The time I trapped myself

Story time

So I bought this heavy duty handcuffs for sexy time when my long distance girlfriend visits. These are the real deal. The recommended items on amazon weren't lube or sexy dice. It was mag lights, holsters, and police radios. Police grade cuffs.

Anyways, I decided to try them out on one of my hands to see if they hurt or not. I put the cuff on my hand and then cuffed the other end to my farthest away, corner, bed post. As soon as they locked I realized I forgot to bring the key with me.

Now my left hand is cuffed to my left side bed post while my key is on the floor in the center of my bedroom. Probably about 6 feet. I am stuck. I have never felt so trapped in my life.

I planned an elaborate escape involving lifting my mattress off my bed frame and then trying to rotate the frame so i could get closer to the key (Queen sized bed). Unfortunately, my mattress is extremely heavy and I made a lot of noise trying to get it off the frame. The sound sparks the interest of my Mother who was also home.

I was brought up in a very christian conservative home and she told me she forbids that I have sex under her roof when my girlfriend is here.

She opens my door and sees my standing in my partially disassembled bed asks what the hell I'm doing.

I reply with "I'm just moving things around."
She says "Do you need help?"
Now I'm thinking; fuck I can't escape without her help so I say "Umm yeah, see that key on the floor? Could you hand that to me." Hoping she'd just do that and leave before she realizes what's going on.

She didn't understand what was happening until she handed me the key and saw me unlock myself from the prison my stupidity created for me.

Mom- "You handcuffed yourself to your bed?"
Me -"Yes."
Mom- "why?"
Me- "Just wanted to test the quality."
Mom- "Is this for being kinky?"
Me- *extremely red and embarrassed* "Oh my god no!"

There's an awkward moment and then she just starts laughing. Laughing harder than I've ever heard her laugh before. Then she starts telling everyone about it and makes fun of me all the time for it. "You were so helpless!" "You looked so stupid!" "This is the dumbest and funniest thing I've ever seen you do!"

I'm afraid I'll never live this down. FML

tl;dr Hand cuffed myself to my bed and had to be rescued by my mother.