Swiggy1957
8497
737
51
Feb 16, 2026 9:20 PM
Swiggy1957
8497
737
51
Samsquantch82
That's kind of amazing. "Bartenders," yes. That's who he was talking to.
Animorphs
“And his makeup is smeared”
bloxxing
and give him the bum's rush.
cabalin
😂
32FGWolfhound
GreyKnightTemplar666
I'd love to see this actually haha
dbox
I fully expect Bondi to seek an indictment from a federal grand jury based on this article.
Yellowchopsticks
Don't serve anyone protecting pedophiles either.
Tattooedpariah
AgentTasmania
What the fuck did Ralph Wiggum do to deserve these?
ConnectToReality
I can't even tell if this real or not anymore.
Swiggy1957
Hint: Andy Borowitz is a satirist whose work appears in the New Yorker. One reason why I left his name intact.
jtxyz
I love how I have to check literally everything to see if it's satire or not.
(This one is)
Swiggy1957
I figured enough people knew who Andy was.
jtxyz
I still had to scroll up and confirm who'd posted it.
Don't get me wrong - I knew Andy was satire, I'm saying that I wasn't sure it was satire until I saw it was from him.
There was a time the content alone would've been enough.
*stares wistfully into the distance*
Gryphonosiris
The simple fact that he is a black out drunk would, in a sane world, disqualify him from any kind of position in the Pentagon because it's a HUGE security risk.
PolitiCat
As he demonstrated multiple times.
Gryphonosiris
Exactly. Being an alcoholic can get you denied security clearances because it means you are easily compromised, same with having a large amount of debt.
duktayp
Remember when drinky crow wanted to build a make-up studio next to the press conference room?
wejustdontknow
Three dollars, three dollars, three dollars.
sherlockhooves
He did though
GreyKnightTemplar666
I legit was trying to remember if the show "The Drinky Crow Show" had an episode where Drink Crow wanted a makeup studio next to a press conference room, then I realized you meant Hegseth as Drinky Crow.
wobblecopterrrr
same
friendsofsandwiches
how about 1/10 alcohol, 9/10 water?
usernameusedinlessplatforms2
90% alcohol, tall glass and dash of coke (cola). He might get loyd for a while, but will be quiet after that.
FortifiedWhine
That's basically wine
VoidForScreaming
Jesus had it so easy.
DoktorLurker
As a bartender, I can confirm this is true.
MrStealYourGiF
I too am licensed to fill.... and cut off.
MyCommentsUsuallyHaveTypos
As an ex-bartender, yes over serving is a crime.
Decoyape11
As a bartender if he walked in he’s got 20 secs to GTFO or I’ll do it myself.
HedonismBot3000
Former DJ and bartender. You are correct, you have to attend server training in my state, and are required by law to slow them down if they become noticeable impaired (louder, belligerent) or cut them off entirely.
Lurch1911
You can also refuse service to anyone for any reason. Your opinion of him counts. The fact that he’s a douchebag counts. He made a commitment to not drink while being Sec Def; you not wanting him to break that commitment counts.
The one that keeps you out of litigation is: “For reasons known only to me, I am refusing service to you.”
pete8772
You mean sEc WaR, right?
Lurch1911