Barely slept since

I saw a post on here earlier. It made me realize it’s ok to talk, it’s ok to feel.

Was just clearing the hospital, immediately sent out on another. Possible suicide, adult male. I was there within 6 minutes, I got there moments after PD secured the scene. Walked into the apartment to find the man had shot himself under his jaw, obvious injury incompatible with life. We had to call it. Walking out I stepped on skull fragments. I informed his wife, she was hysterical and wouldn’t let go of me. PD took over with her and I went to get the kids that were in another room behind the a baby gate. I picked up one of the kids, my partner got the other. All of us started escorting the family out of the home to a neighbors house. The kid I was carrying, a little 5 year old boy, told me he got his daddy a “piwoh” (pillow) since he hadn’t been sleeping well. The kid kept asking if his daddy would like it. His dad hadn’t been sleeping well because of money and marriage issues. I can’t stop hearing the child.

I rarely get affected by calls. Even when I have been, never like this.

1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Hotline
Make the call, even if the whole world is falling apart make the call. Live. It isn’t worth it, help is out there.

Edit: just to let you all know I have sent an email to activate a CISM team. Critical Incident Stress Management team. It’s a common resource for first responders everywhere, tailored specifically to us to deal with these things.

Edit 2: The outpour of support, kindness, and genuine concern is staggering. This community never ceases to amaze me. For those feeling down, I made this post a while back to reach out about depression and crisis. https://imgur.com/gallery/7LX0H granted when I made it I had no idea I would soon come to need help myself. We are all beautiful people moving through life together. Thank you all, truly.

FP Edit: I didn’t really feel the need to do an FP edit at first..but honestly after reading through about 300 comments I do now. If you want to say it’s fake I don’t care. If you want to hate on me I don’t care. I can take keyboard warrior hate all day, because the real world has made me able to do that. What I won’t stand for and refuse to deal with is hating on those in this thread that are commenting their personal experiences about suicide and getting hate for it. I won’t stand for people talking about the father as if he was some terrible person. He left tons of presents for his kids, the kids were well dressed and had plenty of toys. They were clearly loved by both parents. The victims here are the whole family and the father together. The father lost a long battle based off the history we obtained from family, and the family lost some of their light. The children lost their father. Do not attack the family or the father. Do not attack fellow Imgurians in need or in pain. It’s wrong and unjust and makes you less human.