Fuck Yeah Happiness! (Day 1/365)

Guys, the day before yesterday I turned 34 years old.

I ate cake.
I laughed with friends.
I hugged my family.

But I also had an epiphany: I need more happiness in my life.

So I’m starting a little project for myself called “A Smile Every Day.” Every day I’ll post a pic of myself smiling or laughing, and it’ll serve as my daily motivation to find something to laugh or smile about, even if I don’t feel like it. The last day will fall on my 35th birthday. If my goofy-ass face makes someone else smile too, then fan-fucking-tastic.

I know, I know. Selfies are a cardinal sin at IMGUR, so I fully expect my pics to be downvoted to hell on most days. That’s ok, because I’m not really doing this for you, and the reason requires a little backstory.

When I was 14 years old, I was having a rough time at home with a parent that was emotionally abusive, and I came close to committing suicide. One of the things that helped me out of that dark hole was this idea that I could “choose happiness.” That I could fake it ‘till I made it. That I could simply choose to be happy, instead of hoping that happiness would choose me. And so I did. I faked the shit out of happiness. I pretended until there was no tomorrow. Some days it was easy, and other days not so much. Slowly but surely though, I began to feel better. People started to smile around me. People liked my presence and wanted me around. I was less isolated, and I genuinely started to be, well, happy. About 10 years later in my mid-twenties, while living in a hippy-ish community where people meditated and did yoga twice a day, I realized that I didn’t need to fake it anymore. I could simply be and feel whatever I was feeling. The survival strategy I learned at 14 had served its purpose, and even though it could remain in my coping toolbox, it was time to let it rest.

Fast-forward about 10 years after that, and I’m blowing out the candles on my 34th birthday cake. I feel super lucky to have lived an amazing life so far. I’ve gotten to do some really cool shit. I’ve gotten to travel around the world. I even got to give a motha-flipping TED talk! (link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehO9nCMGE-Q) But, as of the last couple of years, some of that genuine happiness has been starting to fade. Some of it has been replaced by doubt, cynicism, and anger at life and the world. With so much injustice, so much misunderstanding, and so much suffering on the planet and from people close to me, some of my joy has been replaced by emptiness. This is not a good place to be, especially if you’re trying to make a difference in the world.

So, I’m going back to my roots, and once again I’m choosing happiness. I’m going to fake it ‘till I make it, but this time from a much better place mentally and emotionally. I’m saying FUCK YES to happiness, and you’re welcome to come join me on this little journey :-)

TL;DR: Happiness is a choice, and I’m choosing to put a smile on my face every day.

(PS: If you’re feeling shitty about life and need someone to lend an ear, hit me up! I know what it’s like to need a friend sometimes.)