I live alone in a one room flat with no access to a garden. I find solace in growing plants. Here’s my collection.

Billie was my first - the one that started it all. She’s a burrito chilli plant and I got her as a two leaf sapling. When I managed to keep her alive for more than a week, I was amazed. She’s now fruiting!

This is Fernando. He’s a very hardy plant and supposedly hard to kill. So far we’re doing okay. He’s pretty shy. We haven’t bonded yet.

This is Cher; she’s a bitch. A total drama queen. Once I watered her on Saturday rather than my usual Friday and she almost died. Total Prima Donna.

Beneprick Cactuspatch is outgrowing his pot but he’s alright I guess. He’s actually super soft. He’s on my succulent windowsill. These guys are hard to kill (I hope).

Squidward looks like a carnivorous plant but he’s a succulent, and he’s a bit of a party animal. This pot is actually a pen holder I repurposed. I love it.

Keith is a quiet type. He’s apparently going to grow mini Keiths all around him like a halo. I can’t wait to see it, even if my drawing of him kinda looks like hairy balls.

Tiny Tim lives in an old bonsai pot and this picture doesn’t do justice. He is smol. But he will continue to spread as he gets older. Then I guess he’ll just be Tim.

Jolene’s beauty is beyond compare, with flaming... blob... of auburn hair, spiky skin, and a stalk of emerald green. She lives in my hand painted Dolly Parton pot. From this angle you can only see her titties.

Sister Monica Joan came home with me from Ikea of all places and was my first succulent. She’ll get bigger with age but I love her little stripes. They’re bumpy! I hope it stays this way.

Miranda Priestly got her name because of her witty personality and sharp looks. Probably my favourite succulent. (Don’t tell the others).

Babe Ruth is a monkey cup pitcher. They’re called this because monkeys drink the water which catch in the pitchers. Duh. He’s a carnivorous plant, and super temperamental. Probably going to kill this one so we’re not getting attached to each other.

Audrey II is also easy to kill but I love her a lot. She’s a Venus fly trap and anyone who gets this reference is automatically cool to me. I saw her catch a fly once. It was awesome. I was so proud.

Akiko is my newest edition. She’s a rosemary bonsai tree. I chose the name because it can mean ‘sparkle’, ‘bright’, and ‘autumn’. In spring she’s going to get little white flowers. I repotted her because I want her a little bigger. She was expensive.

These dwarf sunflower babies are two days old and my first children grown from seeds!! My plan is to keep one or two and give the others away at work. I was so bloody happy when I saw them emerge. I felt like Mother Earth herself.

I use basil a lot in my cooking so it was logical to grow some as it’s expensive. They’re so tiny and are also two days old, I just didn’t notice them until yesterday.

Well, they’re my babies. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!! I hope one day to have a garden where I can let them run free, but for now they’re living by my window.