lightfantasticem172
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After a final and sobering morning where I really messed up - my whole body was scratched up and wounded - I decided to quit my drinking, after 15 years of drinking pretty much every day straight. I'm 33 and being like that while pissed.. Well, it's embarrassing to say the least. After the last time I was able to go 25 days not wanting or needing a drink, on the 13th of last month we officially had to say goodbye to my uncle, who was killed in a car crash. I had 3 drinks that day.. And I'll be honest, I didn't like how I was after those.. Clumsy mainly but I noticed the difference. The "milestone" made me feel so fucking proud, but now, I've officially had a total of 10 ciders in the last month and a half.. While that doesn't seem a lot, every drink I succumb to feels like a failure. I'm tipsy while writing this and I don't feel good about it. wanted to rant into the void... Cos I don't have many friends. I'm finding it difficult to continue, to stop listening to that voice that tells you that one, two or three won't hurt. The last drink I had was 3 days ago. And a hard day at work and the fucked up trains gave me the excuse to buy some booze. I'm going to once again start over and hopefully the 25th day won't be a reset. Wish me luck you wonderful people.
NSFW Tax apon request. I'm gonna go bed now so may be a bit delayed (UK time - is 2.30am) k bye.
Edit - because all of you have made me smile, laugh, and cry and I cannot thank you all enough. I will try to personally comment but please know I have read every one of your comments and I just wanna say, Thank you to everyone ❤️
W92Baj
Alcohol WILL kill you. Find an AA meeting. You can do meetings online and they don't need to be local to you. They are just people like you. You'll probably make some friends.
LAMovieDesign
I never really subscribed to the AA “dogma”, but one thing that always stuck with me was “one day at a time”. It ain’t easy and some days wills be harder than the others, but telling yourself you’ll never drink again is daunting. However, if you break it down to days, it’s much easier to comprehend. Just get through today. You might drink tomorrow, but you sure as shit aren’t drinking today. Hang in there. It does get easier.
lightfantasticem172
Thank you, I'm determined to do this.
BreakfastIsTheMostImportantMeal
One day at a time
OverSpiced
Sometimes it's one hour at a time. Maybe just the next 15 minutes. It's tough, but I'm coming up on 4 years this month. You can do it.
HawkmanXLII
Yeah that's how I drink too.
Dannoboyo
If you are really an alcoholic, one drink is too many but a hundred aren't enough. It isn't the caboose that makes the train go, it's the engine. That's why it freaks you out.
N000dle
Put the ‘I am sober’ app on your phone, the community there is amazing!
lightfantasticem172
Got it! I love it too :D
freshthrowaway1138
Time to put your health insurance to the test- Get Some Drugs! No, seriously. See a psych or gen prac doc and get the meds. Going sober isn't an easy feat. If you can't do it on your own, take no offense. It just means you need a bit of help. Help is good. Also, see a therapy group. Preferably not AA since they only have a 5% success rate. Lots of choices, lots of therapies, get the help you need. Also, you're gonna need sugar, have some. Gain weight, it's ok. Exercise a bit more. Get help.
lightfantasticem172
Ahh.. See I'm also massively skint allll the time, so paying for something I get for free (uk) isn't something I can afford, but I have a dealer I'm just not able to pick up anything yet... I've got the app I Am Sober which does and has helped so much. And thank you for the message ^^ advice has been taken in
Strategicgnomer
So you've drastically reduced your alcohol consumption? Congrats on killing it. Keep it up. You'll be down to nothing or the ability to have a single drink once in a while without overdoing it soon enough but progress is never linear. Ever.
lightfantasticem172
Thank you, it means a metric fuck ton to see this comment. X
The72ndRaven
Hey amigo. Everyone falls down. That you get up and keep fighting your way forward is what matters. We took all of our booze, boxed it and put it in storage under the stairs. I've slowly gotten down to two beers (2 x tall cans or one 750ml bottle) , or two glasses of wine, or two ciders per week (2 x tall cans or one 750ml bottle). Occasionally it goes to three. But it ain't 6 x 3oz + drinks over 7 days. Just know that I believe in you. You got this.
lightfantasticem172
^^ thank you, keeping booze in the flat is probably unwise for me haha but all the moderation talk is definitely making me feel like in not failing, sor I really appreciate it!
RedTailedHawk
It can be done. I've cycled through various addictions and am now in a good place. It can sometimes be a process of stumbling and relapse but it is achievable.
lightfantasticem172
Im determined to make it haha and
naugie
Try The Alcohol Experiment / This Naked Mind - literally changed my life. And I thought I was hopeless after 20+ years of heavy drinking (used to be a functional as well). https://thisnakedmindapp.com/share/NEg_QKO8mPQqC-Nu
Scappycapattack
Non alcoholic beer tastes the same! Also, my mom was a functioning alcoholic but just died from liver disease at 66. It's worth it to stop <3 keep going
furyfreak
Drinking soda water helped with the cravings. I liked the store brands better too. No calories.
sauronater
I can usually stick to two beers a day now. It's not perfect, but I'm not drinking half a fifth a day anymore, so I can live with it. Hopefully I can get it down to a few times a week eventually
lightfantasticem172
It is a huge change and a great one, well done if no one has told you that yet. We'll fuckin get there!
kathlTvVillain
Don't be so hard on yourself, be proud of what you have achieved so far, no negative thoughts ! Please try think positive, you're only a young man, so baby steps, slowly does it. I wish you all the very best. You can do this . XOXO
lightfantasticem172
*looks down, back up* nope, still a woman ;P but thank you, I have certainly had a boost of confidence from everyone who has commented 🥰
kathlTvVillain
Sorry, but great you can laugh at that, God bless.
IceNein
Every moment is a chance to make a different choice. Even mid sip, you can put it down and walk away. But you don’t get an infinite amount of moments, so don’t let them all slip away.
Weblord
Make an event out of your replacement beverage. I pour a coke over ice in a good glass at the end of my working day. Replaced beer.
Bystandr
Yeah Im 52. Ive watched over a dozen people drink themselves to death knowing it would kill them. Liver failure is a horrible death.
hesbeginningtobelieve
I’m also 33. I’ve tried.. idk, 10 times maybe? This is my high score. 473 days. I can tell you, most of it is fantastic. Message me if you like.. the first month or so is way harder than the next one, and so on..
lightfantasticem172
Thank you and congratulations, I've done about the same, but so far this is the longest time
sourpants17
Ok I'll bite in the NSFW request. Let's see if this happens. Much love friend. Many in my family we're finishing and it's a hard transition. You got this though.
Crillol
I second this request
Tarmaccian
Yeah, I’m curious… @Op, consider this a request… and while I have your attention: there’s a lot of advice out there, mostly varying in value, but here’s mine: the real first step is to decide _you want to change_. You can try, and you can falter, and you can slip back to old habits… but as long as you still truly want to change, you are never back to where you started.
GorillaPowers
I would also request NSFW
Pankarica
Yea what is it?
Mal1t1a
It is interesting to say the least
FirstOneToDieWins
You only have to be sober today. Tomorrow is whatever. It's helps. Idk why.
lightfantasticem172
It does. And thank you
Elkarlo77
My Dad (70) is an functioning alcoholic too, and he falled back. He thinks we don't know but we do. Lowering the dose is good and a step in the correct direction. One big tipp. Before you drink your poison: Grab a big Glas (Pokal Ikea 35cl). Fill it up with Water. Drink a little out of it. Then you drink your Poison and after it the rest of the Glas. It will help your body to work the poison out and prevent hangover. (Or Nachdurst as we germans call it)
Elkarlo77
The hangover circle is the hardest mentally to break: You drink one night, next day you feel shitty and the best way to get rid of it: Is a drink, so you run with it, keeping your alcohol level at a certain not to feel shitty. (Pegeltrinken in Germany). You have done the most important step away from it. You don't need to be totally dry. I started with the personal rule "Only two times a week) when i had Stressweek. I drink one bottle of Rum per year now, mostly one Glas at night for sleep.
Elkarlo77
Down from 3-4 Bottles per year and some month every night. To calm down and get the day out. (I work IT, there are always extrem Stress Weeks). For my Dad the Feierabendbier (Knock off Beer) was his demise. It started with 3-4 Times a week till it was everyday. He was a department head of a factory and needed it to unwind.
Elkarlo77
I am a Computergame Addict, so i use those to unwind. Even my Workstation is loaded with games, so when my Big one isn't working i can relax on it. It's not good, but better then Alcohol. But Steamlevel 23 and doing nothing for it says something.
Elkarlo77
And you are on the correct path. You were 30 Days the last month and a half dry. My Dad more like 5-10
MrsHowVeryDareYou
Ask your regular doctor (or psychiatrist if you have one!) about Naltrexone. Changed my life. I can drink like a normal human again.
MrsHowVeryDareYou
It was meant for heroin users, but they discovered it also works really well for some people just for alcohol.
lightfantasticem172
Woah, that might not be for me but I'll look into it, thank you :)
WitchCityHound
I drank daily as a functioning alcoholic for 12 years. I stopped at 30. I've had a couple of drinks in the 15 years since, and by a couple I mean maybe 6. And it was at a conference. I found AA helpful for the first 6 months. But all the god talk got my atheist ass to leave. Then I got a therapist and found out why I drank. Fixing that was the key. I still get cravings now and then, but they pass. And I'm still sober. Which is more than just being dry. DM me if you want to talk.
lightfantasticem172
I will thank you, and yeah I don't blame you for ditching the god bothering stuff, fuck that noise. I'd love a therapist, one day I'll get my shit in order and arrange to go see one, thank you again
lurkingforeternity
Many in AA / Alanon use god as the “higher power”, but it can be anything… nature, the universe, destiny, spirits, whatever the person believes in. As an atheistthat made it easier for me to work with it. Everyone works their program their own ways, and at the end everything is about the persons self and self belief, and everyone in the group usually accepts this
WitchCityHound
My "higher power" was my sponsor until he relapsed. Then I went with Entropy. But ultimately discovering and dealing with why I drank had a far greater impact.
McDusty
I’m a pisshead. Can you take me on your journey, I need a sidekick. Someone who knows how to do this.
lightfantasticem172
You can come with me ^^ it'll be nice to have the company
McDusty
I need this. Teach me pls.
Zooooool
Nsfw tax please
lightfantasticem172
No tax, only zooooool ;p
Zooooool
Cant argue with that!
mistermixelpix
Slow down. You don't want to try and go cold turkey right off the bat if you've been that deep into it. Secondly, look for alternative things to do when you're feeling one of those "I need a drink" triggers. It's easy to just "not buy booze" but without something else to fill the void it's just as easy to fall back into bad habits. I'm a few years deep into kicking the habit and the biggest part really is giving yourself a new "schedule".
lightfantasticem172
I have others that I seemed to fall back on to, smoking is the main one, trying to stop the cigarettes but weed massively helps that.. But I have run out and that's where I felt the pang of "go get booze!! It'll help you sleep!" yeah, brain?! Well fuck you cos it didn't!!... Sorry lol anyway, I will find a more practical substitution that's not illegal still, thank you for your message ^^
mistermixelpix
I don't mean other chemicals, I mean activities, hobbies, things to DO. For me, it was powerlifting. Maybe it won't be exercise related, but the important thing is to find something you can do when those urges crop up, or to keep you from the desire at all.
ArizonaIceTea77
Athletic non-alcoholic beer has been great for my husband getting sober
easytigger
NSFW tax?
lightfantasticem172
You want the tax, or wondering what that might be? Lol
easytigger
Dealers choice, I suppose.
spedlee4
I’m 47 and I’ve been sober for a year and a half. It took an emergency diagnosis of Cirrhosis and a Liver transplant to get me here. Trust me when I say that living with liver disease sucks. I had Ascites which is fluid build up due to the liver being unable to absorb liquids. I looked like I was pregnant with twins. Also I had anger issues and brain fog. Livers aren’t easy to get so I hope you take care of yourself! ❤️
lightfantasticem172
That sounds like hell, I'm sorry you went through it. I hope to be joining you in that milestone one day :) thank you
spedlee4
Good luck my friend. Just know that cirrhosis can be a slow and painful death if not treated. One day at a time.
KR1570F
fuck milestones. they ignore the fact that those miles are built 1 stone at a time. Start measuring how much less you are spending on booze than you would have been before and at the end of the year tally up every dollar you saved. That will be a bigger accomplishment than making it any specific number of days in a row without a fuck up. Plus dollars saved at the end of the year doesn't care if you falter from time to time. Every single drink you skip is a win, not the highest number in a row.
lightfantasticem172
Thank you for this, sorry for delayed response, but I've got the app I Am Sober and that does really well for me plus the community is awesome too. And christ the motivation from you all is super encouraging <3
brobinson2001
40 & 1.5yrs too. So far, looks like my liver managed to recover but I was 24-48hrs from death if they couldn't get some basic function going again. Man, that ascites is awesome, right? I had 70lbs between it & the edema. The lactulose shits were AWESOME, as was pissing every 5 minutes from the diuretics. Nurses were hot though, so that was a plus.
spedlee4
That’s fantastic that you were able to get function back. Did you get stares from people from the ascieties? One time a TSA agent accused me of hiding something under my shirt. Another time a United gate agent thought i was trying to sneak another carry on under my shirt.
brobinson2001
No, it cleared up noticeably in about 6 months. I was on lasik & spirolactilone 3x/day, carvedilol 2x & low-sodium diet plus the lactulose, and they drained 8 liters before I went home. I was too weak to go anywhere besides Walmart for my scripts & pickup groceries curbside without hurting like a mf for about 7 mos. I really fucked my shit up good.
brobinson2001
I was particularly fond of the malnutrition, weighing only 129lbs after the edema cleared, and needing a walker & 6" toilet riser to get around to take a crap because I'd lost so much muscle mass.
spedlee4
I had a diaper too because I caught C. diff at the hospital.
brobinson2001
I caught MSSA, likely from the oxygen tube, in the cartilage between my nostrils. "Oh, there's no infection. Your WBC count is just high from the steroids." Went to my GP & he readmitted me to a different hospital because I was almost septic.
spedlee4
Yikes! I heard that one is pretty nasty.
Kagenical
I'm a firm believer and practitioner of harm reduction, so every cider is actually a huge improvement over that bottle of vodka (or whatever your old drink of choice was, mine is definitely bottom shelf vodka lol)
Hkafodays
Vodka, cider, there is ZERO difference to what you're doing to your body, the same amount of ABV will have the same effect.
lizthestarfish
Yeah, but it's a lot easier to get plastered on vodka, than hard cider. If you need to drink the poison, it's better to choose the one that will make it easier to function.
HeraldOfTheBadger
I switched from booze to weed after failing to quit for like 6 years. Medical card also but those are honestly a crock they just hand them out. Still not bashing it, better than being drunk
SealOnLand
Totally! I'm also a believer of small victories n self-compassion. If you get a new milestione, let's say 30 days, and succomb, notice the failure. But don't be so hard on yourself. Your brain only takes in that hitting is a negative experience. Tell yourself you stumbled and gonna do better. Start the streak the next day. Also important not to fall into using the stumble as an excuse to always cheat, if you go at it with quitting entirely over time you'll get there.Being hard on you never helps
SealOnLand
And congratulate you for each milestone, see the progress you made, like the one about reducing the quantity. Find something to congratulate you with, makes you feel good, without it being the alcohol. You can do it OP
Asadsadsadclown
Weening off alcohol is also a good choice if you’re not detoxing with a medical professional. Cold Turkey can kill. Just don’t let your journey to sobriety die a million little deaths to compromise and crutches. Remember your goals.
lightfantasticem172
the cold turkey didn't seem to do anything, but it's getting harder the further away I get from the original day. I am and I will be sober. And thank you
EvoNovus01
Grit, more than any other observed factor, contributes the most to success. Sometimes, you just push the boulder because you will not let it win.
CreatureFromtheBlackLegume
Also, I believe that it's the total amount if days sober that should make you proud. The idea of a clock resetting everytime you have another drink is so toxic and disheartening.
XanderCorsaj
That's what scares me. I keep some chalk next to a big wooden mantle that I update each day. I'd feel like such a loser seeing that number dusted away to start all over again. But that's not gonna happen.
CreatureFromtheBlackLegume
I dont like AA for that reason. SMART recovery is more science-based than "spirituality". AA makes the argument that if someone has a drink they are "spiritually troubled", even if it is only a sip. But then they go ahead and say that an alcoholic can never have just one sip/drink. So it just seems like it's supposed to guilt you into stuff rather than teaching you how your body works (i.e. there are people who can recover from alcoholism, and be in control of alcohol use again)
lightfantasticem172
Yeah, the app resets every day you drink back to zero, so I am very proud of the amount of days, my goal is not to into how I was before but I'm starting to think just giving up is best..
Randomified
Don't give up! Once you really get into the mindset of every drink not had is a win, you'll feel so much better
lightfantasticem172
Oh mine is definitely cider, unfortunately - and I'm up and slightly hungover from 3 last night - I'm not really able to be hooked on spirits cos I can't afford them haha. But thank you, this has already helped my thought process about last night :)
Heninthefoxden
Waking up hungover every day sucks, even if you go three days or a week you'll sleep better and feel a little better. Goodluck. Most people try many times before quitting, its like practicing for the big one.
Piccolini
Female here. I drink 6-8 cans of lager a day. Been like that most days since covid. Minimal drunk, very high functioning. Wake up each morning fine. Wonder what my inside actualy look like 🤔 don't touch harder stuff cos... well.. that's the slippier slope
DontCommentWhenDrunk
Dealing with this is not a switch, it's a journey. Don't beat yourself up for having a couple of drinks; celebrate the fact that it was a couple of drinks less than last week. Cold turkey is not the beginning, it's the goal. And, the progress with likely not be linear; forgive yourself for a backward step now an then.
BenderBenderBender
Or even one to three ciders instead of seven to ten. Every drink NOT consumed is a win.
randomdudefromtheinternet
Same goes for cigarettes and other drugs
lightfantasticem172
That does make me feel a lot better.. Thank you ^^
thetonestarr
Sobriety and recovery are like climbing a mountain. Mountain trails always wind. Sometimes the trail has to make a turn back downhill in order to reach an easier route up to the summit. Sometimes you slip and fall. But despite these difficulties, if you pick yourself back up, if you keep pressing on, you'll overcome and make it to the finish line every time.
CaptainScarfish
You may fall from time to time, and you may not live up to your lofty goals (and they should be lofty!), but as long as you trend upwards, 👍
TakeAChillPill16
That's the biggest pitfall to doing better: dealing in absolutes. Like, if "I slip up with a single drink, I'm a failure". Less is better. Even if it's a bad day where you go overboard and get drunk, you can still choose to do better the next day.
HellaPictureSeeing
If you can retrain the brain to reward your efforts with something healthy that's great, however, when I quit drinking i found the severe need for sugar (alcohol is like, hella sugar) led me to an ice cream fetish. Cut down on vomit, or at least the painful kind. My problem wasn't necessarily alcohol so I actually had to use replacement therapy for the big thing. As you decrease (even a day off here or there) find something to fill time. Alcohol is hard to avoid given it's societal status.
HellaPictureSeeing
Keep working towards a healthier you. Doesn't always mean you'll be happier but the general trend is upwards. I used as a negative coping strategy for stress, which in turn caused more stress. I had 2 options: live or die and choosing the former was the only option. Hope you get to a place you feel best.
friendswithfire
Have you considered therapy or a 12 step program? It’s also always good to find a safe/healthy method of relaxation with which to celebrate or self soothe instead of alcohol (a special brand of tea or cookie or something)
kuukelikalle
To my understanding the 12 step program is all about some higher power bs which is quite offputting to many
friendswithfire
Agreed, but therapy can provide the same support without the religious angle too
TrogdorzeBurninator
I agree, but i like to share alternatives. Im in recovery and i attend both virtual and in person dharma meetings. Its based off of buddhist teachings, and is similar to a.a. in many ways, but clearly states that religious belief is absolutely unrelated to its program. Its about accountability, looking inward, and positive contemplation. My cynical side likes to describe it as "god isnt going to cure your alcoholism. You are. But theres gotta be a lotta soul-searching. Here's a guide to start."
lightfantasticem172
Not really, but the shock to the system in June was pretty much my wonderful stubbornness coming out haha I felt and kind of feel like therapy isn't needed but finding a good alternative I will look into, thank you :)
Yogsothott
Therapy is good for everyone! Even if you have a perfect life and no addiction issues, therapy helps. Therapy is ALWAYS needed.
ConservationTime
Look into the This Naked Mind PATH or Alcohol Experiment with Annie Grace. I won't shit on ppl who find AA helpful, but it's a dead end for many, esp ppl who aren't white+male. It set me up for failure with its punitive framework and focus on shame w 'relapse.' The PATH saved my life, & I've been *joyfully* alcohol-free for 2yrs now. I still Zoom w friends from my class once a wk just to catch up. Some day soon AA will no longer be the standard. Don't know how DMs work here, but feel free...
mycoffeeartjourney
AA is pretty good. And you get to make friends. You also get to see what your life would/will be like
MaxieMooo
Hey dude, maybe you arent completely sober but you're not the drunk you were and thats progress. I've seen how addiction can be up close (my SO and nose candy, fuckin horrific stuff btw) and I know it aint easy, but it's a process. This means making small mistakes is not failure. It's not even a step back. It's part of your process toward learning how to not make those mistakes. Just try your best, I know you'll get there ❤ don't give up
lightfantasticem172
It is, unfortunately, it's greedy too, turns people nasty.. I hope they're getting better now, and thank you for your message x
MaxieMooo
For sure, she has been off it for over a year now since she hospitalised herself for over a week, with only 2 or 3 blips (that she immediately massively regretted which is also a BIG positive) and she has taken massive leaps forward in her mental health journey with understanding and managing BPD. Been with a rly good therapist for many months and tbh she's progressed so much as an individual so quickly like shes a completely diff person (for the better :) ) we are moving in together saturday:)