BY THE BEARD OF ZEUS

This is Greg Berzinsky. He has BEARD. He will show you how to BEARD, too.

Step 1: SEA SPRAY. Spray the sea directly into your beard.

Step 2: Trap the soul of the sea in your beard. Do not let it escape.

STEP 3: Choose your weapon. SCULPT. Bend the beard to your will.

Step 4: Beards are stubborn. APPLY FIRE. Fire tames the wild beard.

(Some mortals may not like this step, but it truly separates wimp beard from ZEUS BEARD.)

Step 5: Apply pomade, and finish with comb. Reflect on your godliness.

Congratulations, mortal. You have gone from beard to ZEUS BEARD. May lightning bolts burst from your eyes and smite your enemies.

Hollandaise: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qu5PxhEUMfU