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Jun 16, 2019 11:09 AM
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RavennaMagnus
I do some of these. But I’m not a dad
vt5cents
Because I'm older, wiser, and know the correct way to do things because I did them your way when I was younger and learned that was wrong.
SomeDetroitGuy
#1 Because if I take a nap or go to bed early, someone gives me shit about it and I'm trying to avoid a fight.
isnethingnottaken12
isnethingnottaken12
Sorry #5 not 4
SomeDetroitGuy
#13 Getting old happens way too quickly. It feels like 20 years ago was yesterday.
godzilladc
We are trolling you. It's our main source of entertainment.
IdiotSavantTinker
I back into parking spots because it's easier to pull out. I'm trying to get better at pulling out, so I don't have kids asking questions.
KirstenDunstsDiamondHardNipplez
#5 'COS WE TIRED GODAMMIT! You little mofos didn't let us sleep for idontevenknowhowmany years!
HughJohnson55
X1,000,000
Ranier
Reversing in to parking spaces is just common sense. And 90% of the time its easier both ways. Make your life easier, reverse park today!
raulote
Food expiration is JUST a recommendation.
BadSpellersOfTheWorldUntie
I'm a dad and most of these I can confirm...and I have no idea...
cwreck23
If I don’t write in caps we’ll both be trying to figure out what I wrote.
CptKraken
Why do dads go out for a pack of smokes and never come back?
Excludos
A lot of these are just "Why are they doing this completely reasonable thing?" Fucking ask them and you'll be showered with answers
glamdring1
I feel like for about 3/4 of these the answer is because we're old you 20 year old muppet.
nonsensecomment
Upvoted just for your username
DukeDarkwood
Rated best Foehammer of the First Age.
SomeDetroitGuy
#5 It's fucking exhausting being in your 40s but thinking you can still do all the things you did in your 20s.
SomeDetroitGuy
#9 We still think we're 25 and we're sore because our body cant keep up anymore.
ZombieVarwick
I'm still 25 in the moment. Im definitely late 30s the next day (or 3).
SomeDetroitGuy
Oh my god yes. Play a bit of soccer with the kids and I need to ice my knee for a week.
SomeDetroitGuy
#8 Have you had a poorly cooked steak? It's a waste of a lot of money.
scoobar
If the driveway needs doing, it’d be nice to have a little help. Shit’s expensive, yo
putzcommander
I currently have a tandem load of gravel in my yard waiting to be spread.
LasciviousHedgehog
All the dads reading this:
putzcommander
johannsendrilling0
My dad, whenever he picks up a can of paint, deodorant, insect killer, WD40 he always looks at me seriously and says "let us spray"
Akhomet
If we put lettuce on the shopping list dad always says "lettuce pray".
Mikeythefireman
This is good. I’m going to continue this tradition.
savageworld
Your father has invented a new "Dadism". He's a great man and you should tell him that.
tacticalattackterriers
Fuck, this sounds exactly like something my dad would have said hahaha
azrdraco
Mine loves to make caulk jokes whenever possible. "Gonna go play with my caulk." "Everyone loves s little caulk."
DraconisNoir
PatrickRob82
I have answers for every one of these.
MoonMoonYouIdiot
And?!
PatrickRob82
But I'll answer any individual one you'd like...
PatrickRob82
I'm not doing all of them. I got kids to feed
valen00
Most of them become apparent with some thought.
BooRadleyLives
Free things are appreciated in an expensive world. Our backs/knees/bodies hurt, so we grunt. My pen is always better than the one offered.
BooRadleyLives
I use fewer words when I text because I'm busy. Dumb dad jokes are genuinely entertaining. I sneeze hard so I don't sneeze 10 times in a row
valen00
Also dad's are generally larger, gonna sneeze harder cos there's more to do it with.
SomeDetroitGuy
#2 It's just how I sneeze. I've tried being quieter but have no idea how I'd do that.
nero4ty2
I’ve tried holding in s loud sneeze, shit actually hurts
SomeDetroitGuy
I've literally strained my neck doing it. Damn, being 40 sucks! :)
SomeDetroitGuy
#10 Trying to concentrate without distractions
Bloxyboi
"Turn that down, I can't see"
Alkuam2
Also to hear if anyone shouts "DON'T FUCKING RUN OVER ME!"
PhantomGeek
Can confirm, my ol Dad does most of these. And so do I. Woohoo, I'm turning into Dad.
secondtimeround
you should be proud
PhantomGeek
I am. Really and truly, he's a top notch guy. +1 kind Imgurian
SomeDetroitGuy
#7 If I want something, I just buy it. Presents need to be something weird because I've already bought the stuff I want
Valgov291
"A present should be something the person would enjoy but wouldn't normally splurge on" Chocolate treat, a CD, a poster etc
shawnemack
Exactly. Like the things we want but don’t buy for ourselves are generally pretty damn expensive
drcurlyfat
Also, it’s probably my money. I told my kids for Father’s Day don’t spend any money. Just hang out with me. We went for a mountain drive.
Devylin
Because. Now shut up and go take out the trash like I asked you to 5 hours ago.
HurtslikeLegos
*grunts rising from seat*
programmar27
And don't touch that god damn thermostat on the way out with the trash!
ballsdeepfirstpokenolube
Hey man, my thing went off. Did someone touch your thermostat?
Devylin
https://imgur.com/ECBoYPP
ThatShiftyMonkey
I remember when that episode first aired.
yabbadabbaderpityderpdurpderp
and don't slam the door!
NordMan
And take it easy on those stairs! They've never done anything to you!
IDGAFtheApathetic
Found the dad
IAmGrimReaper
The all-dad!!
Freightshaker
I'm a trucker; it's not difficult to outsmart my GPS.
BombCyclone
I thought the same thing. Every day, right?
Freightshaker
https://imgur.com/PN1NuLR
AndrewCase
Amen brother. There is one road where I live that used to have a bridge, but it has been gone for 30+ years that GPS says is there...
conficiendo
You must be a dad
IKnowAllTheLyricsToTheSimpsonsThemeSong
I was in England for work. GPS said turn left. We looked left and it was a 4 foot thick cement barrier. GPS wanted us dead.
engraced
This is why I call my GPS satan.
Matrican
inspiringandfunnyusernamecoolheh
An outdated GPS is a death trap
IKnowAllTheLyricsToTheSimpsonsThemeSong
Exactly. The rental place didn't charge us for GPS because it was outdated. We figured it knew we were American and wanted us dead.
Mohareb
#18 is because you can come out faster due to being able to see if there's cars or not. You would care if you had less time >(
OtterlyMagnificent
Also, to be fair, my eyes are a full foot above my dad's. If he used my mirror positions, the only thing he'd see is the sun.
merlok13
UPS teaches their drivers to always back in. Visibility backing out is poor and traffic is unpredictable.
acertainjenesaisquoi
Also it's safer
goingtogoeatworms
But it takes longer going in! Why are you so concerned with saving time later, but not upon arrival?
plsreadHayeksUseofKnowledgeinSociety
where there is traffic (like everyone leaving at once after a concert) you will be stuck forever if you have to back out. It's a good habit.
valen00
If it takes longer going in you're not good enough at it
muttonmutton
Having become the dad, I do about 90% of these. And I have NO EXPLANATION.
johnzim
Me too! What the hell?!
ADisturbinglyAttractiveCactus
Having also become the dad, I do about 10% of these, ya'll are weird.
Cathall
Same here! I was thinking the same thing.
PatrickRob82
Dad's unite!
JGregory32
You don't choose the dad life. The dad life chooses you.
TheSwedishCryptid
Comes down to Exhaustion, Comfort, or Experience with Life. Or "E-CE Life"
hippocampus
I'd say many of these are from not having much time for yourself.
SmurfStain
I can explain every damn one of them. But I just sat on the couch so I'ma rest my eyes for a minute
StoicWaffle
The answer to most of these is utter exhaustion. You guys have exhausted your fathers.
HelaSisterOfThor
My husband does a lot of these.
ddecew
Do as I say, not as I do
waudey912
For 90% of these it's because we're fucking tired.
DeathPlacebo
startingalongjourney
Louder for the people in the back.
peoplecalltheromanstheygothehouse
A-fkn-men
PooPooInSpaghettiEveryoneUpsetti
The peanut thing made me laugh so hard.
RawDeerock
I do this, but only to line them up. I've got a hand mouth coordination problem.
kaboosh5353
I DO THE PEANUT/M&M THING. My hands get sweaty and im not trynna have them melt or sweat all over the food. Gotta keep em moving
JhericFury
I'm 30, have no partner or kids, I still do a lot of them
ProfessorSoup
Especially the fat wallet one without all those kids and partners taking all your spare cash!
SierraTM
I'm a 26 year old lesbian and I do a concerning amount of these.
majaimay
When you reach dad age you start the metamorphosis whether you spawn offspring or not.