Cancer is going to take him away from me.

I apologise for the sob story. I don't have many people to talk to. I'm alone in my apartment and have the walls to talk to.

The picture above is me and my father from quite a few years back. But it's my favourite. Many people say the same of their fathers but he is truly an amazing man. Yes, I was in a metal music phase so try not to judge my appearance too harshly.

It was always just us from the time I was 8. He's been battling cancer for nearly 3 years now, even went cancer free for a little bit.

Today I got the news that no child ever wants to hear regarding their parent. "The treatment isn't working, and there's nothing else we can do."

If I wasn't already sitting down I would have passed out. Reality hit me in the face with a sledgehammer. I am going to lose my daddy. My hero. My best friend. The man who I swore knew damn near everything.

We don't know how much time he has left. The doctors wouldn't say. Perhaps it's because he owes them $17000 and can't pay for more treatments thanks to the American healthcare system. Perhaps it's because they really can't do anything more for him. I don't know. All I know is I'm going to lose him.

I can't process this. Random household objects destroyed count is up to 5. I don't even remember what they were. My neighbours probably think someone is dying in the next apartment over because I can't stop sobbing and screaming "no" over and over. I just want to wake up and have this all be just a bad dream and my dad is okay and can stay with me.

I'm not asking for anything I just needed to vent.

I love you dad. Forever and always. I'm going to miss you so damn much.