I'm happy/mad still?

Met my wife in high school band class and didn't expect for us to ever get far in life since we were so young. I poured everything I had into that relationship because it was all I had for a long time. Turns out nearly 20 years later we were still happily married, or so I thought.

About 8-9 months ago I noticed she started to act weird around me. She would always keep her phone from me and be secretive when she used it. I asked to look something up on her phone once because mine was low and she completely flipped out. I had my suspicions that something was up, and since I don't sleep well as is, I looked at her phone when I woke up and while she was asleep. She was talking to some guy named Brad and I was furious.

I didn't wake her up because I knew there was a good chance it would make the situation worse. I did this at 3 A.M. and I didn't go back to sleep that entire night. My heart nearly was beating out of my chest in the morning. I was filled with so much sadness and rage that I couldn't feel anything else. I told her off and yelled and screamed and she cried. It wasn't my proudest moments but I was so scared and sad that I didn't know what else to do. When things got quite she started to blame things on me and started yelling at me for going through her phone while she was asleep. Needless to say we got a divorce and she was out of the house ASAP.

Nearly six months later I am still torn up about the whole incident, but I met this really nice intern. She was drop dead gorgeous and had a smile that could just light up the room. She had dirty blonde hair with amazing blue eyes with the body of a goddess. Apart from my ex-wife she was the girl of my dreams. I wasn't going to pass this up and I got a date with her for this Sunday.

As she left the office she turned to me and said one thing that just stuck with me. She said "Oh, before we go out on this date, Imma need about tree fiddy!" Well it was about at that time I noticed that this intern was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the paleolithic era! So I said, "I ain't giving you no treefiddy you goddam Loch Ness monster! Get your own goddam money!" And that was the first time I ever saw the Loch Ness Monster.