stormpilots
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my dad genuinely believes in a lot of really strange conspiracy theories, that really deserve a post of their own. some of them are pretty common (eg. the government is just there for show and theres some other organisation in charge, he thinks its big corporations and banks and the like), but hes put a bit of a twist on some too, like weather control (he believes that chemtrails are very early stages of weather control and x years down the line we are all going to be living in hhzs—human habitation zones—so the big corporations in charge want to slow down population growth—also the purpose of the chemtrails, apparently they contain some concoction of chemicals that makes conception less likely).
some of them really make no sense, but theyre ideas id like to write, and thats honestly the only reason i humour him. i get it, that makes me horrible.
QuincyEndicott
Sorry, nobody down here besides the FBI's most unwanted.
DRFUZY
Someone call Mulder and Scully
DecentFellow
My brother's one of those. The hardest thing right now is reading the news and realizing he's not as crazy as he sounds...
SoMenSayThatImIntenseOrImInsane
I want to hear these theories.
SoundPirate
You can recreate "chem trails" in cold weather using your breath or car exhaust. Not that interesting.
JCstormz
wonder what would happen if you told your father even Alex jones's lawyer calls him a theater act.
LordOsiris
Son?
frumpee
All conspiracy theories fall apart once they posit that the government is organized and effectual
HorseBot3000
If you think chemtrails are cuckoo: you ain't seen nothin yet...
tombrazelton
The best thing about believing in conspiracies is that any evidence that contradicts them is "all part of the conspiracy, maaaaaan!"
LanceSackless
Those conspiracy nuts are fucking idiots. They think the government is lizardpeople. THEY'RE SO FUCKING BLIND. The people in charge 1/?
LanceSackless
Are humans that WANT us to think they're lizardpeople and that we're human. We're the lizardpeople. WAKE UP YOU STUPID SHEEP. 2/2
AsherPaul
I'm an aircraft mechanic. I replace bad chemtrail canisters on jets all the time. I just hate it when I get that stuff on me.
animegirl420
Mine too. Last I heard from my dad, CERN was firing particles into the rings of Saturn to open a portal to hell, releasing the demon army.
TheDeadWillWalkInMyMemes
That's a good one
515XIX
CERN are up to some Black Mesa shit, i'm sure of it. I bet there's a bloke somewhere there with the name Gordon Freeman as well.
KvatchGuard
Also hhzs-thats what those FEMA buildings in big cities are dude. Fucking duh.
postbluex
Uhhh... sorry to break it to you OP, but our government is literally in the pockets of the banks and corporations of America. Get woke.
bigbootybigfoot
System of a down is behind 9/11
nudistpriest
I don't know about chemtrails, but he's definitely right about corporations and the government.
Wuhaa
I can't tell the jokers from the crazies in this comment section.
LuciferRattlehead
Hi there I'm FBI, I would like to have some conversations with you're dad if you don't mind.
kermie92
Hi FBI I'm Dad.
billposterslawyer
It's your FBI, dad. Why is son here?
kermie92
Reasons
WestonsCat
This. This made me chuckle out loud.
heyimwalkenhere
OPs dad
AluminiumFalcon
Probably an avid fan.
RichardDeanAnderson
Barron?
dandelionwino
denigreur
Why, why why the fuck big corps would want to slow human pop ? They thrive on more profits and growth. Less people doesn't accomplish that.
MajorPubes
CaptainObvious3000
Watch 5 mins of Alex Jones and you'll see there's way crazier theories out there. INTERDIMENSIONAL PSYCHIC VAMPIRES!!
Ruhig
I'm always amazed by the level of competence and organization that these theories give people credit for. I mean, have you MET people??
denigreur
Always said that. Have you dealt with government or military before you claim anything ? It's almost a miracle it doesn't collapse on itself
TardWrangl3r
Or that THAT many people involved in a lot of these could keep stuff a secret. Especially when there's so much money to be made confirming
exblazer
Your dad is probably not so wrong.
Bobwithglasses
Except about chemtrails, right?
exblazer
I'm not very familiar with that
metaphysicalburrito
Well he may not be right about the intent and execution but the result very well may be the same.
674e031f7dbd1f14bdc9160468379d78e6fcb32c97b2e40fe00e35376336373
Chemtrails are just caused by the rapid change in air pressure caused by a plane's engines
olearydan20
Contrail* "con-trail" condensation-trail. It's actually stupid simple and logical.
metaphysicalburrito
and planes are emission-free?
CaptainObvious3000
THEY'RE TURNING ALL THE FROGS GAY
QuincyEndicott
WITH CHEMICALS
MostOfTheTimeMyGifsAreBetterThanYours
in ww2 the usa tried to make a gay-bomb to turn german soldiers gay on the battlefield. So frogs wouldnt be such a big deal i guess.
Episkopos
We had a customer that would keep a completely straight face and monotone voice while launching of into wild tangents about his conspiracies
Episkopos
I wish I had written them down to run a game of unknown armies.
UggItsThatKid24
I'm loving all the he's not so crazy comments glad to see I'm not alone. I don't think they're turning the frog's gay by the way. 1/2
UggItsThatKid24
But think of the advantages a weather weapon would give you for destabilizing your enemies something we are very good at already.
valen00
Except we can't even reliably predict the weather tomorrow, how can you weaponize something you can't control or predict?
UggItsThatKid24
Well that would be the point of trying to control and understand it. I'm not saying they are close but they are trying.
UggItsThatKid24
Predicting it and trying to manipulate it are two different ventures.
sandhamwich
Weather control is similar to nukes in that it can drastically effect an ecosystem's ability to produce or not.
UggItsThatKid24
And we have seen an pretty large amount of massive animal die offs and erratic weather
sandhamwich
Mutual destruction because we all know we can do it.
UggItsThatKid24
Whoever figured it out first could keep it secret based on its nature alone. No one would believe it was real
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UggItsThatKid24
I absolutely agree. Like the world being flat is silly that's just disinformation or Alex Jones and his bullshit. But bet your ass 1/2
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UggItsThatKid24
I fucking despise that dude he's a big reason why no one takes us seriously. I do like David Icke he can get a bit nutty though
UggItsThatKid24
They are unequivocally responsible for 9/11 thousands of engineers to back that up
UggItsThatKid24
They killed Kenedy, suppressed knowledge of E.T.'s and idk what anyone says there's thousands of engineers and ex military to back me up
Overclockworked
But corporations are in control. We literally just put a real estate mogul in the potus chair. Business tycoons regularly find positions
neil137
if i was the most powerful man in the country and i owned a corporation, i don't think i could stop myself from helping my corportation
Overclockworked
at regulatory agencies for the very industries they ran, & corporate interests supersede public ones via lobbying (i.e. recent privacy bill)
TraitorousTrump3
Today the current CEO of Exxon is asking for waiver around sanctions to work w Russian oil co. The signer of waiver? Former Exxon CEO.
stormpilots
thats true, but hes insisting that brands like cola lowkey rule the world and such.
flowseeker
He's got the right idea, he just has to think bigger.
LightDevourer
Just one question, how old are you? I'm genuinely curious.
Snarkoleptic
Well when you people actually -vote- for them...
RepostFromLastWeek
Do you know what was the first western corporation in Afghanistan after the invasion in '03? 8 letters, starts with C.
InternetCartographer
Chiquita? Those bastards! Haven't the already killed enough?
cocksparkle
Hey OP, minions are aliens that are slowly but surely subjugating us until they decide to land and take over. 1/who knows?
cocksparkle
Also, fuck, subjugate was the wrong word to use there.
cocksparkle
Ever since minions came about, it's all been going to shit man and it's just been snowballing more and more. 2/?
cocksparkle
When the eventual WW3 breaks out, they'll invade. Our armies and cities will be too weak to defend against the onslaught. 3/?
cocksparkle
After crushing us culturally as a species (which they've nearly done) they'll crush us physically. 4/?
Bobwithglasses
Coca-Cola is pulling us apart and Pepsi is trying to bring us together. It makes sense now!
tommyfox69
Dank.
Pengarr
I would read dystopian sci-fi about The Cola Wars. ESPECIALLY if it was a stealth prequel to Demolition Man.
neomaddog
Pepsi invented the three seashells confirmed
Mobileuserwholikestoberandom
What about Dr.Pepper?
idiotcube
He's just happy to be here.
AluminiumFalcon
He's defiantly not wrong about the banks: https://youtu.be/CAYkmutzcrU
Trbfkd
Lol this video try's to make things that are normal and totally justifiable into a conspiracy
DrippySpaffMungeBimp
*definitely. Why do people mix up these words so much?
Lefthandturnsignal
Autocorrect
AluminiumFalcon
Autocorrect fucked me. My bad.