Maybe I'm just a shitty person.

Background: Last year, I was a truck driver for about 15 months total. When I finished training and finally got my own truck the first thing I did was invite people on it to ride along with me. I extended the offer promising that I would pay for food, buy them souvenirs, and if they wanted to go home earlier than I could get them there I would pay for their way via bus if needed.

One of the people I offered this to was my current boyfriend. This Oct. we will have been together for four years. When I first became a truck driver he was still in school. We moved in together just before he graduated. After that he then became jobless with no income. I was bringing home all the money.

Still, my boyfriend refused to come out on the truck with me, even for a single trip. I was local so while I sometimes drove as far as the boarder of Canada, I was home as often as every other weekend. My boyfriend had nothing going on and just sat at home playing video games.

Today I am no longer a truck driver. I'm a cashier at a minimart in the same town we live in together. Right after switching jobs he then became a pizza delivery driver for about six months, but now works for Blood Source doing something he enjoys and making more money.

If you didn't know already there's a solar eclipse coming up in North America in a couple of weeks. I found out that a location where we can get total coverage is on one of the old routes I used to drive, so I know the road pretty well. It feels like a once in a life time opportunity and I didn't want to miss out on a chance to not only see a total coverage solar eclipse in person, but also maybe redeem those 15 months of lonely driving with my boyfriend accompanying me.

I told him I would do all the driving, pay for the gas and snacks, and pay for the camp site. All he would have to do is be the passenger and take care of what we listen to. He seemed to like everything about the idea except the drive itself. He doesn't want to ride in the car for that amount of time, so we're not going.

I still really want to go. Hearing that he doesn't want to ride with me again feels like a big punch in the stomach. I feel like those 15 months meant nothing. I supported him and our apartment together, spent my tax return moving in with him, and he never wanted to go out there with me. No one did.

Now, I'm so desperate to go with someone who would actually want to go with me that I'm debating whether, or not to ask someone who has wanted to be my bf for years. I know it's shitty, but I feel like shit considering.

Td;dr - op's a sad pos. Gimme all your down votes.

Cat tax: My fat mow.