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"It has taken me decades to be ready to tell this story," writes HuffPost guest writer Suzanne Heywood. "Until I reached the safety of adulthood and created my own family, I wasn't able to confront my parents' story about my past. In their telling, I was 'privileged.' After all, I grew up on a beautiful boat called Wavewalker, sailing around the world."
"Of course I knew their story wasn't true," Heywood continues. "Although I had grown up on Wavewalker from the age of 7 for almost a decade, I was trapped there - unable to go to school or have friends. While my brother was allowed to help out on deck, I was expected to cook and clean down below for hours each day."
befuddledscientist
People don't realize how hard living on a boat is especially when you never chose to be there.
Absent
Sounds like prison.
Gestalt7
Like being in prison, with a chance of drowning
owowowcrampcrampcramp
And don’t discount the possibility that her memory is a little jaded.. She may not have liked the boat, but lots of kids aren’t crazy about home, farm, treehouse, whatever…
Bhargo
so basically her parents kept her as a ship slave and pretend she was privileged because of it?
CedricDur
Not to this extreme, but like my father. Sure, he always went on about how he wanted us (myself and my brother) to 'do business' with him. But in practice we were menial workers because there was a never ending stream of work to do that he never acknowledged as 'work' because to him work was doing business. But without that 'useless' work everything he had would crumble without maintenance being done.
witalaska4
Kids need social interaction to develop their social skills
LittleChickadee
I read that piece some months ago. It was heartbreaking to read of her neglect and abuse
raystormminibonsai2000
Growing up in a Chinese restaurant. This gives me PTSD
flamingflamingo
I went to a Chinese restaurant and I was horrified to see kids bussing tables. I didn’t know if I was reading too much into it but I never went back there.
itsjustplaid
A gilded cage is still a cage.
MC2018MC2018
Also, her narrative is not just "blonde had tough childhood". She has a BA from Oxford and a PhD from some other place, is a captain of industry and was married to the late Sir Jeremy Heywood who was the UK's Cabinet Secretary (the top Civil Servant), who was as brilliant as her.
MC2018MC2018
And, before you say it, I'm not writing "she was important because of her husband"; she is an outstanding person in her own right, but as it happens, she was also married to someone significant (about whom she wrote a biography), which might be interesting to some people.
AnAverageBoxEnthusiast
whats with all the weird text? wasn't? is this a bot account copy and pasting somthing?
HunglikeaHamster
That's your browser screwing up. It shows right on my pc. Those &# codes are html codes for punctuation marks and special charcters.
CheshireCad
I grew up in the hills of arkansas, dozens of miles away from the nearest town. No schooling. No friends. It was my parent's dream come true, and I understand that. But for me and my sister, it completely fucked us up in ways that I'm still struggling to come to terms with, even over a decade after moving out.
JustDontCare
Parents who see privilege as “you have food and a roof over your head” tend to fuck up their kids for life. Source: a man whose parents saw the bare minimum as privilege with decency, love, and respect as conditional.
Totallyscrewedinaustin
What, no link for the lazy? It's me, I'm the lazy
pizzapockets50
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/wavewalker-memoir-raised-sailboat-sea_n_6536be56e4b0c85561022b16
OliverOtter
There's a reason that in the age of sail, the British Navy had to cruise bars in port towns, and beat the drunks into unconsciousness, drag them onto the ships, forge their X on enlistment papers, and get the ship out to sea before telling them they'd signed on as crew and would be shot as deserters if they left. Apparently, she got a real taste of that life. "He shook his head and peered at my biscuit. “Oh, don’t worry about those: they’re only weevils. Tap it sharply on the table, and (1/2)
OliverOtter
most of them will fall out and crawl away. The rest will give you useful protein.” (2/2)
Ryukee
Her life is inspirational. The fact she struggled through awful treatment and isolation but managed to educate herself and get into Oxford university, escape her parents and live a life worth living is an incredible feat. Many would just completely break down and accept things for how they are instead of striving for something better.
FluffyForks
I don't find it "inspirational" I find it heartbreaking. Someone so intelligent and strong having to fight for every scrap of decency from her parents is not inspirational it's depressing. Yes many other people would not have made as much of their lives in this situation but that only makes it sadder. I hate people calling survivors of abuse inspiring it diminishes the damage, pain and horror that happened. "Look if she can do it ANYONE CAN" 🙄
Ryukee
Can it not be both? Her childhood is heart-breaking, but her character is inspiring. I'm not dismissing her pain or failing to see how tragic her life was. She is an abuse victim who survived, escaped and managed to do something with her life. In the eyes of someone who was abused who cannot see a future for themselves what do you think hearing a story like this does for them? It would inspire them and give them hope for the future like it has done for me.
FluffyForks
Maybe but personally it only made me feel more inadequate and horrible. Seeing "inspirational" stories about people able to work their way out of an abusive situation only made me feel horrible that I couldn't do the same. If they can do it then why can't I? They went through so much worse (according to my abuser) so I wondered what's wrong with me that I can't get out. Maybe I deserve to deal with it because I'm not as good/strong/intelligent. See what I mean?
Ryukee
I understand what you mean. I too struggle with circumstances less than severe than hers. It doesn't make me feel good about my life and where I am currently at. Its very easy to compare our lives to others and feel bad about it. But at the same time it at least makes me feel like I have more options than I thought I had. We both need to refuse to accept this treatment and strive for better some how like she did or things will never change. But yeah like you said, easier said than done.
NairouTryyshokk
They would have had to make port at some points, you can only live off fish for so long. I would have taken that opportunity to run.
tmtowtdi
Heywood, Djagetme Arescue
DicksmackMcgee
When you're just trapped on a boat you can't really go anywhere....because of the implication.
Orzufancylad
"That sounds like the adventure of a lifetime!" -people who never have to cook or clean and would get bored after an hour on a boat.
Kbantar
The difference between adventure and hell can be one of simple consent.
Drakenborn
I like to cook, and I don't even hate my family and this sounds like a fucking nightmare. After 10+ years it would be hard to imagine even wanting to ever hear their names again. Fuck ALL of that bullshit
azgrak
Hang around a marina or two and eventually you’ll run into a boat kid. Growing up on a sailboat without socializing with their peers can leave a kid a little weird. Imagine an 8yr old with all the mannerisms and personality of a thirty year old.
middlehead
It is the adventure of a lifetime. That just doesn't guarantee it's a good adventure.
H2ONerd
Xenoti
It would have taken me less than an hour to try and sink the boat in boredom
Kbantar
I have a moderate thalassophobia. This sounds pretty close to a literal hell for me.
DrFedora
Also: people who were never enslaved by their parents as a child.
LustrousShadow
I can't decide if it sounds more terrifying or boring.. that's not a juxtaposition that comes up a lot, but it fits here.
loma45
Probably incredibly boring, punctuated by short bursts of terrifying. The worst of both worlds.
YesItIsMyRealName
Yyy
FlatPlutoSociety
More than either of those, it was probably just brutally lonely.
herekittikitti
With the current van life trend, we are definitely going to see a lot more stories like these in the future.
JadeNB1729
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/wavewalker-memoir-raised-sailboat-sea_n_6536be56e4b0c85561022b16
happiesthedgehog
Thanks for the link!
PutItInMyUsb
Ty
wargames
i am willing to suffer sailing around the world, even have a partner suffer with me, but not a kid.
Higure
These people did it with 2 children.
dustygamedev
The difference is you're willing and have a choice
USSBigBooty
I think their point was that they, as a consenting adult and with a consenting partner, would be willing to do this, but not make that choice for a child, which I think we can all agree on.
Orzufancylad
You can work for a cruise company.
Whatdoyousaytoanicecupoftea
Nah, 10s the minimum age.
Orzufancylad
I dont think wargames is 10...
skwint
I do random nonsense, but I do it alone ... I just assume no one I know would want to join me ...
GreenMnM
It's those who enthusiastically join you and continue to ask for more that you end up spending your life with.
Whatdoyousaytoanicecupoftea
Ooohh, what kind of random nonsense?
skwint
The next piece of random nonsense I want to do is pack a load of food in a rucksack, spend a few days hiking out to an off-the-beaten-track glacier that is melting away from climate change, find a particularly large boulder that no human has ever touched, and stand on it.
SixFingersOnMyRightHand
That is a nice boulder
GreenMnM
Can I come? Pack it in pack it out?
Idonotkillpeoplethatismyleastfavoritethingtodo
The difference is always consent. Anyone who'd consent to this as an adult, no matter if you find it funny or boring, no problem. A child can never give that consent as they are dependent on adults to survive.
TheWombatStrikesAgain
They could find a place for the child to stay where it's being cared for, though that is probably still not a good solution. Being left with your grandparents or something for a decade because your dad wants to sail the world, might cause some psychologic issues. In any case, a kid is not capable of truly understading what they're consenting to and the consequences of that. Like completely missing out on learning to socialise in a normal school.
MightyIink
Children aren't children to rich people... they're pets.
sylkysmooth
Or accessories.
JohnnyLawlessEsq
You really don't have to be THAT rich to do what they did. Especially if you have some mechanical aptitude.
ReneDeGames
I mean you can leave off the rich people, you will find people at all income levels that see their kids as toys.
Srcsqwrn
A lot of people in general believe that kids are their property
HighMagosSquidward
I think it's specifically narcissism rather than money itself. But having money tends to breed narcissism so
MonteCristo1985
I really don't think this is limited to rich people.
youreathing
Or in Elon's case "MoRe cOpiEs oF mY gEnIuS DNA!"
HIVp0sit1ve69
DoubleOhTwentyEight
You forgot the word "some." To some rich people. These kinds of generalizations are ignorant bullshit no matter who the target is.
bekkayya
oh no, those poor rich people. how ever will they cope. how will they get thier side heard? I should really think about when I'll be rich in the future and not critisize them for their inhumanity
fishbicyclerepairman
Do welfare moms next
bekkayya
edgy
fishbicyclerepairman
The same principle applies. Lazy stereotypes are lazy.
Crowlands
To be rich, you must first be a sociopath who doesn't care for the lives of others.
Ryukee
What if you make successful business which doesn't negatively impact others? Or what about inheritance or winning lottery?
spookyactionatadistance
There's a big difference between being rich and being a billionaire. I could buy a sailboat and sail around the world but I didn't achieve that by exploiting anyone. Up until I was 41 the highest salary I had ever made was 17$/hour and now at 45 make 6 figures. I still have the same apartment, same clothes, same habits and don't own a car so I save like 50% of my income. A sailboat is like 30k and operating it for a year would be another 30k. We are far from the rich sociopath.
ThrowAwayAcct0000
Numbers don't deterimine sociopathy, but the higher they are, the more likely it gets.
GenuineBeamm
Breh you are firmly middle class lol
spookyactionatadistance
That's my point. Lately a lot of people on imgur seem to put anybody who has more money than them in the "rich" category. People think that making 100k/year is rich
Kbantar
Rich is a purely subjective term though. Trying to put objective numbers on it is a fool's game, IMO.
Treebane
My grandfather built a sailboat. We were all expected to be crew every weekend and every vacation for almost a decade. It was pretty miserable after the novelty wore off
technofiend
The same grandfather bought a deep sea fishing boat and we spent many a weekend running out to oil rigs to fish. I appreciate the fact I was included. Pop was less appreciative of the fact I get seasick very easily. It's the thought that counts. Pops was cool.
VicLegion
Sounds like my step-dad when he got his dream 30ft cabin cruiser. "Don't you wanna go out on the boat" Was code for "I need you to spend the next 3 hours preparing, cleaning, and buying food while i call all my friends,"
CedricDur
My father bought a classical car. He has no driver's licence. He wants the family to drive him around as chauffeurs. Before he bought the car he told the family since he cannot drive we would have to do the driving. We each told him we are not interested in classical cars and not interested in driving around for the sake of driving around. He bought it anyway. He's fucking peeved off no one is driving him around.
technofiend
And still he can't be bothered to learn to drive? Yeow.
technofiend
My grandfather rebuilt a racing sloop for my uncle. Dude nearly killed me when he tacked and let the boom swing so hard the pulley ran past the end of the track and the boom came right at me. Only thing that saved my life was the boom breaking in half on the wire for the mast. After that I followed Uncle Larry in his sailboat on my jetski. Dude was a piece of work.
railski
technofiend
Hey, I appreciate the thought.
railski
GreenMnM
Larry sounds like he was a pedestrian sailor AT BEST. And a danger to others
technofiend
Nailed it.
thedarkcanuck
Typical fuckin Larry
koops
: Love for sail
technofiend
You have no idea. Larry outfitted the boat with loran (this was a while ago), all kinds of radio and every other electronic gadget so he could sail on the open ocean. Then he divorced my aunt and sailed his boat to Bermuda -- but rather than going through the Gulf of Mexico he took the Intercoastal Canal to Florida.
thedarkcanuck
Sounds like a blast tbh. What's a loran?
KILLERCHROMATIC
Parents who deny their children school are monsters
luck3clover
Both her parents were teachers, just saying
KILLERCHROMATIC
Haha ok but I don’t think I counts when it’s your own kids. Subjectivity and all that…
luck3clover
So you don’t believe in home school?
chatawillybilly
"I was expected to cook and clean down below for hours each day." The boat was 58 feet, one doesn't spend hours each day cooking and cleaning. Her bro says her book "contains only the confirmatory facts together with lots of exaggeration and near fiction." https://forums.sailinganarchy.com/threads/suzanne-heywood-and-her-epically-misguided-70s-cruising-parents.241420/page-7
PlaytimeInParadox
They don’t want to hear this man. Critical thinking doesn’t prevail on Imgur
PictureBackupStorage
If you are cooking 3 meals for up to 10 people, it can take hours to cook and clean could be 3hrs could be 6hrs depending on what all needs to get done.
Thorinori
So why is his word more accurate than hers? If her account is even remotely accurate, he got the SIGNIFICANTLY better end of the deal, so of course he is gonna think she is exaggerating and making shit up. Sure they may have had "great opportunities" as he puts it, that doesn't mean it is the life she wanted or enjoyed, it was still forced on her either way.
wadatahmydamie
Nobody is stupid enough to believe her brother, especially when the source is some dipshit on a sailing forum.
JackieTreehornProductions
Her bro was the dude up on deck sailing. I'd hardly take his word for it.
flordelasantillas
You don't know if he was helping down below or not.
JackieTreehornProductions
She said he was up on deck while she worked below. Did you not read that?
flordelasantillas
She didn't say 100% of the time. Did you read that?
ran76
neither do you
flordelasantillas
I don't make dumb assumptions
Thorinori
Nope, just dumb comments