DomesticFire
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Link to original source: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/8bvc4d/whats_your_best_sexual_joke/
Freakiestsumo
#10 oof.
papazulu1186
Ha
swedishpancakeswithlingonberries
Reminds me of the movie "Jokes my Folks never told me", I remember watching it in high school on the VHS.
getridofTheSeaword
It’s garbanzo bean and chick pea.
thespiral2000
#6 American Gods?
Lurkingoff
justmovealong
I'm down for stuff you might have missed on Reddit, or old classics, but this is at the front of askreddit right now.
shiftytank
Oh so we're ripping stuff off of Reddit now? Just straight taking from there on putting it here? That's dumb. You're dumb.
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shiftytank
You're dumb too.
Erythrotrichophile
A woman walks into a bar and orders a double entendre....and the bartender gives it to her.
Raxiel
#2
FriendlyNeighborhoodLoner
.
Hoparistic
I don't get the soup one
bobbyjoe19879
Super sex like im hear to give you soup or sex
DietCokeIsTheBest
Super sex...soup or sex
Hoparistic
Ooooooooh, thanks!!!
Tortfeas0r
How was the sex then?
Burgurple
You witty sir or madam!
MiniSalt
It's nice to know that I don't have the dirtiest mind in the room. (Aka I don't understand half of them XD)
owlest
I dont get the first one, whats the joke?
ThenILickItOff
My friend doesn't know either
DomesticFire
Husband says that the wife called the elephant penis 'nothing' because his penis 'spoils her', ie his penis is a lot bigger so in comparison
mountainofpuppies
.. i don't get #1 ...
ADisturbinglyAttractiveCactus
The dad's penis is so big (he's inferring) that to the mom, an elephant's penis is "nothing."
heinekenfuckthatshitpabstblueribbon
An elephant's penis is quite large, but mom says it's nothing. Dad implies that her response is due to the fact that he is well-endowed.
ichoosethering
The thing the child sees is the elephant's penis, which is massive 'cause elephants. The mother saying it's nothing sounds like a parent 1/
ichoosethering
not wanting to explain what a penis is, but then the dad says it's a penis and that the reason the wife thinks it's nothing is she's 2/
ichoosethering
spoiled... suggesting the father's penis is larger than the elephants
FalconPunchingHitler
#10 actually made me throw up a little. +1
BlackavarLion
Ditto and I have to go to lunch now.
jeebz24
Yep! Me too. And I'm not typically squeamish. But-- erghhyuck.
ADisturbinglyAttractiveCactus
Lol, I've been telling that joke since I was 13.
twostepsfromlost
What does a grandma and an apple pie have in common?
twostepsfromlost
You have to break through the crust to get to the good stuff.
shirtlessjeffgoldblum
I got anther one for you then. “A guy goes to a prostitute for a good time, but when he tries to put it in, she’s too tight. She jumps up 1/
shirtlessjeffgoldblum
right away and says, “No worries, give me a second to fix it.” She goes into the bathroom for 10 minutes, and when she comes back out, it 2/
TinyGecko
is no longer a prostitute but a demon of the lowest tier of hell, who is on FIRE AHAHAHA
shirtlessjeffgoldblum
fit perfectly. After, while smoking a cigarette as the joker got dressed, he asked her what she’d done. “Oh nothing special,” she said, 3/
shirtlessjeffgoldblum
Hooker! Not joker. Damn autocorrect.
Keronin
If it makes you feel any better, I didn't notice the typo until I saw this comment, and had to go back and re-read it.
shirtlessjeffgoldblum
“I just picked off all the scabs.” “ FIN 4/4
shadajoserj
Jesus dude. +1
isthisusernamealreadychosen
RelaxYourself
The whole finger one took me a sec.
TimeFoDat
If it only takes a sec then you're definitely doing something right.
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Schrod1ngersCaT1701
srirachamakeseverythingbetter
This was the best one though :)
PelvicSaucery
What’s a sec?
ichoosethering
Shortened "second"
Totallyscrewedinaustin
Well, ya see, when a man and a woman love each other very much....
pomhub28
REDF0RMANSF00T
holyguacamonica
I still don't get that one.. :(
Hongkongcav
Whole finger....hole finger. At least that's what I think it's suppossed to be lol
holyguacamonica
Well then I guess I "got" it the first time and just didn't find it that funny.
OverlyComplicatedExplanations
Yeah you got it
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srirachamakeseverythingbetter
Nah man. The finger he puts in the hole. This is kinda like the ' whole week ' joke
Ioupou
Well I feel dumb. I still don't understand this joke.
DarthVadersPuckeredButthole
Whole sounds like hole, and it the finger he uses in her hole
Ioupou
Ok. Thanks for that explanation. Now I shall go back a reread that joke to fully appreciate it.
VioletMoonRising
The nun one doesn't make much sense. They take a vow of Chasity, after, becoming nuns. I'm sure many aren't virgins to start with.
warslinger
Tbf catholics aren't 'supposed' to have sex before marriage
VioletMoonRising
Err... but nuns don't have to be born catholic is my point.
UnicornofPeril
Neither do Catholics. Anyone can get baptized at any time.
cyno01
#2 is supposed to be about chickpeas and garbanzo beans because theyre the same thing and thats half the joke. Lentils? Wtf.
swolemack
i wouldnt pay to have a chickpea on me... chick... pea... (pee)
ichoosethering
They get the joke lol
FoxySpirit
Because not so many people know what garbanzo beans are and wonder and it makes the joke less funny.
cyno01
Yeah, but it still works on the one level if they also go "idk". Garbanzo bean is at least potential for a better joke than lentil.
Stevethebarbarbarbarbarian
No, the joke is that he'd pay to have a chick pee on him.
cyno01
Yeah, but its a multilayered joke then. "Whats the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?" "Theyre the same thing." "No, id +
only90skidswillgetthis
Trump never had a garbanzo bean in a Russian hotel.
cyno01
never pay $50 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."