Jan 30, 2017 12:07 AM
88419
1734
127
RigorMortis76
How in fuck's name did they turn those skittles into coffee?
BeardicPerformance
Wait.... what?
JustHereToFactYouUp
Youre supposed to roast them in the dryer? Ivr been using that for clothes this whole time!
Herroyalnerdness
The person in pic 2 looks like they're part of some wild 80s music video.
TheNinjaPervert
There's a lot of unethical practices while mining these caffeine crystals, people need to move towards caffeine farms instead nowadays
Wyrdthane
you cruel bastard.
BasicallyAnApe
serious question: could you lick the caffeine crystal and get the effects of consuming it?
coffeeandconversations
This make me SO sad.....
Xsiah
I just thought it was a joke about *ground* coffee
BeefyWeefs
Sir are you aware that you are drinking Colombian coffee crystals?
Wingmann
Could you just straight up lick those sugar crystals?
MrBananaBeak
Wait wait wait wait wait...coffee doesn't naturally contain caffeine?! My whole life is a lie.
LooseyGooseyBrett
As a Geologist/barrista, i can confirm.
geologistsmakethebedrock
Geologist. Can confirm the sugar part.
voiceafx
These are some very good alternative facts!
sarahlyzzibeth
from the ground, of course
NachomanDandyCabbage
Left out a crucial step: the whole beans are crushed by placing them under fossilized mammoth tusks and funneled into a conch shell
theonlythingicouldthinkof
This needs to go to the front page. THE MASSES MUST BE "EDUCATED"
smartgirl63
Nice alternative facts.
LittleAldy
Why is coffee so popular? It's a taste that most people don't like on first try.
SeedyMelon
I'm a geologist and this literally gave me an aneurysm. +1
Shistosomiasis
Why would you need to be careful with delicate crystals if youre just going to pulverise them lol
PaxImperium
I'm just wondering which major media news network you work for.
GimlisaurusRex
Now listen here, you little shit
ClarityAndVision
You're clowning. You're not clowning? I sense clowns...
riddmkidd
We are a pernicious bunch...
BigBirdsBrownCrustyAsshole
Clowns are indeed afoot. Source: I study coffee
HempmonkY
laegaren
First they take the dingle bop and they smooth it out with a bunch of schleem. The schleem is then...repurposed for later batches.
They take the dingle bop and they push it through the grumbo, where the fleeb is rubbed against it.
It's important that the fleeb is rubbed, becasue the fleeb has all the fleeb juice. Then, a schlami shows up and he rubs it and spits on it.
MetroidOO7
This post is glorious bullshit. For anyone who may have been fooled, caffeine naturally forms in the beans themselves.
mandlesrule
Damn
I fuckin' love it
IOnlyDrinkTheFinestBreastmilks
The beans are actually seeds
ratfinkfuck
vote this post down don't let him ruin it
SpecimenSpiff
I had my eyebrow firmly arched the entire time, but was still second-guessing myself.
ottotravel
I was like, he's shitting me, why is it so serious, oh it's some top notch shitting on me.
PullShporttel
I lost it at "sugar crystal formations." Just an endless chuckle from there till the glorious end.
PartyLikeIts1994
This was the kind of bullshit that had me questioning by the end. "I know it's wrong, but..."
ProductivityCanSuckIt
Bullshit? I thought they were alternative facts.
FidelCashflow18
KillingTlme
Alt facts from the alt right
DrSpankums
I saw this comment just as I wad closing the post. Came back just to upvote.
KakAlakin
I did the same.
myusername1988
Back in my day, men just chewed the caffiene crystals straight, and didn't need any fu-fu middle-man fruit berries to water it down.
Om4Infinity
I once saw ladies sniffing instant coffee crystals in jail , for a rush. That's the real gangsta way of caffeine crystals!
Hemispheres
Me if caffeine crystals actually existed
Amazingamandaaaaa
It's called cocaine
Flyndaran
They do, and it would kill you. Some idiots have died ingesting lethal amounts.
DVBZ4DAZE
Are you roasting them in a dryer?
sassybeckalicious
:O .. Dumplings in the steam refesh
tc246s
Must be Folgers.
xpixelboxer
Finaly my undies smell like coffee!
TurnpikeMFA
French Vanilla dryer sheets obviously
StamosatmyFuneral
That's the point where you started having a hard time with this?
lilfunkel
Yea they are dry roasted
TheLimpinBiscuit
Nah, couldn't be. The dryer's fins didn't change position. He probably used a microwave.
TheLastVice
But then why have it in the dryer at all??
Where else would you roast them?
WrathCore696
Reddit
trustmeimalimodriver
Maybe in imgur or comedy central
UnremarkablyInteresting
A wetter
orangehusky8
A toaster
BubblesSayingDecent
My mixtape
fuzzymcbutterball
20 minutes on delicate and they perfectly roasted. I sometimes toss in my undies to multi task.
SmellOfMonkey
To give your knackers a kick start to the day
LiquidPoo
and it gives them that great coffee smell all day.
imakeeper
Delicate cycle gives a light roast. I prefer a more robust roast, so I use permanent press.
RoBnSnatch
You serious?
Yes. Believe everything on the internet.
DraymondGreensGoatee
My dryer doesn't have a blonde setting, anyone have like an alternative?
Mistruths
About 30 minutes (slightly different depending on your dryer) on the lowest setting, but you need to wedge a sprig of thyme into the door.
BingleBangleBungle
If you add a little bleach, it brings out the blonde more.
TeddyBearLord
I love people like you. Helping natural selection.
RigorMortis76
How in fuck's name did they turn those skittles into coffee?
BeardicPerformance
Wait.... what?
JustHereToFactYouUp
Youre supposed to roast them in the dryer? Ivr been using that for clothes this whole time!
Herroyalnerdness
The person in pic 2 looks like they're part of some wild 80s music video.
TheNinjaPervert
There's a lot of unethical practices while mining these caffeine crystals, people need to move towards caffeine farms instead nowadays
Wyrdthane
you cruel bastard.
BasicallyAnApe
serious question: could you lick the caffeine crystal and get the effects of consuming it?
coffeeandconversations
This make me SO sad.....
Xsiah
I just thought it was a joke about *ground* coffee
BeefyWeefs
Sir are you aware that you are drinking Colombian coffee crystals?
Wingmann
Could you just straight up lick those sugar crystals?
MrBananaBeak
Wait wait wait wait wait...coffee doesn't naturally contain caffeine?! My whole life is a lie.
LooseyGooseyBrett
As a Geologist/barrista, i can confirm.
geologistsmakethebedrock
Geologist. Can confirm the sugar part.
voiceafx
These are some very good alternative facts!
sarahlyzzibeth
from the ground, of course
NachomanDandyCabbage
Left out a crucial step: the whole beans are crushed by placing them under fossilized mammoth tusks and funneled into a conch shell
theonlythingicouldthinkof
This needs to go to the front page. THE MASSES MUST BE "EDUCATED"
smartgirl63
Nice alternative facts.
LittleAldy
Why is coffee so popular? It's a taste that most people don't like on first try.
SeedyMelon
I'm a geologist and this literally gave me an aneurysm. +1
Shistosomiasis
Why would you need to be careful with delicate crystals if youre just going to pulverise them lol
PaxImperium
I'm just wondering which major media news network you work for.
GimlisaurusRex
Now listen here, you little shit
ClarityAndVision
You're clowning. You're not clowning? I sense clowns...
riddmkidd
We are a pernicious bunch...
BigBirdsBrownCrustyAsshole
Clowns are indeed afoot. Source: I study coffee
HempmonkY
laegaren
First they take the dingle bop and they smooth it out with a bunch of schleem. The schleem is then...repurposed for later batches.
BeefyWeefs
They take the dingle bop and they push it through the grumbo, where the fleeb is rubbed against it.
BeefyWeefs
It's important that the fleeb is rubbed, becasue the fleeb has all the fleeb juice. Then, a schlami shows up and he rubs it and spits on it.
MetroidOO7
This post is glorious bullshit. For anyone who may have been fooled, caffeine naturally forms in the beans themselves.
mandlesrule
Damn
theonlythingicouldthinkof
I fuckin' love it
IOnlyDrinkTheFinestBreastmilks
The beans are actually seeds
ratfinkfuck
vote this post down don't let him ruin it
SpecimenSpiff
I had my eyebrow firmly arched the entire time, but was still second-guessing myself.
ottotravel
I was like, he's shitting me, why is it so serious, oh it's some top notch shitting on me.
PullShporttel
I lost it at "sugar crystal formations." Just an endless chuckle from there till the glorious end.
PartyLikeIts1994
This was the kind of bullshit that had me questioning by the end. "I know it's wrong, but..."
ProductivityCanSuckIt
Bullshit? I thought they were alternative facts.
FidelCashflow18
KillingTlme
Alt facts from the alt right
DrSpankums
I saw this comment just as I wad closing the post. Came back just to upvote.
KakAlakin
I did the same.
myusername1988
ProductivityCanSuckIt
Back in my day, men just chewed the caffiene crystals straight, and didn't need any fu-fu middle-man fruit berries to water it down.
Om4Infinity
I once saw ladies sniffing instant coffee crystals in jail , for a rush. That's the real gangsta way of caffeine crystals!
Hemispheres
Me if caffeine crystals actually existed
Amazingamandaaaaa
It's called cocaine
Flyndaran
They do, and it would kill you. Some idiots have died ingesting lethal amounts.
DVBZ4DAZE
Are you roasting them in a dryer?
sassybeckalicious
:O .. Dumplings in the steam refesh
tc246s
Must be Folgers.
xpixelboxer
Finaly my undies smell like coffee!
TurnpikeMFA
French Vanilla dryer sheets obviously
StamosatmyFuneral
That's the point where you started having a hard time with this?
lilfunkel
Yea they are dry roasted
TheLimpinBiscuit
Nah, couldn't be. The dryer's fins didn't change position. He probably used a microwave.
TheLastVice
But then why have it in the dryer at all??
FidelCashflow18
Where else would you roast them?
WrathCore696
Reddit
trustmeimalimodriver
Maybe in imgur or comedy central
UnremarkablyInteresting
A wetter
orangehusky8
A toaster
BubblesSayingDecent
My mixtape
fuzzymcbutterball
20 minutes on delicate and they perfectly roasted. I sometimes toss in my undies to multi task.
SmellOfMonkey
To give your knackers a kick start to the day
LiquidPoo
and it gives them that great coffee smell all day.
imakeeper
Delicate cycle gives a light roast. I prefer a more robust roast, so I use permanent press.
RoBnSnatch
You serious?
fuzzymcbutterball
Yes. Believe everything on the internet.
DraymondGreensGoatee
My dryer doesn't have a blonde setting, anyone have like an alternative?
Mistruths
About 30 minutes (slightly different depending on your dryer) on the lowest setting, but you need to wedge a sprig of thyme into the door.
BingleBangleBungle
If you add a little bleach, it brings out the blonde more.
TeddyBearLord
I love people like you. Helping natural selection.