I don't have a title yet

"Ok," I reply. "But, I have some conditions."

"Conditions?," asked the Devil, shocked. "I am coming to you, literally bearing your soul, offering it back for a favor and you have conditions?"

"Yes, I do," I say, smiling now. "Because I'm willing to bet this is the first time you have ever offered to give someone back a soul. Maybe they called you and made you a better offer. But, I willing to bet you have never gone up to someone, without being summoned, and offer to return a soul."

"Ok" said the Devil, slowly. "I'll hear you out." He tries to keep a straight face but the look in his eyes makes me think I'm right. He's not used to being on this side of a deal.

"I have three" I say, show him the back of my right hand with thumb, index and middle finger outstretched. "One, I am not dating that daughter of yours." I put down my thumb. I can practically see the vein in his forehead throb.

"You're making jokes? Now?," replies the Devil, through gritted teeth. "How are you enjoying this? Don't you remember how bad it will hurt?"

"Of course I do," I spit back. "But I'm going to enjoy this part. I'm probably the first human to have you backed into a corner in a thousand years."

We stare at each other. "Go on" is all he says.

"Second, we do this like a buddy cop film. You and I, together. And every time something goes wrong or not how we anticipated you say 'I'm too old for this shit'. Every. Single. Time". I stress the last three words, slowly putting down my index finger at the same time.

This time almost a minute passes with the two of us staring at each other. The Devil, looking furious, and myself, smirking with my middle finger in his face. I take his silence for another 'Go on'.

I continue, "And lastly you do not lie to me," I state firmly. "You tell me the truth. No half truths. No 'I didn't technically lie, just the truth. If you lie to me I take it and go." I put down my hand. Then I add, "Do not fuck me."

The Devil takes a deep breath. "Ok, fine. If those are all the conditions then it's time we get started." He nods behind me "Our ride is here." I look over, noticing out of the corner of my eye that he is holding out his left hand. I ignore it.

Standing 10 yards away is a beautiful young women, no older than myself. She has jet black hair in a pixie cut and almost pure white skin. I can see her jewelry glinting in the light of the setting sun but can't make out what it is at this distance. "Did he agree to help out, Dad?" She calls in an almost unnaturally smooth voice.

I turn back to face him. "And conditions may be revised at a latter date." He opens his mouth but before he can say anything I grab his hand and a bright light shines from the point our hands connect signaling the completion of our deal.

Through the blinding light I hear another deep sigh. "Very well. Let's get to work."

Note from op: I wrote a story and I hope you like it. I might continue adding parts if people want me to. Feel free to make title suggestions in the comments or message me ideas.

Due to the overwhelming support I've received I worked out a rough draft of part 2: https://imgur.com/gallery/GC8Z9