TheSuburbanErrorist
303118
8027
172
meirl
Apr 15, 2018 3:42 PM
TheSuburbanErrorist
303118
8027
172
Hotord
davidColorPoster
Easy to please. My type of woman.
1jess1ripper1
Bringing farm animals to talk shows in NYC got my grandmother the chance to hang out with Eddie Van Halen like 30+ years ago. They're useful
Fivestarthedangeresque
Did you get her digits?
copingcabana
"That'll do pig. You need to get back to work."
antwagon
I haven't seen this porno.
kittypoopappledrink
Leave Napoleon Dynamite's girlfriend alone.
Kilsim1v
Piguccino
Dostugsnotdrugs
Smooth
ambaint
In the words of the immortal Chris Rock, ..."she'll probably suck your dick."
Fribblous
Someone once brought a mini horse through my drive thru. I had the same reaction :)
heywoodjabme
“Give my pet pig a cup of whip cream” sounds like a euphemism for something dirty.
GroundscorePro
Yelled the stable boy
trumpypumpyinyourrumpy
Impress her and say you’re a pig too
leodavinci1
Obviously a 4H member.
CotterPyke
but doesnt he just get a lot bigger?
3PiecesOfBread
3PiecesOfBread
HornoTostador
I hope she washed her hands after.
King0fNothing
Step 1: repost. Step 2: go to fp
CidColetti
Setting the bar nice and low for herself. But, hey pigs are adorable so who am I to judge.
jimfo
I'd pork that.
AzgarOgly
Barista? I think drive-through cannot have any baristas. Baristas won't work on minimum wage.
TyrisGC
Never been to a Starbucks?
AzgarOgly
Nope.
HeDistinctlySaidToBlaaave
Was giving my puppy a bath in front yard. Girl slammed on her brakes, jumped out of her car, ran to pet my dog & squeal, drove away. Weird.
Hoptimonium
It's cute when a girl does that, if a guy did it then it would be very creepy.
GTimgur
She did not literally jump out the window. God damn, guys. Language changes, but we don't have a good replacement for this one, so stop!
Mercenarity
Don't take "literally" literally when used in obviously hyperbolic context. The meaning hasn't changed beyond being given an additional use.
GTimgur
You can have multiple uses without problems if they don't interfere, but these do.
Mercenarity
You were still able to easily pick this one out. In your case I'd say it's less an issue with function, and more of a pet peeve.
GTimgur
Since these responses don't match mine, I'm gonna let you reread and think about this one some more.
Mercenarity
Reread what? You're angry when "literally" isn't used in the literal sense, but still understand that it wasn't used in the literal sense.
rdswords
"Men are all pigs" *ecstatic over encountering literal pig*
thisisshittertwitterright
“You make, Jim Henson proud”...
LyraTheLycan
No, it's "men are fucking pigs" originally spoken by someone at Eton University, upon seeing David Cameron performing in a pig.
SassyPiplup
Hey, I'm online bullying you right now >:(
ImGonnaRickRollYou
Yes, but what she meant, is that she loves pigs!
Darkspire
Grummerson
The difference between 1 Girl 1 Cup and 2 Girls 1 Cup
Submoosable
XD
aintgottimeforyou
Because it's not trying to pork her.
Submoosable
XD
authoritech
Ba dum...tissssss
Bobdobtherob
BrazilianThunderPanda
Me: “Men are dogs!” Me 25, minutes later: “I love all the puppies ever! Dogs are the best!”
FlyingSpaghettiAngelWhoLostHisWings
TheGreatAku
The lip sync on that animation is fucking awful
haveanothergif
i mean, when the character has a beak…
GoodGameYoungLad
Even the pig??
rocketturttle
especially the pig
WhereWolves
i still always read that as gilbert gottfried
IHaveThePerfectPuzzleForYou
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkLqAlIETkA
SkyKnight34
Haha I fucking knew I'd find this here
TheElusiveEnchilada
All?
Denvercoder09
"Ooolllll"
mikeindiakiloecho
Yes.
maximuffin2
fewe
Pig included
ismarticus
That is what "all" would imply.
minataur
TheSuburbanErrorist
Did you guys even read Animal Farm? This is how it starts, with pigs demanding humans hand feed them cream through windows.
haveanothergif
S T O L E N
PanzaeronQ
All animals are equal, but some animals get more whipped cream than others.
TitanicGaming360
I actually read Animal Farm. I think I may have been the only person to read it and enjoy it. I've always wondered who Squealer was 1/2
TitanicGaming360
the allegory of- Mikhail Kalinin? Nikita Krushchev? GRIGORY KULIK?!?!
Drzhivago138
Old Major was Marx and Lenin, Napoleon was Stalin, Snowball was Trotsky, Squealer was Molotov and/or the paper Pravda, Boxer was the (1)
Drzhivago138
proletariat, Benjamin was the intelligentsia, Mr Frederick was Hitler/Germany, Mr Pilkington is FDR/Churchill/the Allies, and the debate (2)
Drzhivago138
over the windmill was the debate over Stalin's Socialism in One Country vs. Trotsky's Permanent Revolution.
ClutterMonkey
Step 1: Get rid of old dog.(no longer effective chick magnet) Step 2: Get a pet pig. Step 3: Keep pet pig active and lean.
begonedouche
step 3 isn't going to happen, two out of 3 as it were.
MADhouse64
Step 4: DO NOT slaughter and eat pig.
Harryteeters
Step 4: Profit
PapaNurgleLovesYou
What if you are the pig?
teslaNikol4
Step 4: Cut a hole in a box.
SoftwareChef
That's not a nice way to refer to the typical courting process to get a woman.
Ooolovelyjubbly
Then name Pigolas Cage
ImGonnaRickRollYou
My pig is named Abner. Because Hey Arnold.
AnotherHeartwarmingPostByAbortedFetusNecrophiliac
We call them wives nowadays
BallsackHippo
You mean a Piggy Doggo?
RipOffTheBandAid
4. Pickup chicks 5. Enjoy bacon
ChorizoPig
I take mine out for a beer or lunch at least once a week.
mishalala
I'm Curious: do you still eat pork? (Bacon, etc). Just wondering, no judgement.
ChorizoPig
I do. Less than before but I love bacon. And sausage.
donteatmysushi
The only way we can file my pigs toe nails are by giving her enough beer to get her more chill with the idea of it.
ChorizoPig
Mine LOVES dark beer.
Iankill
Step 4. Bacon
MyBrainIsPlastiDipped
My favorite step!
MrMorrison226
dammit beat me to it
davemymindisgoingicanfeelit
Wow, after he outlives his babe-magnet wingman days, you'd just kill him and eat him, huh. Can't say I'd blame you.
ILikeSciFi
Same works with the dog. Ive heard home made chinese food is better than take out
[deleted]
[deleted]
UnexpectedThanos
Yes, we get it, you are a "nice guy has been" who found out that pretending to be nice doesn't work
JupiterJedi
d20money
louis anderson
NeatoVeto
I'm all about a good sandwich joke, but.... c'mon.
DetectiveSloth
The joke got removed
JupiterJedi
I'm all about a good sandwich, but, is this some kind of joke?
RelevantImgurian
4: Regret decision when pig is 600lb monster with he mind of a three year old...
ChorizoPig
Mine is 124 lb at ten and half years old. He's 19" tall.
idontevenknowsillymonkey
I was going to say just get one of those teacup pigs, but even Kunekune (smallest pig breed available) grow to between 60kg and 200kg LOL
RelevantImgurian
Kunekunes always made me laugh, they’re super friendly and sweet but that’s literally because they’re all severely mentally retarded...
WookieWookieWookie
The average weight of a potbelly pig is like 150lbs.
Imhereforthelurking
Doesn't stop them from getting fence busting big. Average might be 150, but 250 is an easy "healthy" weight for them go reach.
Imhereforthelurking
Healthy being questioned more on your behalf than theirs. 300+ is very possible, and 300 pound 3 year olds have nasty tempers.
ImGonnaRickRollYou
In all reality, would not advise a pet pig. They are too friggin smart. They will fake crying and screaming if they know they get a treat 1/
7dayslater
My wife had a roommate in college with a pet pig - the roommate would encourage the pig to beg for food at the table by feeding him..BACON!!
kyro
Do you not support recycling?
mishalala
Yeah, they'll eat anything. But then, so will chickens and dogs...
ImGonnaRickRollYou
To make them feel better. And they can be very spiteful. If you take away a toy of theirs, they will take one of yours. And destroy it. 2/2
ElonFoster
Defo gotta look up a bunch of pros and cons lists on this O_O
Myowngrampa
well then you bacon them
ImGonnaRickRollYou
How dare you
chardlz
Pigs are people too
vegii
Pigs are bread.
DetectiveSherlockHolmes
That's a funny way to spell bacon
chardlz
quite funny indeed
ChorizoPig
Not if you don't respond to it. Mine learned very quickly that throwing a fit was a waste of time.
ImGonnaRickRollYou
Mine is very stubborn. He just kept walking closer and closer. He's a bit of an asshole and an attention whore (lil bastard learned quick to
ImGonnaRickRollYou
Turn off my ps4 and xbox when he wanted attention). But I love him. He's a goofball.
KimmyGrangerLikesItRough
I’m more impressed he has learnt time management
ChorizoPig
They are very smart.
KimmyGrangerLikesItRough
What a cutie
imgonnahurtu
Out of curiosity: What type of pig would you recommend for pet purposes?
nero4ty2
Bacon
ChorizoPig
If you are seriously considering a pig as a pet, read this book. It's the best I've found. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1930580746
KimmyGrangerLikesItRough
Chorizo
ChorizoPig
Mine is a Vietnamese Potbelly.
mishalala
There are mini pigs and pot belly pigs. The pot belly pigs get fairly large. Deff do research on their full-grown size before getting one.
ChorizoPig
My healthy 10.5 year old potbelly is 19" tall and weighs 12 lb. That is tiny by pig standards. Farm pigs get as big as a sofa.
ChorizoPig
Potbelly pigs are a type of mini pig. The only smaller breed is juliana pigs and they aren't much smaller.
ChorizoPig
But do be sure to meet BOTH parents before getting a 'mini' pig and make sure the parents are full-grown.