LafluerMusic
91667
2073
162
I overheard her talking to her friend about it. Confronted her. She admitted it. My heart is so broken. FUCK! I still love her. Is it best to work through it or just break it off completely? I know there’s no real answer. Right now we’re trying to work through it together. Not together as a relationship but figuring out what happened. Things have been weird for about a year now anyways, but I’m a believer in working through things. It’s just so hard right now. I miss her though. This is definitely lame. She has a kid that’s not mine, but I’ve been around since she was four. I’m staying in touch with her, but that’s hard to do as well. I feel sad for her.
Edit - I can’t explain in words how much this has helped me today. I was hesitant about posting this, afraid of how stupid people would say I am but y’all haven’t done that. People on imgur are truly good people even though it can get sketchy sometimes. So whether you told me to take my time and make my own decisions or to boil her in acid, thank you so much❤️
Edit - I don’t want anyone to think this woman is a horrible person, that is definitely not the case. She’s done a horrible thing but she is an otherwise great person. She’s been good to me throughout the years. I don’t hate her. Thanks again guys.
METROlD
GET OUT NOW
Evi1Gav
If they've cheated once, they will do again. More than anything out shows a complete lack of respect.
procrastinatingagain
Better to know now.
RegisterToVoteBoi
Dip dude. Use the ring to buy some pizza and beer. Go chill
itrynottocommentbutyoumakemecringe
Every word you said made me uneasy. You can’t fix certain things. Move on. They will cheat again and you sound like you’re a doormat.
TheAlbatrossFromTheMoon
Cheaters gonna cheat. Don't Waste your time.
whateveranonymous
Stay strong move on.
abahachihombre
Sorry bro, been in the same shoes but forgave her. She had done it 4 more times afterwards. Under any circumstances do not let it slip. 1/2
abahachihombre
Get yourself into something else asap too, been single for 5 years with trauma and recommend moving on immediately however painful it may be
Arrowheadx1
Cheaters cheat again and again and if you tell yourself anything else you are lying to yourself. Start fresh. Eat fresh. Subway.
ImCranky
The laugh we needed...
RamboFirstBlood
Just know cheating is not just one bad decision. There are several bad decision she had to make to put her self in that situation.
sweatybuttcrack
You can try and work it out but no matter how good it gets, it'll always be in the back of your mind.
Cannaid
Agreed..
DonkeyGoat
You'll love her for a while. But it will fade with time and distance, as will the hurt. You're worth being with someone who loves you.
Tigersterne
Anything's potentially redeemable. But if she's not busting her ass to fix it, it's not worth it. Cut your losses.
infrazab
Check out Esther Perel who is a therapist who wrote about this in a very helpful way. Doesn't have to be over.
LafluerMusic
I’ll give her a listen. Thanks
SpectacularSpectacular
I second this. She has books, audiobooks, or talks, whatever media is your pref
GrinningDisaster
Sorry my dude, been there. Keep on keeping on and best of luck finding someone worthwhile.
gonzar09
A lot less messier to break it off now than getting a divorce, especially if a kid is in the mix.
fretno
Later like 2,5,10 years later would be worse. And get back the ring
Aluc4rd14
This is no way to begin a marriage. Embrace the suck now and break it off.
Aluc4rd14
There is a worse hurt for you and that kiddo if you proceed with this relationship. Do the right thing and let it go
butterflybuttler221
No matter what ends up happening it was not your fault. If she tries to blame you remind her she could have left. There's no excuse for that
fabutronic
The situation is different for everyone, in my case we separated after there was infidelity. We got back together after because we both
fabutronic
Decided what we had was worth fighting for. But it took alot of work and dedication. Regardless, it's good to take time apart, and assess th
fabutronic
The situation, in a month or 2, revisit your feelings, is your partner ready to work hard and gain back your trust and are you ready to look
fabutronic
At what happened in the relationship. There is alot to consider, I wish you the best. HMU if you need to talk,I've been in your shoes
LafluerMusic
I appreciate everyone’s honesty. Thanks for your own stories. They definitely offer some new perspectives
SirSmurfalot
GTFO while you can before she uses you like an ATM , spends you into debt, and fucks around while you work to support her army of mistakes.
cowkilla
if you're still gonna go back to her you might as well not have posted this -__-
LafluerMusic
Yeah I know. But I appreciate this more than anything. I still think it was a good idea though
imshibagel
Once a cheater always a cheater. It hurts now, but your future self will thank you once you've found a new person who also makes you feel
CrazyEarl
She is treating you like a backup. When there isn't someone else, she'll be with you. When there is someone "better", she'll cheat.
ImabouttogoTRexonthesenuggets
Adivce from a woman, end it. Once that trust is broken you will never get it back. Every time she is late or something seems off you'll
ImabouttogoTRexonthesenuggets
She is only sorry she was caught. If you didn't catch her she never would have told you. Just remember it's not your fault she cheated its
ImabouttogoTRexonthesenuggets
Hers. It wasn't an accident and didnt just happen. She made the choice to cheat on you. If it meant nothing and she was sorry she
ImabouttogoTRexonthesenuggets
Would have told you. She may try to blame it on you, but it's not ur fault. You didnt make a choice to cheat on s1 u love. She did.
ImabouttogoTRexonthesenuggets
Wonder and the not knowing will drive u crazy and cause ur relationship to become toxic and painful. Best u can do is end it.
defnotwinning
My fiancé cheated on me as well. We worked through it, got married, had a child.... then she cheated again. Now divorced. Just my scenario
SirSmurfalot
Same scenario, but your way is far more expensive. I hope you at least get to see your kid.
defnotwinning
Absolutely. We are amicable and parent well together
SirSmurfalot
Not everyone is so lucky.
defnotwinning
True that
RationalDiscourse
@OP - In a sad way, she did you a tremendous favor. While mistakes happen in life, it takes a LOT of easily stoppable “mistakes,” in a row ¹
RationalDiscourse
For someone to cheat. Even if it’s “I got drunk with him and next thing I knew...” That takes flirting, putting yourself alone with someone²
RationalDiscourse
“By mistake.” Accidentally going to their place. Accidentally flirting with them multiple times. Accidentally walking up to their door. ²
RationalDiscourse
Accidentally going inside. Accidentally staying over there. Accidentally drinking multiple drinks. Accidentally intentionally getting drunk⁴
RationalDiscourse
Accidentally taking your clothes off, his clothes off. Accidentally kissing him. Touching him. Accidentally falling onto his dick. Over ⁵
RationalDiscourse
And over. So whatever you do don’t think of it as a mistake. It was a conscious choice that she may regret, but not a mistake. But why do ⁶
BaBaDuuk
Better now than after wedding, house and kids. Better get all your shit off her incl rings, rent and presents
Mercurybird
All agree but that last word. Presents are presents. Gifts. Who would even want them back???
BaBaDuuk
I wouldnt disagree if someone wanted expensive presents back. For all u know she was cheating on him then and the principle behind giving
BaBaDuuk
A present is defecated upon. If u split up for other reasons other than this level of abuse i’d agree. U could argue the same for the rent
BaBaDuuk
If they wernt fucking u wouldnt be getting free rent/expensive gifts. They arent gunna be friends or anything after this so why compromise
GoGoDigit
I cheated on my husband and had the ovaries enough to fucking tell him - we got help, it took time but we're fuckin great now. 1/2
GoGoDigit
The biggest issue here are she not fuckin telling you, if it was a mistake you own that shit. Was she remorseful at all @op?
LafluerMusic
Extremely so. We’ve talked about it a lot. She’s more broken up about it than I am, it seems. I asked all the questions I wanted to ask and
LafluerMusic
I truly believe the things she’s told me. I’m a forgiving person and to not forgive her would be not me, ya know. It’s been over a week and
LafluerMusic
I’m still processing it and still talking to her about and looking at what I’ve done wrong. I’ve never cheated but I’ve been less than
LafluerMusic
Perfect myself. Just trying to look at it from a reasonable angle. You don’t cheat for no reason, I would think.
UnknownVD
How did you personally move forward after your "mistake"? Genuinely curious, I don't hear much from this side of infidelity.
MalkyM
Hate when people refer to it as a "mistake". They did exactly what they set out to do. Don't make excuses, take a good hard look at yourself
loma45
What do you think "mistake" means? It means a poor choice you shouldn't have made / wish you hadn't. Not an accident though
MalkyM
A mistake is something that occurred that was not your intention. Cheating is always intentional in some way.
sirdraco1
Please respect yourself enough to leave. I didn't in this situation. She left me for him months later. Still fucked up over it. I'm sorry.
Ijustwantquiet
It's been over 20 years and it's affected all of my relationships. For me it destroyed the ability to trust anyone at that level.
asimovcascade
I agree. I've never seen second chances actually work out...
AaronPaulSturtevant
sorry to hear that :(
QuackQuackPontiac
Sorry @OP it is better to know sooner than later.
TheDreadPirateWestley
VirtualHugger
+1 =)
QuackQuackPontiac
LafluerMusic
Thank you so much guys. I appreciate all the kind words. We’ve been together for almost 6 years now, so it’ll take time till I’m okay.
kimmycat57
I left my abusive cheating ex fiance of 4 years, found the love of my life and been together nearly a year now. Life gets better move on :)
Fredo88
There's to many of us that have similar stories bro. It goes to show you can do everything for a person and still have them fuck it up (1)>
Fredo88
Once they find the justification to do that to their partner, it's a sign they don't respect you. When theirs no trust or respect, you're (2
Fredo88
Setting yourself up for a rough ride. Focus on yourself and try to do stuff for you. I traveled abroad and have my project cars to focus on
WhoopseyDoHereComesTheGoo
You say there's no real answer. There absolutely is. Leave, you'll regret it if you don't when it doesn't work out anyway.
LafluerMusic
I guess I meant an answer for everyone. We’re all different but I get you
TaintedWood
Happened to me around 6 years with my best friend. I wanted to forgive them both, but it would always be on my mind and I would've become..
TaintedWood
..a nervous wreck just having the thought of those 2 on my mind all the time and if I can trust to have them be around each other again.
TaintedWood
And believe me please. Sometimes there is never an answer to "why?". Some people just can't be loyal to their partner. It's not your fault..
TaintedWood
...and you'dbe great with someone else if you choose to go that path. Everyone is different and you follow your own path. Hang in there.
LafluerMusic
Thank you. I’m sorry to hear about your story. It definitely sucks. I hope you’ve found your way
nyssawolfie
You got this! Whatever choice you make, make the best one for yourself. Heartbreak is terrible. I’m going through something also. It sucks.
JockoV
I agree with everyone else. Get out while you can. Start watching this guys videos https://youtu.be/G3K2k0_8Xzo
spectheintro
I'm not so sure the evidence that he presents supports his conclusions as strongly as you believe.
JockoV
I take all studies with a grain if salt. Data can always be fudged but it's just something to consider.
N0tDave
I can relate, my dude! 8 year relationship flushed when she fucked her tattoo artist for free ink. Stay strong!
ImCranky
Damn. Sorry.
blainetog
Sounds like she wanted the D and got some free ink as a souvenir. Sorry dude, that sucks!
N0tDave
Ewwww... but she was 24 and the dude was 52. Just ew.
LafluerMusic
But I really needed to hear this today, so thank you
KharnMalik
latinomartino
Good luck! Make sure to talk to people if you need help! This too shall pass.
Mercurybird
Speaking from experience (10yrs married) the one I busted him with wasn’t the first... Get Out.
FvcktangularBondulance
Cheaters cheat. It's very rarely a one-off indiscretion, and even if so, it tells you that they want other people, not just you.
milenko23
Wife cheater, together 10 years, briefly tried to work through it. Terrible idea, leave and end it. It gets better, happy married and
milenko23
Been together for almost 10 years with 1 kid and another on the way. It sucks but there is always light at the end
jarldg
These situations require a case by case analysis. However, if it's been "weird" for a year, an engagement year no less, that is inauspicious
ImCranky
Maybe on some level you knew something was off...why engaged but not married? You can love and it not be enough
RationalDiscourse
I’m in a 6 year-er, also, man. I can’t imagine the feeling of betrayal you must be experiencing. While I highly recommend ending it - ¹
RationalDiscourse
Others have pointed out some great advice. Should you stay, know that this will be a specter, a shadow, over your relationship that will ²
RationalDiscourse
Haunt you both. She’ll wonder if you trust her - which you probably don’t. She’ll be bitter, and defensive, after the apology stage wears ³
RationalDiscourse
Off. Her thoughts will be “when will he let us move on from it.” Now your faced with a choice: do you maintain righteous indignation bc ⁴
DiGiTs357
Sorry homie. Dump her ass. Get ur ring back. Move on. You’ll be happier.
icelandickhead
I tried the fix it and maybe it will work shit for 6 years with my now ex-wife. Trust me, it does not work and people do not change. Move on
l009
Get the ring back, buy animal crossing.
in70x
My man out here telling the people what’s really important. Hybrid flowers and hustling with Tom Nook
lazlo09
Love is chemicals released when you meet someone you click with. There are litteraly hundreds of thousands of other girls you could click
lazlo09
With giving the same feelings of love. Dont torture yourself cuz you will never forget. Find a new one, no matter how long it takes
warriorjag
westsidewizard
Once that threshold is engaged, then willfully passed, the next temptation will seem easy by comparison. That leap is what deters, you know?
westsidewizard
It'll hurt for a long time and you'll constantly question if you made the right decision. But there's many out there who would never cheat.
westsidewizard
Hold out for real love. It's everywhere and only a matter of time. Be patient. More importantly, continue to be your loving, trusting self.
ChewyChewbacca88
Yeah. Change your name and move to the Bahamas. Problem solved.
methos343
Mr Problem Solved.....i like his new name ?
ChewyChewbacca88
Max power. He has a name you like to saaaayyy.
cepacolusmaximus
RUN, FORREST! RUUUUNNN!!
Semphir
Yeah.. Its gonna happen again. Move on.
ArealJim
You mean the ring he gifted to her? Ain't his, bud.
Ijustwantquiet
Not in every jurisdiction.
Speedmetal05
An engagement ring is not a gift. It's a promise of the next step, marriage. If marriage doesn't happen, you should be able to get it back.
RobberOfRiches
Not legal advice but in most Countries and definitely in the US. The ring isn't a gift. It's his property until married.
methos343
⬆️⬆️⬆️ this 100%
L0GJ4M1
https://youtu.be/kTPsoX9OLFA
Vungor
PREACH BRO
garlickygarlic
I hope you find someone on Imgur. It's 100% men on here but maybe a nice man can catfish you.
Speedmetal05
This. A thousand times this.
Bubbl3gum
You'll never be the same. It will fester and brew. You have to move on as hard as it is. You deserve better. Life's too short homie.
holodecktheory
This 1000 times. She has a kid, that makes it extra fucked on her part.
Ijustwantquiet
She was probably trying to connect with someone with more money and higher status.
Eaglemk4
Happened to me was married with two kids, never been happier
MrHerpertDerpington
You should never marry more than one kid. Jokes aside, good for you. There are a lot of garbage people out there. Stay safe.
jaberdaberjj
I made the mistake of trying to make it work. Not worth it. Usually theirs underlying issues and they just do it again.
Klaaism
Also fuck her sister on the way out.
Tigersterne
And her mother. Hell, throw pops in while you're at it!
0x1CEB00DA
Dump her, people don't change, this is an character flaw that cannot be repaired, she will cheat for the rest of your life
in70x
I upvoted you for your hex name
noparrotnick
Never make a ho a housewife!
orangeyougladididntsaypoop
Yeah, get rid of her. This will only make things worse in the long run if you dont. Don't waste any of your time. Life is short.
TexMexHex
What they said. On a slightly lighter note, i was your 420th like.
freakwaph
Nice.
whiskey157
Ditto. I was 947th. Am I ahead?
texasfoodman
No. Ignore her. But don’t break up. It’ll bother her even more. Pretend she doesn’t live there.
Speedmetal05
What kind of crappy mind game is this???
texasfoodman
“Sarcasm”
anxiouschef
No. Kill her. But don’t break up. It will kill her even more. Pretend she’s not alive. /s
LafluerMusic
Lol I love this. I’ll not kill her though. At least I won’t say it on imgur
MexicanFrenchCanadian
This is the worst advice ever ....
texasfoodman
At some point people stopped being 100% sarcasm on here and took things seriously. This is obviously not real advice.
MexicanFrenchCanadian
Yeah totally, to be honest,I will never ask for advice on sites like this. I mean there's a lot of support ressources (free) around nowadays
UsuallyComments
That initial comment you made doesnt read sarcastically one bit. Maybe more practice on sarcasm when commenting online.
texasfoodman
This has been in the last year to two years. Before that everything on here was sarcasm.
Ijustwantquiet
That's the PC crowd at work. Speech and thought policing everyone like the good little Commies they are. /s
texasfoodman
candiedhotdogs
I doubt op is a 13 year old girl. This would be ineffective
texasfoodman
Trust me it works
LafluerMusic
I’m a 12 year old girl actually
Ijustwantquiet
I'm actually a 12 yr old boy. Just through dog poop on her shoes and say "I break with you" three times. Then it's official.
nopenononope
Username... Doesn't check out?
texasfoodman
Omg yesh me too
MrHerpertDerpington
This. Gotta be honest to yourself. Can you ever trust her again? Even if she's showing remorse now, she did what she did bc she wanted to.
EV0O
Cheaters will always cheat. And their the ones who will also suspect cheating of their partner as well.
BobLazor
Yhea it's like a desease
Ijustwantquiet
Always...no. Most of the time...yes.
Noyoudontknowmefromsomewhere
Is her remorse because she cheated or because she got caught? you’ll never really know. the trust is gone, relationship is over.
bcarroll81
If she didnt come tell him herself out of guilt then its safe to say she is only sad she got caught
Noyoudontknowmefromsomewhere
maybe she was expressing guilt when he overheard her? either way, dealbreaker for me. not the fuckery as much as the deception.
casualnihilist
This is going to be unpopular. Cheating, as in being sexually with someone else, doesn't have to be a relationship killer. 1/?
thealterofmyego
This. All of this guys comment thread.
Vimavi
The thing is that it has to be discussed. It easy to say that that it doesnt mean anything when you are the one doing it
Vimavi
I personally think that you can still be in love and in relationship, and have sex with someone else if everybody agrees
in70x
I dunno I am all for second chances but such a breach of trust seems like it can’t be ever truly mended.
Grizy
Mayhaps I'm biased, but it's a trust killer. And a relationship is utter dog shit without trust.
Grizy
It's not worth it if you're constantly going to be wondering if they're fucking around again.
Virgozer
This seems to be more about the covering it up side of things. As a poly, can confirm that breach is hard to mend.
Tigersterne
Yeah, having been retroactively convinced into an open relationship, learning about it after the fact really spoils everything.
in70x
We used the same words in our posts. “Breach trust” and “mend” and I didn’t see your post before hand.. great minds think a like (sometimes)
casualnihilist
I'm not going to tell you what to do. Neither should you listen to arbitrary comments about it. See what love is left in you. Love can also
casualnihilist
mean forgiveness.
RationalDiscourse
Forgiveness doesn’t have to mean staying with someone, though. I’ve been cheated on. I forgive each of them. But also, I move on. Sure ¹
RationalDiscourse
Good people can do something bad. But the loss of trust that comes with cheating is an incredibly toxic circumstance in a relationship. ²
spittleteets
Nice try, I see you casually trying to unhinge society casualnihilist. Everyone here is black and white, when often there's more than 2 path
Vimavi
This comment
LafluerMusic
Thank you. And I promise I know this. I just like hearing input from other people. And it’s been healing weirdly
lemonyflavoredjunimo
My now husband cheated on me. We grew through our problems and now share a wonderful and magical life together. I know it's not the norm, -
lemonyflavoredjunimo
- but if both of you are willing to tough it out it may turn out ok. It took a lot of work to get to this point after that happened.
lemonyflavoredjunimo
- we have been together for 7 years now and love each other more than ever.
Skizzlesnap
Yeah don’t thank him. That’s the worst advice that I’ve read. Had you not overheard them she wouldn’t have told you. That’s a huge breach...
Skizzlesnap
...of trust and especially not something you want to deal with. If you’re just dating or engaged, get out. It would be different if...
Skizzlesnap
...you were married with kids. Then you should try to work through it. Plus you’ll be standing there saying your vows and that will be...
Blastergv9
The real question is, can you fully repair the trust? If the answer is no, it won't work. I have a hard time seeing it if it happened to (1)
Blastergv9
(2) me but I also have an impossible time seeing my life without my wife. Full and open communication is the only way forward. No guarantees
Ac1dBurn72
Sell the ring. Use the money for something fun.
in70x
Hookers and blow!!
Ac1dBurn72
I mean. I wanted to say that. But who am I to judge what another man's 'fun' is!
Kamishiro
Ever sold an engagement ring? Gonna lose at least 90% unless you can get a store to agree to consignment, which is tough.
Ac1dBurn72
But. No. Never sold one. I did throw one in the Arkansas River after breaking things off with a fiance though.
Ac1dBurn72
Yes. But giving someone else that same ring won't do.
Kamishiro
Take it to a jeweler. They can use the materials to make it completely different for a huge savings.
glovelyday
For me betrayal is an irreparable act.
sombercitizens
Amen.
Livewire87
This. Maybe you really can get through it, but you see the person in a totally different way now. Everything you loved about them is tainted
LordTacoManTheSeventeenth
Agreed. And if theyre willing to do it once it will probably happen again
Ijustwantquiet
Once the taboo is broken, subsequent betrayals are easier.
drinkALLthemilk
Even in Christianity. The Bible talks about how marriage creates an unbreakable bond but also that cheating is a legit call for divorce.
Kimsgrim
That's why it's the lowest layer of hell, if you're into that sort of thing.
ACSwineburne
What, into Dante? It's a story.
mydogsfartswillkillyou
same. especially at that stage.
Lathor
same props to people who can manage to work through it but to me the trust is gone and never coming back
buttwheek
Agreed
reineseele
Call Crowley. He will sort it out.
jhawker27
Which gets easier every time you do it.
ItsjustDog
Same.. it tosses one of the most important facets of a relationship out the window. Trust.
gnomequeen
Agreed. The lies and deception bother me far more than the actual sex.
goatswhostareatmen
to me its reparable but its not like it wouldn't hurt or is fair or anything. to forgive is hard. sometimes we betray ourselves too...
Ijustwantquiet
Speaking from experience?
goatswhostareatmen
which one? :)
Ijustwantquiet
Just curiosity. Wasn't sure what to take as experience and what as principle is all. You covered all the bases.
EniChaos
"i promise no to eat this cake" "oops i ate that cake"
EniChaos
not* darn keyboard
uptheantechrist
You’ll never trust them again, no matter how much work you put into it.
buttwheek
Yep always thinking about where they are and who they’re with
Smalldogsarentcats
That's the harsh truth I am finally realizing after it happened to me in Sept. :(
Corwel
Or they will. How would you know?
glovelyday
Trust is like a piece of fine crystal. Once broken it can never be put back together. Can try to glue it, but it will be marred & fragile
TheUnholyGuacamole
Meh .... this sounds stupid
glovelyday
Eh, live long enough, and if you're unlucky, and not dumb, you'll understand it.
uptheantechrist
Years of telling myself and the ex wife I forgave them and living in misery because I couldn’t trust them to go to the grocery store alone.
Ijustwantquiet
And shutting them out of your life in different areas to protect yourself. BTDT It's like they have dirt on them all time after.
LetumComplexo
I hate to say it but just because you couldn’t doesn’t mean others can’t. Doesn’t make it a good idea to try, though.
uptheantechrist
I agree with that. I could’ve worked through it IF she’d have admitted it instead of me figuring it out. Red handed and she still denied it.