muukzor
270704
6585
135
Apr 4, 2017 12:04 PM
muukzor
270704
6585
135
SyberKai
Looks like meat is back on the menu boys
SlimSkeeter
Not so much accidental handjob as it is molestation....
Teganrose1
So this is what the "A Sad Handjob" card in Cards Against Humanity is about
Hellstorm99
Wait... they blinded him and attacked him, then gave him... did they just rape a goblin?
linkthemissing
Well, did he come or what?
Faaaaantastic
Yup, tried to reach up a goblins ass and rip out his entrails. Rolled a 2. "You put 1 finger in his ass". Great...
MogliDiosmio
Made me giggle +1
wormfood
If this was how D&D went when I was introduced I would never have played again. Dungeons and Memes is the worst D&D
CNAshel
It can be funny at times (well, this can't, but you know), but only if everyone's into it ahead of time. Surprise memelords kill campaigns.
ADemocraticBOI
Guys, I found the bard!!
CapsShield
Shpadoinkleman
Well that kinda goes without saying.
HankHell2400
"I tried to rip his dick off". Like...why, though? Even if you're Chaotic Evil, why? It's a pissant goblin, not the main antagonist.
IAlwaysUpvoteWhenIAmDrunk
He might be an edgy 16 year old.
asm80dfa8sdfj
There are a multitude of reasons that I couldn't properly cover here. Most likely it was done non-seriously for a laugh, but the DM did it.
Akilles
Hand of Mercy sounds like a cool title to have, but only if people don't know where it came from tho.
Fauxcused
Hard to shake that off
SquatchyBalls
Could be worse. My friend went the whole way and took an immobilised goblin straight to pound town in our game...
METAAAAAAAAAL
I legitimately laughed out loud
SquatchyBalls
I can assure you, so did we XD
stink3rbelle
Honestly it sounds like this dude deserves the nickname. Who feels the need to rip the genitals off a blind enemy? Kill and move on.
Junktrunkjunkie
I had a starwars campaign where while manuvering in combat my somewhat evil character used that as an excuse to step on an unconscious →
Junktrunkjunkie
→ enemies ankle (i was wearing power armor) I not only broke his foot clean off. He died from shock. Thats about as sadistic as i got though
gollom
Is it a fetish thing? It's probably a fetish thing.
Colmarr
or a teenager who thought he has a good idea.
RoombaTheAssaultVacuum
Shit like this happened so much to one of my players he stopped being a perverted gamer. He flies legit and is really good at roleplaying.
obsydyinn
My character critical failed 3 rolls in a row. Accidentally ingested a powerful aphrodisiac in her home town. Arrested for.. Lewd stuff.
ElRadis
Gayforbae
More like a knobgoblin, amiright?
fewe
Hey there hob goblin why don't you come over here and do some knob gobblin
Gayforbae
technocatgirl
folder[dnd]
daedaluscreator
Sleight of handjob
scottiewills
That's awesome! Me and my buddy killed a goblins mother then told it to join our group or die as well. Amazing what you can do in D&D
holymotherofpearl
Oh my god I'm laughing so hard I'm screeching
MaxNash
Sounded like that episode of HarmonQuest.
CorneliusCornwall
I'm blind and aroused. Its my bar mitzvah all over again
CornbreadCleric
At least you didn't try to screw a beholder....
Groznek
Moreover, why were you trying to rip something's dick off?
IQNAProductions
In a custom fan made D&D a friend of ours made up, there is a "companion" class. You give people handjobs to heal them...
heerobya
Sssshhhhh don't focus on the arrow in your spine, keep those eyes right here big guy...
ChiefMasterAirmanFirstClassSelectInCharge
I had a friend that was fighting some thug in a tavern and ended up failing so hard he got kissed and molested by him. Until I came over /1
ChiefMasterAirmanFirstClassSelectInCharge
and German suplexed the thug through a table. (our DM was kind of a weirdo...)
ChiefMasterAirmanFirstClassSelectInCharge
Oh, and my friend bit the guy's tongue off when I suplexed him and wore it around as a necklace.
UtopianDream
I think I'd like to play D&D. This casts doubt on that ambition.
kongurous
Don't worry, rolling a 1 doesn't actually mean anything unless you're rolling an attack, and then it's just a miss. Not a crit miss.
Princess0fCats
A lot of D&D isn't this way. I've never played in a game like this, and I've been playing for years.
preaction
Go find a local game store that does Adventurer's League. This interaction would be against the AL Code of Conduct (1)
preaction
"Avoid excessively vulgar, sexual, or overly mature language and themes." http://media.wizards.com/2016/dnd/downloads/AL_PH_SKT.pdf
AoDMG
Which is why the code is boring. These stories are great. Watching people be bizarre in non-threatening ways and tell stories together = DnD
preaction
So... sexually assaulting your enemies is... great? Picking up prostitutes and "pumping" them for information in Barovia... great?
AoDMG
You are using examples that haven't been mentioned. But, depending on the group and what people are comfortable & have fun with, yes.
preaction
The first example was OP's post. The second example was something my AL group had to deal with.
doubleormuffin
Different people RP for different reasons. I think it's important to be accepting of that and find players with similar mindsets to your own
preaction
And I think it's more important to be open to the maximum amount of people, including people who don't want to RP one PC fucking a callgirl
preaction
Also, the point of Adventurer's League is to get new players into D&D. It's the official organized play for D&D. That's why there are Rules
GuardsmanMiku
i just want to know after blinding and attacking him the guy thought the next logical step was to rip his dick off with his bare hands
nicklefarts
My kobold rogue bought a dress to create a disguise and then tried to seduce a dragon. So... things can get weird.
TheStealthHippopotamus
Is it wrong that I didn't see that as a bad choice?
StealTow
... how is that not the next logical step?
fairybug
I'm assuming they were torturing the goblin for info.
SomewhatOxygenated
You should open a history book some time
somekindafuckingidiot
youve never played dnd have you
GuardsmanMiku
oh i have, and my group is pretty crazy, just not sexual crazy i guess.
HighlySexualLobster
Probably wanted to make some jewelry.
DOR1057
Probably the group's Barbarian
grundig79
#notallmurderhobos
BenKrauter
I was running for a player who wanted to skin Drow and wear their hides as leather armor. It was weird and creepy.
TheRegius
We were in the underdark level 1 we could of collected armor from our captors but escaped "on accident" by setting everything on fire. 1/3
TheRegius
during escape we grabbed a few weapons and killed 1 guy so 1 chain armor, but no city, no merchant 2/3
TheRegius
so we proceeded to skin and don various pieces of things, skulls, scales, tentacles (as belt), and one used bat wings for a cape 3/3
Cryolith
Dude, in some of my groups that would have been the least strange suggestion.....
CanadianCobraChicken
Some? That's pretty much ALL of mine
TekPriest1975
One of mine and my old groups favorite tavern name is 'The Happy Barbarian' guess what kind of establishment that was.
TekPriest1975
I had a player once who decided to drop his loincloth and wave his junk at a mage...one 'crushing fist' spell later and his cudgel was gone.
Cryolith
But one critical fumble and "crushing fist" becomes "caressing stroke"
yeekee
So it's worth a shot then
zackofspades
My D&D group has that guy right now, I enjoy pissing his character off by always trying to reason/use non-violence
bixby66
Ah you don't want to be the weird boy in a campaign. It's very easy to kick someone out. Especially if you have a rogue.
zackofspades
All the encounters end in bloodshed I just like exhausting other possibilities for the narrative lulz
bixby66
Ah I meant the other guy. Weird murder boy. "And you just killed the guy our DM spent a minute describing. Not great."
thotsandprers
i don't know how the game works but i feel super bad for this goblin
courtster
Yeah what the Hell
GamesMeier
D&D lets people who tend to feel powerless in their lives actually feel powerful. It frequently results in horrifying scenes like this.
FajitaPrinceofAllMexicans
we do it because it's https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIqqd2RfLiI 2/2
FajitaPrinceofAllMexicans
Oh get that stick out of your ass. It's like violent videogames, we don't do it for some B.S. subconscious need for violence, 1/2
AceOfShovels
You want to do a thing, fictionally> storyteller (DM) says roll 20-sided die to see how well you do> rolling 1 results in hilarious failure
chillerluvcats
Does the DM describe the fail? Its not set in stone right ? Some person is making these up as they go?
AceOfShovels
Yup, the DM chooses and describes the failure. Most times it's set in stone, and made up on the spot. Imagination fuels most of the game.
chillerluvcats
Thanks a lot! I appreciate you taking the time to explain
AceOfShovels
The DM/GM (Dungeon Master or Game Master) runs the whole show except when it comes to the choices of players. There's core rules that >>>
AceOfShovels
>>> everyone largely adheres to in order to keep the game grounded, but the DM has the final say on all rule enforcement. Within those >>>
AceOfShovels
>>> rules, players can create characters with personalities, skills, and backstories, and choose to do whatever they want in the DM's world.
revcleo
Let's say you're Dave the Fighter who has a sword of +1 attack, and a natural strength of 12, the DM (dungeon master) controls how high you
revcleo
have to roll to succeed in an action. Let's say you want to roll to attack an angry Armored Horse who has an Armour Class of 16. You roll 2
revcleo
on your D20 (dice with 20 sides) 2 (dice) + 12 (strength) + 1 (sword) is 15, so you miss but it's not a bad one. You just don't hit t'horse.
devthedragon
A 12 strength would give you an additional +1 to the attack, not a +12. A +12 would be far past broken in pretty much any setting.
revcleo
yeah I think I messed up with the sword there, not the strength, this is just passing the ac check not calc. attack amount. That's usually
FillerNameToFillTheBox
Stat mods aren't calculated that way. Subtract 10 from your stat total and then divide by 2. +12 would be 34 Strength
revcleo
Idk that's how we did it
revcleo
Rolling a 1 on the dice is a critical failure, and rolling a 20 is a critical success. What those do depends on the imagination of your DM.
revcleo
A critical 1 attacking the horse could mean you stab your foot, maybe you stab a friend trying to restrain the horse. Maybe horse angrier.