bennett16
322779
15939
556
Original poster here:
http://imgur.com/gallery/kQEyT
@theonewhoknots
Forgot to favorite it the first time around and had to search it, reposting now for anyone who missed it, again thanks to OP!
HymenBuster69er
*serious question* I recently dislocated my knee and its getting better but is there any technique for massaging it to relieve the tension?
DingenForester
Terrifying
AcadianBacon
Reminding people to not do this because they could seriously injure someone, like last time. And stop reposting (especially this one!)
ICouldntComeUpWithAUsername
And again this has been posted before and the warning has been given that unless you actually know what you are doing you shouldn't 1/2
ICouldntComeUpWithAUsername
Try the neck massages (or really any of these) unless you are actually trained and know what you're doing, because if not you can do damage
sandpirate
Really? We gotta go through this again? Don't try this at home, kids.
cowpiefatty
DO NOT DROP AN ELBOW IF YOU ARE A NOOB YOU CAN DO SOME SERIOUS DAMAGE IF DONE WRONG
BaconAndBoba
Instructions unclear: dropped the People's Elbow on buddy's toddler.
N2OFedCarp
This post really gets under my skin.
TheOneThatGotBanned
I know I should think Sinatra, but just saw Scarlett Johansson naked, which is not a bad thing really.... better than naked Sinatra.
rancidasscookies
where??
exarkoontz
I love Mortal Kombat
BecauseIwasInverted
I'm glad I'm not the only one who was thinking this
Gentl3criminal
This has to be longest Mortal Kombat x-ray combo i have ever seen!
Churts
I love rock and roll
krozzus
So put another dime in the jukebox baby
donaldcocster
Yes but what do you do with the body after tenderizing it?
diIdont
@op Attack of Titan massage class?
bennett16
Hannibal's "Preparing for BBQ season" class....
lockwoodx
Please don't practice massage therapy, especially from pictures alone without the proper training. You could serious hurt someone.
WhoTheFuckisGavin
Or massage your own body (most except for back) and use whatever feels nice on others. (nohomo)
rouverius
Those are weirdly specific tattoos
perfectoon0901
These really need to be gifs
DrD0WNEY
Mortal Kombat's new PG fatalities.
HarryPotterReferenceProbably
Please do none of this if you have no proper training. It's not just position. It's pressure and timing and 11 other thigs
quitepossiblygettingold
Now I know how Superman sees the world
totalJbag
If you massage long enough to see the muscles, it's time to stop.
Manateechica
Dammit...I spit some of my coffee out at work and my co-worker looked concerned.
MrToday
http://imgur.com/mvS6pgl
Finduses
It isn't as if you are going to eat the skin anyway.
reco88
"But son, that's where all the nutrients are!" some parent
Bast525
LOL made me spit out an M&M
Manateechica
I spit out some of my coffee at work. My co-worker clearly realized I was goofing off.
ArcaneEyes
no, that's when you start getting good, you have to get in there you know.
ADMIN1337
This comment has as much OC as the repost
sputnik47
Damn, i dont know how i even remember this comment after so long
M3turbo
how to skin a human
mambloo
You made me realize i am a sicko.
RandAIFlagg
How to serve man
lehenry
https://33.media.tumblr.com/7adfd8337adc16968a14e30e38b49a1f/tumblr_inline_o1g1mtGVsV1sanf7r_500.gif
handsMoleman
https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTKfFEArE8MmYYRK22K4a3BOABdr0991NjHJ4zA0aTVzJ2CdO3wxc1YwJHu
AlmightyDiapahbetusGarlicGerbil
HEHEHELLLL TO THE FUCK NO! NOO!
RainbowMango
found the vegan
AlmightyDiapahbetusGarlicGerbil
Fuck that noise. Beef burritos are my drug.
eightythousandandeightyfive
A naked man has few secrets. A flayed man has none.
ImgursOfficiallBlackMan
Upvoted every GOT reference in the replies.
BayazTheBenevolent
/r/dreadfort approved
gillygoat
there's a lot of good meat on the face
KapnKershaw
Plot twist: These are cadavers.
DarthFutuza
I was thinking this lady's tattoos were sick, I stand corrected.
[deleted]
[deleted]
heuheuheuheuheu
I found the Filipino.
heuheuheuheuheu
Massahe a tite*
FlashAnimator
How to change the gender of a human
sexyTRANSGENDERchic
I wish it was that easy.
Dreadmoth
"Press here" o_o
Hetuni
Does that only work if another person does it?
Goku
This is stupid... Of your unprofessional.. you could cause a serious injury, especially on the neck area
Goku
* If you're
Tientchikz
Tried it on my wife last time it was posted. Totally get laid that night
Radis
Can we try with your wife too?
APANSSON
Savage +1
WetPawPrints
creepy
RelativeVelocity
Stop reposting this!! It's dangerous!
lostinLA
Where is the happy ending explanation?
Vykoz
Instructions unclear; accidentally paralyzed my gf
bennett16
At least this way the tox screen will come back negative...
TheGhostMinx
I picture it happened something like this: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m58wfkNV7U1rvm00mo2_250.gif
anataakiX34
Guilty as well with my SO
ASDFFDSAASDFASDF
at least you didn't accidentally flay her right?
DrDoSoLittle
At least you know she will never leave you now.
Iliftheavythings
Well, at least now she can't run away.
Lezbedevious
This is actually a good reason posts like this can be bad without proper knowledge of strokes pressure and technique you can hurt someone
Isaypoopythingsbecausemostofyouannoyme
"Accidentally"
LuxEterna
Alright ladies, who wants a butt massage? Guys get left foot massage.
LuxEterna
WTF?! I never commented this.
YourMomJokes
that's still kinda weird if you're going for the hetero thing...
[deleted]
[deleted]
YourMomJokes
foodchest did. it was an offer. can you read?
ronnocuae
Super useful for fileting, uh I mean massaging my.... friends?
TimeAndMemeLordOfGallifrey
Anyone else hungry?
BecauseIwasInverted
That sounds like something a human would say
gis3ll3y
Sthap reposting this. Without proper instruction, many of these movements can be dangerous. Do not try w/out supervision from a professional
JudgeJudyandExecutioner
Too late, already paralyzed my dog
NatiLite
That's the problem with re posts like these. A lot of good information about the post is lost.
BecauseIwasInverted
I'll do what i wanna do, if i want to ruin someones spine, i will
cgon97c
Well I'm not gonna have a professional in the room if I'm trying these on my gf, cause sexy time usually follows..
kreyll
Then just don't press hard and don't do anything to the spine/neck.
beardedscot
I would honestly recommend taking a real massage class, because some of these strokes should not be done until first doing lighter massage.
CatsandDnD
I've been meaning to do this.
beardedscot
Some of them put to much pressure on the small joints of the hand and it will teach you proper body posture to efficiently distribute weight
bennett16
I was kinda just looking for some relief from a sore shoulder one night and looked this up for the wife, but I get what you're saying.
EverythingISeeIsAJojosReference
Yeah someone did a post about this in retaliation to this. I think OP would've seen it. Probably thinking to get more internet points.
SailorJimmy
Yeah, I'm seeing like 3 danger zones being pressed (Armpit, behind the ear, Scalene triangle.) These are terrible without context
TheRiffTheRaff
Good advice. In Canada massage is considered a medical procedure and covered by most insurance, but it's a very difficult program in college
CaesarSalad
Can be covered by insurance in the US too. LMT here, I work at a chiropractor dealing with mostly auto accident victims that are covered
stevenwonder
Goddamn I would absolutely use insurance-covered massages
PowerOfChoice
Hard to get it covered, actually. I need $2600 in massages, and I need both my insurers to even have a chance at getting it covered.
shiny0metal0ass
Heh... Stroke..
shiny0metal0ass
Like.. masturbation.
shiny0metal0ass
As in "strokin' it"
shiny0metal0ass
That's why it's funny.
basilpesto69
I once went to some old Mexican mans place that lives behind the mall and he did not do a light massage before ripping my muscles apart.
basilpesto69
I said I had lower back problems and he proceeded to destroy my legs with his hands. Those fuckers hurt, like they were made of metal
chunkcheezy
How's your back pain now?
basilpesto69
Pretty much gone, save for the occasional tinge in this one spot. I can actually walk pain free.
ThatRussian
That one on the neck made me cringe. Nothing important there, just the jugular and carotid. No big deal if compressed. Geez.
imnotashark
That's why these posts can be kinda dangerous if people don't consider the technique involved... but if done right, tis no problem
chunkcheezy
Just gotta know how and where to push. Been a sport massage therapist for 10 years and never had a problem doing that, if done correctly
zasred
It depends on the people actually. If someone has a unilateral stenosis of jugular vein you can easily kill him with vagal reflex.
jeangaijin
And putting your hand underneath the edge of the scapula will get you punched in the face. It cured my frozen shoulder but made me scream.
CaesarSalad
I hate doing it to my clients and I hate when it's done to me, but it is effective.
jeangaijin
Yes, I was told I needed surgery on my frozen shoulder. Trigger point massage of subscapularis cured it in a few sessions! But OW OW OW!
imnotashark
especially if you just try to jam your fingers in there... but yeah, not fun. I hate doing it.
theMightyPlatypus
Efflourage (sp?)
ShowMeWhatYouGotGoodJob
Correct, followed by various forms of petrissage.
MrsCaptainPicard
And don't forget friction and vibration!
Anotherunsuspectingvictim
Tapotement. All day long.
Gmosaredelicious
All about the ischemic compressions
MrsCaptainPicard
Effleurage :)
BackwoodBear
As a chiro do NOT do these without some kind of guidance Especially the neck ones. Compressing the SCM wrong can occlude the carotid artery
PermenantlyBannedClubMember
as a chiro patient, sorry....I get raging boners during therapy...not sorry
DeanSledgehammer
In general I'd say go ahead and massage people, because it's absolutely great and not that difficult. Just start light and no neck ones.
imnotashark
*relaxation massage is not that difficult. Therapeutic massage is absolutely much more complex.
arsone
Pro tip: if the person you're massaging starts to lose consciousness, you're probably doing it wrong.
NickRivieraMD
Yeah, and you're totally gonna occlude someone's carotid artery long enough to cause a problem without them saying something about it.
keely1
HAHAHA chiros - people who couldn't cut it as an ortho or a PT.
Philospher
Remember this sentiment if you throw your back out, or if your pelvis is ever out of alignment.
keely1
I will, which is why I will visit an actual medical professional.
TheThingsTheyCarried
How about visit someone with actual medical credentials instead of a quack who believes in spinal manipulation and subluxation?
madetheaccountjustforyou
As a chiro, you're a scam artist. Who gives a damn what you say? Go find a phrenologist and a homeopath to complete the set.
CryptoLee
Instructions unclear ended with a paralysed GF. Atleast i can do what i want now..
CryptoLee
and that's grinding in Diablo 3.
TheThingsTheyCarried
Ahhh, the quack thinks his opinion matters.
Pencillin
+1
gyuunyuu
LMT here. Teaching strokes to people who have no anatomic knowledge is a sure way to get someone hurt.
FabulouslyTiti
As a massage therapist in training, thank you for this. First thing we learned about the neck area: "BE CAREFUL!"
bubblesquirtmcbootyfeet
What if I am trying to defeat my opponent?
BackwoodBear
In that case grab on and hold until their eyes roll back. If you don't see the eyes roll don't release! :D
IratetheD
all the romantic guys need to know to knock that shit off.
ArcaneEyes
the things detailed up there are not your feel-good massage grips though, it's for treatment, not a romantic evening ;)
IratetheD
yeah i got one and it hurts but sometimes guys think they can do that and just make things worse.
areyousayingmeow
I got a blood clot because of this. Caused a TIA.
IHaveSoManyOtherThingsIShouldBeDoingButWhatever
Shit. You OK now?
areyousayingmeow
All good, cheers! I've lost a tiny bit of peripheral vision out the bottom of one eye. It's barely noticeable though.
areyousayingmeow
Just be aware of people doing deep tissue work around your neck!
IHaveSoManyOtherThingsIShouldBeDoingButWhatever
I was an LMT for years. Had 2 other Veterans in my training. Day 3 is safety. I say to the other two, "yeah, remember when they taught us...
standbygo
Where would a person who is not interested in massage/bodywork as a career get this kind of guidance/training?
charlieismydog
Go get a professional massage or see a chiropractor.
CaesarSalad
Or both, as some chiros employ therapists to assist in the recovery process.
BackwoodBear
If your town has a learning annex or YMCA or civic centre, Thai massage classes for couples are popular. A quick Google can help too!!
ArcaneEyes
i've just been good with my hands all my life, but reading up, getting pointers from friends and paying attention to you "victim" will help.
evilpigeonwithwings
Massage therapists hate him
chunkcheezy
Get massages from a knowledgable therapist and have them give you tips. It's the best way to lean IMO.
gyuunyuu
Google or Wiki the part you want to massage. Learn its anatomy and why certain symptoms occur. 80% of the massage therapy program is anatomy
kingj07
We should try to bring back Yahoo! searching.
gyuunyuu
and how not to fuck something up.
CaesarSalad
It's true. Each section of the body and system of the body was covered more than any modalities were.
Usernamesarejustlabels
Hey Chiro, what about these movement without too much pressure, and excluding the neck?
BackwoodBear
As for different areas in the body. Go for it. But not doing it right likely won't be much help. But also not going to do much harm either
BackwoodBear
It's not so much a matter of pressure as orientation. As you can imagine arteries are pretty weak compared to you
Philospher
Exactly.
BackwoodBear
Hand placement is all important. That's why we go to school for many years (8 for me and multiple for rmts) to know when and where to work
bdesign7
As a fucking witch doctor you meant to say. How's that scam treating you? Have you cured cancer with spinal alignment yet?
FabulouslyTiti
There are more illnesses and ailments besides cancer that need treatment as well, you know.
bdesign7
I wasn't expecting a chiropractor to cure cancer. The joke is that they can't do shit.
TheThingsTheyCarried
There is no evidence whatsoever that chiropractic can fix ANYTHING except for general back pain, and even then the evidence is spotty.
chunkcheezy
Lots of chiro haters here. I think it has its place if done by a knowledgable chiro with realistic expectations.
madetheaccountjustforyou
And you would be wrong. It has the same place as homeopathy: the garbage can of stupid ideas long debunked.
chunkcheezy
While I appreciate your stance, you can't debunk what I've seen and experienced personally from chiro treatment. So I humbly disagree.
TheThingsTheyCarried
anecdotes =/= data.
madetheaccountjustforyou
That's what a homeopath would say too. Your heavily biased personal experience mean diddly squat.
chunkcheezy
And your comments are what an angry bully would say who has no other argument. Still doesn't mean shit to me either.
Philospher
As a massage therapist, I wish I could give you more than one upvote.
imnotashark
Canadian RMT no longer practicing here... I upvoted for you too.
MichaelGurrola
A someone who receives massages I'll tell them to concentrate on my back and legs
borzy
As someone who doesn't want to become paralyzed, I'm with you
MrPresidentCthulhu
I thought you were a Philosopher.
Anotherunsuspectingvictim
As another lmt. I did for you.
sandpirate
And another lmt. When will this post go away!?
dreaalldai
As someone whose ex went to school for massage even i agree. I cringed going through this.