If you don't like poo and pee and vomit you should not have kids. I speak from experience as a dad of two. Lot of great times. Also lots of poo and pee and vomit.
I know this feeling. My son took a nap and when I heard him wake up I found he had speared poop all over his crib, wall, face, body. I cleaned it up and then he went down for his second nap and did it again. I cried
Had a somewhat similar miscommunication with my mom, when I asked if I could "write on wall", and she thought I was admiring the "light on wall" shining in. I crayoned up that hallway with the most beautiful mural any 3 yr old could muster.
Back when I was a grocer, I had two "where's the poop incidents." First time, I was going all over the cleaning products aisle because I KNEW I smelled shit and thought some parent changed their kids diaper and then stuffed it in the back of the shelf and walked off. One of the senior managers walked over wondering was up and all I could say was "you smell that, right? That's a diaper. Someone left a diaper," and he took off fast as he could.
Finally found the source: a bag of thawed black goo that used to be frozen creamed corn shoved to the back behind other white bags of laundry pods. I was disgusted, but relieved it wasn't a diaper. A couple years later, I was chatting with my friend's sister at the back aisle as a woman with a toddler in the basket just let three turds drop out of the diaper and she just kept walking like it wasn't her business anymore right in front of us.
Right? Kids play with poop sometimes. That’s part of dealing with kids. The other part of dealing with kids is protecting them from embarrassment especially of such caliber that it may cause issues later in life.
As if parents aren't humans who deal with stuff all day. Immortalizing one situation where you don't know whether to laugh or cry is far removed from any sort of neglect that you're indicating. Unbelievably stupid take, good luck in life man.
They do indeed. But also they don't. It's a strange dichotomy loving something that for the most part gives you more shit to do whether you want to or not (pardon the shitty pun)
Absolutely. However at the kind of age where they are in danger of these type of shenanigans you aren't teaching them anything like that. At such a young age you just make sure there's always an adult within earshot.
Last time he said it, I think so. Mind you we live in Sweden, so the the regular word people use is "skaffa barn", which, according to a dictionary, can be translated to "obtain" "procure" and so. I think "get" in this case also fits.
Having and raising kids is one of the most rewarding, meaningful experiences ever. It's also super hard. Not everything worth doing is super fun 100% of the time.
I don't think almost anyone who's actually had kids would agree with you. Having kids isn't 'addictive' its just something a lot of people genuinely enjoy.
It's not addictive. It overall lowers satisfaction (slightly), but you have higher highs and lower lows.
Before I had kids I didn't randomly cry tears of joy just seeing another person do something cute.
Before I had kids I also didn't have to change my shirt because poop got on it and I was running late to a work meeting - a meeting that wasn't taking place for over an hour, but I knew I would be late because a kod was having a tantrum and I knew I'd have to strap them, resisting, into a car
Highs and lows, sure, but most harder drugs do make your life significantly worse over the long run, whereas, like. My 5yo right now is really not that hard compared to when she was newborn or a 3yo. I think people overestimate how long this 'poop on the floor' phase lasts. (and its really hard tbc)
PS: Tbh, poop never bothered me but I include it since it bothers many. A tantrum that lasts 30 min car ride on the way to work tho, that's about as bad as it gets.
But time dulls pain and elevates joy, I miss those times now. Youngest just started going to sleep without someone lying beside her, so time for I am sure new and different challenges of having a teen (eldest)...
Working from home during the pandemic with a 2 yr old and a 6 yr old, doing school stuff with the older one, thought the 2 yr old was playing in her room. Went to the bathroom and she was completing a project in which she plastered lotion (from my wife's unreasonably large lotion bottle) on every surface she could reach. Floors, walls, mirrors, faucets... I just melted to the floor and sat there staring and silent long enough for her to fall asleep in my lap.
My 2.5yo at the time painted my 1yo with ALL of my wife's fingernail polish, when they found her stash under the bathroom sink. Head to toe. He was glorious.
When my oldest niece was 2, she took a bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup, opened it, and squeezed it out all over the house. She went from the kitchen through the living room, up the stairs, and into the bathroom decorating with it as she went!
My 8yo decided on his own to spray paint all of the cool sticks he found into tend weapons. Cool. Wish he didn’t do it DIRECTLY ON THE GOD DAMN DRIVEWAY.
Our flat was really dark , no window got direct sunlight the only spot was when a window across the street reflected sun on our livingroom wall. So of course my 4 y old decided it must get sunsceen.
Reading all the responses to this, it is clear that the toddlers crave jobs as house painters, or pressure washers. Oh, or sealing old, cracked swimming pools.
I used to give my son a paintbrush and a big bucket of coloured water and tell him to paint the house. I used food colouring. Then if he ever got one of these urges, maybe he'd have an outlet??? Thankfully I avoided most of these stories.
Christmas morning, 5am. My sister(7) and I(3) woke up early and found the quart bottles of paint our parents got us. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet, Black, and White. We striped down and covered every surface we could reach and every inch of ourselves in acrylic paint. Luckily, my dad remodels houses for a living, but those paints lived above the fridge and didn't come down until we were in highschool.
i was also working from home during the pandemic with 2 children at home trying to do schoolwork. but one of mine was a teenager, and not the easy motivated responsible kind. im still grateful we both survived because there were moments where it was questionable.
My sister sent me a video of my nephew. She walks into the bedroom, and everything is covered in baby powder. So much baby powder! And he just looks at her, so proud of his work.
"In the early 1970s, findings of asbestos in talc, and findings of talc colocated in ovarian tumor tissue, led to public controversy". Opening paragraph of this paper: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6784763/
Mine did diaper cream…all over the shag rug and regular carpet. Diaper cream keeps moisture away. Do you know how hard it is to get something that keeps moisture away out of carpet?
I hid under my bed with a spoon and *ate* diaper cream, threw it all up in my parents bed and they were forced to call poison control. No, I don't know how I've made it this long either.
Commenting for the newer dads in the thread: straight dish soap. Work it in till it's a consistent paste. Add a little water and shop vac the area. Repeat until it is just soapy water getting sucked up. At this point it's just getting soap out of carpet.
Hey dad to be! Get an extra tube of Diaper ointment, and keep it in the fridge (up high) . If your kid gets a nasty rash that’s horribly uncomfortable, the cold ointment soothes a lot faster.
Congrats on the sex! You will learn a LOT. I'm lucky that I have an age gap and my wife had some already so I learned fast. I'm not a wealth of knowledge but I can give some insight, feel free to DM
I don't have kids yet, but the logistics of everything makes it a terrifying venture (I'm a lady) so at the same time that my body is screaming for a child, I see a screaming child and think "I can wait."
We invited our new neighbors over for dinner. They came in, had a nice meal, a few drinks and we had a pleasant evening. After they left l realized my eldest son, who was potty training, had left an enormous poop in the corner of the hallway. Both kids were already asleep so it must have been there when they arrived and still there when they left, it would have been very obvious to anyone coming in. Both my wife and I had sinus infections so we didn't smell it but it was probably pretty bad.
That is funny to read, but I'm sure it wasn't funny for you two! Hopefully they have, or will have kids, then they'll get it lol. I do remember those days, my son HATED potty training. Had to bribe him with Thomas the Tank engines or M&Ms to get him to stop crying and sitting on their for an hour refusing to 💩!
What you do is you screen shot the picture with him holding the poop. Then you pay the school to have a whole page dedicated to your child in his senior yearbook showing this picture as the entire page.
His first job interview, "so we looked up your social media and while generally fine, our hygienists wondered... Do wash your hands, cause that'll be a deal breaker for us?"
Teenager gives attitude to parents in front of his friends. Parents pulls out phone and shows the video to his friends. Years later at the wedding, there's a montage of the kid growing up and somehow the poop in the hand bit shows in the montage.
That's one thing I appreciate about being a Millennial - our every moment wasn't recorded and uploaded until we were like 20-something. And even then, social media was Bebo and MySpace - just fun customisation and your favourite tunes. Not part of the Fourth Reich...
All the kid has to do is recount how his parents left him sleeping with a literal piece of shit in his hands because they were making content for the internet.
My thoughts exactly. Stop recording and get your sons face off a log of his own shit you horrible horrible person. It’s funny, relatable etc, but we don’t need to see this.
I feel it's a bit extreme to assume they left him there for any real length of time once they realised he was holding it. The video is not that long. And like...definitely not the first place that I would look for poop!!
Agreed. Potty training age is tough, who knows what he was doing with the shit before hand, quite possibly giving it a taste. Any germs that were going to be transferred from that turd had already done their damage by that time. Taking a minute to record your thoughts and document this event and let your likely tired, cranky kid get a few more minutes of sleep before you wake them up to clean their hands seems perfectly reasonable to me.
Diaper aged kid was running around a house (with stairs) unsupervised long enough to take off diaper toss it in the garbage poop and then take a nap. Mom only went to check on him when she smelt poop.
Then once found she started filming the story to then show the world him holding his poop. That video will never be gone for him.
The amount of shitty parenting here is pretty high.
He's not hurt, he's not sick, he's not abandoned, and all he needs is a quick shower. If you aren't able to cope with "icky" things, raising a child is likely not for you, but this isn't something to call anyone out for. Literally every human child has at least one story about when they did something like this, no matter how well they were raised.
I disagree. It can take a kid that age less than minute to rip their diaper off take a dump and pass out, hell I've found my kid asleep on the potty chair. The parents through the diaper away and that was before they found the poop. I mean if you're the kind of parent that can literally never be distracted by anything for more than a minute and keep 100% attention on your kid all day kudos to you.
When I was about that age many years ago, I was outside with my brother and two cousins at their house. I said I had to go inside to go to the bathroom, my brother told me to just use the tree, so apparently I took a shit on the tree in their backyard right then and there. It’s been like 30 years and I still hear it every now and then.
Honestly. Great 👍. I think it's actually really awesome that people are comfortable and open about not wanting kids because people forced to become parents through societal pressure become the worst parents ever. This narrows down (to some extent) people who actually want to be parents and are willing to take on that burden, the good, the bad and the ugly to raise a human properly.
Same. Just as an alert to those who are getting one, there's one part of the procedure that can be a bit unnerving. It's not painful, though, and it's still worth it.
That is a very good point, thank you. After further reading up on the procedure I am sure this will be more of a stressful inconvenience than actually a bad day. And a hell of a lot easier than raising a child, thats for sure!
Thinking about getting one (40 with 3 kids), but in our EU country you have to wait 1 year!! To get it done... Also crazier if done with free healthcare, a lot of consultation to ensure you really want it... And with paid it's expensive (altough kids are more expensive). I'm also afraid if it might cause issues with erection or something :(
Unless your Dr completely fucks it up I'm not aware of any *potential* issues with erections or any other function. I'm 6 months post surgery and everything works fine.
hey there! also eu citizen, when u hace to wait for so long, then why not get an appointment for a year in advance? my husband had a vasectomy to, never had any erection problems after the procedure 😉 dont worry and be brave, it's worth it! even more so when your significant other doesn't have to swallow hormones any more
Yeah, we use condoms (pretty bad, I hate it but it's better than having another kid :D ) as my wife can't take the hormones from the pills. So I would like to do the procedure, just need to look for a great doctor
Got mine this week. I'm 46 though. I can't believe how easy and painless it was. Told my family doctor I was considering, 5 days later I got a call from the urologist in my neighborhood. Go, get the consult and 7 days after I had the procedure. I legit worked the rest of the day to not use one of my 15 paid medical days. Oh. At no point did anyone talk about money or insurance and I will never get a bill
You guys are awesome! My husband had one as well, but I know women who had their tubes tied (major surgery), or who are on the pill, putting hormones in their bodies for years all because their man is a wussy dick afraid of an outpatient procedure!
I'm glad it went so well for you. My vasectomy was a nightmare, the urologist was an asshole who tried multiple times to dissuade me and then brutalized my junk through the whole process, including cutting the wrong tubes and causing extra wounds and bleeding. I honestly wasn't in proper working shape for weeks, and not back to normal for a solid year. If my job required manual labor I'd have lost it for sure! Still no regrets!
That's awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that. The urologist and I had a chat about it and he did say that in countries or provinces where vasectomise or any reproductive care is "controversial" the procedure is significantly riskier. He's been doing 5-6/day for 15 years. So he's done like 20 thousand. If a doctor only does a couple per year it's not in the same expertise range
I've got mine scheduled for next month. He warned me the local numbing won't hurt, but then the next thing is going to feel like he kicked me in the nuts, once for left and once for right. I'm not worried because that'll hurt a lot less than an unwanted kid
Rest up and keep frozen peas on to numb the swelling and it'll never be that painful. Well it shouldn't,.he's either giving you a worst case scenario or he knows he's terrible at performing the procedure
You're gonna have to... Get off (mod conscious)... Like 20 times before you're in the clear (among other important things). I recommend making a punch card with the word "SPLOOSH" in the center as a reward for punching all 20. It's what I did. Great way to keep track, and fun.
I was really apprehensive about pain and I have to say that there was absolutely no pain. The local anaesthetic is not injected in the testes. It goes in a really soft part of the scrotum and I thought he was about to do it and he told me je had done it. I felt nothing. I walked home (10 minute walk) and had the cold bags all ready and didn't need them. The only thing I felt was a slight pinching where the suture is and that it. It's endoscopic so he just has to sever the clamp, sever and
Yep. One hit in each testicle as the local goes in, but that fades quickly once it kicks in. Took the wife and I about 2 weeks to get back to our regularly scheduled programming. Speaking from experience, don't rush your recovery and try to use it too soon. You'll regret it.
Where did you guys go. 2 weeks??? I walked 10k steps the same day and went skating the next. I'm going skiing on Sunday. I understand my doctor said Quebec has the best vasectomies but I thought he was just bragging.
Mine was pretty painless too... The tugging and smell of burning tubes weren't great... especially cause my urologist was so eager to hop on it, the numbing hadn't fully kicked in yet, but the Valium they gave me before the surgery made sure I didn't care, lol. That said, the "relief in knowing accidents are prevented" was weeeellll worth it.
That's so lucky. As someone with a vagina, I had to explain why I wanted to get my tubes tied even though my husband already got a vasectomy. I love being treated like I'm forever one unit tied to my husband. /s
Besides that, I've had multiple appointments cancelled and rescheduled yet the scheduler tried to convince me that I had to stick to that one doctor to get the procedure done. Rural healthcare sucks when there's only one real healthcare organization within a 30 miles radius.
That is not ok. I got the vasectomy so my GF won't have to put an IUD after she gets hers out because it was a fucked up experience. They told her the pain is ok. It's normal. But for men they make sure you get no pain. Patriarchy has really messed that one up.
The stark contrast between me getting my vasectomy and my wife getting her tubal was infuriating. I got mine done more or less no questions asked. My wife had to sign multiple pieces of paperwork, verbally confirm with like half a dozen nurses and the surgeon, and they required *my signature* approving of the whole thing. We live in a fairly progressive state, mind you.
This story saddens me for all women stuck in abusive relationships, who secretly want their tubes tied (avoid babies with the abuser) & Dr. McDeservesPunchInFace either totally blows their cover, &/or their psycho husband won’t let them. Dangerous. Evil.
Fucking insane. Any doctor requiring a husband’s signature to “approve” for a wife’s reproductive tubes tied (or any) bodily autonomy = belongs in jail
Exactly! It was the same for my husband: he literally just saw the first urologist he found on Google and got the vasectomy done the next week.
It's taken over two months so far between appointments and preliminary tests and of course the surgery. I get that it's a more invasive procedure for females but I've had ovarian cysts removed that didn't require this many hurdles.
I don't have the words to describe how much this disgusts me. How is it acceptable that some other person gets a *deciding* vote in one's own healthcare?
That being said, I did try to get one in my early 20's and was basically told no. 20 years later (and no kids) I did get a *couple* "are you sure, are you *really* sure" questions but that was basically it.
I will say that I was fully prepared for that response so I explained that not only am I my own person with agency over my own body, but I also detailed the most graphic reasons I could think of (like sexual assault)---i maaaay have been intentionally trying to make him uncomfortable so I hope he learned his lesson.
There's no other treatment where another person not only is asked their position, but provides their *permission*. I am entirely lost how it is *legal* ( HIPAA governs business to business communications, not private communications but it seems like there should be some existing privacy laws that *should* cover this), say nothing about medically ethical.
It infuriates me that there is such a dichotomy to these things. My fiance should be on cholesterol meds (like me) and type 2 prevention, but they won't do it "because you're still in child rearing years" even though I'm fixed and she has no desire to have anything more than cats... I don't understand the weird fascination/obsession with controlling other people's life plans.
AtsaMattaForMe
ZK383
Parenthood.
HypnagogicHallucinations
Toddlers. Not even once.
rmellis1112
Snorts birth control
Turtlegir
A post like this makes me thankful to have gone through menopause before I was 30
sfbiker
Who among us has not fallen asleep with their comfort turd in hand?
RockPlusAlice
"comfort turd" will be my new insult to-go
seakoos
Shit post
eddbrowne
The boy appreciates the food that fed him.
eslachance
It's an ad for condoms!
thinkybrainpains
Or a vasectomy clinic
FrogSupreme
I got a vasectomy and, while it hurt more than expected, it was well worth never having to deal with stuff like this.
DrSchlepenstein
He is gonna spread pink eye to so many other kids and adults.
SkittishLittleToaster
Poor mom. Seems really stressed.
Snooj
If you don't like poo and pee and vomit you should not have kids. I speak from experience as a dad of two. Lot of great times. Also lots of poo and pee and vomit.
dfhowes
catsnroombas
"Having children is a magical experience! No woman could possibly find fulfillment without raising one."
TheOnlyPtylerdactyl
I would cry too
sethb1978
I know this feeling. My son took a nap and when I heard him wake up I found he had speared poop all over his crib, wall, face, body. I cleaned it up and then he went down for his second nap and did it again. I cried
Vonph
Woestkonijn
Have kids they say. It'll be fun they say.
LucifersLoveSpuds
every day my decision not to have kids is validated
LawFiveGuy
"mom, you said 'Gio, take a poop before you nap' so I took a poop" - Gio
supervillin
Someday that kid will come home from the store with a dozen gallons of milk because the store had eggs.
Detoc
Had a somewhat similar miscommunication with my mom, when I asked if I could "write on wall", and she thought I was admiring the "light on wall" shining in. I crayoned up that hallway with the most beautiful mural any 3 yr old could muster.
TheBigMcC
Far better it in his hand than ground into the carpet….
Pokegeologist
Back when I was a grocer, I had two "where's the poop incidents." First time, I was going all over the cleaning products aisle because I KNEW I smelled shit and thought some parent changed their kids diaper and then stuffed it in the back of the shelf and walked off. One of the senior managers walked over wondering was up and all I could say was "you smell that, right? That's a diaper. Someone left a diaper," and he took off fast as he could.
Pokegeologist
Finally found the source: a bag of thawed black goo that used to be frozen creamed corn shoved to the back behind other white bags of laundry pods. I was disgusted, but relieved it wasn't a diaper. A couple years later, I was chatting with my friend's sister at the back aisle as a woman with a toddler in the basket just let three turds drop out of the diaper and she just kept walking like it wasn't her business anymore right in front of us.
DustingIsForFools
diezl97
"mookiestinks"
NChomsky
"Boy, you all smell like roses!"
PiercedViking
Is this a condom commercial?
Snooj
No, but this is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bfzQhs0Jyw
Heavenissize17socks
Ilikecreativepeople
Just throw the whole kid away
Krustation137
They're even biodegradable!
FiftyShadesOfCauliflower
aslum
Throw the parent away - instead of dealing with the situation she recorded a minute long video chronicling it.
SternLecturePlumbing
Right? Kids play with poop sometimes. That’s part of dealing with kids. The other part of dealing with kids is protecting them from embarrassment especially of such caliber that it may cause issues later in life.
gpixelVillain
The whole thought process of recording and uploading seems so strange to me
DietCokeIsMyDrugOfChoice
Humor is a coping mechanism
Grevling89
As if parents aren't humans who deal with stuff all day. Immortalizing one situation where you don't know whether to laugh or cry is far removed from any sort of neglect that you're indicating. Unbelievably stupid take, good luck in life man.
[deleted]
[deleted]
Grevling89
SternLecturePlumbing
It’s serious stuff.
itdoesntmatternoneofthismatters
You can always make another one.
aChungusAmongUs
You can tell it’s real because of the way it is
knudude
supervillin
If it's staged, someone bout to get a visit from Child Protection Services.
NickRivieraMD
plastic poop prop
LoftheDesert
Friends be like "you should get kids." But every story they tell me is like this.
supervillin
Gotta read between the lines, they're trying to get rid of theirs.
Grevling89
They do indeed. But also they don't. It's a strange dichotomy loving something that for the most part gives you more shit to do whether you want to or not (pardon the shitty pun)
shorey66
Mine never did anything remotely like this. But then again, we watched the kid.... You know like you're supposed to
Snooj
I raised my kids responsibly so I didn't have to watch them every single second.
shorey66
Absolutely. However at the kind of age where they are in danger of these type of shenanigans you aren't teaching them anything like that. At such a young age you just make sure there's always an adult within earshot.
nevernotsure
They never said to keep them
Gruesslibaer
Do they phrase it like that? "Get kids"?
LoftheDesert
Last time he said it, I think so. Mind you we live in Sweden, so the the regular word people use is "skaffa barn", which, according to a dictionary, can be translated to "obtain" "procure" and so. I think "get" in this case also fits.
Strangeboke
Having and raising kids is one of the most rewarding, meaningful experiences ever. It's also super hard. Not everything worth doing is super fun 100% of the time.
LoftheDesert
I'll take your word for it. But I'll still remain child free.
shehdbeuebw738373
It's a dick move to ever tell someone else they should or shouldn't have kids
Strangeboke
Fine by me, I just think people on imgur get kind of nasty towards parents.
shehdbeuebw738373
The best analogy I've seen is drug addiction.
Is it overall a worse life? Yup. But the highs are higher (and, obviously, the lows earth shatteringly low).
Strangeboke
I don't think almost anyone who's actually had kids would agree with you. Having kids isn't 'addictive' its just something a lot of people genuinely enjoy.
shehdbeuebw738373
It's not addictive. It overall lowers satisfaction (slightly), but you have higher highs and lower lows.
Before I had kids I didn't randomly cry tears of joy just seeing another person do something cute.
Before I had kids I also didn't have to change my shirt because poop got on it and I was running late to a work meeting - a meeting that wasn't taking place for over an hour, but I knew I would be late because a kod was having a tantrum and I knew I'd have to strap them, resisting, into a car
shehdbeuebw738373
seat and hear them crying the whole 30 min drive and also have to hand them off to a stranger while still crying.
Strangeboke
Highs and lows, sure, but most harder drugs do make your life significantly worse over the long run, whereas, like. My 5yo right now is really not that hard compared to when she was newborn or a 3yo. I think people overestimate how long this 'poop on the floor' phase lasts. (and its really hard tbc)
shehdbeuebw738373
Sure, it's not 1 to 1. I don't regret it at all but I imagine I'd regret being a drug addict.
Just take the highs and lows part and take out the death and lifelong consequences part.
shehdbeuebw738373
PS: Tbh, poop never bothered me but I include it since it bothers many. A tantrum that lasts 30 min car ride on the way to work tho, that's about as bad as it gets.
But time dulls pain and elevates joy, I miss those times now. Youngest just started going to sleep without someone lying beside her, so time for I am sure new and different challenges of having a teen (eldest)...
elusiveenchilada
Working from home during the pandemic with a 2 yr old and a 6 yr old, doing school stuff with the older one, thought the 2 yr old was playing in her room. Went to the bathroom and she was completing a project in which she plastered lotion (from my wife's unreasonably large lotion bottle) on every surface she could reach. Floors, walls, mirrors, faucets... I just melted to the floor and sat there staring and silent long enough for her to fall asleep in my lap.
DocWino
I’ve seen that done in poop and blood. My condolences.
HarryBlumpkin6
My 2.5yo at the time painted my 1yo with ALL of my wife's fingernail polish, when they found her stash under the bathroom sink. Head to toe. He was glorious.
Jessa26
When my oldest niece was 2, she took a bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup, opened it, and squeezed it out all over the house. She went from the kitchen through the living room, up the stairs, and into the bathroom decorating with it as she went!
empire161
My 8yo decided on his own to spray paint all of the cool sticks he found into tend weapons. Cool. Wish he didn’t do it DIRECTLY ON THE GOD DAMN DRIVEWAY.
LateNightBunnyParty
Mine once walked out of the bathroom playing with a used tampon applicator like a slide whistle.
carcarodon
Our flat was really dark , no window got direct sunlight the only spot was when a window across the street reflected sun on our livingroom wall. So of course my 4 y old decided it must get sunsceen.
BrockEffingSamson
Reading all the responses to this, it is clear that the toddlers crave jobs as house painters, or pressure washers. Oh, or sealing old, cracked swimming pools.
ZOMGNO
I used to give my son a paintbrush and a big bucket of coloured water and tell him to paint the house. I used food colouring. Then if he ever got one of these urges, maybe he'd have an outlet??? Thankfully I avoided most of these stories.
howsplendid
At least it wasn’t poop
circlebreaker
If it's any consolation, I did that with Sharpie in the kitchen at the same age. Turns out that's a good way to make your Mom cry.
RockPlusAlice
You are a saint. I am afraid would have scolded as a madwomen
arajad
Ours used gentian violet. Purple stains all over the wallpaper. Only time I ever called Poison Control.
UnapologeticTeaEnjoyer
Christmas morning, 5am. My sister(7) and I(3) woke up early and found the quart bottles of paint our parents got us. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet, Black, and White. We striped down and covered every surface we could reach and every inch of ourselves in acrylic paint. Luckily, my dad remodels houses for a living, but those paints lived above the fridge and didn't come down until we were in highschool.
givemepickles
Hahahahahahahahaha.
Valid parenting response.
HowlingRollercoaster2
i was also working from home during the pandemic with 2 children at home trying to do schoolwork. but one of mine was a teenager, and not the easy motivated responsible kind. im still grateful we both survived because there were moments where it was questionable.
cjandstuff
My sister sent me a video of my nephew. She walks into the bedroom, and everything is covered in baby powder. So much baby powder! And he just looks at her, so proud of his work.
dreammer243
Mine got ahold of the pepper shaker.
pilomotor
I hope it was the type of baby powder made of corn starch, instead of talc.
YouAreTheInsultMaster
What is the difference?
tigerliketoightness
"In the early 1970s, findings of asbestos in talc, and findings of talc colocated in ovarian tumor tissue, led to public controversy". Opening paragraph of this paper: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6784763/
seeyakath
Talc = cancer (possibly). Corn = corn.
YouAreTheInsultMaster
Oh shit! I used to play with that stuff as a kid
lilbrother
We have a tub of essentially prescription Vaseline for my 3 y/o's Eczema. Same situation. That stuff is really hard to clean up.
butIlikeitbecauseitisbitterandbecauseitismyheart
This and the diaper cream are way worse than the lotion. My niece used the Vaseline once to paint Everything. lol
fivefootone
My brother 6/7 and I 4/5 used our toothbrushes to paint the brick just below the front window with sudocrem, here's a Google maps photo 20 years later
DietCokeIsMyDrugOfChoice
Omg 😂
fitgirl1
How did you get it there?! We're you hanging out of the window?
Twrecks123
Mine did diaper cream…all over the shag rug and regular carpet. Diaper cream keeps moisture away. Do you know how hard it is to get something that keeps moisture away out of carpet?
ImguritisIsNotCureable
Mine did this too! All over the carpet, curtains, himself, and the sliding glass door. I feel your pain
sardonislamir
Oil stain remover, or kitty litter
Twrecks123
Eventually got it clean, but the Ointment Ogre is a pre teen now.
downlyksyndrom3
I hid under my bed with a spoon and *ate* diaper cream, threw it all up in my parents bed and they were forced to call poison control. No, I don't know how I've made it this long either.
Akurei00
Green latex paint. All over her door. Coated the door handle. In the hall. On the floor. All over herself...
beetlenoodlepoodlebottlespaddledmuddledduddledfuddledfoxinsocks
Hey friend, my oldest did this one!! In the end I just replaced the couch because there was no saving it.
DiscountMentat
Commenting for the newer dads in the thread: straight dish soap. Work it in till it's a consistent paste. Add a little water and shop vac the area. Repeat until it is just soapy water getting sucked up. At this point it's just getting soap out of carpet.
tigerliketoightness
Solid advice, is this the wisdom born of bitter experience?
DiscountMentat
Yes. The best teacher.
Grevling89
Time for a new rug
Twrecks123
Yeah, we threw out the rug. The carpet took forever to clean through.
Grevling89
Time for a new carpet! Carpet/rug are used interchangeably in my native tongue 😉
PorkFriedSquirrel
As a newer Dad, this is horrifying
Twrecks123
Keep your diaper cream out of reach.
Redbum
If they are quiet, that's fine, but if it's too quiet. Panic. You will learn the difference
Callipygius
Keep everything out of reach, just in case
ButtPlunger69
Imma be a dad in a month. All this is unsettling
Twrecks123
Hey dad to be! Get an extra tube of Diaper ointment, and keep it in the fridge (up high) . If your kid gets a nasty rash that’s horribly uncomfortable, the cold ointment soothes a lot faster.
PorkFriedSquirrel
Congrats on the sex! You will learn a LOT. I'm lucky that I have an age gap and my wife had some already so I learned fast. I'm not a wealth of knowledge but I can give some insight, feel free to DM
MoonRiverFrost
I don't have kids yet, but the logistics of everything makes it a terrifying venture (I'm a lady) so at the same time that my body is screaming for a child, I see a screaming child and think "I can wait."
marthafarquar
We invited our new neighbors over for dinner. They came in, had a nice meal, a few drinks and we had a pleasant evening. After they left l realized my eldest son, who was potty training, had left an enormous poop in the corner of the hallway. Both kids were already asleep so it must have been there when they arrived and still there when they left, it would have been very obvious to anyone coming in. Both my wife and I had sinus infections so we didn't smell it but it was probably pretty bad.
butIlikeitbecauseitisbitterandbecauseitismyheart
This made me giggle
JewelsRuhls
That is funny to read, but I'm sure it wasn't funny for you two! Hopefully they have, or will have kids, then they'll get it lol. I do remember those days, my son HATED potty training. Had to bribe him with Thomas the Tank engines or M&Ms to get him to stop crying and sitting on their for an hour refusing to 💩!
JewelsRuhls
*there
KalmaWallu
That kid is going to hear about this all the way to the end of high school.
tcpolecat7
Yeah, that's a "my parents will never let me live this down" moment, for sure.
Quebeker
That going to be in the mariage slide show
AgentDoggit83
cytherians
She may not have even been the person who posted this. It's out... and can't be contained.
"Recall the poof video. 𝗥𝗘𝗖𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗣𝗢𝗢𝗣 𝗩𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗢!"
(ˢᵒʳʳʸ ⁻⁻ ᶦᵗ'ˢ ᵃ ᵇᶦᵗ ᵗᵒᵒ ˡᵃᵗᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵃᵗ)
CgnCalling
Also a nice video to be shown at his wedding!
jamandtoast
This video will play at his wedding
Poopoopeepeevagina
What you do is you screen shot the picture with him holding the poop. Then you pay the school to have a whole page dedicated to your child in his senior yearbook showing this picture as the entire page.
SiriusWolf
HS? He's lucky if it doesn't come up at a wedding
beeeeeeerkaaaaa
And then at his wedding.
TupacAintDead
The rest of his life
cytherians
"Thou shalt be known as... the 𝙂𝙧𝙖𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙛 𝙋𝙤𝙤𝙥!"
TheAttentivistMonk
Or at least until industrial civilization collapses, which odds are good it’s gonna do by the 2050s. https://www.enviro.or.id/2023/07/mit-predicted-in-1972-that-society-will-collapse-this-century-new-research-shows-were-on-schedule/
Chronomechanist
Highschool in America so... Probably the same thing.
notabotandnotnotabot
His first job interview, "so we looked up your social media and while generally fine, our hygienists wondered... Do wash your hands, cause that'll be a deal breaker for us?"
ineedscoffee
The thing is, she now has to weigh the cost of getting the pool out of his face and risk waking a napping toddler. I’d honestly leave it.
cytherians
He's missing the "recoil at the smell of poop" gene...
It's gonna be a wild ride for those parents.
"Momma? Why can't I be allowed to poop by myself?" 𝐵𝑒𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑛𝑜 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑜𝑟 𝑡𝑜𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑝𝑜𝑜𝑝. 𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑡'𝑠 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑖𝑡 𝑖𝑠, ℎ𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑦.
Hisbaldness
Oh, they're going to hear it the rest of their life, just like my embarrassing childhood stories brought up at my wedding a month ago...I'm 38
theduckening
Teenager gives attitude to parents in front of his friends. Parents pulls out phone and shows the video to his friends. Years later at the wedding, there's a montage of the kid growing up and somehow the poop in the hand bit shows in the montage.
XanderCorsaj
That's one thing I appreciate about being a Millennial - our every moment wasn't recorded and uploaded until we were like 20-something. And even then, social media was Bebo and MySpace - just fun customisation and your favourite tunes. Not part of the Fourth Reich...
mondeca
The kid snaps and attacks his parents. The leading story on the news that night, "POOP HOLDER ARRESTED"
lazybuthappy
Do you want Mary for richer, for poo... for poorer... (laugh)
lazybuthappy
The best man's speech does itself.
bourbonandbaddecisions
Nope longer than that. Much longer. Like until the last
Living witness dies.
rubypilgrim
that picture is making an appearance at his wedding. And when he passes of old age, very likely his funeral.
Funwithpuns350
In my experience till they're dead
DaveSamsonite
If he has siblings, he will hear about it at every family gathering for the rest of his life
reichstein
That kid's grandchildren will probably use part of this video at his funeral.
Yamusa
Yeah, tell him about child trauma and sh1t. literally. =)))))))))))
austinwizardforhire
And beyond
PorneliusHubertII
And it's recorded, so they have visual proof. I feel very bad for the kid, but hey, some therapist is gonna make bank.
StellarJay77
And it will come back up at his wedding reception.
OctopusStinkhorn
Better than that. They’ll show the video at his wedding.
mercyPandaRunner
Tell me about it. I was too young to even remember THAT ONE STORY, but good god had i have to listen to it a lot.
eastend666
High school? You underestimate the power of the internet.
matthiasfactor
Oh, much much longer
daguq
All the kid has to do is recount how his parents left him sleeping with a literal piece of shit in his hands because they were making content for the internet.
PassionAggressive
My thoughts exactly. Stop recording and get your sons face off a log of his own shit you horrible horrible person. It’s funny, relatable etc, but we don’t need to see this.
RadonGaming
Got to use this circumstance for internet clout though.
nerdyvet
I feel it's a bit extreme to assume they left him there for any real length of time once they realised he was holding it. The video is not that long. And like...definitely not the first place that I would look for poop!!
DesperateDunn365
She took about 20 minutes to tell the story...
nerdyvet
Please. The video is literally less than a minute long. If you're going to be melodramatic, at least APPROACH reality.
mcstreetz
Agreed. Potty training age is tough, who knows what he was doing with the shit before hand, quite possibly giving it a taste. Any germs that were going to be transferred from that turd had already done their damage by that time. Taking a minute to record your thoughts and document this event and let your likely tired, cranky kid get a few more minutes of sleep before you wake them up to clean their hands seems perfectly reasonable to me.
TacoPoweredHelicopter
Diaper aged kid was running around a house (with stairs) unsupervised long enough to take off diaper toss it in the garbage poop and then take a nap. Mom only went to check on him when she smelt poop.
Then once found she started filming the story to then show the world him holding his poop. That video will never be gone for him.
The amount of shitty parenting here is pretty high.
OnlyOneArman
He's not hurt, he's not sick, he's not abandoned, and all he needs is a quick shower. If you aren't able to cope with "icky" things, raising a child is likely not for you, but this isn't something to call anyone out for. Literally every human child has at least one story about when they did something like this, no matter how well they were raised.
TacoPoweredHelicopter
That's why they need supervision. The stairs is what got me...
mcstreetz
I disagree. It can take a kid that age less than minute to rip their diaper off take a dump and pass out, hell I've found my kid asleep on the potty chair. The parents through the diaper away and that was before they found the poop. I mean if you're the kind of parent that can literally never be distracted by anything for more than a minute and keep 100% attention on your kid all day kudos to you.
ArcaneM37
My brother ate his own poop while in the bathtub. I wasn't even born yet and I still remind him of this.
cytherians
Does he do a "Mmmmmm... what aroma is that?" with a smile, when someone farts nearby?
prosper020
When I was about that age many years ago, I was outside with my brother and two cousins at their house. I said I had to go inside to go to the bathroom, my brother told me to just use the tree, so apparently I took a shit on the tree in their backyard right then and there. It’s been like 30 years and I still hear it every now and then.
cytherians
What did you use to... 𝑤𝑖𝑝𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓? 🤔
prosper020
I have no idea, but I was still too young for a poop knife.
jspatte83360
::laughs in vasectomy:: 🤭🤣
tyr2180
Vasectomy: no problem at all. Post-surgical infection: shrieking every time a stray molecule made incidental contact with my scrotum.
Lyconous
My lasik: went perfectly. My guildmate's wife's lasik 3 weeks later: the anesthetic didn't take as strongly as it should have
RichardNunez
Hey brotha! Fellow vasectomies!
hyptosis
Yeah, if I hadn't already paid a stranger to cut on my balls, they would have tied themselves off just now.
fractalsphere
nice
BeaverOnFire
SunReign
::laughs in depleted pursuit of love from SSRI's::
AntaNce
*Ligation has joined the laugh*
SJBSavageInk
::Laughs in bisalp:: 😂 🤮
SeeMyVests
::signs deeply in surprise hysterectomy with oophorectomy:: 🥲🤑
ItMayBeHelpfulToNote
Alexa ! Add prophylactics to my shopping list !
Gayforbae
Ground some birth control up and snort it off a dick while you're at it.
AnApologeticCanadian
Honestly. Great 👍. I think it's actually really awesome that people are comfortable and open about not wanting kids because people forced to become parents through societal pressure become the worst parents ever. This narrows down (to some extent) people who actually want to be parents and are willing to take on that burden, the good, the bad and the ugly to raise a human properly.
ChazzK
*chortles in same-sex relationship*
Gayforbae
Preach. Everytime my straight friends or family show up with kids I'm like jennifer Barkley on parks and rec
Junktrunkjunkie
*giggles asexually*
SpectralSpider
Same. Just as an alert to those who are getting one, there's one part of the procedure that can be a bit unnerving. It's not painful, though, and it's still worth it.
DaCoffinmaker
Hi, um as someone who will get his done on Tuesday... Do I want to know, or would knowing make it more anxiety inducing 👀
jspatte83360
Them completing the procedure is odd/uncomfortable. The most painful part is the needle for the numbing.
DaCoffinmaker
Well, I was uncomfortable before. I think I'll deal with it just fine then. :)
SpectralSpider
I don't know your temperament well enough to make that call.
SpectralSpider
Do you know how the process works?
DaCoffinmaker
That is a very good point, thank you. After further reading up on the procedure I am sure this will be more of a stressful inconvenience than actually a bad day. And a hell of a lot easier than raising a child, thats for sure!
SpectralSpider
Yeah, it'll genuinely be perfectly fine. Good luck today!
thejoezu13
Thinking about getting one (40 with 3 kids), but in our EU country you have to wait 1 year!! To get it done... Also crazier if done with free healthcare, a lot of consultation to ensure you really want it... And with paid it's expensive (altough kids are more expensive). I'm also afraid if it might cause issues with erection or something :(
jspatte83360
Unless your Dr completely fucks it up I'm not aware of any *potential* issues with erections or any other function. I'm 6 months post surgery and everything works fine.
thejoezu13
Sounds good. I read that testosterone is unaffected, so I'm really leaning to get it done. Would be great
larida
hey there! also eu citizen, when u hace to wait for so long, then why not get an appointment for a year in advance? my husband had a vasectomy to, never had any erection problems after the procedure 😉 dont worry and be brave, it's worth it! even more so when your significant other doesn't have to swallow hormones any more
thejoezu13
Yeah, we use condoms (pretty bad, I hate it but it's better than having another kid :D ) as my wife can't take the hormones from the pills. So I would like to do the procedure, just need to look for a great doctor
spookyactionatadistance
Got mine this week. I'm 46 though. I can't believe how easy and painless it was. Told my family doctor I was considering, 5 days later I got a call from the urologist in my neighborhood. Go, get the consult and 7 days after I had the procedure. I legit worked the rest of the day to not use one of my 15 paid medical days. Oh. At no point did anyone talk about money or insurance and I will never get a bill
cozze07
Got mine next Thursday!!
Ariltongadottir
Wtf!? I have waited over two years only to find out they most likely forgot about my referral.
*Cries in free healthcare*
JewelsRuhls
You guys are awesome! My husband had one as well, but I know women who had their tubes tied (major surgery), or who are on the pill, putting hormones in their bodies for years all because their man is a wussy dick afraid of an outpatient procedure!
jspatte83360
"but I know women who...."
We all do, if you don't then they just haven't told you.
I pulled the trigger on mine *because* my partner (who had an IUD already when we got together) was struggling with hormones and what to do next.
She may still go on birth control to help straighten things out, but now there's no rush and she can figure it out at her leisure.
If someone doesn't understand the system is broken they either aren't paying attention or don't care.
JewelsRuhls
Agreed!
jeke212
I'm glad it went so well for you. My vasectomy was a nightmare, the urologist was an asshole who tried multiple times to dissuade me and then brutalized my junk through the whole process, including cutting the wrong tubes and causing extra wounds and bleeding. I honestly wasn't in proper working shape for weeks, and not back to normal for a solid year. If my job required manual labor I'd have lost it for sure!
Still no regrets!
jspatte83360
I won't go back to who I saw for anything because of how it went, but my experience wasn't anything like yours, that totally sucks.
spookyactionatadistance
That's awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that. The urologist and I had a chat about it and he did say that in countries or provinces where vasectomise or any reproductive care is "controversial" the procedure is significantly riskier. He's been doing 5-6/day for 15 years. So he's done like 20 thousand. If a doctor only does a couple per year it's not in the same expertise range
guntacular
I've got mine scheduled for next month. He warned me the local numbing won't hurt, but then the next thing is going to feel like he kicked me in the nuts, once for left and once for right. I'm not worried because that'll hurt a lot less than an unwanted kid
WrongUn
Rest up and keep frozen peas on to numb the swelling and it'll never be that painful. Well it shouldn't,.he's either giving you a worst case scenario or he knows he's terrible at performing the procedure
1n10didPun
You're gonna have to... Get off (mod conscious)... Like 20 times before you're in the clear (among other important things). I recommend making a punch card with the word "SPLOOSH" in the center as a reward for punching all 20. It's what I did. Great way to keep track, and fun.
spookyactionatadistance
I was really apprehensive about pain and I have to say that there was absolutely no pain. The local anaesthetic is not injected in the testes. It goes in a really soft part of the scrotum and I thought he was about to do it and he told me je had done it. I felt nothing. I walked home (10 minute walk) and had the cold bags all ready and didn't need them. The only thing I felt was a slight pinching where the suture is and that it. It's endoscopic so he just has to sever the clamp, sever and
spookyactionatadistance
2) cauterize each tube. I took less than 20 minutes
Handyolo
Yep. One hit in each testicle as the local goes in, but that fades quickly once it kicks in. Took the wife and I about 2 weeks to get back to our regularly scheduled programming. Speaking from experience, don't rush your recovery and try to use it too soon. You'll regret it.
spookyactionatadistance
Where did you guys go. 2 weeks??? I walked 10k steps the same day and went skating the next. I'm going skiing on Sunday. I understand my doctor said Quebec has the best vasectomies but I thought he was just bragging.
IHaveGreatKittenRecipes
I think he means their after hours Skinemax show, mate.
FinancialRavioli
Local anesthesia shots and the odd disassociated feelings of tugging were the worst parts of it for me. Recovery was reasonably uneventful.
BellicoseAlgorithm
Mine was pretty painless too... The tugging and smell of burning tubes weren't great... especially cause my urologist was so eager to hop on it, the numbing hadn't fully kicked in yet, but the Valium they gave me before the surgery made sure I didn't care, lol. That said, the "relief in knowing accidents are prevented" was weeeellll worth it.
WigglyBlondeNoodle
That's so lucky. As someone with a vagina, I had to explain why I wanted to get my tubes tied even though my husband already got a vasectomy. I love being treated like I'm forever one unit tied to my husband. /s
Besides that, I've had multiple appointments cancelled and rescheduled yet the scheduler tried to convince me that I had to stick to that one doctor to get the procedure done. Rural healthcare sucks when there's only one real healthcare organization within a 30 miles radius.
spookyactionatadistance
That is not ok. I got the vasectomy so my GF won't have to put an IUD after she gets hers out because it was a fucked up experience. They told her the pain is ok. It's normal. But for men they make sure you get no pain. Patriarchy has really messed that one up.
TheBigBadBonerBiter
The stark contrast between me getting my vasectomy and my wife getting her tubal was infuriating. I got mine done more or less no questions asked. My wife had to sign multiple pieces of paperwork, verbally confirm with like half a dozen nurses and the surgeon, and they required *my signature* approving of the whole thing. We live in a fairly progressive state, mind you.
givemepickles
What.The.Fuck.
Is this 1600’s? 1700’s? 1800’s?!
They required THE HUSBAND’S SIGNATURE?!
This story saddens me for all women stuck in abusive relationships, who secretly want their tubes tied (avoid babies with the abuser) & Dr. McDeservesPunchInFace either totally blows their cover, &/or their psycho husband won’t let them. Dangerous. Evil.
Fucking insane. Any doctor requiring a husband’s signature to “approve” for a wife’s reproductive tubes tied (or any) bodily autonomy = belongs in jail
givemepickles
Not to mention, even if the wife wasn’t in an abusive relationship…. Why the fuck would a husband or bf or partner require a co-signature?!?!?
As long as the woman is of sound mind and has the legal right to make legal decisions— there’s no business with that!!!!!
(aka, not in a conservatorship or a ward of state)
Should be:
“I want this done to my body. I don’t want kids. I consent to this surgery.”
“Ok, cool, yes ma’am.”
WigglyBlondeNoodle
Exactly! It was the same for my husband: he literally just saw the first urologist he found on Google and got the vasectomy done the next week.
It's taken over two months so far between appointments and preliminary tests and of course the surgery. I get that it's a more invasive procedure for females but I've had ovarian cysts removed that didn't require this many hurdles.
jspatte83360
I don't have the words to describe how much this disgusts me. How is it acceptable that some other person gets a *deciding* vote in one's own healthcare?
That being said, I did try to get one in my early 20's and was basically told no. 20 years later (and no kids) I did get a *couple* "are you sure, are you *really* sure" questions but that was basically it.
WigglyBlondeNoodle
I will say that I was fully prepared for that response so I explained that not only am I my own person with agency over my own body, but I also detailed the most graphic reasons I could think of (like sexual assault)---i maaaay have been intentionally trying to make him uncomfortable so I hope he learned his lesson.
jspatte83360
He fully deserved it.
There's no other treatment where another person not only is asked their position, but provides their *permission*. I am entirely lost how it is *legal* ( HIPAA governs business to business communications, not private communications but it seems like there should be some existing privacy laws that *should* cover this), say nothing about medically ethical.
BellicoseAlgorithm
It infuriates me that there is such a dichotomy to these things. My fiance should be on cholesterol meds (like me) and type 2 prevention, but they won't do it "because you're still in child rearing years" even though I'm fixed and she has no desire to have anything more than cats... I don't understand the weird fascination/obsession with controlling other people's life plans.