DemonJr
101808
4112
61
Aug 4, 2019 10:19 PM
DemonJr
101808
4112
61
nickthrowsgas
I don't mean to be gross, but my girl is a big squirter, and a lot of the time she'll ride my face and fluid will shoot up my nose, sorry
AFutileGesture
Imademyselfsquirtle
1st guy dinner 2nd picnic 3rd ice cream 4th says "dtf" ... They all have 1 thing in common. They are all trying to get laid. 4th is honest.
kbunyan
No worries maam. I have a tongue of an ant eater and i can breath through my ears
eightytwoeightytwoeightytwo
I don't think Gretzky is that stupid
Trentski
- Wayne Gretzky
PeteMigs
SuperHir0
I feel as if my name has relevance.
Zeake
I shave so I can play that game with my beautiful wife. I wish I could breath like a dolphin sometimes.
ilhares
We're all gifted differently, man. She IS your wife, you clearly had enough game to make it work.
frood42
Harlie and the Hocolate Factory.
dhaledude
That would've been the best opener
JCBaggins
I was confused until I went back and looked at the whole picture. +1
Iwouldbenick
Weird, I dont even get a first response.
madspinner
But why? This guy is interested in your pleasure first and foremost.
blackestofhearts
That would have won me over.... kudos to that guy. Keep shooting your shot.
dan10026
Hey, I’d like to wear your thighs like earmuffs, etc. etc.
YoLogi
This man gets it
blackestofhearts
holycanoli1
Her loss
RayAnselmo
You also miss 100% of the shots you yeet into the rafters.
Adunadain
You also miss 100% of the shots that you use the word ‘yeet’ in.
SwingerofSteel
I'm replying only to remember this amazing sentence
Geoffthegodofbiscuits
talos92
FundamentallyFlawed
This is the funniest thing I have seen today. Thank you, random citizen.
LiteralNazi
Underrated comment right here.
rusaide
Saving for later use
GeneralWho
Scryptnotist
Coby!
TCGView
Bow out like a gentleman. Hey, you never know. Maybe next week she's like "You know what, this sounds pretty good right now."
Moenaysha
Thats so romantic how could she unmatch someone like that?!
MsNesbit
She made a mistake for sure.
LittleKnownOne
Meh, he just wasn't hot enough.
princesssmartypants
Or she doesn't like sexual aggression as an opening line. People have different reactions to things.
LittleKnownOne
Generally no. Given how you have to be in the top 10-15% in looks to even get a match. She likely just wanted hotter OR free stuff.
KarlaAnne
Do guys not realize at all when they’re being all rape-y like this? Who tells a total stranger something like this? It’s kinda horrifying.
sprayingmantis4
Me. And more crude than that, too. But enough success not to be discouraged. People like different things I guess
KarlaAnne
This is the verbal equivalent of an unsolicited dick pic :(
egypsianrubie
I disagree. He asked if he could be honest. It's a hookup app. You can't really call that entirely unsolicited. Both were respectful.
skelitor120
It's a dating app. People who like this approach are looking for people who are like themselves. Don't see how that's rape, and I don't--
skelitor120
-- see the harm in being ready to be told "sorry, that's too strong of a come-on for me, we're not compatible" when necessary.
ThisIsAPrivateResidenceMan
i wouldn't go so far as to call it "rapey" that's a strong word for that type of thing. obnoxious or disgusting to some people, maybe
ThisNeedsMoreBoobs
Wow. You managed to insult both actual rape and even Tinder. Please step away.
BetterLateThanPregnant1984
Unfortunately some men say this, then don’t deliver but are just looking to get laid. Others come through. Wish I knew how to pick ‘em.
egypsianrubie
That's the real kicker, as a woman.
IposteverytimeIhavesex
Yes I hate when guys say this and then 5 min in all they can think about is their own dick
BetterLateThanPregnant1984
Right?? What the hell? You said you could breathe a through your ears and didn’t want to leave the comfort of my thighs??? Lyin’ bastards
MofongoBalls
What a prude
OutcastbyChoice
I still love that one that was all "Good evening. Would you care for dick pic?" "Oh, um, no thanks." "Ok, very sorry."
OutcastbyChoice
'No, please, that was very polite, i appreciate you asking." XD
TheWeakSauceElection
She turned that down???
LittleKnownOne
He was hot enough for a match or to pay for a free meal, but not for the random no-strings hookup.
InboxMeYourBeards
I appreciate his politeness and understand her point of view as well. Personally, I don't like this kind of talk from the v beginning
Fargus57
Would you consider: "I'd like to bang you like a drum in the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Hard, often, and with enthusiasm."?
InboxMeYourBeards
That would make me laugh ngl
Fargus57
Thanks for the input!
InboxMeYourBeards
You're very welcome. Good luck out there
Bhan0069
I want to wear your thighs like earmuffs till you cum so hard you waterboard me
1891Dragoon
That's a bold move Cotton...
InboxMeYourBeards
My thighs and I would smother you before I even cum.
yoob
prepare your inbox
YoLogi
Now that just sounds like a challenge
Bhan0069
fucking prove it
InboxMeYourBeards
No no no. You don't understand. I'm not cute thick. I'm fat.
InboxMeYourBeards
And I'm not fishing for compliments.
dargonfarce
A respectful dialogue.
PieAndPunch
At least he was a good sport
AdmiralCPD
I understand
Mxlespxles
Icodemonkey
chewybacon
Fuckin A.
LeftoverMeatloafIsTheBest
Fair enough.
Leithreas
Except that part that isn't.
venomlash
I mean it's a bit forward, but making an explicit sexual advance on a dating app isn't usually over the line.
BeerChemistWhiskey
Explicitly stating ones feelings toward someone isn't inherently disrespectful
travisrgeorge
Except it is. Saying something like I wish you were dead is probably considered disrespectful regardless of whatever you say.
Leithreas
It isn't inherently respectful either. It very much depends on the relationship and the context. In this case, no go.
thefuzziestofbutts
Damn, if a guy told me that when I was dating, it would be on like donkey Kong.
[deleted]
[deleted]
ICheckUsernameAndSuch
Holy shit. I haven't seen Teen Girl Squad in ages.
NastyLuv
Meanwhile. I'm getting absolutely barbecued for saying it was funny. I'm a dude. Lol
LittleKnownOne
You mean if he was hot enough
RUBeastN
WilliamDeyle
Same here. Unless you looked like donkey Kong.
CE1Pirate
How do these things work, are we dating now, or can I just occasionally keep my ears warm lol.
LostScientist
I think dating is a bit different than getting to know one another on a dating app. Don't know unless you ask, as the title says.
comehomefransbrauder
Lolol. I'd have been like....oh! Ok!!
Dwerioc
the delivery never matches the promise. I would know, as I've been a consistent disappointment to every woman in my life.
prepareforassholecomment
Step 1: don’t look like donkey kong
tacos12345555555
.
Commentsaboutyourusername
But would he also slap your hairy ass?
KCchemist
Well maybe if you didn’t have the fuzziest of butts...
TastyButts
Man- shut up, i have a hormone imbalance
thefuzziestofbutts
Hey! It keeps me warm in the winter.
VoxtheSergal
I'm honestly this guy. Lol
AnddrePar
C’mon, who’s downvoting this? They matched! That’s a lot of happy sex! You go for it, fellow imgurians! Do it for all of us who can’t!
rhythmicjump
Then what is the point of earmuffs?
YesYouJustLostTheGameAgain
Sunmonster
MeatPopsicleMultiPass
I want to wear your thighs like earmuffs till you cum so hard you waterboard me...
Goliath2180
"A bold strategy, Cotton. Lets see if it pays off!"
2degree3jobsnomoney
kniftykrafter
This is a little aggressive as an opener, but if I had a boyfriend who wanted to treat me this well, I’d be totally game.
Melancholy69
To be fair it is a hook up app
ThisSubCouldUseMoreBees
ilovecake
bbbbbbb777
kniftykrafter
PopeHerman
PrincessOctopus
Meanwhile im dating a guy who aggressively grabs my boob and says kallema
bastardaxe
He's just trying to steal your heart.
PrincessOctopus
When i told him he couldnt kalima my boob he tried for my butt next. Hes a dork
CharliePapaBravo
How about the "come in Tokyo" while gently twisting the nipples?
exponentiate
“TUNE in Tokyo” is what I get. It gets old pretty quickly when you’re trying to sleep, but otherwise fine.
PrincessOctopus
He doesnt say any puns when he tries to pinch my nipples but im glad im not the only one whos boyfriend does it at bedtime
maybejeff
I have to agree a little aggressive as an opener for sure. I do understand his sentiment though. I'm proud of him for not being pushy though
ScrotusMcgoatus
kniftykrafter
ScrotusMcgoatus
RayAnselmo
Yeah, that's more of a fourth-date thing to say.
snoffler
2nd date for me. Oops I guess I'm a thor
kniftykrafter
shaftinferno
First date here boyo
GooniesNeverSayDieDieDieMyDarling
Agreed - 1st date 1st base, 2nd date second base, 3rd date 3rd base, 4th date Home Plate - and then it’s all on like Donkey Kong
5GFPLaqZ4nAy2QwrqOEI
not familiar with bases (not from US)... what do they refer to? like is first base anal?
tonysdg
Assuming not a joke: it's a baseball reference. 1st = kissing, 2nd = under clothes above waist, 3rd = under clothes below waist, 1/2
effarydi
What about 7th base?
tonysdg
home run/base = sex. Of course, definitions vary a bit, but that's the one I was told. 2/2
NastyLuv
My kinda guy. He dodged a bullet there.
mangogangsta
I see the incels are starting to leak onto imgur...shoo shitty incel shoo
NastyLuv
Yeah I'm having an argument with a few at the moment. It's pretty boring though, so I'll take the downvotes for the lulz.
NastyLuv
And jsyk, I'm loving it. How anyone without a sense of humor is trolling usersub has blown my mind.
DeanOMiite
...wait, what? How? What bullet? Or am I missing the joke/sarcasm?
OobedoobScoobyDoobyBenubi
She’s no fun
ArtOzz
Yeah, because, as a guy, if a women said she wanted to see just how long she could hold her breath with my cock down her throat I wouldnt be
flapjax1212
Not real no man would spend that much time just on the girl.
allmostthere1234
The woman's pleasure is a major turn on for me. Just my opinion though. Everyone is different.
flapjax1212
U mustn’t be from ny lmao
allmostthere1234
No I'm not. Always wanted to visit NY though.
ArtOzz
troubled by this. So...what's her problem?
NastyLuv
She's boring in bed obviously and with a shite sense of humor. Therefore, bullet dodged.
NastyLuv
I think I've cornered the boring in bed crowd with this comment. Someone with a libido please save me.
NastyLuv
Yep. Confirmed.
doryaa
Haha well he did go into that a bit strong
NastyLuv
Perhaps, but he asked first and digressed with dignity.
DontTouchMyHoHos
Wtf?
NastyLuv
No, they didn't fuck.
NastyLuv
I'm loving all the downvotes from the boring in bed crowd.
emanneb61337
If my SO said this id laugh and get naked. Stranger? I'd be weirded out.
TrueTalk
It's not like a stranger off the street though. It's a stranger on an app specifically for hooking up with strangers for sex
NastyLuv
I have to think humor was his main focus here.
TheWeirdest
Dude, just no...
NastyLuv
Hey, he asked if he could be honest, he shot his shot, and he digressed with dignity.