BlubberbuttCrumblesnatch
258212
6633
182
Jul 9, 2015 5:26 PM
BlubberbuttCrumblesnatch
258212
6633
182
RaggedCritic
As a Prog Metal, and Power Metal fan this is terrifyingly accurate...
Greypuppy
Symphonic power metal- The ageless starlord protagonist fights the Old God dragon in space while Luca Turilli and the princess slay a king.
BootyPaladin
Fuck yes. Another Luca fan!
LiterallyYourMom
Post-metal: The protagonist, dragon, and princess all lay in the grass staring at the stars while layers of reverb wash over them.
Borednstalkn
Neue Deutsche Harte: Band rolls in with flamethrowers, torches the dragon and castle, gangbangs the princess, and exits, growling MOTHERLAND
Coserine
Underrated post
Psyman2
#1 Coincidentally, this is also the plot of most power metal songs.
ParaQuantum
Which one is it when the knight fucks the dragon instead?
RiaAlonso
Bestial metal?
Bruhbeans
Reggae, because that knight is high as fuck
justchasinglight
Oh, that's just Slipknot.
LepidoliteMica
I was going to ask that.
BrokenOnion
For the progressive metal one, you forgot the part where the world dissolves into space.
Jack0d
You mean: dissolves into spaces, gets sent to 6/127th dimension and is perfectly pieced back together in a way only the drummer understands.
AUsernameNotTaken
Two minutes is a bit much for Grindcore.
slosh138
Yeah. 45 seconds would be about average.
Alexagon
I agree. Napalm Death - You Suffer = 1.316 seconds.
CruelHandLuke
Yousufferbutwhy
highHarlequin
As a metalhead, can confirm.
StopUpvotingSobStoriesYouMiserableSacksofShit
as a metalhead this post is shit
Wearethegears
You're shit
TenaciousDavid
I like your username.
Alexagon
Stoner Metal: The protagonist doesn't care, instead he drives to Grand Canyon in a '67 Mustang to watch the sunrise, baked out of his mind.
Alexagon
Possibly stopping on the way to stock on beer, Saladitos and fuzz pedals and play a few rounds of pinball.
LeTomCat
That legitimately sounds like a High on Fire song
Alexagon
Could be any number of bands, but this is more what I had in mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEOx9o8pVUg
LeTomCat
Updoot all stoner metal. This is what I was thinking https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fq1gb50iobU
redderpanda
I don't have a quick link because mobile, but I instantly thought Kyuss
Deathmetalmakesmehappy
Yay, relevance :D
HashSlingingThrasher
YEET
Deathmetalmakesmehappy
Fellow metalhead and thrasher, we are brothers connected by a love for the similar sound :D
Gethmetal
I was really hoping to be relevant.
Deathmetalmakesmehappy
You are also relevant :D
Gethmetal
goldensky
Symphonic metal for the win.
baturinsky
This http://www.findtheneedle.co.uk/images/companydescription/135414.jpg is a huge metal fan
gunnexx
Forgot British metal: few guys in everything jeans show up, beat up the dragon and have a beer and then slur sexual advances to the princess
ssdoomcraft
And then there is Pantera...
V1K1NGFVNERAL
Cowboys come out of a hellhole and drink a dragon under the table and then rape it?
demodokhos
There's /always/ a dragon or a unicorn involved. Metal is the nerdiest, DnDest genre ever.
Zziltoid
Fuck yeah.
V1K1NGFVNERAL
People don't understand why my Skyrim soundtrack is Dio, Savatage, Metallica, Mastodon, Opeth, and Dethklok.
Alisterfiend
I love gangster DnD rap
affinityoftime
Especially with bands like Tyr and Sabaton. They just go so well together.
shepardcommander07
I fucking love sabaton
Wybo
I associate heavy metal with fantasy because of the tremendous power that the music delivers. Christopher Lee
LongSnailTrail
's metal band is pretty awesome if you haven't listened to them already.
PaulyBallnuts
ol Charlemagne
asmunde
This is spot on. Also, studies show that Metal heads are the most happy.
RiddlersRevenge
As a metal head.....fuck yea upvotes for all!
imentirelyrelevant
Black Metal, dragon fucks the steed, eh? http://www.hd-motion.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Shrek1_BR3D_screenshot4.png
RustyStarr
TIL there are 17+ genres of Metal.
gensh
I once had a two hour argument over genres, only to discover that we agreed but used different names for the really esoteric stuff.
Zziltoid
Sounds like a good night. Where do I sign up?
AwwMang
YouTube comments section on nearly any metal video
ZombieZooZombieZoo
And so many sub-genres
DaftTechno
http://oi55.tinypic.com/jh6clz.jpg
Doomdspair
Love charts like that...combined with wiki and youtube for much listening!
Archaon6044
Pornogrind wtf? That sounds amazing
Ampel
It really isn't (imo at least) although the album names can be hilarious https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAi22BufLCM
CorgisButtsDriveMeNuts
You just got internet connection?
Snowraptor
This didn't even cover them all. Post, melodic death, technical death, blackened death, djent, and metalcore to name a few that were missed.
IWishIKnewAUsername
White metal! (christian metal)
dervasavred
Not to mention sub-sub-sub-sub genres that have popped up.
DaenerysTargaryenTheFirstOfHerNameKhaleesiOfTheGreatGrassSea
Stoner metal too.
saltyfruit
More genres than tumblr identities
RonSwansonIsDefinitelyNotDukeSilver
There's also Brutal Death, Beatdown, Heavy Beatdown, Slam, and Deathcore. And many many more.
smeeshsmoosh
Post-metal: the knight sits down with the dragon and has a long, cathartic discussion about feelings.
ziggerknot
MakingUpAUsernameIsTerrifying
You can't kill the metal. Metal will live on. Punk Rock tried to kill the metal, But they failed as they were smite to the ground.
euphorick
Smote*
Boredman
IT COMES FROM HELL
DaBaDeeDaBaDie
Black metal sounds as if Shrek 1 took a turn for the worst...
IAlwaysFavoriteFood
Brutal?
SomethingRelvant
Brutal
SomethingRelvant
Brutal.
nosewinosu
Do porngrind plz
Boofernut
The protagonist arrives and vomits on the dragon and the princess and leaves. I think.
BlubberbuttCrumblesnatch
So THAT was the one where he fucks the dragon!
PaulyBallnuts
well shit
PaulyBallnuts
oh my god i just read your username and you win
zawdin
What about pirate metal?
werecougar
Running Wild shows up and kills everyone.
samsonguy920
The Protagonist and dragon get into a debate about who has the bigger booty, the treasure or the princess. Cannons go off, >
myrtheus
The Protagonist arrives on a ship, rapes the princess, and plunders the dragon's booty.
AlDorn
wait so he does the same thing to both the dragon and the princess?
myrtheus
Yaarrrr!
samsonguy920
2> the princess kills the dragon and makes off with the treasure, and the protagonist whines about the princess stealing his ship.
notyouraveragedonut
Similar to viking metal. But with more smoke and rum.
KawaiiPotatoGirl
Folk metal on a ship.
Reg06
The dragon is a kraken. The protagonist gets drunk, rallies a crew, ravishes the princess (who is a wench), crashes his ship into the kraken
deltajesus
Alestorm is kinda a mix of powermetal and folk metal.
RandomlyYours
With a high high ho and a high high hey, the pirates get drunk, kill the dragon, steal everything, go whoring, and drink some more.
TheCorvus
Everyone is drunk, including the dragon. Especially the dragon.
pmmeyourtitsforpuns
or Metal Gear?
revcleo
RUM RUM RUM YARRR RUM RUM RUM AHOY
Snowraptor
If someone wants something other than Alestorm https://lagersteinau.bandcamp.com/album/drink-til-we-die
515XIX
YEAH LAGERSTEIN! They're good friends of Alestorms ha.
MandNBeers
WE ARE HERE TO DRINK YOUR BEER, AND STEAL YOUR RUM AT THE POINT OF A GUN
515XIX
They were all too drunk and missed their window.
xBloodxIron
Asking the important questions here.
skink356209
they arrive in a sailboat, get drunk with the dragon, put the princess in the brig, fuck her, and then sell her later on to get more booze
myr14d
The protagonist arrives on a ship, but the dragon is already dead and the princess is gone. Protagonist gripes about ninjas rest of the song
theultimatebohab
SWASHBUCKLE!!!!! "THIS ROUND'S ON YOU!"
WhatyoudontknowaboutFUCKMOUNTAINcankillyou
Everybody gets drunk, then they cut a midget in half.
smashpro1
MORE WENCHES AND MEAD
LisaMegatron
Motherfucking ALESTORM!!!!!
andoselpantos
ONE MORE DRINK AT THE SUNKEN NORWEGIAN!
MurDerMooSe
We meet the singer after a show once, got jagerbombs with him and took him to a strip club, it was a good time lol
bloodhoundgang
Nancy the Tavern Wench and To the end of our days are great.
deltajesus
Can't fucking wait to see them in february
FarkasMacTavish
Theyhaveaversionof"YouAreAPirate"anditisthebestthingever and also the only song of theirs I listen to aside from "Drink!"
Iriju
You DON'T listen to Keelhauled?
FarkasMacTavish
Nuh. o3o
Cyclopentadien
keelhaul that filthy landlubber!
Iriju
Send him down to the depths below!
necrotomy
You forgot Ambient Post-Crust Sludge-Gaze Pornogrind
UrsaUrsa
Now you're just making shit up... :D
AwwMang
Seriously though I'd listen to that in a heartbeat
AreXi
*Thrash
xzxw
I fucking love thrash.
HashSlingingThrasher
Me too B-) Thrashers unite!
SihayaOfTheAllPowerfulMeh
Thank you.
TenaciousDavid
I thought OP was talking shit for a second there.
theycallmetherattlesnake
http://www.pahardcore.com/boards/profiles/23270/Xsparkle7.jpg
BobaFettBobaFettWhere
I'm sure trash metal is a thing too lol, there's fucking pirate metal, no lie
wababooba
I used to think it's called "Trash Metal" and I didn't understand why
BlubberbuttCrumblesnatch
True! +1 Was not intended... funny typo is funny
cuddlez
given the ridiculous number of subgenres pf metal I just assumed trash metal was a real thing and got to the end wondering where thrash was.
LordHighFarcwad
same
LordHighFarcwad
same
BlastedApple
I want to watch all of these as a series of animated short films.
shryleck
metalocalypse
LockedKeye
Including the ones involving necrophilia?
hnk416
I do too, and done in the same style as Super Jail
PaulyBallnuts
holy balls i envisioned each one in my head as i read em hahaha
FreeRefillWithPurchase
Amon Amarth has the viking metal short film covered.
nirach
Metalocalypse! But probably not all of them. Still.
HawaiianJesus
You just want to see the princess getting fucked. Typical scientists.
ThisIsThePlaceWhereIBelong
Of course with the correct type of metal for each one!
PhoebusApollo
The guy who does asdf movies! Tomska!
Artopho
The closest things would probably be music videos and the cutscenes in Brutal Legend
V1K1NGFVNERAL
DECAPITATIOOOOOON
BlastedApple
Man, I loved that game!
GlassObsidian
Watch Game Of Throwns
RecentlyDeceasedHighQualityCorpse
Make it happen!
pixeldust
I could probably do without seeing the Gore Metal one. Heh, ew.
baldandbearded
Here, have some Metalocalypse: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsTmJtfGz-E
GuardsmanMiku
omg thats where the brutal meme comes from!
BlubberbuttCrumblesnatch
Yes! Awesome idea!
Salarystick
Metalocalypse music videos.
myr14d
Narrated by David Attenborough.
peterned
It's a shame Christopher Lee can't narrate that anymore https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eU2GcuAm6EI may he RIP
Armored0Titan0
David Attenborough voices the dragon.
Atharaphelun
Here you go
BlastedApple
Is this Egyptian Metal?
DanielReader
Now is this Bear-Blasting, or Hump-Catting?
MrRandom314159
I still need to watch DethKlok.
watskeburt
Dawg. Metalocalypse is very worth your time. Source:me
EricAndresmoleonhisleftbuttcheek
I ejaculate fire!!!!
crazedhunter
A venomous fluid, a cantankerous druid!
crazedhunter
A venomous fluid, a cantankerous druid!
BookSmart
Where I have I seen this before?
Atharaphelun
Dethklok - I Ejaculate Fire
BookSmart
Yeah, that's it. Man, I love that show.
Messtress
I needed this! My husband plays metal and although I still don't know what kind I loved these.
shepardcommander07
My boyfriend sings in a prog death metal band and its tough to remember all the sub genres. I just know when i like something.
LisaMegatron
Well you're alive, so clearly you're not one of the dead princesses.
Messtress
I could be. Zombie love is awesome.
Shineupordown
Well does he fucks you or does he borrows your clothes ?
Messtress
Fuck me. I would let him borrow my clothes for blackmail, but I haven't talked him into it yet.
Shineupordown
Kinky...who knows he might even be into it :)
HellaDonkeys
My boyfriends a metal fan too! and I never understand the differences. Anyone's man on the toilet ov hell blog?
RustyStarr
"...although I still don't know what kind" LOL
Messtress
I read them all repeatedly.
Messtress
I read them all repeatedly.
HauteChocolate
Cool. Does he have YouTube or Soundclound etc?
Messtress
He toured as a fill in drummer for someone, but there are a couple of YouTubes of just him. Nothing of good quality.
SpenceOrSpencer
As a guy who recently fell in love with stoner/retro metal, you give me hope a woman may someday like my nerdy self anyway! :'-)
Messtress
Have hope. I love him in spite of the music. Sometimes I enjoy it. Sometimes it makes me wanna kill. Maybe that's the point.
HellaciousHaze
I like metal because it calms me down its weird
BeatsBearsBattlestarGallactica
Me too! My boyfriend's super into it. I really can only identify Doom metal though.
shepardcommander07
Power metal is an easy one. Think fast and epic. Think of dragonforce-through the fire and flames
emuthegreen
I can pull folk metal out. That's about it.
Messtress
Grindcore I recognize.
nelshai
How can you only identify one of the more obscure sub-genres? o.o
jimbleswimbles
Pfft doom metal is simple, just look out for dissonant notes and ~20 minutes of whispering followed by a 5 min outro of rain on a tin roof
BeatsBearsBattlestarGallactica
It's just super relaxed and like I'm going on a journey and pretty sweet when we're stoned or doing chores. Other than that though I'm lost.
nelshai
That could also be Pagan/Folk/Progressive metal, though. :p It's hard to tell the difference a lot of the time.
InCaseofMetaBreakGlass
Doom is low and slow, going for a depressive atmosphere.. That's the general thing distinguishing it from other subgenres.