nicoleoftheeast
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I would have been 12 weeks pregnant this week, so my husband and I thought it would be funny to tell our families and friends today just to mess with their heads. Instead we had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago and I have no baby and will be telling no jokes today. Just a weird day to scream into the void about.
mikecaa
I'm very sorry. My sister miscarried twice before having twins. It can and will get better but right now I know it just hurts.
Jetdrag
So sorry for your loss. We had 2 miscarriages and it is difficult. Sad more people don't talk about this. My thoughts are with you.
GimmeDaGorbage333
5kjag4r8yp101
❤️
osaftkonzentrat
I am so sorry my dear. There are so many of us - not that it makes it any easier. The day will come, might not be soon, but it will come.
PopcornScuba3000
Very sorry to hear this & I know how difficult it can be. Know that your body is doing what it was designed to do, ie keep the healthy ones
usnerd55
Don't give up. My wife had a miscarriage, then a healthy baby, then another miscarriage, then another healthy baby.
RetroBlast
My wife had two miscarriages before each of our sons. It's hard and horrible, but there are better times ahead.
nicoleoftheeast
Thank you. It helps
Enkeria
Sorry to hear. Glad you got at least a family, and a husband. Its much even that.
Thesaya
I'm sorry for your loss.
nicoleoftheeast
Thank you
casiehansolo
So very sorry. I haven’t experienced loss and can’t imagine myself, but it’s not fair how common it is. Grieve and allow support! ❤️
chookmad
I feel you. I lost my 1st at the same stage. Devestating. I went on to have 4 though. Best wishes to you.
nicoleoftheeast
This is encouraging :)
BigDaddysMeatWagon
Me and my wife went through that... You keep trying, but it hurts. It hurts SO much.
nicoleoftheeast
It's small and feels insignificant, but it's yours, and it's real, and it hurts
BigDaddysMeatWagon
You plan and dream, and imagine a new life. That's the real pain. It doesn't happen.
3Davideo
Honestly less awkward than if you had announced it earlier, and then had to issue the update...
sugarshack628
I’m sorry for your loss. I had a pregnancy loss at 10 weeks as well about a month ago. It’s an impossible grief some days.
nicoleoftheeast
I feel you. It's unpredictable and it feels like the world has moved on, but it's not easy. At all.
sugarshack628
Unpredictable is the perfect word for it. Love to you
RainOubliette
My condolences for your loss.
WolfTarAnis
Friend lost two. Noone talks about it. Seems to be way more common than anybody would expect. I'm sorry for your loss OP.
JohnnyGossamer
Wife and I went through it last summer. I'm sorry.
brrrackobama
Tell them anyway. Double-reverse dark April Fools.
nicoleoftheeast
LOL. The thought crossed my mind but I don't think their humour is quite that dark. Mine is a weird cooling mechanism
nicoleoftheeast
Coping *
the5thguy
I'm glad someone said it before me. If I didn't see it, I was gonna be forced to take the bullet.
DougForcett
We lost one and it made us scared to announce. We didn't tell anyone until she was showing on the next three.
TheGgreen100
You're not alone, there's nothing wrong with you. As high as 50% of ALL pregnancies are lost in the 1st trimester.
nicoleoftheeast
And I know that intellectually, but I have a family history of recurrent miscarriage so it's hard not to wonder. I hope it will be okay
Somethingwittyandunique
Sending you so much love; this must feel very sad and scary. ❤️
theukelelenextdoor
I’m so so sorry.
shiftingbits
Miscarriages are super common, especially for the first few pregnancies. Making a viable embryo is complicated and it can take a few tries.
shiftingbits
No reason to feel guilt or shame. It happens to all living things and to pretend otherwise is ignorant and cruel.
nicoleoftheeast
True. It's easier to know that intellectually than to live through. I'm an NP and knew this going in. It's still been really hard
GreenAlienGoat
I've lost my first son at 7 months. Be strong my dear
nicoleoftheeast
That would be so much harder. I'm so sorry.
AndBingoWasHisName0
I’m sorry. You likely know it is very common. We had several and now have a wonderful little boy. Keep on keeping on!
nicoleoftheeast
Thank you. These messages honestly help
TheNamesAshHousewares
My condolences, I've been where you are. You are very much loved!
nicilaskin
so sorry to hear that , I lost all of my pregnancies , we tried since i was 26 , i am now 44 ...
nicoleoftheeast
Jesus Christ. And I think I have problems. You are strong and brave and complete without this. I can't imagine that struggle.
osaftkonzentrat
How strong women like yourself can be is beyond me - my first one broke me. I can only assume you have a wonderful partner and strong will.
somebodythatyouusetoknow
Please tell your support system. This is a topic that shouldn't be taboo any more. Women and couples need support though such a loss. ->
nicoleoftheeast
I have, but I feel like somehow they don't know what to do or say. I'm okay.... I don't want to make it awkward for them
nicoleoftheeast
Though I know they mean well
MBdub210
No one knows what to say, but your loved ones can hug you and give you a tissue when you cry. That helps.
somebodythatyouusetoknow
The whole rule of thumb that we follow, not to tell b/c you might lose the pregnancy so wait until after the risk of loss, is so barbaric.
Dragonfury5
Absolutely not. I don't want to be looked at in pity or have people walk eggshells around me. Every one will have different methods though
mvfx
I'm pretty sure you've never been pregnant, because your thread is filled with assumptions and generalizations.
mvfx
assumptions: women (incld. @OP ) don't tell support systems, that 'taboo' is the reason women don't talk about this topic, and that it's
mvfx
a "rule of thumb" to not tell people about pregnancy. As if it's as simple as "no white shoes after labor day" or something. You wrote this
mvfx
comment like it's something you heard on TV once in passing. "Women need support." Yeah, they sure do. What they don't need is someone
Justtakealookatthis
A third of all pregnancies end before 12 weeks. It's not barbaric, it's being cautious.
Isaydancetheysayhowhigh
I had a miscarriage and I agree. Not talking about it stems from women being conditioned to feel shame. I needed the extra support.
mvfx
It's not barbaric, it is what many women choose, because pregnancy is hard enough without also having to then backtrack and tell everyone
mvfx
that what they thought would be a baby is now dead. It's horrific to go through. Your assumption that it's taboo totally negates the idea
mvfx
that women understand themselves. Sometimes it's simply too hard to share that kind of news, despite needing the extra support.
peterbozeman
Oft not discussed. I don't know why. When we had one, I was telling a friend, and she told me that she had four. I was shocked. How could >
indigodragons
Wow that’s awful.
n0n53n53
I think there's always been a stigma about it. Women have been made to feel like it's a failure on their part, or that it's not a real loss.
Doshegotabooty
Yep. Most don’t know almost every woman experiences at least one. When you do carry to term though, it makes you even more grateful and ->
Doshegotabooty
> joyful of the children you do get to have even though miscarriages are a sad loss that you never forget.
shiftingbits
There is A LOT about pregnancy people to not talk about. The swelling, the loss of bladder control, shitting yourself, etc. It’s a battle.
TawdryArt
I had no idea the kinda trauma after an emergency c section. After pushing & pushing only to have huge incision in your core muscles. >>
TawdryArt
It's the worst of both worlds. Oh God and the trapped gas and not having a bowel movement...awful.
shiftingbits
And EVERYONE goes through it! Fetuses can make you very sick if their parasitic nature starts to take a toll on your body.
peterbozeman
I not know this? She just kinda shrugged and said, "People don't talk about it. It's too bad. It feels good to talk now."
Hihahufi
Out of experience I can tell he's right.
VodKanockerz
When we had our miscarriages, we talked about it, and found a lot who had them. But no one talks about them until one couple starts.
mvfx
a good observation. I may reach out to my bff after seeing all the comments here. She's had one so maybe it'll be more OK than I think.
mvfx
I didn't tell people, because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't bear hearing their condolences or "it'll be fine" when it wasn't fine. I'm
mvfx
4+ months past it, but just now thinking I could probably tell my other best friend. She's had one, so she'd probably understand.
peachesforme
I'm pregnant and talked with a LOT of the older customers and they all have stories of losing one or more. It's so common
MvdChamp
The more we talk about it, the more I have come to realize just how common it is to lose a baby. I'm sorry for your loss.
thomacocks
It's very common. I'm sorry for your loss. This is hard and you're doing a good job.
Marigo1denSkies
One of my favorite aunts had an incredibly happy marriage and she and her husband loved kids, but never had any. When I became an adult we >
Marigo1denSkies
were talking and I found out she'd had ten miscarriages. I will never forget how calm and composed she was as she told me after the seventh>
Marigo1denSkies
her husband was worried about her health and wanted to stop trying for children, but she said, "I have the strength for ten." I never knew >
Marigo1denSkies
how much they had gone through. While miscarriages are very common, most women suffer in silence. I'm glad that's changing.