Zinfandella
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758
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Edit: It was a minor surgery, wisdom teeth pulled. His after care directions say not to get his blood pressure up for a couple of days.
The lingerie was a birthday suprise.
I guess a sexy dance won't hurt. I just want to be careful.
Edit 2: We lost our dog on his birthday last year but we're going to try and stay positive and try to have a good day. She's on our minds though.
Gelaticat
I once had a girlfriend dress up in lingerie to surprise me on my birthday while we were on a day trip in another city. That exact night I wound up getting the absolute WORST food poisoning of my entire life, very noisily and painfully dying to death in the bathroom while she awkwardly sat around in the hotel room in said lingerie. I think she was too embarrassed to ever try again.
TheNonSequiturFairy
Not even for ten seconds? At most?
OnlyByMoonlight
neospor1n
As a husband, even if I can’t participate I do like a good show
UmmonPrime
I enjoy a good seductive dance from a half naked woman. Doesn't mean you have to give up on the idea, just got to skip the end time activities. Just sayin...
vilecomfort
He didn’t have eye surgery did he?
Kyzyl
ErindorGhostPope
Atlinfahl
You still have the whole plan in your back pocket, you're doing great!
StopCallingMargarineButter
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1NDd6ODN0Nml5NWw0ZDZqY2dteXBuY3FyaXZwbWFleTFwajZ0MHdsNiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/H6cmWzp6LGFvqjidB7/200w.webp
AECook
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1OTY1d2I4enFsYmthMjJnaGhtc2RybHFyaHJhdTZzd3dpajMyOTd1bCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/37H5XhwrXuHPq/200w.webp
Zixtank
Can still give him a show
bolobass
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1NzYydTdidm94bDZ6Ym1tNzVsYjE5Z3ZpZWI3NGU1bzNydzdxYzJmZSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/uvfEYoOq7HPAA/200w.webp
leftfoottwitchin
If he does die he will meet the Reaper a happy man!
ArcherPointingFromTheComments
That's the worst excuse I've ever heard for two married people not to have birthday sex.
LeekofLegend
This comment wins
CanIGetSomeExtraSalt
toothfuzz
I've never seen the whole clip omg
Targe0
Multiple clips, the first one is him telling people not to do all the things.
This one is with the guy tied up in the background.
CanIGetSomeExtraSalt
this will blow your mind but there are 2 different clips.. the other doens't have the yellow scissors
jwalker1330
[insert the "I volunteer" gif from hunger games]
rileysmurf
I'm sort of in the same boat. It's my 44th today as well. My husband has to work a 12 hour shift and I'm on my period. Oh well, gonna eat some mushroom gummies and watch cartoons until he gets off at 6 am.
titoitoi
rileysmurf
Well yes, as his wife I do that for him when he wants it. I'm the one assed out usually cause he works 12 hour shifts and wants to spend time by himself.
giraffinator
you are a good person
Targe0
@OP Just turn it into a late birthday present and a post wisdom teeth celebration.
I'm sure he won't complain about the present if it is a few days late.
SnailsAgainstTungstenSpheres
I looked this situation up in several peer reviewed articles in well respected journals and it said "beej is cool, seriously don't worry about it" so I would just listen to the science.
SocoFox
Receiving a blowy isn't much a strenuous activity, just sayin'.
Zinfandella
🫡
ralph2sam
Sounds like wear an overcoat to visit your husband in the hospital time.
xj4low
Wisdom teeth is a day operation. He will be home by the afternoon and spaced out of his mind.
glamdring1
I wish mone had gone that way. I didn't realize til years later that most people don't have their wisdom teeth out with local anesthetic only and have vivid memories of the dentist prying on their jaw like they were trying to open a safe.
PocketCleric
Sounds like wear an overcoat to visit your husband in the bedroom time.
xj4low
Sad part, he won't remember anything about tomorrow and likely sleep most of the afternoon.
PocketCleric
but SHE will....
camn333
RevRagnarok
While I would normally agree... @op said "Wisdom Teeth"
cousteau
It will be a valuable lesson.
RevRagnarok
101Medic
Double up on the pain meds, chase them with a beer, and let the Valkyries decide his fate.
bourbonandbaddecisions
He can still watch. l
EdelwoodHikes
You can still approach him very calmly, take off his glasses if he wears them, gently press your hands against his temples, kiss him on the forehead, and say that everything will be alright, in the most comforting tone you can muster; that's just as good.
wiltsjunk
While wearing said lingerie
PaintedSlate
FoxyEllie
Ah yes. Gay panic. I know it well.
PaintedSlate
Ah, I took it as "I did not expect this level of affection cognitive-BSOD."
StarscreamAndHutch
Then park your boobs on his head.
Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirepus
Still my favorite username
StarscreamAndHutch
Thank you. Handcrafted with love and whiskey.
BHPaperstacks
Head doesn't sound very strenuous either, least for him.
icouldntthinkofabetterusername2
StarscreamAndHutch
Yes
nikkilaurakevin365
You should let him wear the lingerie and do a sexy dance for you 😁
Zinfandella
I think I'd laugh too much and ruin the mood if he did that
onelostcat
So… Bl*w him? That’s not strenuous (on his part) 😈
Zinfandella
🫡
Targe0
It might cause his blood pressure to rise.
And with open wounds in the mouth, he might end up squirting from both heads.
UnaccomplishedWatcherImNotaBot
Oh it is.
CanIGetSomeExtraSalt
https://www.aarp.org/family-relationships/sex-positions-for-50-plus/
cokebot9000
Feeling very called out by this url
goflyblind
BurnieCinders
Can I get this in an easily referancable infographic.
CanIGetSomeExtraSalt
go to the Hub and type "grandma" lots of grandmas giving good advice ther
beneaththewillowtree
The internet is truly an amazing place
DdCno1
My parents had a book for this. Fun to discover as a youngster.
beneaththewillowtree
I can only imagine the therapy bills
DdCno1
Socialized healthcare, baby! But yeah, lots of therapy for related and unrelated reasons, but I only have to pay for parking at most (or when I fuck up my paperwork).
CrisprCAS
Sounds like he shouldn't be moving. But there are other options https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1cWhqdGk2Y3R4bnZjZGx2MzBvYmwybjd0YTFzbWZ4bHF3YW9zZ3UycyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/Jj8vFfZNBcCsg/200w.webp
CrisprCAS
Also, the wisdom teeth extraction? He can bang if he's not in pain.
Zinfandella
His after care directions say to not increase his blood pressure for a couple of days
CrisprCAS
Took me a second to translate after care to postoperative care in a thread about sex. "What the hell are you doing to him! Oh, right"