MayMyEnemiesLiveLong
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#1
#2
#3
Remember when we had to spam NoAds over and over to keep the ad server from crashing the android app?
#28
SavagePatchKids
#10 that's grounds for divorce, right?
Feralkyn
HeiheiForPresident
Woah, déjà vu. Swear I just saw this whole post. Can we wait a couple of days between reposts??
drduffer
Now I wish I was married again just so I could flame my wife with a few of these. Outstanding stuff!
OKiluvUBuhBai
Aww a marriage post! *sobs in newly single*
atrielienz
I reclose bags of chips after my husband has already closed them because I don't like the way he does it.
noonehasthisoneyet
so does he eat spaghetti with JUST a spoon or a fork and spoon team-up situation?
unpasteurizedorganicraw
Honey, where is my?....NEVERMIND!
TheresnoDanaonlyZuul
I never thought that my husband organizing his shit and helping clean the house would be a seduction and would turn me on, but here we are
Scornn
And still my envy is eternal.
ebonyfaery
Oh god we do so many of these and we aren't married. Maybe we ARE married.
leroiePrince
My wife always introduces me as her first husband.
Typhon2727
My wife may think she is never wrong, but she hangs her jackets on the hanger facing the wrong way.
TVPro
My wife is gonna love to hate these... *clicks send.
DarkNerd74
Funny.. my wife liked the blender one.
dsafghffson27185
Idontneedrealfacts
No, Its OK, My wife left me, my dog died and my truck broke. But do you mean he uses the spoon with a fork to twist it, or JUST a spoon?
olsonc827
Thus I am not married
bomboy23
I buy separate toothpaste because I can't trust it won't be empty at some point when I need it
Callmekupo
I have separate toothpaste because we can't agree on the ideal texture and mint level of toothpaste...
MBdub210
Same issue. I fucking hate mint, so I get cinnamon flavored toothpaste. He gets the mint and charcoal mess.
TechnicolorCheeseWedge
My sister learned the hard way. Brother in law ate his entire meal and all of her fries before she was even half done with her burger.
DIINKELBERG
And people are asking why i don't wanna marry. It seems like most of these people dislike each other
Gaelwyn
I wouldn’t say that. I find these all hilarious and I don’t dislike my SO. It’s just a place you get to when you’re really close to someone.
Kalooki
I feel like some of these are things you should know before committing to marriage? Just talk to each other?! Christ.
Poopypantaloon
Wait. I eat my spaghetti with a spoon and a fork. Am I wrong?
weatealloftheorangesoffthenavelsofourlovers
You’re an og
YoSoyMilk
I’m not proposing to my gf until she puts the toilet paper on the holder correctly at least twice in a row.
arae8
ShifuYaku
No, the second one is when you have anything that is small, i.e. a cat/dog/toddler
DjNeHi
That last one will definitely be me if I ever find a women foolish enough to marry me. My shirts always mysteriously fall off at home.
TechnicolorCheeseWedge
Some helpful advice: grammatically, woman/women is the same as if you're typing man/men
DjNeHi
Just a typo. Was supposed to be “a woman”
FlatPlutoSociety
#2 Who cares about going to IKEA on an empty stomach? The place is FULL OF TASTY MEATBALLS.
ExistentialDreadlocks
I heard they're replacing them with a vegan alternative. You're all fucked.
Gaelwyn
Vegan meatballs are amazing. Just had some for dinner last night. ❤️
WinterGrasp
And then they fucked
captaingeerex
At least once every other month...
PraiseThePook
Been married over 10 years. My wife spoils me daily. I try to do the same for her. Marriage is awesome! Imma shower and get snuggling now!
CairoLen
25 years for me. Loving it!
sfrinlan
It's so easy to be negative, and there are hard times, but we just did our 11th anniversary, and it's never been better.
VanDerGroot
I'm happy to see others like this. :)
TorvusBull
Rest of the internet be like:
PraiseThePook
Just remember, marriage is more about friendship than romance. The romance is just a bonus.
corsettedconfectioner
I'm coming up on our first year and this is how I feel all the time
iAML8
I'm genuinely happy for you brother. A little envious but happy for you regardless. Enjoy!
PraiseThePook
I married my best friend. Best decision I ever made.
handydandy11
#4 I've told my fiancée that I would have broken up immediately if I found out she chewed with her mouth open. People who do drive me insane
tegfdd77
Another one: licking a butter knife.
justamanwhoknowshowtofeel
ok wtf
tegfdd77
You’ll know it when you see it.
yay4me
My husband insists I get a hot dog or cinnamon roll before we start our Ikea shopping. He is correct.
Waidonut
We start at the restaurant part and shop after. SO hates it there so I slso provide headphones.
valen00
You mean you don't take the quick bypass into the restaurant, gorge like a tick on the meatballs then wander the halls in a daze? Are /
Waidonut
That's what we do snd it's the only way to survive. If you get two kids meals you get more different foods for less!
RocknRootRanchcuzallwegotisrocksandrootsandafewtrees
"Gorge like a tick"! AHAHAHAHA!!! +oodles for you my friend!
valen00
we doing ikea wrong?
HollyRex
You’re correct. This is the way.
sputniknoodle
No. No my friend. It is the only way to do Ikea. Kötbullar first.
HollyRex
Yes!
oozabooza
Here's mine: wife: do you know what would be sexy?? Me: no, what!?? Her: if you were naked...Me: yeah?!! Her: with a broom, in the kitchen.
morelikeconsham
I'd totally call her bluff on that one. The worst case scenario is that you get some chores done.
randi
Woman here. This is definitely a thing.
morelikeconsham
For some. My wife wouldn't give a shit.
iamfarha
Huh, I’ll try it with the wife! Thanks interwebs, you make everything better!
Mimsey
Chores are indeed one of the sexiest things a man can do, according to research. One of the easiest ways to get a woman in the mood... /1
KoolStoryBrah
Well I’m a stay at home dad so I do almost al the chores. This does not apply to me unfortunately. Happily married though
IDealtIt
Bruh-U nailed it! When my SO helps to clear things off my list, it makes me feel more relaxed and appreciative, which leads to more us time.
Mimsey
more often is to take little annoyances off her plate. Do the dishes. Sweep. Take the trash out. Change her oil. /2
valen00
Your wife does like it when I change her oil.
Iwasoutedbyatroll
Studies have also shown that doing too many "domestic" chores actually lowers her libido. And a man's blood pressure is lowest when listen-
Iwasoutedbyatroll
ing to sounds of domestic chores being done in another room.
Mimsey
By relieving her of these little errands, it helps her relax, and relaxation is one of the biggest factor in female arousal. /3
Mimsey
Combine this with something like picking out a sexy new outfit for her, or a special dinner, or some other small luxury... /4
causality
No, not a special dinner. Planning it ruins it for them. You gotta show up with surprise food.
Mimsey
and the odds of sex skyrocket. But even if they don't, it's important to never view this as transactional. /5