Thisisnotacleverjoke
134644
3022
39
Apr 14, 2018 1:28 AM
Thisisnotacleverjoke
134644
3022
39
imasandwichho
These are funny
eglieSleepCreator
I once ended an official e-mail to all club members, with "if you have any questions, you can NEVER call me" -instead of allways of course..
amglasgow
I once answered a call from my GF on my cellphone, "Thanks for calling [My Employer], how can I help you?" then fell off my chair laughing.
hmmwellthen
Work in a contact centre- had a client on hold and when I went back to them and said “hi, my name is , how are you?”
hmmwellthen
Client was laughing “yeah, uh, we met, you were going to find out X for me?”. So awkward
ScavengerRat
I said “Welcome to Toronto” instead of Tim Hortons once.
Tylendal
I once said "Welcome to McDonalds" at Timmies. I have no idea where it came from, I've never worked at McDonalds.
FujiBWow
Someone came into the store I was working at with a resume and I asked were they looking for full or fart time work.
TemporarySelf
Sunamonster
Working register, customer asks what beverages we have at the fountain. "Cock products."
SilveringArt
Instead of asking a lady if she wanted a bag I accidentally asked her if she wanted a beer. We both got a good laugh of that.
BeckyLookAtHerButt
wink, wink, nudge, nudge, so no more.
dorktorJ
Are you fucking sorry
jrblast
No, I'm a problem. At least according to that one guy.
shushilly
Keeping the classics alive.
haquie
I work at a truck stop with a cat scale it makes an annoying beep to alert that someone is weighing out the truck I was asleep heard the 1/2
haquie
Garbage truck backing up has almost the same sound I woke up from a dead sleep and spat out "driver on scale first or re-weigh " 2/3
haquie
Realized I was in bed shouted "oh fuck off" and went back to bed all in all felt like a jackass 3/3
Cyzyk
Casino dealers are ruined for normal jobs, because once you're used to shouting "HANDS UP, FUCKOS" at your customers, you can't go back.
Asbjorn
Place your bets/No more bets. Fuck my life
JackOnImgur
I work with children, ages 2 to 5, and was having brunch with my mom and some relatives. I got up and said “I have to go potty.”
JackOnImgur
Then I stopped and said “No. I am going TO THE BATHROOM.”
ermahgerdshoez
Same here- if my bf gets up from the couch, I always call out “where are you going?”
ermahgerdshoez
I’ll also tell him to “use his words” in the middle of our arguments
DuallyNotedAsshat
In line at the donut shop. Teenage girl orders 2 donuts. Lady asks if she wants them in the same bag and she said no thank you. They look 1/
DuallyNotedAsshat
At each other, lady asks same question again, same answer, asks a 3rd time, “no thank you” again. I finally say “she wants separate bags!!!”
DuallyNotedAsshat
It was like a dumb shit standoff!
TehpenIsmytier
I'm fluent in sign language, I'd sometimes dream in sign language while asleep and had a dream one night that I was 1/2
TehpenIsmytier
In a heated argument with someone, i ended up accidentally punching my wife in the face. It's much funnier now.
iswearthetitleisatinypictureofthemoon
Had to ask "Do you have a coop number?" Came out as "Do you have a coop Numnum?" :'O
iluvbunbuns
Ha, that what I think my (now deceased) cat would think food was called, num-nums. I would ask him, who wants num nums!!!
Mayokopp
I work in a casino. One time a homeless guy came up to me and asked for change. Without thinking I said "sorry, customers only"
munmunshaa
Do you "wash"your hand? I did that for a while after quitting casino cashier job
Mayokopp
I wash my hands all the time at work, basically every time I know I won't have to touch cash for a while
Iwannabecalledspaghetti
My mom had a brief job as a cold-caller for an insurance company, one of the questions she asked was "do you work part time or full time?"1/
Iwannabecalledspaghetti
What she ended up saying was "Do you work fart time or pull time?". There was a long pause, followed by her going "oh shit!" and 2/
Iwannabecalledspaghetti
Hanging up. The guy thought it was so funny he called and had them connect him using her ID number. She sold him insurance. 3/3
Nurse4Brains
Was standing on a bus, bus jolted and I fell. Hand grabs crotch of a random guy. Meant to say “sorry”, actually said “thank you!” Kill me.
humblegrumblebee
Ahahahahahahhahahaaaa
DrRad
Leaving a message for a friend, I ended it by saying “end dictation”
bubbletrex
I work in F&B and a coworker said one time he yelled “CORNER!” On his mountain bike in the woods with no one around.
igobybre
A customer called to complain about something. They were an ass & got me flustered and I said “ I love you, bye” when I hung up.
samsonguy920
Please tell me it was remotely close to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19TBzy81Mac
igobybre
Pretty much.
imjustheretobitchaboutpeople
I have the opposite happen to me - in a call centre ppl always say "love you" to me, I say I love you back then hang up rly quickly xD
walkerLifter
Once I was taking someone's order and instead of saying what would you like I said would you like your receipt. They hadn't even ordered yet
castawayisland
One time I accidentally shouted "I CAN DRIVE" instead of I can help whoever is next
rusrsdude
That's super fast customer service. I'd go to that location for sure!
CommentComment
Oh man I've done that so many times. Once I asked a woman if she wanted a receipt three times
Manbob456
I’ve said, “thank you for calling petsmart grooming, this is (my name) speaking. How can I help you?” When answering my phone too many times
Toastfrog
I so often answer or my own phone or when making personal phone calls say it's my name from my work place ..then go oops no it's just my me
Lauraborealis11
One of my friends ended a call with a customer with “k, love you, bye!”
JoleneJoleneJoleneJoleeene
Ah my fart cone
TemporarySelf
AllyP
I have a small child. I have repeatedly drawn a friend's attention to a passing fire engine/train etc when not with him "ooo look TRAIN!"
FemaleINTJ
You're never too old to yell "Horses!" when you drive by some horses.
demoncandy
I like trains
pollomagnifico
My nerphew was SUPER into trains when he was like, 4. I also got into the habit of going "Look [nephew], train! Less cool now that he's 17.
PuppyDontCare
Oh! are we not supposed to point at things like trains, planes and horses as adults?
avestrainer
And cows. One most always point out cows.
FemaleINTJ
I like in PA where we have tons of cows, yet I still always like seeing cows.
imdonewithpickingusernames
I never called any of my teachers mom but after school my math teacher told me to call him"daddy".
abbadonsin
Meh, no fair, mine told me to call him "Uncle Touchy" :(
Reiliana
Lawzenth
Homeschooled?
Undrave
And then he beat you with jumper cables?
eagle193
ummmmm
demoncandy
UMMMMM
MakeTabbouleNotWar
Use to work for Chick-fil-a... if you tell me Thank You I will IMMEDIATELY reply without fail.... “My Pleasure.” I’m pretty sure I’m 1/2
MakeTabbouleNotWar
brainwashed. We could have all the nuggets we wanted... I bet it’s in the nuggets! Or that amazing lemonade. 2/2
Showmeyourotters
I have never worked at chick-fil-a and do this constantly.. I picked it up just from visiting chick-fil-a a fuck ton.
Evan719
I've been saying "My pleasure" for years. For me, it started at a Marriott resort. In all that time, only 2 people have questioned why I get
Evan719
pleasure out of helping them.
smallmac
Worked in a factory 12 hours at a time, had to take samples of raw material. Woke up from a dead sleep asking my GF 1/2
smallmac
2/2 “did we already get a sample of that?” She replied with “what?” Came to my senses, grumbled “never mind” and went back to bed
fluffleupagus
I worked in a grocery store for a while. One day, I woke up, sitting up in bed, pushing "register buttons" on my pillow. -_-
smallmac
Hahahaha, that’s amazing xD
Showmeyourotters
Reminds me of yesterday. I was dozing off on my SO's shoulder and tried to say something in my dream, but woke myself up. So I had to ask my
Showmeyourotters
SO "Did I say that out loud?" The answer was yes, but thankfully all I did was scream for no reason.
smallmac
Just a tad sketchy lol, second night I spent with my GF I woke up and said “I like noodles” dead serious, she brings it up still xD
kcg799
Words are hard
Allofyoush
Just like me
Saxxon92
Have a day!
thecrimsonfuckerreturns
No words are words
Jufasa
Words mean things
o4kill
I accidentally made a complete sentence.
ImgursLibertarian
I are an engineer. I math Gud.
MakeTabbouleNotWar
I just said words are hurds in my head... ughhh I need sleep
thekingandqueenofcheese
I'm so bad at words.
thezenosprite
To read makes our speaking English good.
adamlstf9
Sometimes I say the wrong cranberry.
henryclairmont
My coworker woke up to his mom and mumbled ketchup mustard and pickles, she tried to get him up again and he said it louder and again (1/2)
henryclairmont
And he basically screamed at her ketchup mustard and pickles (2/2)
SheepInWolfClothing
I work as a captioner, so often I say punctuation as part of my speech. Being on the phone with me means the conversation will end with 1/2
SheepInWolfClothing
"Okay comma thank you comma bye-bye period"
IonicPopcorn
I cant word good most of the sometimes always
chunkblaster
I can't anything right since because pickles...
IonicPopcorn
5
Beepity
They be.
AbyssinianRem
I'm laughing my tits off.
humblegrumblebee
Is frustrate
CrazyMrowLady
Worked as a hotel receptionist. Was severely hungover one day and went to ask both "was the room to your satisfaction?" and "did you 1/
CrazyMrowLady
Enjoy our new (brand name) beds?". What actually came out was "did we satisfy you in our new bed?" I still wake up in a cold sweat 2/
MakeTabbouleNotWar
Somehow it still works! Lol
CrazyMrowLady
She was a 70 year old widow. It's just awful at that point.
YesMyNameIsCalvin
I'd say that makes it better. Please tell me she laughed?
CrazyMrowLady
She didn't. She was mortified.
DontTalkToMeOrMyWaifuEverAgain
AreYouFuckingSorry.Png
CrazyMrowLady
Sometimes with sheer embarrassment. 3/3
Showmeyourotters
I also work at a hotel, but as night auditor. I'm prone to telling people "Have a good evening" in the middle of the day, esp check outs.
Showmeyourotters
I'm pretty sure yours wins over everyone else's so far tho. All you can do about it is laugh it off ESPECIALLY if it's really awkward
Reiliana
Oh boy, I'm sorry but I don't think you will ever live that one down
[deleted]
[deleted]
Reiliana
If it makes you feel any better, I work in a sex store, and sometimes even saying things correctly can sound awful
mrssugar
What was their response?
CrazyMrowLady
She was a 70 year old widow. She kinda just gawped at me. Luckily, my coworker stepped in to help.
openthedoorgetontheflooreverybodywalkthedinosaur
Once tried to say "no problem" and "sure thing" at the same time and just said "no thang" to a customer. A very rich old lady.
IQDeclined
That's not so bad. Kind of serendipitous. She probably shuffled off muttering slurs though.
CraftedLine
Found the racist.