thepenisbIue
170800
4788
46
Mar 21, 2018 1:57 AM
thepenisbIue
170800
4788
46
Teuccis
Ppl cling on to their opinions as if they own them so that anyone disagreeing feels like being against them. Loosen up and learn to let go.
AudaciousCheeseburger
My grandma told me that she thought using a garrotte wire was the best way to kill someone.
jellis45
Get that out of your mouth young man! It'll go straight through your neck if you fall down! -Grandma
FatLemongrab
My grandma once told me that I'm getting fat
TurangaLeelaIsMyMom
My grandma often told me to stop drinking pickle juice, b/c the vinegar would dry out my blood.
theelvesoflothlorien
That's a tough one to do in the moment Gran
spiffynidd
My grandma whacked me with a wooden spoon if I burped...
Topstar
My grandma once told me about the Spanish inquisition I did not expect that
ChadBitchin
My grandma once told me that my Facebook friends were "A bunch of tattooed degenerates."
Sarahsmomhasgotitgoingon
my grandma once told me the world was gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.
Yeld69
Myyy grandma once told me to world is gonna roll me
JonRichardsonsDustMop
My granny once told me to stop letting her wheel chair go at the top of hills.
ExistentialDreadlocks
Once.
onlyherewhenipoop
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me...
TurangaLeelaIsMyMom
...I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed.
Unverified
My grandma once told me that all of my life problems are due to me touching myself at night
UpVoteAllDogs
Touch yourself during the day
TurangaLeelaIsMyMom
CommanderCaribou
My grandma taught me to love unconditionally. Because the world doesn't love you. People do
LordGrundy
Thank you for sharing her wisdom, it’s brought a light to my day! Much love to you for this!
anonnymoosecommenter
My Mimi always said to see the good. If a person is rude, maybe their day has been awful and just need understanding, in the end 1/2
anonnymoosecommenter
Regardless of how the other person reacts, you'll have a more positive outlook and will be happier by trying to brighten other ppls days.
XoxSmotpokerxoX
My Grandma once told me everytime i hear her say "that's nice", she was really telling someone to fuck off. Then I noticed she said it a lot
JamieSmyth
My grandma once told me that if a strange man ever tried to touch me I should kick him in the balls and stab him with my keys
TurangaLeelaIsMyMom
My great-grandma once told me not to tickle a baby, or to feed them strawberries, b/c that’s where freckles come from.
theirarefourlights
That’s awesome.
PenicilliumCamemberti
As freckled person: that's racist! ... Wait... she's right, you all shouldn't eat strawberries. Give them to me, the damage is already done!
TurangaLeelaIsMyMom
I refuse to give you my strawberries. I’ll be the control in the freckled experiment, though.
PenicilliumCamemberti
I'm fine with that. Wouldn't be a proper experiment otherwise.
brandibythebeach
When I moved to LA on my own my grandma gave me a cast iron skillet - for self defense
walkingtallmachinegunman
Does wonders in PUBG
crisb
Grandma plays much PUBG?
maribl
It is a good defense against fairy queen and other monsters. your gran knows the shit.
ADisturbinglyAttractiveCactus
Be serious here - it's a good defense against just about anyone who doesn't have a gun, and perhaps even a few of those, too.
maribl
true. but fairies is an added bonus when comparing to baseball bat. plus can fry breakfast eggs.
OviliskTwo
My grandma once told me her dog was racist. She always barks at black people on tv. Like that dog wasn't picking up on something.
unicorninmypants
When our fam lived in NY our dog would aggressively bark at blacks...we are hispanic with differing shades of dark brown to light skin.
leabelle
Don't know, we are a very non-racist household and my beagle hates people of color. I tried talking to her but she is very closed minded.
tentaclehentai
My grandma once told me that if you drink Goldschlager it’ll make your doodie sparkle.
BreadyStinellis
I've drank it many times and never noticed. And i have looked.
kingboarder
Epic, bro
Mokelzwerg
My grandma‘s family invented that liqueur, not joking. I hate it though.
blonx
Such wise words
boobiesalad
And???
themuttonisniceandlean
My grandma taught me how to read & write, taught Japanese & white kids in the same school, and was the main breadwinner during the 1930's.
AudaciousCheeseburger
Dope af grandma
OviliskTwo
Asian women are tough as nails.
themuttonisniceandlean
They are, but she was Irish. It was the area of Calif where Japanese had truck farms in the CA foothills. It wasn't a segregated school.
OviliskTwo
What an interesting cultural microcosm. I'm pretty sure Irish women are tough as nails too.
themuttonisniceandlean
California foothills. Poor immigrant heavy area where you could lease farmland. Japanese born people weren't allowed to own land.
themuttonisniceandlean
And Irish couldn't afford it. They got along well. My grandma's school was closed due to low enrollment during WW2 due to the enternment.
truthsmiles
I'm SO incredibly lucky that this is how my gf and I look at each other: The solution to each others' problems, not the cause of them.
Elmuycool
My grandma once told me that you ruined the grandma comment train on a post!
truthsmiles
Oh shit I did! Haha I think I was one of the first comments - so it wasn't intentional!
scuttleKrab
Well it was genuine-sounding and nice and if someone is gonna derail the grandma train it should be you. Enjoy your healthy relationship!
thepenisbIue
You were definitely one of the first to comment :)
FartBoxExtract
My grandma once asked me where did you come from where did you go where did you come from cotton-eyed joe.
mishalala
StrayItalianGreyhound
Yeah but what if the problem is the amount of cheating your partner is doing
rollercostarican
overused imgur advice: "did you try communicating?"
StrayItalianGreyhound
Not me - a friend of mine, who worked specifically hard to ensure she was always communicating well. Just found out he’d been 1/2
rollercostarican
sorry i meant that sarcastically. I hate when ppl post that 16x on every relationship problem, as if no one has ever thought about it.
StrayItalianGreyhound
2/2 Sexting his (LDR) ex, while lying in bed next to her, in her bed.
RudolftheRedNosedDuck
My ex fiancé cheated on me while I was graduating, it was with his ex girlfriend. 6 months later I found out he was running away to Paris 1/
RudolftheRedNosedDuck
/2 with her and they had had a ldr the whole time.
fastlaserjockey
My grandma once told me the world is gonna roll me
ADisturbinglyAttractiveCactus
Was she looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead?
TimeAdventure
This one is by far my favorite
Lasseven
YES! Came looking for this.
ShouldersDeepInAHorse
Then she made me paint her fence and her shed.
Aerok64
I’m pretty sure that was somebody
astrangehop
Her crippling arthritis made it very difficult for her finger and thumb to form an L on her forehead, but she persevered.
nopainnoproblem
I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed
Omercure
She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
sumfing
She was looking kind of dumb
badmilk13
Yall lucky my gamgam just showed me how to "field strip" a stupid gun blind folded
katanatripsis
Gamgam sounds awesome.
badmilk13
Me gangam cursed the communist party on her death bed she was a gift to the world
Tredecim
That is pure badassery. What was her nationality if I may ask ?
AudaciousCheeseburger
Jesus Christ your gamgam was fuckin GREAT!
UncleBoonmee
My grandma called the remote control “the autotron”
TurangaLeelaIsMyMom
That. Is. Spectacular.
TurangaLeelaIsMyMom
My grandma called our gaming system the “intendo”.
krugle
My grandma once told me "if you're in a fight and get punched in the nose, fill your mouth full of blood and spit in their face"
MrStealUrMeme
I just saw this technique used in a show I was watching on Netflix today.
tomsrhinoplasty
God damn. I hope I have the wherewithal to remember this if I’m ever suffering the extreme agony of a nose-punch.
meansweans
THAT!!!................May be strangely beneficial in the future, thank you. Mm.
madhatterzhat
I like your grandma.
mtmn
Your grandma is gangsta af. I respect that.
PascalCasedUserName
I don't think that's the kind of fighting this grandma's talking about.
OmnibusLatinName
Modern "Tyr's fountain" hehe
UsuallyComments
Your grandma is a badass.
kcsx
i've done this. it works beautifully.
VeroniDancer
Two different grandmas, two valid views
Irenurxen
Brutal
blooregardqkazoo
Will do.
TheMexicanStaringFrog0fSouthernSriLanka
Let us use the basement Lou!
storebrandproductmascot
Did you grow up with the grandma from Malcolm in the Middle?
krugle
I grew up in the type of family where your first time getting tossed in a cop car was a rite if passage.
gordy77
Cats ate her face.
holamur
My grandma told me the same thing! Lol
RoboticRichardSimmons
6 grade friend and i fight he give me bloody nose, i wrestle on top of him blow nose on his face. sorry kg
Idonthavealottosay
Sounds like she's watched fight club...
righteousparvo
.
gingerimpossible
Huh.. I got spit in the face this past weekend and it sucked hard, can’t imagine how much harder it would have sucked if it had been blood
AndreKroon
Wouldn't work, I've never once gotten a nosebleed or mouthbleed or anything like that.
PoppinLochNessHopster
Though in a brawl over a football match or some such, probably a dick move.
valen00
I'm going to say a brawl over a football match is a dick move in the first place
AudaciousCheeseburger
No...it's 100% reasonable...yeah...totally.
PoppinLochNessHopster
Both sides consent? Not at all.
cowpiefatty
Then tell them you have aids. Double one two combo biological and psychological warfare.
datfandomdoe
Double up on it. tell them you have gmo-aids
BaltimorePolice
#covid19
icookfoodandfightfire
however dont do thAT if you think cops might get involved at some point, cause thats a higher class felony than just fighting
Scyle
I'd think they'd be more likely to kill you in anger at that point.
cowpiefatty
Not if you can run faster *pointing at head meme*
Sentinelricce
Still get the last laugh. Bonus points: stab them as you're being pummeled, make sure to kill him before you die of head trauma. Then laugh.
Enduriel
Extra bonus points: If you survive the beating, get a laugh out of shooting him eight times and then running him over with your car.
Log224
Extra super bonus points: Assert dominance by aggressively caressing their lifeless corpse.
MidgetSpinner
poison damage
ThePotatoDerpCatOfJustice
You deserve more points lol