TooYoungToRetireTooOldToTrustAFart
109083
2329
68
I'm an idiot who forgot to put in the info. It's airing at 11:59P Eastern (yeah, it's stupid) on Comedy Central.
Mark also does a podcast called Tuesdays with Stories with his buddy and fellow comedian Joe List. They upload to Soundcloud but you can also download on iTunes. It's pretty funny, gets me to chuckle.
BigOrca
100% dead on.
AdventuresofBluntmanandChronic
Or, ya know, be an adult and muster up the courage to approach someone instead of staring and hoping they're braver than you.
TheFishFridayCompany
This is total #lunch
ckeh89
TUESGAYS!
iDankmeme
I was a medicaid taxi driver and the sexual comments from 70 year old women actually get pretty old. I had a woman go into graphic detail...
williamjson50
Do you know how much Mark Normand’s net worth is? Then, let’s dive into the exciting world of comedy! https://richpersonbio.com/mark-normand-net-worth/
Allworknoplay82
Normand is hilarious despite the fact that he's joined at the hip with Amy Schumer for some reason.
TooYoungToRetireTooOldToTrustAFart
They started together. That's it. Honestly it's surprising because usually those who start together do split (ex. Big Jay and Kevin Hart)
Allworknoplay82
Funny you mention Big Jay. He's currently one of my favorite comics. He's great on all his podcasts. Also i find Hart annoying.
skribs
Had an accident where I hit an older woman (I was like 19 she was 60+) and when we were exchanging insurance info she tried to give me her #
rabbiebabbie
Are you sure it wasn't cause you got into an accident and we're exchanging contact information?
skribs
We weren't exchanging contact information. We were exchanging insurance information.
rabbiebabbie
Darn if it was her fault you could've at least gotten a OTPHJ
twofivefour
Had one woman say to me "I want to climb you like a tree."
OaksParcel
I had a ~35 year old woman tell me while I was working retail that I could come over and interrogate her all night if I wanted. I declined.
TodOberhaus
I had a women ask if I ever get food stuck in my beard. Then asked specifically corn and followed it with I would eat corn out of (1/2)
TodOberhaus
(2/2) your beard. Then attempted to grab me by my beard. I noped the fuck out of there real quick.
timeconsumer117
I was at a party playing a game of beer pong against this cute girl, we got to talking after and I can't remember what I said first, but 1)
timeconsumer117
She replied with, "that'll get you a couple points," to which I responded, "well how many points do I need to eat your pussy?" She said 2)
timeconsumer117
"None." Picked her up and carried her off. Point of the story is not all girls get offended by shrudeness
AGloomyYou
If it works then great, but you've got to be prepared for it to go badly. It can be hard to tell
EroticRhinocerous
I'm wearing that shirt right now too!
OctagonalSquirrel
+1 for name
TooYoungToRetireTooOldToTrustAFart
Shirt?
EroticRhinocerous
TooYoungToRetireTooOldToTrustAFart
Oh, I thought there was some merch. That is pretty funny. How much did Mark pay to look good for his special then?
EroticRhinocerous
Mine's a nordstrom shirt. retails probably 80 dollars. I got it for 10 though.
ACatnippedKitty
Had a drunk woman tell me she wanted to sit on my face until I suffocated and died, then she'd do cpr on me. I wasn't too inclined
Ishalldefenestrateyou
I was at a concert and a girl next to me said "I would rape him" about the lead singer.
rickeyspanish
next time try it completely reclined
UncannyMonkeyPaw
Wuss
hickorysmokedhorsebutthole
DelicateMenstrualQueef
She sounds like the best kind of super-freak. Or a serial killer. Sometimes ya gotta gamble!
tomitau
But interested perhaps?
JuanDre3000
That sounds like an alright night to me
airchubbs7
Ahh a good old fashioned sit on u till u drown revival, like we used to do in the good 'ole days
DonnaNobleInTheLibrary
And then they went and banned waterboarding because it's torture?
TraitorousTrump3
Swing and a miss on your part!
Mxlespxles
to disagree
justsignedupforthishit
Well, if you've still got her number...
Viktor8690
DontstressyoucanChangeItAnyTime0
I worked at a bar and an older lady told me, she wanted to slow dance with my balls in her vagina. Also I have got gummy bears as a tip 1/2
blahbahblahbah
I'm guessing they were drugs, or drugged.
DontstressyoucanChangeItAnyTime0
They were pulled out of an older lady's bra.
rabbiebabbie
How did they taste??
DVSBSTrD
Because you were completely horizontal?
ConfirmologistUK
TemetNosce000
DVSBSTrD
The liberal establishment suppressing free thought to make the youth conform to their agenda. SAD!
JrElmoe
Women need to realize that men's standards of looks is much lower or open than that most women.
Applepotamus
NoWisdomWithoutRegret
Proof: I'm married. And I sometimes get hit on.
DonnaNobleInTheLibrary
I'm single. Nobody ever hits on me (at least not that I'd notice). :(
NoWisdomWithoutRegret
How you doin'?
oslsblnrkrak
Hint: NoWisdomWithoutRegret is trying to
secretelixir
Wear a ring. I've heard it works.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
If that were true, then you wouldn't have average-looking or even cute women who never get a date. A friend I had in university never /1
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
had any guys interested in her. She was kinda shy, but so was I, and I did ok. She was definitely above average. But not good enough for /2
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
even average guys, apparently. At almost 30 she'd still never been on a date or kissed a guy. Never been asked out. She'd asked guys out /3
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
and been rejected, though. It was sad. /4
Satherian
Very interesting! How did she ask the guys out? And what were their responses?
JrElmoe
I've had a few friends' girlfriends say that I'm a fairly attractive guy, but I've never gone out with a girl. Then on the other hand 1/2