RubyMoonNite
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The high pitched scream was from a dude...
Hope he never has kids or pets - they both have poo to be dealt with... often...
I think locking a bathroom door is on the list of basic human rights with the United Nations
Kids and pets puke too... often...
This just got way better than a poop/puke phone story
Another bodily fluid added to the mix - wow
I hope somewhere there isn’t a recording of this from the shitter POV
Don’t swipe - wipe
I think everyone took a break from sexting is what happened
Screenshot.... yesss
Shaved bald on the butt and you’re to blame - no clear direction gave my butthole a heart shape
primse
Just excellent!
randomStrange
What a fucking ride that was
KillroyJenkin
For all non believers here is a random photo of a random window to prove my story.
breakingcode
Most millenial in that it's made up for internet points.. so yeah i guess.
AFutileGesture
Bullet wouldn't have even penetrated if it was a Nokia.
GoobleGobbleGoobleGobble
ingenredes
*sobbing*
carney6623
I recommend the entire planet be treated with a dose of Neutron radiation...
linkapedia
taciturnpachyderm
The main reason I don't believe this: in what world would you hear this incredible screaming match and not instantly start recording it?
Taxicat
Probably figured their phone wouldn’t be able to pick up the sound well enough to be worth it? That’s been the case with me...
IllOnlyForgetThePasswordAgain
Also, who's taking a shit whilst jerking off on Facetime? Even if that were a thing (I know a blumpkin is similiar) how did it fall in.
ExplainThisJoke
I wasn't sure that the first story was real or just made up, but then op showed us a picture of a random window so you know it happened irl
clydeman420
Who the hell takes a shit at 3:30 in the morning?
handbanana13
I wanna see that video
ch3burashka
High probability it's fake, but it's a good story nonetheless.
ordomalleus61337
Would call this more of a gen z thing but okay
GhostHessian
HieronymousFlex
ftex530
He must have dropped his poop knife as well
Phoenix3600
Dog on the left isn’t sure, dog in the right is owning it
entropyk
You got that right!! His expression says somebody finally got it right...
IJustCantPick1
So... he had a second phone to call the GF?
OofTM2
You do realise that sound doesn't require electronic devices to travel, right?
iHaveNoMouthAndIMustMeme
It really happened, here, it's a picture of a window.
AnythingMuchShorter
Can't see how the fuck you'd get a picture of a window across from another window if all this didn't happen. Photoshop?
ExplainThisJoke
Right? I mean, how could this have NOT happened? Windows CLEARLY exist!
Voltair
Who jacks off without flushing beforehand?
FiftyShadesOfCauliflower
Coprophiles, presumably. Or people without a sense of smell.
tarataqa
A: Millennials
Jernau
Are you (and everyone replying) assuming it is normal to jack off right after pooping? I'm done with Imgur for today.
Mavgurian
"Babe?! You flushed like 10 mins ago, everything alright in there?"
asliceofpizza
What no one else does the courtesy flush?
FreeSpankings
He was jerking off on FaceTime, after taking a shit and without flushing? That shit nasty.
Hypnoticcow
What the fuck is wrong with people
temujin9
He was lying to avoid having her find out about the FaceTime.
Mavgurian
Limited capacity to imagine what anal would be like possibly.
CelticCommando
Poopsterbate
Xyolak
He was trying to Summon the wanky shit demon, obviously
MrFish49
Theres no rifling grooves on that bullet
Asco66
I think there are it’s just a bad photo. Any idea what type of bullet that is? Hollow base .308 fmj...
Asco66
I take it back. .224 70 gr fmj.
EliMFrost
Does that count as a blumpkin?
RubyMoonNite
I’m afraid to even look up what that means
tarataqa
google it from your workplace
RubyMoonNite
OmegaKamidake
Blowjob while taking a shit
RubyMoonNite
Sorry I wondered
OmegaKamidake
At least i saved a Google search haha
TheGirlWithTheHummingbirdTattoo
that's so fake it hurts
AnythingMuchShorter
Besides the top 4 reasons this is fake already mentioned, what about this forced him to admit he's on facetime with another girl?
TheGirlWithTheHummingbirdTattoo
yeah true. but the unrealistic dialogue and his improbable hearing ability was the tell for me