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Just had first kid two weeks ago, beautiful little girl. Wife seems happy, things are good. Blindsided by post partum depression HARD. Went from being a great team taking care of our little girl to my wife refusing to eat and talking about how she doesn't want our baby or this life that she now has now, talking about wanting to fall asleep and never wake up.
I know it's not her talking, I know it's the depression. She's struggled with it in the past but had been doing great for many years now. I was worried that this might happen, but now that it has, wow it sucks more than I remembered.
I just needed a place to vent my feelings anonymously. Fuck this is hard, taking care of my infant daughter AND my wife. Thank God my sister in law happens to be in town and is staying here until we can get things settled. Seeing our family doctor tomorrow, hopefully things will get sorted then.
Thanks for listening Imgur.
Edit: Holy crap you guys! I can't believe the outpouring of support I woke up to! Thank you for the comments and advice, I will work my way through reading everything today.
Wife seems to be doing a bit better this morning, will be getting her to the doctor ASAP.
Update:
Thanks again for all the comments, serious, funny and even the critical. It's been helping me work through my own emotions and do some self checks as I read them.
Wife is improving, saw the doctor, got some additional meds and a referral to a specialist psychiatrist who only deals with postpartum depression. It's not over by any means but there is some light glowing in the distance. Thanks again for being awesome Imgur.
Metaphoricalwetclay
I had crippling anxiety while preggo, she needs to see a postpartum psychologist. It help me so much.
CloakerJosh
That's rough, @op. Dealing with that on top of trying to be a new parent would be hell. Best of luck to you and yours.
INeedVirtualFriendsCozeMineUpAndLeft
Hard to read mate. Going through it now with our 2nd child. Remember your in it together and know when you also need help or you time.
murkenlurk
My wife went through depression with both of our kids. Took about six months to get back on track. It’ll get better!
NemoVi113
Congrats on the sex, sorry about the mess
devilshire52
Welcome to the club... Stay strong! It'll get easier.
isomericArabesque
Oh please please be a good one. Help her through, remind her that she's awesome. Take care of the kid. You're a Dad, you got this!!
McFluffySundae
I had a mild case of it with my son for a couple months. Be there for her, help her, reassure her, don't let her get too overwhelmed
ihateyouandeverythingyoustandfor
find pro help quick. Post partum depression/psychosis is not something to manage alone. Find a catt team!
balazamon1
My wife went through something similar, try to get her to get full blood work done! Hormone therapy can't fix the original depression but
balazamon1
It can do amazing things if her hormones are out of wack. It was like night and day for my wife.
storeboughtqueso
Been there. Done that with my first. On baby number three now. It does get better. Support, sleep, a good dr, meds. A combination of these 1
storeboughtqueso
2 or just the sleep will be tremendously helpful. You both will get through this to enjoy many happy times. Just know it will take work
criablelurst
You'd be amazed how common this is. The trauma of childbirth can also begin to dislodge repressed childhood trauma. Hopefully not the case.
DopeChicken
Really makes you realize the reality that it is a legit "chemical imbalance" try to keep that in mind, even after it resolves in her
IfPoseidonWereAWoman
Totally understand this - I felt the same way. Luckily the dark waves disappeared at around 14 days post partum and became manageable
IfPoseidonWereAWoman
Give her all the love and support you can, make her eat and drink something every feed
GinAndTonicAllTheWay
Good luck! You have to be a jedi to juggle all that, but you are a dad - the force is strong with you!
Ayoshi9950
It is really and it is fucking scary (female here)
Nutinbutbootson
Female here agreeing. I knew I wasnt right for not wanting to feed or hold my daughter. Called my doc in tears. Horrible feeling.
GnomeDeGuerre
.... What movie / book / anything explains it best?
PinballWizrd
There will be times in the child rearing journey, when you just want to scream and curl up in the corner and cry. 1/2
PinballWizrd
You've just hit one of those points super early. Some (most) of the hardest points of my life have come since we decided to have kids.
PinballWizrd
Remember it takes a village to raise a child, but in this day and age we often don't get that support. Ask family for help if need be.
CBArtist
Just remember, it's not the baby's fault.
ciecko
THIS. This is important to know and to recognize if/when it surfaces. Talking from experience here.
Retrikaethan
ok i was gonna say "DOCTOR NOW" but you're doing that. i can safely say that things will not be sorted just like that. it's gonna take some-
Retrikaethan
effort to get through this period but it shouldn't be a permanent one.
fizzlebuns
She needs to be on anti-depressants, and the right kind, ASAP. My wife went through this. She needs help.
Andricus
If she hasn't talked to her doctor about this, call the doctor. If you aren't seeing a counselor, I highly recommend it as they can help. <3
Andricus
@OP - Also based on how you describe her, she may actually have Post Partum Psychosis. My wife went through the same thing. Things /cont
Andricus
*will get better with the proper medication and counseling. Though the first medication may not be what helps. It can take a few tries. <3
PeculiarBaguette
Went through it a few month ago, it’s hard, fucking hard. You’re her rock, she needs help from outside too, it will go better.
rexmundi381931415
My son was 3 months premature and my wife was devastated for months. Just be there and keep vigilante.
rexmundi381931415
Vigilant
droppingcbombs
Good luck OP, I hope she gets the help she needs. But most of all congrats on the little girl.
mirrelle
I got hit with it hard with my preemie twins. Even after they were home I didn't immediately bond with them like with my oldest. Please 1)
mirrelle
Ensure that she gets some meds, they helped clear my head and eventually I was able to wean myself off them.
mirrelle
I really wish your little family the best, I'm sure it will get better. But also remember to look after you x
ChrisCopp
It's hard work, but it's short term. Just be supportive, and don't pressure or be angry with her. It will pass. Life is a journey.
nelsonbb231337
Yea daisy no problem Chris knows
dreadpiratekhan
Don't just wait it out, though. That shit leaves scars. Seek help.
wuhl
It's 100% terrible, but you can get through it. Don't wait to get help both for you and your wife. You'll *both* need the extra support.
Kunitsu
this! people get so wrapped up in helping their SO in these situations that they forget they too need help. whether its someone to watch the
Kunitsu
baby so they can get a good long nap, a hot meal they dont need to rush through, or even just an hour or two to get out and take a walk! A
Kunitsu
break helps destress and keep you in the game just as much as the doctor visits and meds help the other person! Dont be afraid to take help
discotheque42
Same here OP. Anti-anxiety or anti-depression drugs take a couple weeks to start working, so you have a little while to go yet. Thing is: ->
avadakadabra
Anti depressants CAN take that long, but most anti anxiety are fast acting..
cyrusjoneslivedforever
Effexor takes effect in like 2 days
weirdandnuts
Colonidine works in 10 to 30 minutes and no habit forming
discotheque42
You can do it. It's tough, but they're both worth it. Make sure your wife gets the right dosage, which takes trial and error, a time- ->
discotheque42
consuming process. I went through about a year of this after our first baby. Dont let that get you down, it shows you it can be done. ->
discotheque42
Good luck, and stay strong brother. Remember to take care of yourself, too.
2fligh2high
iamabovethelaw
It’s fuckin shit, I felt like such a shit mum and wanted to walk into traffic. Take her to the doc to get help honestly. X
jDangerous0
I have pretty bad PTSD from my Iraq deployments and watching my wife go through post-partem made me feel lucky. ✊ Glad you made it through.
Nutinbutbootson
This. I felt awful and I knew I wasnt thinking right. It's a horrible feeling.
iamabovethelaw
It’s taken me years to get through it. Thankfully I just got regular depression and anxiety now lol
fluffleupagus
I wanted to just set my son down & walk away some days, like just leave entirely, just walk out the front door & not look back. It was hell.
iamabovethelaw
I still have days where I would love to just disappear into the wild but alas the dishes won’t do themselves.
iamabovethelaw
The isolation and boredom doesn’t help either. Tbh
fluffleupagus
I know that feeling. I was a stay-at-home mom & we moved to a place where I've had shit luck making friends. I just recently started ->
fluffleupagus
-> working in the evenings, out of the house. It helps, but the lack of a local support system besides my hubby is miserable.
lunables
Get her help ASAP! She should not suffer feeling this way. I waited way too long to seek help with my first. Happy wife, happy life!
fluffleupagus
My dr knew about my history of depression & told my husband to watch for & report any signs he saw. I was lucky they both were very caring.
JuxtaposeIsANeatWord
Get himself help too. Both need support right now
jadanks
Happy spouse, happy house. he also deserves to be happy as well.
FreedomChargerGuy
idontlikepickingusername
Yeah, if you're sacrificing your own happiness, what's the point?
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jadanks
That’s literally exactly what I’m saying. If both partners are happy, you have a happy household.
Watchtheadventuresofpeteandpete
Damn, yours was not the comment I was trying to reply to, it didn’t go through x 2. Apologies
jadanks
All good.
Redforhead
As a husband who wants to be a dad. How did you realize that you needed help?
lunables
I didn’t know it right away. It was actually my husband who saw that I wasn’t doing ok. Obviously, I had changed and those changes were bad!
ishouldbestudyingawholelotmore
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617
PastryDeathStar
Personality changes. Loss of interest in things they previously enjoyed. Difficulty caring for self. Apathy (or worse) towards baby
PastryDeathStar
My husband had to suggest it to me multiple times before I got help. I was proud and didn't want to be thought of as weak, even though I...
PastryDeathStar
... Knew I was suffering. And I was causing him to suffer too.
ventikona
I didn’t realize until I had suffered more than a year. It felt like I was having a healthy reaction to the loss of my bodily autonomy, my
ventikona
Career, my ability to sleep or take care of myself, my friendships, outlets, itfelt like those were all taken away by he baby and boyfriend
ventikona
I felt like I would be crazy to be glad about this, and also felt like I was failing and defective because it was so hard for me.
AnnieBahde
I got the normal baby blues but we were worried I’d get postpartum depression/anxiety because my anxiety flared up so bad during pregnancy
AnnieBahde
So what we did was I’d jot down my negative feelings and we’d talk about them regularly. It was a way of checking in and tracking. I didn’t
AnnieBahde
End up having a problem but it was a good way to monitor and felt nice to be able to share my anxieties with my husband at first.
storeboughtqueso
Sometimes you don’t. certainly didn’t realize I was in the mist of ppd until my husband brought it up. I’m glad he was aware and supportive
myhousesmellsliketuna
I’m pretty susceptible to depression as it is, I’m worried about ppd..
storeboughtqueso
You are more likely to experience ppd if you have depression. Being aware of it alone makes a difference in preparing yourself with support
Redforhead
That's what I want to look for incase I see it in my wife.
storeboughtqueso
The comment by @ishouldbestudyingawholelotmore has a link where you can read all about it. Living it though is surreal.
Kunitsu
it definitely helps to be aware of what the symptoms look like!