StreaksOnTheChinaNeverMatteredBefore
135488
1499
54
Oct 8, 2021 9:58 PM
StreaksOnTheChinaNeverMatteredBefore
135488
1499
54
PERRYthePlatpus
Sounds like Christianity with less steps
FjordianSlip
Plenty of crazy shit happens in Florida without posting fake stuff ripped off of Reddit.
Brandy321
i guess it's , See you later alligator
IntensiveCareBear
Canadoug
What's the problem? Evangelical pastors do this every day. One of them literally just said Jesus hasn't returned bcuz your not giving enough
mirrors
guess it's fake but now I have the Mr Belvedere theme stuck in my head
mudwater0517
This story is not true...
Evilpercy
If they sold 10k worth of heaven tickets to people on the street, I think every one is missing the problem here and it is not these two.
SeleneEvelyn
Guy was totally on drugs... if Jesus told me to sell real golden tickets for $100, I'd've exchanged them for their golden worth
ButtBot9900
Sounds legit
aface62
How is this different from any other organized religion?
ListenLady
How was he able to accumulate 10K? Should get his life together and get a commission sales job.
theothermeisnthere
But then he couldn't go to a planet made entirely of drugs.
FireSpittingVacuumCleaner
I thought this sounded too stupid to be true even for USA: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/golden-ticket-arrest/
ProxyXky
If these 2 made 10K doing that I'll hire these 2 as cofounders to Stratton Oakmont II right now
Pancakes15
Run for it Charlie! Run straight home and don't stop till you get there!
wonttakno2
Makes as much sense as all the stories that I've heard in The Bible
MrMagicPantz107
This is like when you hit random on the character creator.
navagon
This is one of the most Florida things I've heard.
Xecryo
You know I bet if the tickets WERE solid gold, they probably would have been fine. Like I can't prove following anything gets you into>
Xecryo
NotInLimboAnymore
I understand these two, really. Whom I don't understand are the people who actually bought the tickets.
TheToofFairy
Omg this..
skincancerisfun
Probably other people on drugs, who liked the idea of a heaven made of drugs. Then they came down, and said 'what the hell is this shit?'
Althox00
Maybe they felt sorry for the couple who were clearly not well.
NotAHugeSpider
Brokecattlefarmer
I mean, with the life I have lived I don't have much of a chance if getting into heaven otherwise.
MichaelCBennett
Asking the real question.
storebrandproductmascot
Fake the last dozen times it was posted, still fake now.
Munchman347
Con man Osteen has the same scam going and he doesn't even give people 'tickets', but nobody goes after him...
HumanFromPlanetEarth
Still a better love story than twilight
SpartaWolf117
I have an idea on how to make a quick buck... brb headed to kinko's
hammersquirrel
“Wanted to leave Earth, go to space, and do drugs” a noble goal indeed
Affray
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mH7XhHEb-ck
bfmama
I mean, who doesn't?
Zincee
Honestly they've got this shit figured out.
arcgap
scrumtrilescent
Totally forgot about this golden sketch. Glad you posted this so I could go back and watch it!!
ButtmoTerror
Hypothetical them in the clavicle
TacoPuncher
Only if the terries is froggy
hitdog42
You're gonna have ta torture a terry
Arvathorn
you gotta fireboard them motherjammers
superpaul79
I can't help but think this is fiction.
WhatBackWaterCountry
If only people think the same thing when they’re told the myth of heaven.
MightyMile
A quick search said you are right.
CaveCanem
I've seen the guy on the left attached to different stories, so very highly likely
kheltan
Don't care. Too fun to read. But yeah, definitely nonsense.
Boksha
I thought the same halfway through, and for once, this story doesn't rely on being true to be funny. This is some well-conceived shit.
bobislost
the crazy people i could believe but i had a problem with the people buying the tickets from them at $100 a pop
vash77
CosplayComet
So what did they do wrong? PROVE that those tickets don't get you into heaven, and that they WEREN'T given to him behind the KFC.
invalidmean
Has to be the gold part, and the baby alligator.
Philosophyinateacup
They had illegal drugs on them?
CosplayComet
They were arrested "For selling golden tickets to heaven."
Texis
If you call the police to complain about buying a fake ticket to heaven you should be arested not the salesman.
magicrhombus
Proving they're not solid gold would do the trick for fraud.
LBoogy99
Catholic Church has been running that same hustle for hundreds of years
p0ck3ts4nd
Same exact thing evangelicals are peddling... Just sayin
zeo868
Animation for it https://youtu.be/vxf3FvttnlY
squareofthelightones
I read this story a while ago. Apparently the golden tickets were blocks of wood painted gold.
Agreatmanoncesaid
"Behind the KFC" means nothing to me. They did the same shit televangelists do daily. I have more to say butt fuck it :)
Beepity
New explanation for police brutality
FentuckyCriedKhicken
Behind FCK.
BurnieCinders
Caveat Emptor.
Dechelonidaemobilis
Maybe it's a crime unless you are a religious organisation?
CosplayComet
So if they had a registered tax exempt form in the name of their church, they would have been alright?
Nathanyel
"Hey, that's our excuse!" - Church who ratted them out for stepping on their turf.
PimpinKen
And that's how the Mormon religion was formed!
snootyPotato
Ask someone who lived in Mormon Central, this comment is way too underrated
whateverthevoicestellme
Seriously why do they get arrested while maga-church pastors are drowning in cash?
ihaveblunderedyetagain
Because this is satire? At least I'm pretty sure it is. This can't be real, right?
Xyberfaust
They're only exempt if they're doing bad things to young children.
IAmDrBanner
Because proving god doesn't exist is harder than proving a ticket isn't made of gold, I guess.
TuppenceWoofer
I think you didn’t just hit the nail on the head, you smashed it into fucking oblivion
feliscorvus
Especially with maga rather than mega church.
TuppenceWoofer
Ooooohhh, that was a shot right in the balls
AlmostHappy
At least these two actually needed money. Would be better if the spend it on rehab, though.
Shaodyn
Because they're poor.
KiwiGameDev
^^^
Buretsu
What if I told you that both are problematic?
peruvianfightingmidgets
What if i told you that was the whole point of their comment?
Firstena414
I guess the crime is claiming that they're gold?!
Death83
Gold colored? Gold standard? Gold brand? Did they specify it was a metal?
Malarco
Golden, not gold. ;)
Anikanje
There's a bit where it says they told the buyers it was solid golf ;-)
Anikanje
Gold, whoopsie-doodles
MeeepMorp
Gonna have to prove they knew it wasn't gold.
insanitycontinuum
Yeah it was Jesus' fault for tricking them into believing they were gold
cattlegrazer82
Let Tito wear the wire!
CosplayComet
Can't exactly prove the other parts, so that would be the only real actionable charge, wouldn't it?
Mackeroy
i think everyone is missing the "drug paraphanalia" part, which probably means several pounds of weed, or maybe meth
mrose50
I'd guess it's possible a prosecutor could convince a judge/jury that they sold them despite not believing the tickets worked ie fraud. USA?
Firstena414
That's was my thought
Strangedays2024
Well that and being poor, honestly don't underestimate how significant that can be.
ReginaKasteen
I'm 99% sure baby alligators are illegal too.
CosplayComet
They're like, the state bird for Florida...
Heffe3737
My question is this: How did they find 100 people willing to buy the tickets?!
Marick2Die
Over* 100 people. And it's Florida, so that should sum it up.
demodokhos
Florida
CosplayComet
Moreover, do they still WANT the tickets, if I can provide them....
SophieClockwise
Trump rally.
Firstena414
I was homeless for a while in my teens, and we once passed out these get out of hell free cards that some kid had printed. They were a hit
CosplayComet
What was the price on one of those bad boys? You know - for reasons
DranksAndDragons
My question is this: Of the 100 people *willing* to buy the tickets where the fuck did they get the money when they are clearly idiots?
grklein
Look how much televangelists make. There's tons of stupid people with at least some money.
PapaBear2020
It isn't hard to make $100. Even as an idiot.