CapeManCoral
282094
6099
231
Mar 5, 2017 6:38 PM
CapeManCoral
282094
6099
231
Soddo
Nope nope nope use the other fucking bathroom
Azuril
I feel like this is more of a "just got together" vs "been together for a while" comparison.
besttom
Married 13 years. I NEVER turn down sex.
WhatTheDormouseSaid
My gf and I are equal parts expectations and reality here.
knowshure
Sounds like a codependent relationship?
BritishBatman
make the bedroom cold?
HowAboutBigZam
pussyface
This
CrushTheLeftoverDinosaurs
autopia
Imagine all of this but it's just one person. That's me.
PizzaSlutForever
My soul mate
DoctorOwly
You're... You're meeting all of my standards... ,
KeeleonOhms
http://garfieldminusgarfield.net
TheAmazingBushman
Rule number one...
IMWEIRD200
baconmassacre
The last night with her was the most perfect night I have ever had in my life...
pinkiesmalls
10 years w my husband. All of these are true for us but the toots. Gotta keep some mystery...
elBajoNegro
Well that's the problem, they've still got a twin bed
AriPlanetLord
Okay, this made me chuckle.
TST100
What guy wants to watch the bachelor?
CommonWhiteGirl
Almost all guys that watch it have been sucked in because their SO watched it and now they're hooked
tonightisanightfordrinking
I started out saying it was stupid and I sat on my computer in the same room and by the end of the season I was rooting for Corinne.
sabotender
I'll never be on board with the farting. It's just being respectful. I don't loudly belch or chew with my mouth open with my SO either.
oedaux
whats so disrespectful about farting in front of someone? its a normal bodily function.
sabotender
So is shitting and pissing. I still don't do it in front of others.
zFUBARz
#3 is a lie, it should be a combination of both, one always wants to be closer while the other wants to get more space/air.
FaultyStarsNoConstellations
After nearly a year of Living together me and my bf still sleeps all cuddled up together <3
ImTheGoddamnBatwoman
Sometimes I want an SO, but I'm so ingrained into my solo routine, I worry another person would ruin it.
Discordious
Toots, and sleeping are accurate...
worthyadversary
This couple sucks
woopwooppulloverdatasstoofat
not really. they respect each other and enjoy each other's company. that's all that's required of a relationship.
amiraleemi
You. I like you.
Toqom
When the artists a forever alone...
AwesomeTeddybear
Artiststs
DaDisser
My long terms 1) liked to say she never pooped 2) farted freely but refused to let me near the bathroom w/ her, 3) "i can't poop in places"
Davedavedavedavedave
PseudoDoc
@pseudocheer I miss this haha
Sugarbritches21
I believe we can do both expectation and reality haha
Swiderman5
False. No straight man would choose The Bachelor over mushing peepees.
theuberkevlar
Yeah. I was like, "...aaand he's gay."
theuberkevlar
All the people downvoting me worried that their cover is blown. :D
Sparru
This is the talk of a guy who doesn't get regular sex.
TildaDotAmpersand
They have no clue how transparent they are.
NoSleepTilBrooklyn
Married for 13 years and I do not use the toilet in front of my husband. We share every other room in the house, FFS. Let me crap in peace.
CoffeeTrampTossBitch
I've been peeing in front of him since day 2 but I'll never poop in front of him: 10 years in
SWZcheDUH
Don't ever follow me into the bathroom. Unless it's the dog, otherwise stay out and let me have my peace. Sacred time.
abaconification
#1 is fine #2 is a no go
ZOMGNO
A few books have come out recently on 'how to get the spice back in the bedroom' that say to keep pooping private. I agree wildly!!!
RichardValentine
You're the greatest. It's one of those things that are ALWAYS included in these comparison comics and I'll never agree with it.
BravoBear
Seriously, pooping is gross and doesn't need to be shared.
BalfMalark
1's are fine. 2's are a no go
margaretolson
YEP. My SO and I were just chatting about this today. I want some things to remain private!
IAlwaysUpvoteBirdies
Yeah but if you have only one bathroom, sometimes you have too. I don't like to go when my husband is in the shower but I can't hold it.
NoSleepTilBrooklyn
I've never had more than one bathroom in my life. I usually just go before my husband gets in the shower.
Ceciaaaaaaaa
I feel you, we only have one bathroom so we don't have much of a choice haaaaa
SemperFiZero
Nah my gfs farts are rancid.
zombifiedsweets
My farts almost never stink, so when we take showers together I rip one out because that's where theyre the nastiest.
GothKirby
I once told my boyfriend his ass could weld the titanic back together and that his fart smells like something crawled up there and died.
MouseyMousey
Hey, mine too. My boyfriend tells me mine could be used as a deadly weapon.
MouseyMousey
5 1/2 years together and I still try not to fart in front of my SO. My farts are deadly, though his aren't bad.
blobblobwhatevs
Same same. Nearly 20 years together. It happens, but I try not to because it really is toxic.
WuTangoReinhardtUnchained
My friends wife farted and i proceeded to vomit uncontrollably
Anthonlee
NotSuspicious
#relationship goals
IsThisGoingToBeAFutureTrend
I was gonna share this with my girlfriend. But I don't want her to know it's okay to fart all the time
LearnSomething
She's been doing it anyway. I farted around my boyfriend for months before one actually made sound and we crossed the no-fart threshold.
hiphopbookshop
You think he has any idea? I have silent ones but when the funks in the air it's there
LearnSomething
I've seriously farted and my bf thought it was his own so idk....
lovingfox
This. I "never" farted infront of my husband until i got pregnant and it actually made a noise.
LearnSomething
How do they think we hold it in that much? Or don't fart?
lovingfox
I assume they just dont think about it in general until it happens
NoSleepTilBrooklyn
I've been married for 13 years, and I don't fart in front of my husband. Or anyone, for that matter. I think it's rude as hell.
IsThisGoingToBeAFutureTrend
yeah exactly my point!
LearnSomething
Good for you I guess. Good luck with that colon cancer?
ItsNotBacon
I wouldn't know...
TheRealFrankTurpentine
RawrLawless
Me too, duders.
IGoInCanadaDry
Roguishpotato
Why not Zoidberg?
blahtotheblahblah
BarryMoore
Neither does the person who wrote the comic, or posted it here.
SmellyPotatoMan
Whooo!
Never had an SO & probably never will! Livin' the dream! (just kidding, it's terrible)
thethirdeye
immakiller2
IGotBannedForTheGIF
I used to know...
4Astaroth
Your username is the problem.
ItsNotBacon
ItsBacon was taken so this was my second choice...
4Astaroth
But it isn't a good choice because not being bacon is always bad. Sorry.
ItsNotBacon
4Astaroth
Aaaww man. I'm really sorry. You are good, believe in yourself. You are a good fam. Don't be sad. Not being bacon is good too.
Imsadbecausemynamethatiwantedwastaken
RegisteredAirplaneDoctor
You wouldn't know because.... IT'S NOT BACON!!!!!! Don't worry, I don't know either
SexualPeanut
4 years here. Having someone randomly in your bed isn't the same as having an SO. It's so lonely not being wanted. Makes me feel pathetic.
ImpressiveDangle
Ditto
AngryNakedFlailingHitler
You got friends here man
rambleramblramble
helkios9904
I know the feels bruh
berderking
It's okay I'm lonely too
MountainLionPhoto
Thought to myself earlier: can't disappoint anyone if I have no one to disappoint. I laughed and then cried for about 5 minutes.
waltjrimmer
Come brothers. Let us join in song. https://youtu.be/bLFzm-ro4bg
Athanatos93
I aint mad. Thats a genuinely well done song. Saved that for offline play
blahtotheblahblah
I'm 21 and never had an SO. Hell, finally went on my first ever 'date' just a few months ago. I've more or less just given up and got a cat.
LucifurMacomb
I'm 21 next year, and've only had 1 relationship 4 years ago. Can't say I haven't been trying... In short : Cats are the best :p
blahtotheblahblah
SmilingToSurvive
blahtotheblahblah
SmilingToSurvive
https://media3.giphy.com/media/f03YerIEa5efK/giphy.gif
blahtotheblahblah
Tassyr
Oh crap. I'm starting to relate to a Zapp gif. That's probably a very bad sign.
SpudimusPrime
You're not alone
Lilshadow48
Just accept it as I have.
TheOne07
*insert one of us joke*
ovelanimimerkki
I know how you feel. So here's, a picture of a koala
AimlessSavant
A Koalittle
Sauroctonus
They have four thumbs, you know?
ovelanimimerkki
You just made me like koalas even more.
IHaveAMemeForThis
That does make everything better
ovelanimimerkki
My punctuation needs work.
SushiPooper
I don't think, that Christopher Walken, would be upset in the least; in fact, he would most likely, adopt you, as his own.
XeArg
ovelanimimerkki
That is, the nicest thing, anyone, has ever told me.
ICanHasJava
Aww, don't be sad. I'll reject sex and fart in front of you, buddy :)
MnemonicMonkeys
Plot twist: you're both dudes
ITSMRTORGUEYELLINGSTUFF
Even better, a solid bromance can make you happier than a gf
Shineupordown
That's all i need in life
Lonehoof
Like my dad
Cryolith
https://media.giphy.com/media/26vUApVeAXGlUwX4Y/200w.gif
elleyea
I'm not your buddy, guy.
degenerator
What about my fart buddy?
cheesypeanuts
He's not your guy friend
ItsNotBacon
ikbenlike
Yes, but it's not bacon
Ycotear
*insert Seinfield theme*
CaptinCuddles
Prunebane
My stay on the internets tells me this may or may not be a cyriak gif
CanadianFurr
Yes..yes you did.
ACatnippedKitty
When two people move in together, how do they decide which bed to keep? I love mine, but what if she also loves hers? Flip a coin?
aeromeche
I have a twin if they have anything else bigger that's how that will be decided. Because a twin with two humans and a 55lb dog is squished
Spikelf
Put yours in the guest bedroom so you can sleep on it later
march1studios
You build a mattress fort.
ButMetal
A. Which one is more comfy? B. Which one has less cum stains?
LickFury
The more expensive bed
[deleted]
[deleted]
RaBella91
What about what you've been up to in yours!?! NEW BED!
Skywatcher16
keep both and save money furnishing a second bedroom?
DanGessnercomedy
fight to the death?
Jakeery
The newer one or the bed in better condition. Before my wife and I got married, I was sleeping in a futon, so I got lucky. Free stuff helps
Seegritz
Throw both of them away and just buy a new one. Only fair way
Doober12082
New bed you can both agree on... simple.
TemetNosce000
Whichever bed has less "history"
BlankhasdiedofDysentery
Hers was bigger so we put mine in the guest room. Then bought a bigger one new for our room anyway.
Livingexistence
Bigger, newer, more expensive... in that order of importance. If they both fail to accommodate 2 people you need a new bed anyway
cazzegiare
Solution: Two bedroom apartment. You keep one bedroom as a spare for when friends/family visit and want to stay overnight, but (1/2)
cazzegiare
of course they don't because they also have homes with an unused 2nd bedroom. Then you realize you're essentially paying for a storage room.
catsaregroundowls
Either keep the comfier one or invest in a bigger one together. We have a king size memory foam with two comforters and pillows.
catsaregroundowls
I am making myself want to go to bed....
D34dStar
You could just buy a new one. I unfortunately had to lose my water bed......
imacuntnugget
i'd have one bed for sexy time and one bed for actually sleeping on.
SalsaRice
Throw one in a "guest room"
russrob84
Make you own bunk beds....problem solved
ForSomeAbstractReason
We got a sleep number, and it was the best thing we ever spent a stupid amount of money on. I get my soft squishy bed, he gets his slab.
Luvvie
I couldn't get it soft enough without my butt touching the bottom
ForSomeAbstractReason
I started that way, but every time I reset it I made it a bit firmer because it got comfier to have a firmer mattress little by little.
oStaiko
You're gonna want a big bed, usually when you live alone you have two small beds. Just buy a new one
mbr5
we just bought a new and dumped our old
avertyereyes
Honestly I'm to the point where I want a separate room
Zootsoot
Get one of those "each side calibrated for that partner" ones.
cheeseducksg
Keep the bigger one, or keep the newer one if they're the same size. You'll get used to hers, or she'll get used to yours.
XplodingUnicornGlitter
Can second the keeping both motion.
ktmaye
How many rooms do you have? We keep his mattress in our bedroom and mine in our guest room (we have the better mattress though both suck)
TheRealDurdan
It's a no-brainer for me. My bed his horrible.
TheRealDurdan
Is*
gbombuh
You could always get a self storage unif somewhere
HappyShinyUnicorn
We kept my husband's bed because he's madly in love with it and I can sleep anywhere.
IridescentLotus
Use the biggest one. Same size? The newest one? Bought at the same time or like different firmness? Go buy one together and be poor together
Cybergirl57
My partner and I got lucky and got to buy a new bed cuz we both had singles prior to our move in
Ruhig
First, you drive them out to an empty parking lot, late at night. A large field also works. Then, you throw a knife between them, and say-
Ruhig
-"Only one bed will fit in the new apartment." The surviving bed is obviously that much more suitable than the other.
AsAnAmerican
Easg, the dog shredded mine, so we kept his.
margaretolson
I needed a new bed before we moved out so we bought it together and that one came with us. Worked out nicely!
SatansFurryJamHats
Just do what I did and move in together after abandoning your previous homes due to a city devastating earthquake and just use the (1)
SatansFurryJamHats
tiny bed in the room you rent in a new city. Solves the "which bed" problem nicely.
BalfMalark
I put my foot down. My GFs old bed gave me terrible back pains.
MundaneFinality
Biggest/comfiest bed. Since id lived in an appartment for a few years before she moved in, id already invested in a nice mattress.
INameMyPetsAfterRedvsBlueCharacters
I had a twin back at my parents house three states away. He had a queen at his parents house thirty minutes away. Take a guess which one hah
Ssssssssssss
Honestly, if you have the space, I'd advise keeping both.
okiedokeartichoke
We sold both of ours and pooled the money together and bought a new one. Well worth it
JesusChristFightingHitlerMMAStyle
Here's a idea that works. 3 bedroom place, Each S/O have their own room with their own beds and one room where they share a bed.
DuckTalesOohWooOoh
For me it was the bigger bed -- I had recently gotten a queen and she only had a full.
Automatvapen
Buy a new one that you both like?
d3jake
Stack them.
LittleKnownOne
She wins because if she doesn't get her way you lose. And she wants to keep her memories of other 8+ handy.
AnkhVersace
For me it was easy, she had a shit double bed and I had a brand new king size. You could keep one bed and the others mattress maybe?
Maaaaaaate
Since we both had beds the same size, we made the newer one ours and the other one turned into the guest bed. Mine was newer. Win. ;)
SenoritaMatoMonster
Bf and I are so petty that we used my headboard and his mattress
MrKibbs
I'd put it in my spare room
TheLetterKay
Every guy I've lived with doesn't seem to give a shit what he sleeps on.
mylifeforhire
My brother and his gf took his bed frame and her mattress
philosofox
Talk it out. I loved my bed, but in the end it was easier to not move it.
tikimiki
put it in the guest room
ninjato229
I got rid of lots of my stuff because she had nicer things. I had military grade stuff. Girls don't like sharing cots. I'm in her bed now!!!
AllDemCanadianBones
BED FORT! Take both beds and both couches and make a giant fort. Sleep there.
spankatorium
Easy; date the homeless!
JojoKnowsBest
Stack them.
railgap
mine: $1,800 custom made wrought iron Addams Family monstrosity, hers: futon. We kept mine.
flapperfemmefatale
my SO and i moved in together and came from our parents' houses, so we just bought a new bed.
BuzzardsGottaEat
Pick the biggest bed. End of discussion
fondapeters
Keep both (if you have space), it's nice to be able to spread out but it also makes choosing to sleep together seem that much more sweet
BetweenGrey
Sell them both and buy a new one.
stespike
Who buys used mattresses?
Yepthosearebees
I have before. It's only really gross to think about
BetweenGrey
A lot of people do. Especially those on a budget.
Byronicman1
As imgur's resident mattress salesman, you wouldn't believe how many people buy used beds.
Byronicman1
I've kicked people out of our dumpsters where we throw away used bedding. Dumpster diving for a new bed.
keyonne
Sell both. Buy one you can agree on.
SteevyT
My wife had a memory foam mattress when we moved in together. Choice was obvious.
LovecraftianHugz
one is the sleep bed, one is the nasty-sex bed
EveryonesCousin
I was living in my car. I did own a couch, but we decided her new queen size bed would be best.
Reviire
Sell both, buy a massive bed.
exguerrero
Wife and I have our sister in law living with us. She used one bed for a week then we switched. We asked her which was best. We kept that 1
DarkwingDuc
If feasible, I strongly recommend getting a 2-bedroom place. You'll both appreciate the space. If not, keep the nicer/newer/bigger one.
catsaregroundowls
1/2 We have a little four inch memory foam topper for the floor. Incase he snores. But we have a "No kicking someone out" rule.
catsaregroundowls
2/2 only allowed to sleep seperate for temperature or comfort reasons. 10 years in, it works great
elliewoods
Never go to bed angry. That's a good rule to keep. Be angry all day, but if you want to stay together, make up for snuggle time. :)
2TbspOfDogAssOil
She decides
PillowFu
Push them both together to form a giant super bed!
veyrall
Stack them.
d06h0201
You buy a new one. No one wants to permanently sleep in a bed anyone has shared with other lovers.
Yepthosearebees
Aww you made me think about it
gluecake
I would've gone with "whichever bed sucks less/isn't older" but merging both together into one massive bed sounds way more fun
dasklaus
Sounds like you have issues, man. What would that matter?
TildaDotAmpersand
Issues; but a lot of money for beds and mattresses. Pros and cons.
dasklaus
I'm gonna go with poor and sane, thank you very much.
whatupmyknitters
'other lovers' makes it sound like they're still involved. and 'past lovers' are none of my concern.
lenomdeplume
Good point...new toilet seats too.
givemeyourdickpics
I would never date someone with this level of insecurity. Red flag.
TildaDotAmpersand
This right here. Also, if she has kids from a previous relationship, don't forget to drown them.
AMacGyver
Okay, wrinkle in that. Neither of you has slept with anyone else before. What do in that situation?
d06h0201
LOL. Make the brides parent provide the matrimonial bed!
d06h0201
LOL. Make the brides parent provide the matrimonial bed!
CorvusBelli
Why would you care about that? Presumably you've already had sex with them in that particular bed, so what's the issue?
d06h0201
It's symbolic, you're starting a new relationship. The classic 'no one else has been in our bed'. 1/2
TildaDotAmpersand
Exactly; it's the same reason you take your wife to the plastic surgeon to get her hymen restored. Simple common courtesy really.
CorvusBelli
That seems strange to me; I mean, someone's already been in my girlfriend, so having been in her bed's hardly an issue. YMMV, of course.
d06h0201
Vaginas are self cleaning, mattresses are not.
d06h0201
2/2 Albeit, Im speaking as if both beds are twins, if one has a Queen bed frame, thats fine, but definitely get a new mattress.
whatupmyknitters
if they're both equally comfy, keep the nicer/newer one. or if you move into a two bedroom you can put the spare in the guest room.
GeneraloftheObvious
Put second bed in living room. Come home drunk, fall asleep watching a movie, afternoon naps, fit more people for a movie night
nowservingnotyou
hers is better
TheFamousNecromancerMrBones
Which one is comfier? Okay, with that in mind, throw your bed out and keep hers regardless, otherwise every bad night of sleep is your fault
LearnSomething
We had two bedrooms and we've switched the mattresses a few times. Sometimes you just want to change it up. Keep both.
jezzibylle
Guest room. Bam!
LearnSomething
Xactly!
TheJudgeHasItBackwards
This man has obviously lived with a woman. I nap in the guest room when I miss my old bed
capughe
His bed is bigger than mine so that's the plan. Until we buy a king.
iamnotabunnywhydoyouask
As someone who has sold mattresses for 5 years: 1. Try keeping both if possible (back up) 2. Go with the NEWER bed 2. Buy a new bed TOGETHER
iamnotabunnywhydoyouask
2. Going with the newer one (or one with better specs) should last you longer and give you better back support.
iamnotabunnywhydoyouask
1. If you know you're tight on money (or might be in the future) keeping both can save you a trip to buy a new down the road.
iamnotabunnywhydoyouask
3. Buying a new bed TOGETHER will help reassure you both that you're each getting the comfort and support your bodies need. Compromise!!
PolishPancakeWithCanadianMapleSyrup
Thats how we solved our argument. Keep the biggest bed frame and buy a new mattress we both like.
iamnotabunnywhydoyouask
P.S. A BEAUTYREST OR TEMPURPEDIC ARE KEEPERS. Sorry if I took this post too seriously. My inner mattress need took over...
ACatnippedKitty
I was just posting a hypothetical question in Usersub, so many insightful replies. I will keep those in mind if I ever need a new mattress!
Luvvie
Yeah, I'm not getting rid of my Tempurpedic. Ever.
hangemhigh13
Easy. You move OUT together and buy a new bed. Your old cat/dog inhertis your own bed, You feel a little sad, but that's life.
mirrorz
She moves in with you and every time you leave the house you will come back to find another thing missing until all your stuff is gone.
PinkAlpaca
I'd never thought of that, my bf and I got a flat together after living at uni/parents/house shares so we had never owned furniture.
PinkAlpaca
we spent the first 2 weeks on an airbed before we bought a mattress, then another month before we got a bedframe XD
tacopartyinyourmouth
Push them together for one super bed. That way you both get the support you like and ton of room for activities
emguhraeb
Your a fuckin genius
pineapplepuppy
(And no one has to sleep in the wet spot?)
CorneliusCornwall
Fuckin brilliant
PizzaSlutForever
And the adopt about 47 dogs because you have room for them! No? Just me then ...
ForrestIndustries
Your username makes me concerned...
GrizzlyWicks
who has that kinda room my bungalow can barley fit 1 bed
BeckyLookAtHerButt
This is too important. You turn your largest room into a bedroom - beds wall to wall.
SirThanksalot1
Literally what we did. We have this alcove meant for a king-sized bed, now we have like a tzar-sized bed. Sleep space for everyone!
DrDuckbertMD
Everyone u say? :^)
morkwill
Tzsr-sized what a glorious discription.
RezDogLover
Excellent solution to an important question.
sinewaveosc
Make them into bunk beds. Problem solved.
hoopinghannah
I was going to say this! Who said bunk beds have to be twin sized?
AnkhVersace
So much space for activities!
TheGoldenPotato
You take the bigger bed. Trust me.
Painahimah
Absolutely this. Of course he had a twin bed and I had a queen, so it was an easy choice
TheGoldenPotato
Same for my situation and queen is like 4 more feet of bed
Superslothsays
^This
Jessicarrrlove
When my ex and I were kind of talking about moving in together it was a no brainer. I have a king bed and he has a futon...
legsmalone
Or you buy a new one. My now husband and I both had a full size. Went to a queen, now a king. Still don't have enough room, because kids.
Zardif
I've honestly been looking into getting two queens put together with some straps and a custom nice sheet plus foam for the middle.
legsmalone
I have friends who've done this for a family bed. More room for kids and parents both.
TemporaryUzername
that doesn't solve the issue if they're the same size.
michealikruhara0110
Sounds like an average sitcom episode.
Zombraina
Push them together to make the biggest bed.
WellshitIcantThinkofAusername
So much win
LizLonAndProsper
If they are the same size then choose the newer one.
TemporaryUzername
but that doesn't mean it's more comfortable. i have a mattress in my basement that is 25+ years old and its the comfiest thing.
LizLonAndProsper
Fair. Then I would say test them. Which ever one is comfiest.
AwkwardKeming
You live with two apartments worth of stuff crammed into a studio apartment until you both lose your minds.
MrKibbs
Fuck. That
Szechuanian
me right now
StatisticallyInsignificantCanadian
Did this cause poor spatial awareness, eventually leading to your awesome username?
AwkwardKeming
What' s wrong with my usemame?
suzyh0mewrecker
Kerning- the space between letters. Your name looks like a joke about awkward kerning, where the R & N are so close, it looks like an M
suzyh0mewrecker
Gd it. You got me. Bastard. Leaving my initial comment up in shame.
AwkwardKeming
You might want to look at my usemame again. My usemame. USEMAME