Xandelle
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11850
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I'm a new nurse just now getting comfortable in my new job and role; every single one of these things has happened in my own experience. Don't get me wrong- I love my job but you can be the most caring, empathetic person in the world and the hardest part of nursing is being nice to stupid people.
Smartasscomment
As an RN....this is accurate.
theblackcanaryyy
Oh god... The accuracy of this... I'm seething...
Darksideunicorn
I do not think that word means what you think it means.
no4o2xf
All these happened as a new nurse? Try, all these happen by second semester of nursing school. The pain is real my friend.
no4o2xf
but not as real as my back pain, which is a 10/10. I know I asked 5 mins ago, but is it time for my dilaudid again?
mesogiria
I can use this pillow to relieve your pain. Just let me put it over your face... yes, it's normal to not be able to breathe...
wishwash3
As a person who works as a carer for old people, a lot of these apply to me. +1
Pizzzzzza
the catheter one?
ryuushinmazi
As a hospital security guard, can confirm. Nurses are my goddamn superheros.
UserSubImgurian
And we love calling you in to help put the psych patients in leathers.
ryuushinmazi
god don't I know it -.-
MedicGirl76
Took a patient to the hospital for alcohol detox. He's holding his urine sample waiting for a bed. He drank it like a shot. Why? 1/2
MedicGirl76
2/2 He said it still had alcohol in it. I was new on the job and was shocked for a moment. Nothing shocks me anymore.
Khalgrom
I think what you meant to say was "...the hardest part of LIFE is being nice to stupid people..."
Churusa
Like tech support for the human body. I love you, you poor scrub-wearing bastards.
wrincewind
Yeah, but they're not allowed to try turning them off and on again.
futonlord
::Nods:: Never been a nurse, but dated one. I got real careful about asking 'how was your day'
Thornaxe
Nah, just gotta be prepared for a lengthy wind-down. Stories of stupid shit nurses put up with are better than reality TV.
ConnieMonstress
LTC nurse here. I've found a battery in a female resident's diaper before. We highly suspect it was in her hooha.
lonelystrandedalien
what's LTC?
crayolapeople
Long term care
dogen83
I'm a psych nurse. One battery isn't so bad. ;)
darearkin
Oh god I've heard similar stories for years from my family. Yes, people really do talk like this to nurses.
DuckyJoseph
And many other health care workers. Like their Speech Language Pathologists. Like look, your BMs are not my business.
Dispari
Turns out there are stupid people no matter where you live or what you do.
pizzaparty
I just got out of the hospital for appendicitis. I ALWAYS thanked the nurses who came in to check on me. They are the true hospital heroes.
darearkin
Oooh. I had that when I was seven. That one SUCKS.
pizzaparty
The pain and unbearable pressure started on an international flight, too. Fun times!
SadeNichole
Mine was about to burst, I had to have an emergency appy. Dealt with the pain for a day and a half. Then went to the ER.
pizzaparty
Yeah I dealt with it for about a day and a half before going to the ER. Emergency surgery 7 hours later.
RichardAdkins
Being nice to stupid people pretty well defines being a nurse.
hypnicjerks
the "if you can talk, you can breathe" one upsets me :s when a bad panic attack lands you in the hospital, this logic sucks every time
Darksideunicorn
AMEN! Panic attack logic is not very good logic. " I'M DYING!" Nurse: Your vitals are fine. me: "THEN I HAVE A HUGE TUMOR IN MY LUNGS" yeah.
letsnotgotocamelottisasillyplace
Their breathing, however, may be shit, especially if they have broken ribs galore and God only knows what else going on.
letsnotgotocamelottisasillyplace
I agree. It's more a concern of your airway though (ex. for bad traumas, you know their airway is clear if they are yelling at you).
oneoldman
Screaming Pt.s are nice like that.
Ohmyglobwhat
Would anyone be interested in this from a veterinary client standpoint? It gets....interesting.
Improbabilitydrive42
YES PLEASE ^_^
mjso23
Yes!!!
SpeakerToMeat
Sorry to dissent here, but not really. Animals end up as innocent victims in those. It's heartbreaking
barnaclescreams
yes
stuffmewithyourpepperidgefams
still waiting
Talligan
My sister has been a vet for 7 years now. Every conversation is like a series of these images. No you can't give your pets mouthwash.
slagath0r
Yes please :)
infomuffin
OMG Yes. I'm in vet school and already have so many stories
Ohmyglobwhat
Well if any of you are in the field, pm me suggestions
yellowtimer
I'm a veterinary assistant. I'd be more than willing to share some of my stories. Will PM you later :-)
tellyourdogisaidhi
I'm very sad there are no stories yet! Deliver!!
NeedsMoreCas
oh yes it does. some people shouldn't own animals
Ohmyglobwhat
There are a lot of people who shouldn't own animals.
CatWithHands
Very much, yes!
HogwartsAlumnus
Agree
craigbe01
Yes, actually..
MORIfreakingARTY
The biggest thing I've learned from my clinical year of vet school is people. Be. Cray.
wrincewind
Do share!
Ohmyglobwhat
Especially in moments of perceived grief (animal is fine they are panicked) I get it, I do, but man... it gets weird.
Fehrosa
Am I the only one that lists all drugs (esp non-prescription) taken in the last 90 days to medical staff?
jellycatuniverse
Bless you.
whatsagoodname
No, and that is super helpful! It's much easier when we have all the puzzle pieces!
ninmonkey
I bring a printed sheet of everything.
diev
Wait, are you supposed to put stuff like sudafed and acetominaphin on there?
wrincewind
It certainly helps. some drugs can interact in odd ways within the body. it's uncommon but can help them avoid unpleasant side-effects,
wrincewind
plus it can help them get a better idea of your history.
UserSubImgurian
Collective nurse hug to the considerate patient!
bobotron
TIL what Fentanyl is
TotalSmartAss
Yes, these little patches that give me a ridiculous fecking rash.
jellycatuniverse
You would be surprised at how many people really do try to eat the patches...
orbitn
I spent a night on IRC talking a guy out of smoking one. I was on them for legit reasons and they're dangerous enough when used correctly
jellycatuniverse
Thank you for talking to that man. I am in favor of giving my patients pain relief but you're absolutely correct they're dangerous.
FaceOfBeaux
My cousin ate one with a friend one time. It was listed as her official COD. She was 26. 7 years later her twin can't stand her own birthday
eggnoggy
As an L&D nurse, you would be surprised how many women don't know they have three holes down there.
YouCantKeepJetpackingAwayFromYourProblemsBrian
Think they did an entire episode of Orange is the New Black about that subject...
ConstantBitRate
Slightly relevant: www.cc.com/video-clips/acurct/ugly-americans-three-hole
AshleyDuggan
I'm planning on going to school for nursing and want to work in L&D. Any tips or funny stories? What should I expect?
eggnoggy
Well I could talk your ear off about funny/not-so-funny stories/experiences but as far as tips go, I would try to get L&D as a Capstone
AshleyDuggan
I have no idea what that means. Could you explain?
eggnoggy
(which is like the final rotation in nursing school) and don't let people tell you that you should get med-surg experience before you go
eggnoggy
to L&D if you absolutely know you want to be there. I started in L&D as a new grad and there's nothing I would rather do. It's the BEST job
gogetahaircutyadamnhippie
I have to have more info on what you just said. Now whaaaa?
khaleesimotherofkittycats
I'm assuming you previously thought women urinated from their vaginas?
gogetahaircutyadamnhippie
Oh boy do I ever feel dumb.
khaleesimotherofkittycats
Haha no worries. Just to clarify: vaginal opening is for sex, periods and babies, urethra is for urination!
gogetahaircutyadamnhippie
Sweet jesus. The things I have learned on imgur in just the last 3 days.
Thornaxe
What umm....what do you have two degrees in?
gogetahaircutyadamnhippie
Oh oh. LOL. No it's not that way. It's temperature degrees. Good catch thou. You're a clever one.
LeftCollectionBlueBird
I didn't know this until a few months ago. From a TV show.
[deleted]
[deleted]
LeftCollectionBlueBird
I don't know. I didn't really concern myself with it, and it's not something we were taught.
xitlalli
Was it from Orange is the New Black?
LeftCollectionBlueBird
Yep.
MothafuckinPancakes
I knew when I watched that episode that they were doing a great service to people. Gotta love that show :D
arcadiasilver
Even better when you inform a teen girl from a conservative family and her mother starts screaming at you for trying to corrupt her child
diev
I choose not to believe this. Not saying you aren't telling the truth. I juat can't hold that truth and faith in humanity together.
ibextrainer
MASSAGE THERAPIST! Masseuse is a fancy way to say whore.
mjso23
This is good to know! Thank you
GrymmariePyrateQueen
THANK YOU! I'm so tired of being called a masseuse!
yjk924
Oh is that why they get offended when I call them whore? Silly me, its masseuse instead. Gotta remember that next time in Vegas
MasterFlippyFloppy
Unfortunately for you the world is filled with stupid people.
Flyndaran
Sadly, I've met some of them employed as nurses and doctors. One killed my father, but got off from the malpractice suit.
PCard
http://media.giphy.com/media/WqR2aSNsVieBi/giphy.gif
ShospleColupis
Can you tell me why nurses don't dress the same in hospitals as they do in porn?
kevinallover
And why are they always Jamaican? I only wanna see Jamaican nurse porn like, 25% of the time...
missing7
Honestly, I think scrub pants are hotter than yoga pants. I don't know why.
NotBrokenJustBent
Nurses are sexually harassed enough without wearing stuff like that.
DuckDuckly
Because most nurses are career nurses and while nice while they're 22, will not be as much when they're 48.
unagiwarrior
I promise to wear those outfit when I graduate from school. But don't complain when my hairy nuts accidentally rub up against you.
wessyfbaby
Yeah like in Enema of the State. mmmm
HeeelllloooooooMurse
Well it be a bit impractical for me personally
skatinin69
Because inserting a catheter into an erect penis is tough :/
Larkins
valid question.
Cassiraa
http://imgur.com/lobPqzh
PastaIsLife
Is the one on the right wearing a corset?
bobthewhaler
if she knows what's good for her... yes.
hapyli
I tried it and got called to change it right away.. Also im a male nurse.
arbogast
There's always a job "acting," both in movies and on "stage."
swimbikerunrepeatswimbikerunrepeatswimbiwhatwasidoing
Live your dream man! Live your dream!
bedpanbrian
As a fellow male RN, I approve this message.
Treblaine
Because what is done in porn is the furthest thing from reducing cross infection.
iamthisguy247
I started dating a nursing student in 1st year and waited for that day I'd see her wear the outfit. I was so disappointed it isn't a thing.
JonnyRaygun
I've only gotten my wife to wear her white coat and lingerie once...It was so worth it. (Optometrist)
notablequotableupvotable
You are not a smart man
amadoraisnowinvadingthisinternetzwebsitetoo
Because some nurses are male, like me in a few months, and I would look far too sexy in one of those outfits.
mkd64
Congrats on the sex change
amadoraisnowinvadingthisinternetzwebsitetoo
I have just come to realize what i wrote could me misinterpreted as that. Let me rephrase that, in a few months, the only thing that's 1/2
amadoraisnowinvadingthisinternetzwebsitetoo
I just realized that what I wrote could be misinterpreted as such. Let me rephrase that: in a few months, what's gonna change is me 1/2
amadoraisnowinvadingthisinternetzwebsitetoo
going from college student to an unemployed guy (genetically guy) with a degree.
UserSubImgurian
Because I'm a 6'5 guy, the mini skirt doesn't look good on me.
sesamharold
Post a pic and let your Imgurian friends decide about this.
UserSubImgurian
imgur doesn't approve of selfies.
MrSomeguy
Not with that attitude.
UserSubImgurian
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA +1 to you!
mmmariii
As a nurse... we .. aren't supposed to?
placecleverusernamehere
That's fine, i would agree if you do.... I mean.... hi, would you be my nurse?
mmmariii
10/10 would do a very thorough physical assessment with you.
placecleverusernamehere
10/10 I'm in for it! Would also do a physical on you, mainly focused on some areas, but wouldn't be dissapointed at all... i mean... Hi
jsktrogdor
Because modern medicine has forgotten the healing power of cleavage.
batman89
Not for old people, that's asking for a heart attack!
MySecondAccount
It's definitely good for blood flow!
TheStinkyPossum
Because administration frowns upon us banging all the hot male patients. Damn rules...
Crallathafat
I somehow have a hard time believing you want to go at guys whom are sick. :p (They can still be hot though.)
acunninglinguist
Uh... hi.
PinkDalek
So the ugly ones have a chance?
TheStinkyPossum
Yeah, I'll bang an ugly one or two. They never see that coming.
placecleverusernamehere
I'm in if you are.... I mean... my leg hurts a bit, can you check it?
letsnotgotocamelottisasillyplace
Swear to God this literally just happened at one of the hospitals in my area. The patient was awaiting a heart transplant and was sedated.
AudentesFortunaAdiuvat
But I am a murse....
JeanLucPicard
I assumed when you're working, you're kinda in "work mode" and you couldn't actually think about your patients in a sexual way.
JeanLucPicard
I know you were joking but I just wanted to clarify haha. Non-nurse here.
CableAHVB
I don't know if you're actually a nurse, but if you are, has a dude ever requested to play doctor with you
ihavethreechildren
Plenty if Drs want to play dr. You would be surprised at the amount of open marriages that physicians claim to have.
TheStinkyPossum
I am really a nurse...and all the time. It gets old.
wrincewind
"Sure, we can play doctor. I'll put on my scrubs, you can shit all over the floor! :D"
gratuitoustransfer
WHY CAN'T I EAT THE SUNFLOWER SEED SHELLS?!
Jumpinjackieflash
It's FIBER!!!
UserSubImgurian
Diverticulitis and rectal bleeding are no fun.
Berekhalf
Because the time you sit down on the toilet will not be fucking fun. I now have a phobia of sun flower seeds as a related note.
PCard
Because you are not a bird.
Thorbane
Birds are actually quite good at shelling them before eating. Trust me, the shells end up Everywhere.
gratuitoustransfer
other than @xandelle 's response. this makes the most sense so far
BlGWlG
They aren't digested before their passed, and they break down into shards. So too many is unfomfortable or dangerous.
Xandelle
Story there: A PT had so much that they were ripping their colon on the way out.
yagamiisgod
I learned that the hard way
DasOgre
As a nurse in psyche, Ogre can only lift 400lbs(working on making gains). Can you tell Ogre your secret to lifting 3x your body weight?
AdrianDunne
Never have I clenched so much than a few seconds ago.
geonerd
I was once camping with a guy who did this. We heard him trying to take a dump - it sounded extraordinarily unpleasant. We laughed.
gratuitoustransfer
Woahh okay you convinced me. im going to watch my sunflower seed and shell intake. not that i eat them more than twice a year
wrincewind
it's kind of like corn, you know? It's roughage, it gets passed right through. but eating an entire jumbo bag, shells and all, is bad.
wrincewind
if you eat them over, say, a few days, you'll be fine. or, y'know. spit off the shells.
ExclusiveGamer
Mostly with that many sunflower seed shells, most wont be chewed properly and can lead to cutting of internal organs like your throat or 1/2
imgursresidentasshole
I always chew mine to a nice slurry
ExclusiveGamer
even your digestive track, although yes they are mostly fiber.
AStainlessSteelRat
Roughage =/= dietary fiber
dingman58
Huh. I used to eat boatloads of them, shell and all and I've never had any issues. Peanuts too. Can you forward any sources?
ExclusiveGamer
http://www.sunflowernsa.com/all-about/faq/#9
diev
save this for later...
dingman58
"could conceivably cause one to become impacted" ... "could possibly puncture or attach to the linings of the esophagus or digestive tract"
Chowdahhh
I actually want to know the answer, I don't eat sunflower seeds very often, but when I do I eat the shells...
TheStinkyPossum
If you have diverticulitis, it could do a lot of intestinal damage.
zerohunter
Constipation bad enough to require a hospital visit... my mom found out that the hard way. Pumpkin seeds too.
pikapiiiii
I've always eaten the shells on those. Somehow I didn't die.
dragonsfriend
happens more often in the later years, seeds weren't a prob for granma until 65, even though she didn't eat shells when she could help it
zerohunter
It can really tear your guts up or jam up the works in general. Just cause you can doesn't mean you should... trust me on this. o__o
Flyndaran
That would require buckets full of seeds. It's perfectly safe for the vast majority of people.
zerohunter
Let's... let's say it was personal experience on the sunflower ones, and just one regular sized bag.
SocoFox
Hehe, I got out of surgery and had to pee BAD... I just got up and went. They told my wife they don't argue with the big guys.. Then >>>
ThatsMySecretCapImAlwaysHorny
They wanted me to get up after surgery, I said not with the catheter and bare ass showing (couldnt put pants on with catheter) told them (1/
ThatsMySecretCapImAlwaysHorny
to take the catheter out or I would. They said I didn't know how. When I described the theory and said I would do it, they took it out (2/2)
clicketyclick
actually you can put pants on over a catheter if the larger drainage bag is changed to a smaller leg bag.
SocoFox
they changed my painkiller from morphine to dilaudid. Apparently morphine revs me up.
dishonored2342
dilaudid is a hell of a drug
BigDaneYo
:(
Darksideunicorn
OMG- They gave it to me and I hallucinated until it was out of my system. NEVER again. EVER.
yjk924
pft, some sicklers have such a tolerance and probably addiction, they chew through bags and bags of dilaudid like its nothing.
spiderbroismyhomeboy
I was in the ICU for three days on that stuff after surgery. I forgot that my grandmother came to visit. We had a whole conversation.
SocoFox
Awesome and awful at the same time. They'd plunge that syringe into my IV line and BLLAAUUUuuuuuuu.....
AudentesFortunaAdiuvat
For Chrohn's I was on the stuff for a year and a half. 2 month long hospital stints at a time. Every Q4-Q5 the nurse would come in 1/
[deleted]
[deleted]
AudentesFortunaAdiuvat
But I got it awake which hurt more than what dilaudid can kill. After that I would be working on catching up on college work and the nurse3/
shadowex3
Uh, what? My mother had those put in more than once and had to be awake for them.
rguygo
Can I eat donuts during the diabetes test?
Willynator
When I got diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when I was 7 it happened as I was eating a chocolate fudge donut while they checked my blood sugar
loveoutoflust
The test to determine if you have diabetes: drink a coke, only with 10 times the sugar content, then draw blood four times over three hours.
QuadrilateralEnix
if you have no intention of passing the test, go ahead
amadoraisnowinvadingthisinternetzwebsitetoo
No, but you may during the diabeetus test.
Studoku
Only if you share.
rguygo
You could just say "no" next time.
UserSubImgurian
But I want donuts...
MichealMeyer
It's pronounced diabeetus.
mistyi
v funny post :)
Flyndaran
I have yet to read official published articles that don't molly coddle dumb ass diabetics. Some of us treat it seriously.
WhoDoesThat
Yeah, and the worst part is when ignorant people tell you it's your fault you were too unhealthy and therefor got diabetes.
dragonsfriend
shame society has forgotten its a genetic disease as well
PrissyKrissy
PA told me I ate my way to diabetes without overlooking my medical history.
WhoDoesThat
That's bad.
SpeakingAsTheDevilsAdvocate
I think that in itself IS the diabetes test
Katheebs
During my test for gestational diabetes, the girl next to me was sent home for eating a bag of skittles while waiting for her blood draw...
Pups
I made a nurse pee herself from laughter when she had to wake me up after surgery and I glared at her and sternly said "no."
EducatedButtWiper
Probably peed herself because nursing staff always hold our pee until the last minute. XD
Pups
She literally had to run to the bathroom because she was laughing so much that did actually pee, so at least she had a great excuse!
blyp
Yelled (angrily) "DO YOU HAVE MY DOCTOR PILLS" - I still don't know what I was asking for
MaybeeAB
actually laughed out loud
OhNoIBlinked
I started crying when I woke up, saying "you're not my friend!" to the nurse
CarpeTiger
Thank you for putting up with us when we're hurt and at our worst. We sick people love you.
UserSubImgurian
You're welcome, we really do love our jobs, even the crazy parts.
CarpeTiger
Haha, got to have a good sense of humor, huh? Personally I just get super-squeamish and nervous-chatty when needles become involved.
UserSubImgurian
Don't worry, I wont feel a thing :-)
NotBrokenJustBent
I had a guy who was so bad I had to put his IV in his foot. His "friend" ended up with one in her neck.
UserSubImgurian
I love starting EJ's!
CarpeTiger
Whoah...Yikes. My mother has had to get IVs in odd places due to having really tiny hard to veins...But nothing like that!
NotBrokenJustBent
Yeah. The foot was worse than the neck. Homeless drug addicts don't have clean feet.
CarpeTiger
I can't imagine...Preventing infection must have been really tough.
NotBrokenJustBent
Keeping him from trying to rip it out was harder :-)
workundone
I almost had to get an IV put in my foot after surgery because my veins are that bad (never took drugs in my life). 31 failed attempts...
NotBrokenJustBent
I am 5'7'' tall but my insides are all tiny. I constantly have to tell people to use pedi caths on me- nobody ever listens. Pincushion city.
BearAttack
Sorry about the pincushion thing, but awesome username!
effingusernames
When I was a kid, I had IVs in my head, chest, hands, and feet.
Yaminohere
My dad has been a psych nurse for 39 years, he's gotten stabbed in the shin with a plastic spoon, kicked in the back, punched, spit on 1/?
verlonica
My dad was a psych nurse too! I've heard some stories man...
R3DFURY
As someone who also works on a psych unit, I super respect your dad. I hope you do too.
GiraffesAndCrystalMeth
i've been a psych nurse for 8, and i LOVE IT! you've got to be tough but it's the best job in the world, even though it's dangerous.
TigPoe
If you think being a psych nurse is dangerous, try being a mentally ill person. Not much fun at all.
navynursedude
I've been a psych nurse for 2 years and I've had all of those except the stabbing. Plus bitten, peed at, you name it! Keeps it interesting
Yaminohere
had someone throw feces at him, and he still says, he loves his job, and he means it. Why? "Because I am helping people that cannot 2/?
NordfjellBerg
I just knew pop in the shower guy would get help one day
Yaminohere
help themselves. Nobody knows their own breaking point, or how well they can deal with the cards they are dealt. So you just offer a 3/?
Yaminohere
helping hand, no matter what happens." That was a philosophy we were all taught as well. Having said that, he jokes that he'd string us 4/?
Yaminohere
up by our toes if we ever became nurses. Lol. But he's happy my youngest sister is becoming a nurse. :3 5/5
friendlesspharmacystudent
Working in mental health nurses like your father make my fucking day all the time.
kindsoberandfullydressed
Your dad sounds like a beautiful and strong man.
boregano
1/5 would be this committed to writing a good comment. Bravo!!
beanersweiners
I've been working at a psych hospital for 2 years. Right after I started we had a patient that ripped his eye out
SadeNichole
Working in an ER with a psych hospital had someone walk in who slit both wrists and asked to be seen calmly. He walked a block from his car.
buttermyarse
Wh...what?
catgolightly
I've been a psych nurse for 5 years. Other nurses ask how I do it, and I'm like, "How do you NOT?" It's the best.
kindsoberandfullydressed
That's pretty adorable :D
Gulleko
From someone who struggles with mental illness, tell your dad "thank you".
Yaminohere
Sorry this is 2 months later, but I have bipolar myself. So that helps :3 and he'd just say "just doing my job" xD
jackthezipper
Wait until one of your patients decides to masturbate while hooked up to a heart monitor..
ridge
I decided to start hyperventilating for the hell of it while giving blood once. They didn't find it funny.
theunforgivensinner
I've had sex whilst hooked to a heart moniter.
DasOgre
Last summer a patient masturbated and came out with his semen in his hand. The psyche unit sees so much weird shit.
iwanttobealurkerbutcant
Or during brain surgery
volumedpython
Guys masturbating with a catheter in is a classic move as well. FML.
pezface
As a CCU nurse: This.
dpidcoe
Or one of them is a professional troll and wraps a string around the finger with the O2 saturation sensor attached.
justahumanonline
lol, iunderstoodthat(false)reference
xmsbeanx
Me too me too!!!
Adiktedgottaregisternow
What does it do ???
YoloSwagginsAndTheKnightsOfTheRoundTable
heart rate goes up a bit. Absolutely nothing crazy will happen, no alarm will go off and no one will come running in your room.
pezface
Depends how sensitive your monitors are and what arrhythmia alarms you've got switched. We tend to get VT/VF alarms at times like this!
mesogiria
It looks like they're dying.
Adiktedgottaregisternow
The monitor just flatlines ??
UserSubImgurian
Flatline isn't dying... that's dead.
mesogiria
It goes wild.
theirrisponsiblecaptain
Please stop sticking things up your butt that don't belong there. No, you did not "fall on it".
kubi
But. . . . but that's my fetish. . .
fauxsquirrelcoats
"in the shower"
OogityBoogityBoo
If it fits, I sits... on it.
HogwartsAlumnus
around it.
LemmeSmangItGurrl
Yea, I accidentally fell in this cucumber. While naked. No idea how that lube got there. Must be some new type of hybrid cucumber.
ampixii
Also... just tell me you have something suck in your ass... "I have abd pain... and I don't why... Oh there's a battery? Huh... weird"
JonSnowNotedWindmillExpert
My friend's dad did actually fall on something once. It was sticking up between the couch cushions. It was a small wood file. Bullseye. ER.
PastaIsLife
Damnit, I was curious, ok?
khora
So, what doesn't belong there?
diesekte
I just play along. "Haha I feel ya, happens all the time..."
CarpeTiger
"Yeah, I totally jammed that thing up there. Seemed like a good idea at the time.. Haha."
h3avenly
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=039_1409983059 This one..is rather interesting
DukeMcSax
A friend of mine works in a hospital. They have a "treasure box" where they collect all the stuff they removed from peoples rectums. Big box
whyisausernamesohardtothinkof
That's so not sanitary. *gag*
letsnotgotocamelottisasillyplace
Personal favorite is an x-ray with Buzz Lightyear up the butt. And clearly identifiable too.
ridge
Did the wings deploy?
letsnotgotocamelottisasillyplace
Nah. Figure if they did the pt would have a bowel perforation. Very bad. Here's a look (the image is from tumblr) http://imgur.com/aOwuoS9
CanadianDragon434
What kind of fetish is that?
letsnotgotocamelottisasillyplace
I'm not sure fetish per se. I think it has to do more with stimulation of the prostate? Apparently some guys like that? Never understood.
StalkerSeal
I'm so jealous! I want to find something up someone's ass! (Rad tech)
SconnieGirl
to infinity and BEYOND! Waaaaaaay beyond!
safire17
THATS HYSTERICAL!!!
CanadaIsMyHat
Can we get a list of things that belong there?
ShakePlays
Eh... To be fair, I actually legitimately fell into a chair leg when I was like 13. Didn't get far, or stuck, but it hurt.
pfofly
Oh my fucking lord, this happened to me less than a week ago when I was drunk. My asshole still hurts
thegrimtrigger
*fell into a chair leg* uh huh
MaybeeAB
right, it's ok to bear my ass when you do a skin assessment but when I bear it in public all of a sudden it's "inappropriate" & "gross"
agentmcgee
Wouldn't that be "just radiographer things"?
JenkinsLeroyM
http://imgur.com/0wfIny0
blargedyblargedy
Anal Basics: No Base, Without a Trace: http://youtu.be/beMe75BcuQA
thegrimtrigger
Does anyone ever just cop to it? "I was really jamming this in there good, nice and deep, and it just got stuck."
ms2ar15
The funniest part is they think that medical professionals believe that shit. Like they've never seen someone with objects up their arse.
Flyndaran
They see the public believing really stupid politician's lies, so why not? Many Americans think Hussain was involved in 9/11 after all.
ms2ar15
Good point, but not just Americans believe that.
HeeelllloooooooMurse
Million in one shot doc, million in one.
outsidecucumber
Severely disappointed by the ranking of this comment
tylertlat
There it is. I always look for this quote and I am never disappointed.
area42
Beat me to it, dang
area42
you ASSMAN
UserSubImgurian
I'm an ER nurse, these just become more hilarious the longer you do the job. Wait till someone pulls out their NG tube... while restrained.
Rid1
This happened today. They get into very creative positions. Now we're just waiting for him to do it with mittens. Apparently it is possible.
UserSubImgurian
Never underestimate the contortion abilities of people in restraints lol... How the hell did you get turned around in bed? "I don't know"
nation543
i've had several colonoscopies and lost 10" of colon when i was 24. i always made sure to treat the staff with respect.
neondemonn
Ha, I did that. But I wasn't restrained.
dustybucket
Wait until someone pulls out their G-tube... At 2am...at home... That ones fine. Blood and stomach acid everywhere.
Kiriain
My mom did trauma. One time a guy came in from a car accident and was so mangled, she could only do either a tac line or stick his dick.
fauxsquirrelcoats
as a fellow ER nurse, that's impressive.
personality15
omg it took SO long to get it in there in the first place. i was annoyed.
Roxyyy3
My favorite part was when one of my residents pulled out her gastric peg tube. ImgurNurses unite!
AlexPanciera
I don't want to know what is, do I?
UserSubImgurian
We replace those in the ER all the time from nursing home patients.
Wariyoshi
You should do one of those Q&A threads :P We haven't seen one of those in a while, and I'm sure you've had all sorts of shenanigans ~.~
UndulatingTerrain
Nasogastric tube. Goes through your nose to your stomach. Ouch.
saltypond
NG tubes give me really really bad panic attacks to the point of hysteria :(
radicalpartydude
NG TUBES!!!!
Waddafaq
how did they manage to pull the NG Tube out while restrained?
UserSubImgurian
Still not sure how, just know that it did.
Mogmai
missnurse88
Or a g tube. Ah the magical times of delirium....
Italianola
That I have never seen
myusername1988
My friend is a nurse and was in a serious accident. She pulled out her NG tube after she woke up, says she understands why people do it now.
UserSubImgurian
Luckily I've never been a patient in the ER, never even had an IV.
myusername1988
Unfortunately she is not back at work yet, but she has certainly gained some perspective for when she does go back.
d1d1t4t3hlulz0hl4wdy
My aunt retired as an ER nurse... the...shit...she's...told...me...
AskingHyena
well, why don't you tell us some?
d1d1t4t3hlulz0hl4wdy
Well, for one, it wouldn't fit, but I can tell you, most all of them involved objects in buttholes and accidentally slipping.
IGotItDude
Wait til someone flips over his stretcher...while restrained
oneoldman
I'm somewhat surprised that doesn't happen more often, especially with the old Fernos.
ms2ar15
My 92 year old Nana did just that. They had to sedate her to put it back in. Tough old bird.
koalapants
wait how does that happen? -current MA finishing rereqs for nursing
UserSubImgurian
Not sure how he did it, just that he did.
TheSlugtopus
My mom is an IC nurse... The amount of people who do this shit is... mind-boggling...
SheparDox
Or plays Indiana Jones after pulling out their Foley...3 times.
radicalpartydude
Oh man, I totally understand that--It feels so good to pull that thing out of your body.
shoe571
For me catheters aren't a big deal. Although it feels REALLY FUCKING WEIRD to get a boner while one of those things is in there...
Cerebralbore101
What's an NG tube?
UserSubImgurian
nasogastric tube, goes in the nose and down into the stomach.
[deleted]
[deleted]
UserSubImgurian
More like the size of a bead of toothpaste
Thesilverqueen311
1/2 I had to get my stomach pumped before and they stuck a tube up my nose, it was more like the size of a dime maybe smaller.
Thesilverqueen311
2/2 I couldn't breathe out of the other side so I pulled it out, just to have it put back in on the other side...extremely painful :(
LooksLikeTheFatFairyBeatHerWithTheUglyStick
As a CNA.... I can relate to a lot of these
hotpotato666
I threw up with an NG tube in . that wasn't a fun time :(
myradeathray
I have mad respect for Nurses, my aunt is one and the shit she deals with literally.
GingerLaird
Is it painful to pull it out? Seems like it could block the airway.
UserSubImgurian
No, these tubes are smaller than the trachea so it couldn't occlude the airway.
diev
Could it get stuck on the lung flap thing?
UserSubImgurian
The epiglottis, na the tube is lubes up from the body secretions and the gag reflex would kick in at that point forcing it up
GBowes
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=ng+tube
darearkin
"Let me google that for you." The premiere way to be a pompous dick on the internet.
pyrodice
I know an anorexic who would pull her feeding tube while in the hospital for kidney failure. I've never met anyone else that hardcore. -.-
itsliz
Those come out surprisingly easy. Had a delirious woman ask to poop when she already had an anal tube in. She literally couldn't understand.
UserSubImgurian
Had that happen with foleys before, patient asking to go pee. PT had dementia and Alzheimer's, it was a very circular conversation
itsliz
YES! I felt so bad. She was already restrained and had to go so badly AND had c.dif. I kept telling her to just go.
UserSubImgurian
There are only a few diseases that make me shudder, c. diff is one of them. And it has such a distinct odor too.
oneoldman
Vaccine deemed 100% safe and effective in animal studies is about to hit human phase of testing, so with luck no more C. diff soon!
CoconutCyclone
I was in the ER for a blood transfusion last year and me waking up in a hospital = me ripping all the things out of my body and trying to
CoconutCyclone
escape. They found me half way through the hospital, crawling because I couldn't find my prosthesis. (Leg) I had no idea wtf was happening
CoconutCyclone
but I was goddamn certain I wasn't staying inside a hospital willingly. The lecture I got about not telling a doctor I was bleeding before I
CoconutCyclone
passed the fuck out and almost died was more annoying than being strapped to the bed. :|
breadlyassault
Yeeeeeah I did that when I was all loopy in the ICU. Told the nurse it fell out. Doctor laughed and said we gotta put it back.
flarefirefighter
I know how ya feel, I'm a FF/EMR and I've seen a lot of bad shit, crazy shit and "How the flying fuck did you manage that" shit
UserSubImgurian
Uh.. it was like that before.
flarefirefighter
Heard that one a lot XD
HeeelllloooooooMurse
Or the psych patient attempting to smear his own poop both on you and down his trach
UserSubImgurian
Seen it, that's why there's a decon room ;-)
ThatRussian
Or pulls the trach out, while restrained. It was some kind of miracle with no witnesses, and yet there it was. It rather wasn't.
groversleeves
NG's while annoying are not as bad as the people who self extubate themselves.
UserSubImgurian
Had a guy trying to do that and pointing to family... yeah he got more sleepy juice (fentanyl).
DuckyJoseph
It can be if they don't get it all the way out and it just starts dumping into their lungs.
groversleeves
eeek dont you guys have supraglottic suction
Calltheoddpolicebecauseicanteven
My little brother with Down syndrome extubated himself after his second open heart surgery. He was ten and less than 24 hours out.
Calltheoddpolicebecauseicanteven
It was terrifying.
chiefs86
My uncle just had to have an NG tube while he was passing on from cancer. I don't actually understand how the eff someone could do that.
UserSubImgurian
Neither did we, we all were impressed!
Wilkieway
NG tube?
WillYouGiveMeOralPleasure
nasogastric tube. goes from your nose to your belly.
SergeantDebraMorgan
Naso gastric tube, a tube that is inserted in your nostril and threaded to your belly. It can be used for nutrition and other things
CitizenRekt
Can be used to help remove stomach contents in case of bowel blockages or to help feed someone who can't swallow.
thepundom
Yeah, my little bro had to do that because his bowels were completely impacted...
rasmis
Combine with “restrained”, and I think it's “who won't swallow”.
CitizenRekt
Not always. They are very handy to help resolve ileus and used all the time for head and neck cancers during radiation therapy/chemo
rasmis
Are people restrained during cancer treatment?
maltbrew
New game tube. When you die, you wake in a tube at the hospital.
8bitTunes
Niko Bellic knows all about those
Johannesaurus
Naso-gastric tube. It goes into your stomach by way of your nose.
Natsumori
It's really fucking terrible. The tube is fucking huge. You can't swallow right. It's hard to breathe. It's REALLY REALLY FUCKING PAINFUL.
Natsumori
I was pregnant and puking blood so that's why they put it in. They kept it in for over 2 hours. Literally worse than birth. I am not kidding
Wilkieway
Just like the smell of food.
Johannesaurus
Awesome.
paps511
You. +1
thomaseeno
how bout that
JamesBluntThatSmartassCunt
How does someone even pull that out? I mean, why? Out of fear, or something?
Johannesaurus
Yeah, generally. It's not comfortable, and if you're disoriented or just coming out of anesthesia or something, (1/2)
Johannesaurus
you might reflexively yank on it before you realize what you're doing. And some patients are just jerks who don't follow directions. (2/2)
Artemes22
How do you feel about someone freaking out about being hooked up to the iv's? Like an anxiety attack I guess. Always wondered if I pissed
UserSubImgurian
Ativan is an amazing drug...
Artemes22
Off the ER nurses then.
HeeelllloooooooMurse
A few days ago I had a patient just bring it up using just her throat and sheer will power
DomoArigatoMisterRoboto
Sounds like a fun girl. WAIT, no, don't describe her for me, I'm positive you'll wreck it.
UserSubImgurian
I'm not even mad, that's impressive!
HeeelllloooooooMurse
yeah once a loop came out her mouth I pulled it, not worth the fight
Anlurai
I've had one of those in and pulled out. Good god, Idk how someone could pull one of those out themselves. So incredibly uncomfortable.
thedeuz
As a fellow ER nurse, my favorite was a mason jar, in the rectum, no lid, opening of the jar in first, on "accident"
Granolaclusters
Now are we talking like a pint or a quart? Wide mouth, small mouth?
thedeuz
I am no canning expert, but you could have put a decent amount of salsa in there, no gerber jar
Granolaclusters
I don't want any salsa from that jar, Gerber or not!
UserSubImgurian
Makes it easy to collect the stool sample I suppose.
wrincewind
One man, One Jar...
favoritewaytosayredwinesinagermanaccent
True story, my sister was in a car accident and pulled out her NG tube and catheter, balloon intact...while restrained.
favoritewaytosayredwinesinagermanaccent
Also, when she got to the rehab center, she pulled her picc line too. Left it on a pillow at the end of the bed. She got it all though.
spug3t
And then there are the moments where you just want to cry.
UserSubImgurian
Or laugh manically.
CitizenRekt
Ooh, what about when patients say they have 10/10 pain but the next time you see them they're laughing on their phone. So much pain!
diev
Some people are just really really really shitty at self assesment.
dragonsfriend
granted that scale is usually based around worst pain you ever had
PianoMan2112
As a former EMT, when they yelled "TEN!", I figured 6 + drama queen. When they quietly whimpered "..eight or nine?", THAT'S when I worried.
ohshitausername
What's an NG tube?
WillYouGiveMeOralPleasure
nasogastric tube. goes from your nose to your belly.
MoonlitEmbrace
Nasogastric tube. Helps suction stomach contents/feeding tube
Johannesaurus
Naso-gastric tube. It goes into your stomach by way of your nose.
yoshiyoshisan
nasogastric tube. goes down your nose, all the way to the stomach.
gogetahaircutyadamnhippie
Hey you medical professionals. On the catheters. Ever get patients who actually LIKE to have a catheter in them?
NotMentallyInsane
I was fine with the catheter when I was unable to walk for a week.
somethingsomethingsomethingsomethings
Yeah sure. I'm an oncology nurse. We put them in mostly on dieing patients so we can make sure they don't get bedsores.
BillyMaysPowerHour
Nasogastric tube. It goes through your nose and down into your stomach.
TheFlyingBaboon
Fancy meeting you here.
BigAndChunkyDane
BDRRR!
dingleberrytwitch
Psh ng et tube are the real bitch pts pull out
Ferretface19
It's like....WHAT IS THIS SORCERY???!!!??
groversleeves
I literally hate 36% of the people that walk in the ED. If you say anything about dilaudid I double hate you.
skatinin69
If you say anything about dilaudid right after saying you prescription for pain pills just ran out today***
jellycatuniverse
"Let me guess you're allergic to everything BUT dilaudid."
meskarune
I legit have a bad reaction to opiates. They make me hallucinate and puke non-stop. NSAIDS give me intestinal bleeding.
jellycatuniverse
A lot of people do. That's something I heard an RN say to a patient during clinical.
Flyndaran
I have a near immunity to opiates. They have no analgesic or euphoric effects. I hate getting surgeries A LOT!
RedRocketLADB
geez how many surgeries have you had?
Flyndaran
One rectal fistulotomy by a doctor that must have been a C student.
Beltleatherbelt
There are analgesics other than opiates...
Flyndaran
Not ones strong enough for post surgery that I know of.
effingusernames
Me too -_-
UserSubImgurian
And phenergan, because zofran makes me nauseous.
dragonfyre1969
I had surgery and they would not Rx more opiate b/c low bp, I was't sick but asked for phen. Went right to sleep=NO PAIN!
meskarune
yeah, I get shit for asking for phenergan instead of zofran because it's a sedative, but like not everything is about getting high :/
UserSubImgurian
I hate pushing it because it can destroy veins
meskarune
Oh, thats good to know. I guess that is why I've always been given phenergan as a dissolvable pill instead of in an IV
marowin
You would have to try so hard, how do people not get its there to help them
frenchman25
Its very uncomfortable and alot of patients arent in their right mind when they have them. Ive had to reinsert alot
HeeelllloooooooMurse
I've placed one on myself and almost immediately started to vomit, removing it was practically an involuntary reflex
Kitash
Even better wait till you have someone in restraints manage to rip off their ostomy bag and leak on their new surgical incision. repeat x 7
UserSubImgurian
That is impressive right there. How'd you fix it?
Kitash
one on one nurse sitter and changed his dressing and ostomy 7 times while restrained. I have never again felt that dirty...
UserSubImgurian
Had a 10 yr old kiddo with a case of head lice so bad from 10 ft away it looked like her hair was moving. Felt itchy the rest of the shift.
Kitash
ewwwwwwwwwwww.... yea lice and bed bugs just make my skin crawl.
helloyesthisis
Couple of friends are ER nurses. Best story yet starts with Viagra and a metal cock ring and ends with erection squeezing and bolt cutters.
wrincewind
bolt cutters? Fuck, i'd use a file...
UserSubImgurian
Yeouch! And hopefully a understanding of "Things I'll never do again" who am I kidding, its the ER, see you next week for the same!
WhereLBJsNutsHang
My son self-extubated while restrained!!!!! We'll never know how either. He was too weak to turn his own head, but he got that fucker out.
WhereLBJsNutsHang
*extubated his breathing tube, the day before trach surgery. Obviously the trach was the right call
UserSubImgurian
Never underestimate the motivating power of a tube down your throat
raveracer77
Nurses are just trying to fight Natural selection one stupid at a time
darearkin
My favorite was the 92 year old man who made the nurses think he was having heart problems... because he was jerking it hooked to an EKG.
darearkin
(Large portions of my family work in medical fields. I've heard so many random stories...)
cragath
I can only aspire to be that guy when and if I hit 92.
Sampsongetsmelifted
When I was working on telemetry, one of the heart monitoring floors. It was great to see the rise in heartbeat when attractive nurses wentin
LyricChae
That must be very flattering actually, for the nurses.
UserSubImgurian
Who doesn't like a little rub and tug every now and then!
BruhbasaurIChooseYou
"Me"- no one ever
UserSubImgurian
You.. you I like.
Melonfish
tbh at 92 that is impressive!
darearkin
Holy mother of necroposting!
Melonfish
Lol, linked from the 2nd post. besides 6 months isn't too bad. there's extra holes.
darearkin
THERE'S A SECOND ONE? LINK! LINK NAO! *Arnold Schwarzenegger voice*
Pencillin
I had to wear a Holter for 24 hours once to monitor my SVT. Started "doing things" first thing in the morning but then stopped 1/2
Pencillin
2/2 because I didn't want them to see a 10-minute elevated heartbeat and think there was something else wrong w/ me.
SandFox
I had a Holter and did it anyways... they said to do all of my normal activities¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Pencillin
holy ancient reply, batman.........
Halesberry
As an RN, I find it easier to ask IV drug users where their best veins are. They know more than I do.
CitizenRekt
"Oh yeah go for that one in the elbow, its my favourite," "Yeah thanks man, I got this."
UserSubImgurian
I had a drug user take the IV from me, feel his chest, and access his subclavian. I was shocked.. um how do I say the pt started a central
UserSubImgurian
He said that's how he shoots up heroin. Doc told me to document what he did. (this guy has done it before apparently)
ShaaniBanaani
Damn, that's cray
dragonsfriend
the documentation is how you save your ass when his lawyer says you screwed something he did up.
UserSubImgurian
It said "cannula forcibly taken and before I could physically stop the pt w/o injury to pt or self he accessed his left subclavian vein."
InboxMeYourOwls
As a phlebotomist (go ahead and laugh) I prefer druggies to old cranky asses who believe in this all magical "baby needle" and that they>
meskarune
I had to have a baby IV put into my foot once because all my other veins busted. I legit have tiny hard to poke veins.
meskarune
I really hate it when I tell people to poke certain veins with the smallest possible IV, and have them not listen and break my veins.
InboxMeYourOwls
absolutely NEED one, even though a majority of them have decent veins. Then there's "I know I'm supposed to fast but I had..."
wrincewind
As someone who passes out whenever I get blood drawn.... Sorry. :<
InboxMeYourOwls
You don't need to be sorry at all. That is something you can't help. Just let them know you pass out so they can be ready for it. :)
RackaDishiprine
Was about to comment the same thing. I have thyroid problems and have to get regular blood tests. The phlebotomists know me there.
wrincewind
Dang, blast from the past! Yeah, I have epilepsy, so I get fairly frequent blood draws.