HabitaboVeritate
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"Yes! Absolutely! Men should be able to feel free to express their emotions just as much as women do!" When men actually open up in their untrained ways, their partners later devalue it by saying, "I just don't think you open up that much." Face palm. Maybe to you it didn't seem like much, but to me it was a lot.
I got broken up with due to this and I'm upset about it. I don't care if it gets downvoted for being too popular of an opinion. Men aren't experienced at sharing emotional stuff so don't expect them to be linguistically nuanced on emotional subjects. I haven't seen many people talk about this so I made this post.
EDIT: Front Page. Sweet. Still feel the same way. Send Pics of you're favorite DC comic character. Mine's Deathstroke.
Mycologics
Look, get that you're sad. But it's weird to say that "men aren't trained in this". Showing emotions is normal for both.
Piratemutaneer
Grow up.
thesarahpowellexperience
Ever since an (ex) boyf opened up about sexual abuse when he was a young teen, I've learned to listen to anything a guy might open up about
flummoxed0709
I feel fairly experienced at expressing my feelings when the need arises.
Nickster117
I'm glad your single, it's one step closer to finding someone who's a better fit with you. We learn, then we repeat until we improve. Salud.
harveybirdmanesquire
Grow up.
Rinsie
Tbh, as a woman I feel like when I open up about something emotionally, it makes people not take me seriously, because I'm 'weak/unstable'
MinMaxGod
I really feel you on this. When I do open up, suddenly it becomes about managing her reaction to my feelings. Not me opening up.
heinzb
what do you mean by normal??
TheYrri
Why are you so wise in a way of words?! Am so stealing this to explain what emotional maturity is!
demonic
My last ex posted on FB saying it was complicated before even talking to me and yet she was shocked when I didn't "try"
GryphonHunter
You should try writing it down first. It helps to clarify what you want to say and how it sounds. Nothing wrong with planning ahead
ThisIsJustToComment
Tough is good but woman can't work with a fucking wall
Trsberlinetta
Did you mean women?
TheRicM
@OP but we all should be expected to help them get there
OriginalHimedere
You make sense well at the same time you shouldn't speak for all me. My boyfriend is infact more open then I am about things.
deliciousMulansauce
You're the problem dude. Lower standards would mean even dumber guys to be around. You have emotions just express them. Stop being a bitch.
FishPotatoWalrus
Agree. I think men are discouraged from expressing emotion. Things like "man up", "real men don't cry", and so on.
FishPotatoWalrus
IMO this is probably a big reason for the high male suicide rate. Compared to women, men tend to bottle everything up, never get help, etc.
TGWeaver
In which the OP presents his relationship problem as a global one. "All women act the way my ex did, all men act the way I did".
somespazzoid
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I believe the actual process of learning something is an emotional one...(1/2)
somespazzoid
And my lack of emotional expression and emotional openness can hinder my intellectual pursuits. This includes learning to be open (2/2)
nogutsnobuttsnococonuts
You don't have to be emotionally mature but you do need to be willing to develop those skills if needed....
CaptainShutTheFuckUp
"Don't care if it gets downvoted." Downvoted.
watztheuse
+1 for name. Thank you for the chuckle.
dinahsaurusgrr
The next step after awareness of your shortcomings is to assess what to do, seek guidance and re-train yourself to be better at those shortc
snuffcarcass
Shush with your "self-awareness" and "personal growth" balderdash.
Evanrudeplz
This sounds like a you problem. Don't drag us all down with you.
beeseethree
M'Whining.
LittleMsPan
Many people fail to realise that men don't open up and show feelings because society trained them to be "hard shelled men". "Be a man"
HighSlayerRalton
Men are quite capable of expressing emotion.
MakeMeStarlit
Not like women. A few guys yes but men and women process everythinfg differently. Google it, womens minds work faster and we mukti task
howaboutnothankyouverymuch
As a woman, I have trouble expressing myself and not just deflecting with jokes. I haven't cried in front of someone since my dog died.
TheLyfeOfMe
Maybe some are, but I know I have a very hard time trying to talk about negative feelings with people
Talmorean
IE The Trojan War: Menelaus was pretty fucking pissed off and showed it.
trolololono
Honestly? Troy was rich as hell and the Greeks just wanted an excuse
Talmorean
Are you fun at parties? I bet you are.
TheWheelWeavesAsTheWheelWills
I generally remain silent and what I do share is trivial. Genuine emotional sharing. Nope. Though I've been referred to as "cold" so meh.
Tattooedpineapple
I'm the same way. My mom complains that I'm just like my dad (I'm a girl btw)
ColonelCouch
I watched Scrubs. A lot. JD didn't really have a whole lot of emotional maturity.
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leftypride
My thoughts exactly!! That was the whole point of the running inner monolog. IT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE SHOW!
lafemmenikita
SO much this. Turk was better, actually https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGVWTSqFjWI
INeedAHumourUpgrade
It must be pretty frustrating - "Do this! no, you didn't do it the way i WANTED you to." Immature minds can't recognise other peoples1/2
PleasantPeasantPheasant
My bf confessed to me who his HS crush was, which he expected me to react to as if he'd admitted a murder, my goodness guys are dramatic.
Sudsworthy
Thank you for posting this, I am@not the only one.
INeedAHumourUpgrade
I learned that lesson the hard way. It was hard to recognise that *I* was the one at fault, when I had all these justifications for it.
INeedAHumourUpgrade
I learned that lesson the hard way. It was hard to recognise that *I* was the one at fault, when I had all these justifications for it.
IWantToUseAHyphenInMyName
There's also an issue with trying to measure male emotional interaction from a female perspective. We are not the same and we do not 1/3
IWantToUseAHyphenInMyName
express ourselves in the same ways. Making men 'better' at emotional communication shouldn't mean making us express ourselves like women 2/3
IWantToUseAHyphenInMyName
It goes both ways, men do need to be more ok with expressing themselves. But women also need to learn how to listen to men. Thank you 3/3
IWantToUseAHyphenInMyName
(As long as we're talking in a general manner, great sweeping general statements. Individual results may vary)
HabitaboVeritate
Yeah this. I am being tested for ASD right now. I need the gun from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. All problems solved.
ThisNameIsMaybeTaken
A Sexual Disorder. Or maybe Disease. Hmm.
HabitaboVeritate
Sorry, it is Autism Spectrum Disorder. Asperger's in particular.
INeedAHumourUpgrade
2/2 efforts, because it doesn't meet their expectations, so therefore, the other person gets demeaned and invalidated.
idontreallycareforthisstuff
You just described my last relationship. I'm just glad someone put it in words. Thank you.
juffowup00
Well shit..is there a cure?
NoHazzard
Either tell somone what to do or how to do it. Both doesn't work.
LunaLuscus
This is why I ALWAYS let people talk out their issues, and try to be understanding even if there's things I don't agree with. Also, 1/2
LunaLuscus
instead of phrasing like "You should do X" I ask, "Have you tried X?" If they have, work from there, try and help towards a healthy solution
BathtubFire
Man, thanks. I needed this.
juffowup00
Well shit..is there a cure?
HeyOP
1) This comment is to check back later to see if anyone (else) mentions patriarchy as the root of "the problem," but since I'm commenting,
HeyOP
2) people can look for almost whatever they want in a relationship, including more emotionally available men. Sucks for men who aren't, but.
ELKronos
3) Purple monkey dishwasher.
Shadowstrikerx10
4) The Good Succ TM
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YouWillNotLikeThis
(2) stress, men in general cope better than women. Suicide is often used as an agrument that men can't handle emotions, but fact is way more
YouWillNotLikeThis
(3) more women attempt suicide, men just succide doing it. Or maybe the solution is to not make this some kind of gender thing, when most
YouWillNotLikeThis
(4) of the larger problems that men and women faces are the same
HeyOP
You apparently deleted your (1) but left 2-4 still up.