's a thing in Switzerland too.

1 month ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

And the Netherlands. All my older family still have them

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Checking your stool is an excellent way to spot health issues.

1 month ago | Likes 27 Dislikes 2

Do they provide their own poop knife?

1 month ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 2

The poop shelf would require more of a poop spatula…

1 month ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

And what about the pee drawer

1 month ago | Likes 28 Dislikes 1

That's in the Kühlschrank, next to the vegetable crisper.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I am afraid to ask but too curious not to. Poop shelf…?

1 month ago | Likes 31 Dislikes 0

Comes with a knife.

1 month ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 2

Separate knives

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

The Poop knife lives!

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Older German toilets have a shelf in the bowl on which the poop lands. Useful if you need a stool sample or want to check for worms, and of course it makes Poseidon's Kiss a non-issue. It does however mean you have to smell your own poop, like an animal, and the shelf might need some cleaning with the provided brush after you've flushed.

1 month ago | Likes 48 Dislikes 0

I've never heard Poseidon's Kiss but I think I might have to start using that in the future.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Just how often do Germans need a stool sample that they designed toilets with this function that you have to clean constantly. Inefficient, thus not German! Quite odd

1 month ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 1

Maybe Germans in the past had more solid stools because there was no Taco Bell and therefore didn't have to clean the shelf as much. I dunno. I'm not a lavatologist.

1 month ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Lavatologist, standing next to a magma flow with his tools to collect samples: “This isn’t a bathroom!”

1 month ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Jesus. Cook your meat.

1 month ago | Likes 23 Dislikes 2

Huh. That certainly would have made his rising less welcome.

1 month ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

I forgot shit porn was a big thing in Germany. It's all starting to make sense.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

NEVER!

1 month ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Chicken sashimi it is

1 month ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0