chudontknowme
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I found out he was moving half hour from me and didn’t call him because he is a very dramatic person and I didn’t have the energy or want him to bring me down. Just found out he tried to kill himself. I feel like a complete jerk.
TenTera
You did the right thing, caring for someone when you don't have the energy would've brought you both down. -hug-
trikucian
@op my cousin also committed suicide. There is nothing you could have done if they didn't reach out or try for a relationship.
ThatOtherTransGirl
I'd suggest speaking to a counselor rather than us, but I can say you can't be there for everyone 100% of the time and this isn't your fault
marplanauta
Do not feel guilty. You have nothing to do with him shooting himself.
betterthanexpected
If he didn't reach out to you it was a mutual relationship. I have cousins that pass through town all the time and we don't commune.
IndianJoe
As far as I understand, he moved close to you but did not reach out either.
Rebelske
Exactly!!
quietwalker
Sounds like you were right about the drama thing.
AGrammeIsBetterThanADamn
I mean, sounds like you were right though.
GravyEducation
Did you pull the trigger? Not on you, man. Don't carry the weight of the world.
VirtualHugger
FancySharkDinnerParty
You can only control yourself. The most you can do for him moving forward is to be supportive during his recovery.
MightyMile
It’s ok to choose not participate in a family member’s life. If OP don’t want mutual involvement then staying away is healthier for all.
krshrv0
i’m not in touch with most of my cousins because we have nothing in common beyond the name. you are not obligated to manage them.
macgerdo
Yeah. Aside of that, I'm not very "traditional" and none of them have ever been reaching out for me and I can barely hold myself over water.
HsuDoNihm
In simplest terms @OP: his choice to end his life was not your choice to end his life. The only person who can save him from him, is him.
Mewmus
not your fault
Trelis
I didn't reach out to Putin before he invaded Ukraine, was it my fault? People go through shit, often it has little to do with others.
pigzunderground
You shouldn't feel like a jerk, you have your limits too and can't drain your whether entertaining others
cazkey
Hindsight 20/20. You didn’t know.
EaNasirIsABastard
Even if you met him that might not have changed anything.
theonetruezuul
I’m sorry 4 your loss. 1 of my best friends shot her self last week. We spent the previous 3 days with her and thought she was ok this time
MauroMolinero
as someone who is dealing with suicidal thoughts. theres nothing you could have done. be there or be there not.
v3rtabreaker
I have suicidal ideation weekly. My thoughts are my own. My reaction to my thoughts are my mine. The moment I project them to anyone, ➡️
v3rtabreaker
And I give them any form of a responsibility for my own thoughts or actions, including a professional, I am a hostage taker. Do what I say➡️
v3rtabreaker
Or someone dies! It is naturally to feel sympathy for someone in pain, that doesn’t mean you did a damn thing to help or hurt it. Also ➡️
v3rtabreaker
The thought “only I can save them if” is egotistical because mental disorders don’t work that way Chester Bennington was having family day➡️
v3rtabreaker
Smiling, laughing, and enjoying life. He didn’t see the morning because his mental disorder won out over reality.
iusepaint
You are not responsible for other peoples feelings. It is not your fault
hesbeginningtobelieve
Tried? So he survived?
chudontknowme
Yes
TinyDinasour
Look after your own mental health now. Don't let the guilt crush you
FuryFuryMon
He seems unbalanced and needs help. What if you were there trying to talk him down and he shot you instead?. You cant make people get help.
FuryFuryMon
Its not your job to fix others. But if you actually care for the person you could help them moving forward instead of just talking about it.
Theflakypoopcrustofanadultdiaper
I understand feeling guilty, but beyond not being responsible, keep focus on how you heal yourself next. You can’t change what happened 1/2
Theflakypoopcrustofanadultdiaper
2/2 but you can change what you do next. You can control how you respond. You can control how you cope. You can work on processing trauma.
nefariousRake
Nothing wrong with excluding toxic people from your life
melwil
I think it's fair to say that this person had issues that had nothing to do with you not getting in touch.
theoutdoorrageous
Not his fault, totally agree! But also a chance to recognize reaching out to others is a kind a good thing to do
yoyo42
You cant live somebody else's life for them, even if you were much closer than it sounds like you are. They can sink you too if you try.
GravyEducation
One thing I learned about my dad's suicide is just... you're not responsible for how things played out. That's not a decision you made
wysisntwyg
That's fucking tough, mate. My dad a heart attack and I blamed myself. Jesus, well done getting perspective on that!
SPQAAE
I ended a friendship with a person who got systematically more and more toxic and depressed due to addiction and narcissism. He would-
SPQAAE
-threaten suicide and get drunk and yell at you even when you were just trying to tell them to not yell at others. He yelled at his wife-
SPQAAE
-one day and made her cry so I hung up on him. And he calls me the next day saying "How dare you judge me, you're not a real man, and -
SPQAAE
-you're going to hell." and shit like that, oh did I mention he became more and more religious and far right due to his depression?-
Kagenical
OP: I need you to understand that this is in no way your fault. Self-harm is a deeply personal decision, and doesn't reflect on the 1/x
Kagenical
people that make up the social or support structures of individual that's suffering. Please don't' succumb to hypothetical "what if" 2/x
Kagenical
situations that are likely running through your head. Guilt is a worthless emotion in this context, and might actually hinder your 3/x
Kagenical
ability to be a helpful person in your cousin's life, going forward. 4/4
LateNightBunnyParty
I needed this too. Thank you.
chudontknowme
Thank you
DetailDevil
Look i don't mean to be rude, you did nothing wrong but. The reason you did not reach out is why suicidal or depressed People don't
DikaLikin
Do YOU NEED him to understand??? Pretty strong wording. You don't even know OP. You don't NEED anything from him/her.
Primary1
You never heard rhe word hyperbole before, have you?
Kagenical
Sorry for jumping down your throat, apparently we've had a miscommunication.
Khaliania
I need you to understand that being pedantic about phrasing when someone is trying to help a person in need doesn't make you look smart
Khaliania
It makes you look like a cunt
TwinWaterTowers
Sorry, shot himself in the head and he is still alive?
viila
It depends on how and where with what he shot. It's harder than you think to aim and there's plenty of ways to miss inflicting a fatal wound
ThunderStrike2021
It’s common. Most people don’t study up on anatomy first.
Stenosa83
More common than you think; there are many reasons it won't kill you e.g: ricochets, where the bullet actually hit, the calibre etc.
nosaucesbutapplesauces
Friend’s stepmom did this. Held the gun under her chin, pointing straight up. Blew her face off, some brain injury.
JOKERZwild86
Ex stormtrooper
commentsbadcomments
Horrible shot, such bad aim 1/7
PutinGivingYouANeckMassage
Dramatic person does dramatic thing
Kagenical
Bruh.
Tempus95fugit
time and place. ands just human decency aswell while we are at it.
IPostIDieIPostAGAIN
There's a really great documentary about a postal worker who got robbed and shot in the head during a delivery. Not only did they recover...
IPostIDieIPostAGAIN
...but they even tracked down their would-be killer to get revenge. It was called "Fallout: New Vegas" you should definitely look it up.
DavidTemper44
Sadly enough, there was a case of a man that survived 4 gunshots in the face https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_c_lmx4LdNw
jaimeeleigh44
Holy crap! This made me so angry!
HsuDoNihm
Happens. Friend tried to suicide, shot up through her chin, blew out her left eye instead of hitting her brain.
IsolatedAsshole
I know it's hard to believe but legit some people survive that
ADDGirl
Yes, it's not that rare. I've taken care of over 15 patients with that status in the last 8 years. All walked out of the hospital.
GaryFreakingOak
I’ve heard of it before. People shooting themselves in the temple like in the movies and just getting brain damage.
ADDGirl
Or blowing out their eyes with no brain damage. I've seen one like that. Arguing with cops for another hour, they thought his shot missed.
chudontknowme
Yes. Critical condition
thetonestarr
This means you have a chance to fix anything you may have done wrong. I don't think you are obligated TO reach out to him, but if you do>
thetonestarr
jet100a
I hope he recovers soon. It's not your fault. I've even heard of miracle cases where when they wake up they appreciate life more. Maybe thin
jet100a
Things will get better. But whatever happens, don't blame yourself. If you can, visit him when they allow visitors and talk to him even if h
jet100a
He's unconscious. Not just for him but for you
BernieKl
I was a medic for 10 years. I've seen this many times, even with a shotgun.
d0o0o0d
Not a common thing, but it's been known to happen.
ADDGirl
I take care of at least 2 patients with that diagnosis per year.
SuperNoobishDude
There's a guy in our neighbourhood with a scar on his throat and nose. He tried to end himself with a sawed off shotgun.
tuxedobob
My favorite part of this is OP also calls him dramatic.
kyro
It happens more often than you'd expect. Remember Gabby Giffords?
TheMentallyillist
And Buttafuoco and James Brady and many more.
Ap0c0lypstick
No......?
DiracsDelta
Seriously amazing recovery.
tomyironmane
humans are shockingly difficult to kill.
DiracsDelta
And yet, also disturbingly fragile. Just depends how it happens.
JohnnyLawlessEsq
Paramedic here. Happens all the time, unfortunately. Most people who die after being shot in the head die of bleeding out.
DiracsDelta
Your use of the word “most” is very disturbing here. Can you clarify on what cross section we are talking?
JohnnyLawlessEsq
1) The simple fact is that a human can remain alive (in a physical sense, at least) with a surprisingly large amount of brain tissue...
JohnnyLawlessEsq
2) destruction, and the essential bits are not where most people think they are. Most people who shoot themselves in the head don't destroy
JohnnyLawlessEsq
3) the essential bits, and because the brain has a very big blood supply, these wounds bleed like crazy, and they die of blood loss.
ItSeemsYouHaveSufferedaTerribleFate
Probably a bullet in the mouth. They essentially give themselves lobotomies and can live.
Fyreworx
it can happen.
TheZommie
man, that must really make them feel like a fuck up, can't even kill themselves, would probably be the motivation they need to try again too
hiyesthisissatan
Apparently it happens pretty frequently.
orchidaedra
Yah I kinda knew a guy who shot himself under the chin and it bounced off his sinus and came out his EYE so his face just was messed up
Fumbledpersonality
The thought of that is half the reason I haven't done it already.
factotumjack
What's the other half?
LompHoofd
shot
Fumbledpersonality
There will be one less person that understands someone that needs help.
factotumjack
Okay. But what's the other half for you? What's your favourite thing to eat? What are you curious about? What do you want to experience?
TheeKeelhaul
There was a dude with a pipe through his head in the 1800's that survived. Soo.. Shit happens.
Theflakypoopcrustofanadultdiaper
Ooooooo my psychology major brain is moist at this photo. MOIST I tell you.
16bitStarbuck
Targe0
And he had only a minor personality change afterwards. He became a lot more mean and short tempered. Which even without brain damage I get.
howlongnotlong
He was just mad because it ruined his best hat. He loved that hat.
thegrimreaver
Phineas Gage. I remember reading about him in elementary school.
P0werSurg3
Elementary school? I didn't know about him until AP Psychology
Cadpig
Depends on factors like bullet caliber, gun type, skull bone thickness, angle of trajectory, etc but yeah, the human brain can survive it
Cadpig
2) If there's something in its path, the bullet will react according to physics. That's why smaller caliber rounds are sometimes worse
Cadpig
3) they ricochet around internally instead of going straight through like larger rounds. That can decimate the brain, but a bigger round
ADDGirl
A person who has a .22 bounce around in their skull will likely be alive for quite a while if they didn't damage the brain stem.
Cadpig
4) will have more velocity and less impacted by such things. They may only destroy a small part and leave you disabled, but not dead
KaptainObveeus
I'm just gonna stick with the nitrogen bag, thanks!
bantambasher135
When I was in middle school a friend put her dad's shotgun in her mouth and pulled the trigger. She lived for hours before they found her.
heys5005
Wow that dad is a total dipshit
bantambasher135
Whole family was awful, she did it because her sister abused her for years.
fivefrozenfishfingers
There was a guy who shredded his sinuses with a pistol and lived like that for 12 hours.
ADDGirl
I've taken care of people who've done it and walked out of the hospital.
DiracsDelta
May I ask the type of quality of life? What kinda of disability in optimistic cases? Is it specific to areas and functions damaged?
ADDGirl
Yup, specific to areas of brain damage. And some may recover more once they leave, and I don't get to see that. Most have gotten back to >
oldguyexlurker
David Webb had to shoot himself twice in the head. (according to the CIA's coroner.) /s
EaNasirIsABastard
Why the "/s" the whole thread is about how common that is. There was a guy who shot himself 8 times in the head and died 22 hours later.
[deleted]
[deleted]
oldguyexlurker
Bingo. The /s!
HighFunctioningAlcoholic
Articles on things that were almost all already known or just false.
RobJenkins
Ludwig Beck, one of the 20th July plotters against Hitler, asked for a pistol when caught but only succeed in blinding himself
Targe0
Yes it can be rather hard to actually do it right. Many have just taken out the eyes or blown off the jaw or even pull a trick shot ->
Targe0
off and have the bullet deflect around the skull. So while it seems simple to do there's more to it then people think.
KaptainObveeus
I would expect most people to die from internal bleeding of the brain if the bullet did not damage autonomic survival functions.
Targe0
That can happen. But a surprising amount don't. Not saying people don't die that's hardly true, just that more people fail to do it then ->
MedicSailor
It's really not complicated if you have minor knowledge of human anatomy buy I'm not about to go into detail and provide intel to suicidals
Fvckya
That's what Bing is for, lol. Bing doesn't seem to understand the concept of messing around.