Srajo101
98827
2566
30
Apr 8, 2021 10:39 AM
Srajo101
98827
2566
30
blooblee1
The plot of Bill and Ted but with space travel instead of time travel
IamfromCanadaeh1983
“Goddamn it fine... for Science!” *undoes pants, takes position and hopes for the smallest probe*.
BaconBoy7
Based entirely off the type of people who claim to have been abducted... Aliens probably think we are the dumbest creatures in the universe
AndrewBrandon
Where's the link to the responses? Writing prompt subreddit is a treasure trove of good short stores
baronudragos1
Am i the only one stuck on the "to to"?
maxzero
We're not in Kansas anymore, to to.
TinyOctopus
First thing to remember when it comes to rules about humans? There are no rules. It's just chaos theory tossed in a blender with monkeys.
PerthAussieMike
Reminds me of an Aussie comedy show 'Thank God you're here' !! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thank_God_You%27re_Here
HappyTimeHollis
Steady on, it's not *that* bad.
delitescency
First season of that was so good but then it got really hit and miss
BeerandCats
Me: yeah, sure; most importantly we're all assholes
JackTar8616
thenewteddy
"ugh" I sigh "fine" as I pull down my pants and bend over "OH GOD NO" he yells, shielding his eyes "I just have questions about culture"
MrRandom314159
TheAllMightyThey
Gonna need some advanced alien tech up front tho
zengaisfamous
I’d say he’s doing ok, speaking earth so well
Babaloga
Nah aliens just speak English. The final covers the other languages.
zengaisfamous
I assumed English was an elective, like Groot is on Asgard
Velorex
Nah that's just the babel fish they put in your ear.
copingcabana
I'm reminded of Back to School where the professor tells Rodney Dangerfield that whoever wrote that paper knows nothing about Kurt Vonnegut.
copingcabana
(He paid Kurt Vonnegut to write the paper)
almostdonehere
"1st off. Some humans believe the planet is flat." He looks at me, looks outside as we are flying away in space. "I'm screwed," he cries.
waltjrimmer
"Oh fuck, I don't understand them either!"
TimeFoDat
"Okay, the first thing I'm gonna have to teach you about is the Plumbus..."
kahavi
"You're shit out of luck, I hate people."
GoodFUCKINGmorning
“Wow, you picked the wrong human”
ActualTttony
*sighs* unzips
jayman0123
Give me a small technological marvel to "invent" and I'll tell you everything you need to know
Zahnradfee
"Uhm, what about an electric snargafugl?"
5NoteHalf
Yes. Perfect. What's it do?
Zahnradfee
Uhm, you know, when you're very oftafugl because your ömlemeß doesn't want to golubl? It helps you with that.
5NoteHalf
Excellent. I'll just jot that down and be on my way.
5NoteHalf
(And make a fortune off whatever this thing is that I assume is its battery)
Ulthirm
Dont push for a device, push for an integral component of a device that we dont have. A lot less Suss and easier to get pushed forward.
AlexanderGibson
This is funny cause i had a dream last night about being abducted. They gave me ice cream at the end. Cool guys
NotTinyPancakes
I kep tdreaming about my dog who died a few hours before
BigTex1
Were they giant tacos that pooped ice cream?
PlayingNiceForOnce
Ice cream and anal probes for all!
SyrussScaleskin
What flavour?
NowhereMan313
"Dream"
Hookersandblackjack
Did you get abducted in a flying ice cream van?
AlexanderGibson
My dream: aliens shook my arm to woke me up, my response "what are you guys doing here" they said come on we are leaving told my wife bye1/?
AlexanderGibson
Then we walk out to my front door into a doctor's waiting room where i watched Jerry Springer and read Sports illustrated. Alien in a 2/?
AlexanderGibson
Sexy nurse outfit leads me to examination room. Alien takes my temperature tells me i dont have any STDs and that i need to watch my 3/?
AlexanderGibson
Cholesterol. Gives me a cup of soft serve ice cream on my way out the office. I wake up in bed. 4/4
qualitystreamcontent
"You got the wrong guy, pal. I'm a shut-in who plays games all day and hasn't eaten a vegetable in years."
MouseCheese1
00tj
If you think I'm not above lieing to an alien as a joke so they bomb their test your wrong.
Arracor
So this is how the human race ends...
00tj
Damn. Brb gona write a buddy comedy. Starts this way. Turns into alien and dude trying to save his grade. Weed is smoked. Seth rogan funded.
Arracor
You know what, that actually doesn't sound bad at all... Get Seth Rogen on board for real and I'm all in.
Becker37
I help
thisiskissel
grndpnder
This skit turned my permanent frown into a full blown belly laugh.
hoplite464
Sauce...https://youtu.be/PfPdYYsEfAE
FelineFatal
Thanks for the chuckle
stinkbeaner
What are the chances that they picked up a human who knows anything about humans?
Wwannie
Just take random retail employee
FTUG
5/7
confanity
Ah, see, most humans think they know a *lot* about humans. The quality may not be high, but they're guaranteed to get material in quantity.
itsallaboutthecones
My thought exactly. Better hope it's limited to the worldview of the bumpkin you just picked out of BFE.
MadDucks
I'm neither a bumpkin, nor in BFE, and I still am not sure what is even going on with our species these days.
madtufguy
I mean... they picked up YOU.... so is this a confession?
kubi
What are the chances alien "human studies" are accurate?
LawmanLata
The odds of them picking up Mark Zuckerburg are astronomical.
Somedude7
What are the odds that the test is on pain response, and they pick up a masochist? "Notes: humans love being hurt, try it yourself!"
NarratesTheDarkerStory
My, you do seem to enjoy this. Your pants, they are tighter. Are you concealing a secondary proboscis?
TheIronPenguin
Human: "Harder, daddy". Alien: "Uhmmm....what?"
TimmyNG
Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
GadenKerensky
Here's the thing; maybe it would be an opportunity. An exam report on how humans aren't always interconnected. Think outside the box.
AlltheSarcasm87
"Cool, we need 3 things real quick: A few condoms full of baked beans, a few javelins made of crystal meth, and a cloud that rains alcohol."
yourmomjokes69
New writing prompt: renew people of earth
gr33narrow
I need this show back so bad
yourmomjokes69
I went into it knowing that it would end on a cliff hanger. It was so good
gr33narrow
GOD IT IS SO GOOD. I WANT MORE. AT LEAST A DAMN COMIC
Khatapillah
After the initial shock of shitting my pants: "Yeah dude, whatcha wanna know?"
TheGameMan
"Whats the powerhouse of the cell?" "What does a squared plus b squared equal?"
METROlD
No. The correct response is : what are you trading? A ship? Money? Technology? Lifespan expansion? Money first, business later.
dyxj
Proceed to give him plausible sounding bullshit. Troll that alien.
PriestofThor
But I forgot my pen
Snooj
"First off, do all humans smell like shit or just you?"
lurkmoarjono
Listen here, ya lil green fucker....
Isi151e
Pass me that space bong...it all started long ago. The universe was created, this made a lot of people angry &was widely regarded a bad move
jethroismaxbaer5772
"Why do humans drive on parkways and park on driveways?"
Imademyselfsquirtle
First question is it a female human looking alien. Second are there tentacles. Third I'm fucking that alien for their mark. Don't judge.
chepeweb
Taking notes: "Humans shit pants on contact."
briham86
"So you're cool with me using the Anal Pulverizer 5000 instead of a standard probe? Great! That'll really cut down on the processing time."
BunterTheMage
Don’t be shocked that you shit your pants; it’s a natural reaction to fear!
kalamazandy
I dont have that. I clench so hard that I end up pooping a diamond once I’m able to relax again.
AMRIV
Alien:
v
JPhDaigle
/a/jQZxvd0
Freakingdoomguy
Are you suggesting juggalos are an alien race... Because I wholeheartedly agree
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Boatdoctor
Omfg, this deserves a Grammy!!
ObliqueRay
...if I show you there's going to be a cop's knee in my back.
GingeraffeTW
"How did you guys invent and harness electricity?" "Fuuuuuuuuhhh...."
iraslak
Take a balloon and a cat. Rub them together. Boom! Toast
gIoblobbIobgob
And then you just point them at Wikipedia
Colopty
Through a bunch of incremental discoveries that happened over the span of several centuries, like most other things.
Anotherunsuspectingvictim
"you think we invented the naturally occurring phenomenon that is electricity?" *looks around ship skeptically.* "Well, basically we just
Anotherunsuspectingvictim
used old grain/fruit juice and pieces of metal to create voltage, then used the fact that certain materials become magnetic when electrified
Anotherunsuspectingvictim
. Now we just use salt instead of fruit juice. and that is how a tesla works.
LetumComplexo
I feel like there’s a Tool reference in here but I’m too exhausted from school to figure it out.Can you pretend I made some witty reference?
wurth
I thought it was a bill and Ted reference.
BonafideHomicide
My username is relevant here!
Damndfraggle
SharingTheJoy
Oh I get your vague reference. Can’t remember what they said, goddamn, shit the bed.
curmudgeon91
Rosetta Stoned? Which song is that? I always have a hard time remembering the names of their songs.
LetumComplexo
Yeah that’s Rosetta Stoned.
BonafideHomicide
I feel like my username is relevant here...
PriestofThor
Got right on top of me
MrHerpertDerpington
"Thanks! The topic is 'painful testicle extraction'."
CmfMttnPpl
Testicular torsion.
ilovesmashtaco
The old Dick twist
hapyfeet
had it. Zero stars. Do not recommend.
080080
oh... well down on the surface we call that marriage. AMIRITE GUYS???
v
MrHerpertDerpington
hidethepainharold.jpg
Ja5per
Gayforbae
H4K1R4
Woo, it's voice acted well!
hipshopbutcanthap
"Great but you should really be talking to my ex"
taksoto
Haha. Self own. Those are rare.
IgnisInvictus
Pst. I think that's a female. I'd have to send em to my ex too...
Somedude7
If I just tell you, "yes, it's very painful", will you get at least a B?
beatles13lakers
MrHerpertDerpington
"It's show & tell. I'm gonna need two Bs for that."
Lionskull
I know just the guy, his name is Mitch McConnell and he's pretty much a walking testicle.
AMRIV
Will you put them back after?
MrHerpertDerpington