Please try to understand

Nov 13, 2020 11:02 AM

There are so few situations where I can imagine myself being in this situation, and yet here I am. The person who died was NOT a good guy. The whole time I knew him he always seemed off. Always seemed weirdly aggressive. He had the pseudo-masculine complex that made it impossible for him to ever be "wrong." Wasn't afraid to vocalize his disgust for "b*tch *ss f*gots" even at work. He abused his dog until he finally got rid of it for "becoming an *sshole" and even his death was a murder suicide in which he killed his wife and then himself. They didn't have any kids so there's at least that, I guess.

Now all my coworkers are going around talking about what a great guy he was and how sad it all is that HE is gone.

Sad for his wife and her family? Absolutely
Shocked at the sudden loss? Ok
But am I in the wrong for not being sad that someone that was just absolutely unbearable is gone? Or worse pretending that he wasn't all those things just because he died?

I'm not going to parade and celebrate that this horrible thing happened, and I wish that he could have gotten help, become a good person, but that isn't and was never the case and I honestly am just so frustrated having to hear about it.

Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get this off my chest. I know loss, grief and death are complicated things I just wish people wouldn't feel the need to sugar-coat things to this level of excess for someone who was definitely not who they are saying he is now.
End rant
Thanks.

I think "everything is forgiven in death" is a weird vestige of religion that society should let go. I agree with you, fuck that guy.

5 years ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 0

Yeah F this dude he murdered someone. Killing yourself doesn’t make you NOT a murderer.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Not sure if I'm proud or disappointed that no one commented "I also choose that guys dead wife".

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 2

The difference between me and you is I would tell this to my co-workers faces. Good riddance to this dirt bag.

5 years ago | Likes 32 Dislikes 0

I felt the same way when an old coworker retired and then passed away. Everyone loved him, but he was a hardcore pervert. Feel what you feel

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

You are being a realist and the others are trying to soften the blow by only remembering the good. I'm like you. Remember truth not fantasy.

5 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Always bring up his wife when people talk about him and say you dont care about him. Make a thing out of it

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

I have no tolerance for people who beat animals

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

When a cunt dies that doesn't make them any less of a cunt.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

A co-worker's wife was murdered. Have feelings about that

5 years ago | Likes 71 Dislikes 2

My former boss spent 20 years sexually harassing minors who worked for him. Finally got caught and then died a year after being fired. 1/2

5 years ago | Likes 39 Dislikes 0

All of a sudden no one gave a shit about how fucking creepy it was that he tried to from 16yo girls for 20 years. Screw that. You’re fine.

5 years ago | Likes 39 Dislikes 0

Very similar situation where I work, but luckily, most colleagues have been of the “good riddance “ opinion.

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

You are correct in not being sad but there's no point in shit talking the dead. When people talk about it just say "oh yes its terrible"

5 years ago | Likes 31 Dislikes 14

Being dead does not excuse having a productive, critical discussion on moral concerns nor does doing so imply you're talking shit of them.

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

I would be cringing in my head every time I said that. I would just tell them I feel for his family. You know, the ones he didn't murder.

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Has "speak no ill of the dead" ever accomplished anything other than shielding abusers and silencing victims?

5 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 1

Warding off vengeful ghosts? Or did you mean in real life.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

In a small community it could be good for their relatives. Imagine a loved one being a disliked by people outside the home and you have to

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

bear with hearing rumors and bad shit about them on top of their death constantly.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Malign the dead; it's honest. Dying does not transform the deceased from an unpleasant person into a good person.

5 years ago | Likes 35 Dislikes 1

Thank you!!! I get a lot of shit for this. I don't understand why the "don't speak ill of the dead" thing ever started.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

People lose those for whom they care. If this is a bad person, they don't want to hear it while grieving. We deify the dead, and by 1/2

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

falsely remembering them/ignoring their ill-will we pave a path for others to follow, as such behaviors are acceptable, even praiseworthy2/2

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I agree. I also love it when people are like "Oh do you want people saying bad things about you when you're dead?!?!" And I'm like... " (1)

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Yeah I want people to remember me for the entire person I was, which is good and bad. Discuss things you hated about me (2)

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

"If you want to know the great things about you, die. If you want to know the worse things about you, then get married." --Old Saying

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Obviously, this one took a bigger turn in this particular case

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I was on your bandwagon at the dog part.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

dying doesn't suddenly make a shit person worthy of respect or understanding; we all die, bitch. I'm not saying go dance on graves but not

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

everyone is worth a moment of silence

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

My mom always says "you never see a cunt buried"

5 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 1

Mama didn't raise no fool.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

People often forget what a horrible person someone was when they’re dead.

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

This bugs me. When I die I don’t want people saying I was a bright light in the world. I’m dark, creepy and kinda a bitch, and that’s ok.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

A dude died suddenly when I was in HS. Lots of ppl disliked him. But when he died ppl who hated him/didn’t know him would post about him 1/

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

As if they were super close friends. It’s weird to see people act that way

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

An ex-colleague died yesterday, I had been shit talking him earlier with someone else who knew him. He was a cunt, but I feel for his family

5 years ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 0

Some people are just affected by the fact that death was so close in their lives. Those that vocally comment "how good someone was" 1/2

5 years ago | Likes 27 Dislikes 0

Are probably trying to relieve themselves of any guilt that they thought otherwise. "Don't speak I'll of the dead" and all.

5 years ago | Likes 26 Dislikes 0

Do you work in a fucking drug cartel? What kind of people talk about a murderer being a good guy?

5 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 1

Guarantee they're looking at it as he needed help and didn't get it simply because of the suicide aspect.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Never feel guilty for using actual critical thought. Some people are just bad and it's okay to acknowledge that.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

It's a modern day fallacy - can't say anything bad about someone who died. It's BS. You are not wrong.

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 2

Man. He also could have brought that murder suicide mentality to work instead of at home.

5 years ago | Likes 75 Dislikes 0

Hey, Hitler had that same mentality and he killed Hitler

5 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

WW2 was just a really long murder suicide?

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Murder murder murder murder murder... Murder suicide

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Exactly what I was thinking. "I feel terrible for his wife's family, but we're lucky it wasn't us."

5 years ago | Likes 33 Dislikes 1

Narcissist

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

They can appear very nice and pleasant to strangers but only show their true self to some people. It's likely that those people don't know.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Sounds like he complained about gay ppl at work, and it was clear to OP (coworker) that he abused his dog, tho

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Abuse lives in secrecy. I learned this the hard way.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Wait so what you're saying is, you guys are hiring?

5 years ago | Likes 3744 Dislikes 6

Wait. Trump's dead?

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

3 people didn't find this inherently amusing

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

And they tolerate assholes, this is good for me.

5 years ago | Likes 63 Dislikes 0

Are you willing to murder your wife though?

5 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

What wife? *Closes freezer*

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

5 years ago | Likes 94 Dislikes 1

What movie is this?? I've always been curious!

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

An EXCELLENT action movie, The Professional, or Leon, as it’s sometimes known. Oldman is AMAZING and Portman makes her debut. A must see.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

v

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

5 years ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 1

The forgiveness train has stopped one station early.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

Pizza Party!

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

This is the Imgur GOLD that I missed during the political campaign season.

5 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

"Is his job available?" -Mal

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Upvoted to 3669; I have done my duty.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

turn over is a bitch

5 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 1

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

v

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

[deleted]

[deleted]

5 years ago (deleted Nov 13, 2020 10:26 PM) | Likes 0 Dislikes 0

Nothing wrong with getting a little piece and quiet.

5 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

v

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I understood that reference! :D

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

v

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Was his apartment rent controlled? Asking for a friend of course

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Gotta respect the hustle

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

No, they will just pick up his old work for no extra pay

5 years ago | Likes 500 Dislikes 1

Extra pay? *Laughs in corporatism*

5 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 1

5 years ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 0

This is the way

5 years ago | Likes 120 Dislikes 1

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Always has been

5 years ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 1

I suddenly see potential for combining these two memes.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

This is the way

5 years ago | Likes 40 Dislikes 1

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

The American way

5 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 2

This is the way

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

This happened to me recently

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Grind people into dust for capital? This is the way.

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 2

Yup

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

The only way

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 2

Spanish Inquisition

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

A lot of people deserve to die but you can't let others know.

5 years ago | Likes 208 Dislikes 5

v

5 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

This right here, you can't be openly thankful for a death, even if everyone else is secretly thankful as well. Just a workplace taboo.

5 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Oh yeah. That’s a good way to get the secret service on your ass

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

I see what you did there

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Well you also don't have to pretend to be grief-stricken if it happens

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Yeah, at the very top of the list: The muslims. /s

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 9

Just keep a list in your head. If you forget them off the list then they weren't that bad.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

[deleted]

[deleted]

5 years ago (deleted Nov 14, 2020 10:22 PM) | Likes 0 Dislikes 0

I like that.

5 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

5 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 1

That's quite good, I'll have to remember it.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

That's the best way to handle it.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Guy at work took a plea deal for child molestation. Everyone was donating for his legal expense, they thought him innocent. I told them no

5 years ago | Likes 537 Dislikes 9

Tbf, I've seen enough documentaries about the US legal system and plea deals to question someone's guilt regardless..

5 years ago | Likes 45 Dislikes 0

I get that plea deals aren't the same thing as the real deal, but that is still a WILD thing to a plea for, so honestly same.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 5

He still got money from the other ppl, so it isn't like you were trying to prevent it. Not your problem, really.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 4

If that happened about here they'd chant beast outside your house in the street until you flee.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

That would be the new charge for such acts

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

To be fair taking a plea deal does not make you guilty.

5 years ago | Likes 102 Dislikes 1

This 100% buddy of mine lives in a state where the only thing they care about is money, not the person. He fought it to the end and was /1

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

lucky enough that the family that made a false report ended up fleeing the state and giving up. So the prosecutor refused to represent /2

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

that family, and the judge threw it out. But during the process they wanted him to take a plea deal for sexual abuse 4th. /3

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Even though he wasn't guilty at all, and it was a false accusation made by an angry sister of his ex. /4

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

What if you're pleading down to molestation from statutory rape...

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 3

Sure, but how do you know the details are you their attorney?

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I’m not a legal expert but I think molestation is worse than statutory rape. But that aside. Sure you could be pleading down. /1

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 1

Or you could be getting coerced. Or you could be innocent but convinced that a plea deal is the only way to see the sun again at some point.

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

And what if you did neither but can't afford an attorney that would be able to prove innocence? Our system isn't in good shape.

5 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 2

No it is not. I was just trying to make a point.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 3

Actually, it does. It the eyes of the court at least

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 2

Someone convicted on false testimony and evidence is guilty in the eyes of the court too. What’s your point?

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I was just worried someone might read that and misunderstand what a plea deal is.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Depends on the plea deal. Most require the defendant to admit guilt for a lighter sentencing or to a lesser crime.

5 years ago | Likes 17 Dislikes 0

Because no innocent man has ever pled guilty to a crime he didnt commit as to not risk bankrupting his family and still taking on time

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

But many will admit guilt even though they are innocent because they believe they'll be convicted cause the system is stacked against them.

5 years ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 0

If theres enough evidence to convict someone of child molestation then that person is a child molestor.

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 13

People are convicted of crimes they didn’t do all the time because “there is enough evidence”.

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Sadly I do not have your confidence in the justice system.

5 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

There are demonstrably innocent people in prison. They are released and sometimes given lots of $ by the state from wrongful prosecution.

5 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Yeah, a lot of people don't realize just how hard the justice system can screw you if you don't have the proper funds to fight back.

5 years ago | Likes 39 Dislikes 0

You can fight it and chance 40 years, or take a plea deal on 4 years. Your call.

5 years ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 0

Not to mention you may already be spending those 4 years in jail waiting for trial/appeal anyways.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

It's extremely fucked

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Ew

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Shit like that is what would make me leave a job, a community, whatever gathering of people with that opinion.

5 years ago | Likes 30 Dislikes 1

The opinion that someone accused of a crime is innocent?

5 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 1

If he took a plea deal, he was no longer considered innocent

5 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 2

Not with an Alford plea. Also technically not with a no contest plea. Not every state accepts these I believe.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Not as a general rule so much as if you were fairly convinced they were not innocent. Also, taking a plea deal is an admission of guilt, no?

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

Actually people are pushed into plea deals quite often to avoid prison. Even if they're innocent.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I understand that it can be a forced thing, especially with young people. But technically, it is an admission, even if not always 'legit'.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

No it's not. I don't know the situation in regards to the original comment but sometimes people feel like they have to take plea deals 1/2

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

because they are being railroaded by a system that seeks convictions. 2/2

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Oh so I had that other chain of comments but I guess if you are asking legally speaking, yes in a criminal case it is a guilty plea.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0