chobear
225239
8411
203
Aug 9, 2016 9:16 AM
chobear
225239
8411
203
xSquirrelly
I believe all of these without any doubts what so ever.
RealScienceMan
Well #10 you probably wrote something that was too long and too fluffy and contained basically 0 content.
EnigmaRequiem
Yeah, otherwise that teacher would lose their job. Same with the teacher who mixed up the sources... unless they had tenure.
Dragonogh
I fucking hate these stories. I mean, I love the complaints about them, but I hate just how terrible some people are. Insane.
MalignantUpper2
If it's any solace some of these are probably fake, but people can still be terrible
ionlylooklikeapotato
Guy whose girlfriend dumped him for getting in shape 100% deserves it. No One deserves to be stuck with that neurotic bitch.
phreak1986
Probably not jizz, u put soap in the pee test to destroy it and then they have time to get clean...
IronicUsername
Wouldn't they just detect the soap and fail you?
BreadyStinellis
They can't fail you if they don't find anything. It would be an inconclusive test.
ICannotStressThisEnoughBut
OliverClothesoff70
I was thinking of it more as a rudder than anything else. Might actually help keep him in his lane.
ashmenon
*jaws theme plays*
ICannotStressThisEnoughBut
Or any stroke, for that matter...
IronicUsername
#4 seems a bit serious for an "FML" post.
BlueElephant92
yeah that one made me angry. bringing people in a really dangerous situation because of stupidity should be a crime
sarabellow
But did they get their dog back
CertifiedAgreer
Yup. Or so I heard.
IICIWH
Now do a "you deserved it" dump
fewe
#1 I wouldn't even blink I don't give a shit if they have an autistic kid, my dog is a member of my family and aint no one gonna take em.
SpringToMyWinter
"A face only a fist could love", my new favorite insult.
Wadup
That guy sounded like a judgemental asshole though.
twfeline
That magical moment when somebody uses an expression you've never heard before, but you can instantly conjure up the scene.
Applepotamus
or your total beast in the sack daughter eyyyyyyyy
MyDickStaysHardInGraveyards
You've got a face only a mother could love.
DefiantlyAwkward
I laughed so hard when I read it was from my home state of Kansas. Not even surprised
Scusername
In French we say "tête-à-claque" which roughly translates to "slap-able head".
GalaxyRangerZero
Either change your face or I'm gonna change it for you.
bloxman
I used it once and got punched
twfeline
"He looks like he was beaten with an Ugly stick."
pickmin123
Was I the only one who thought of Marv?
iDrinkDrano
Backpfeifengesicht
As4mi
Watschngsicht in bavaria
drunkenvulcan
I was gonna comment saying there's a German word for this I couldn't remember. Thank you. +1
wherearemytesticles
Hackfresse
TusharM1
What?
ITryToBeEdgyAndCoolItsNotWorking
"A face needing a slap" in German, basically. Wow, they DO have a word for everything!
Riddiculous
I bet you a million pounds someone is going to steal everyone of these and post them as confession bears. I'm calling it now
SmellOfMonkey
Is it you? :)
BrontTheGoodBoy
A million pounds? What is that now, four hundred dollars?
Riddiculous
You gave me the opportunity. It's about tree fiddy
BrontTheGoodBoy
God dang it, Loch Ness Monster!
mt77932
Some of them sound familiar do they may already have been.
SideEffectsOfJuice
Yeah, some of these are 100% stolen from confession bear posts.
kah929
FUCK YOUR NON AMERICAN CURRENCY
scampbellucf
While I was reading I visualized AWESOME-O pitching ideas for fake Go Fund Me scams.
shalmdi
Let me know if someone takes the bet. I will repost all of them same day for 10% cut.
ImgurBackup
I'm not taking that bet
Eldslibo
As a fml-member I know that it goes the other way around too. I often see stuff on imgur before I moderate it in fml.
LemonFanta
That's heavy.
Stupidasssmile
Ok so that first one.. In mlitary housing we had this dog.. Randomly showed up at our door.
Stupidasssmile
So I went around the neighborhood to find where it cAme from. Couple kids said it was theirs
Stupidasssmile
Well before I let them have it we had a neighbor that read the chip so we got the number off there and left a message.
Stupidasssmile
Apparently this dog had been missing for four years. Humans actually drove up from Texas to get their dog back.
Barkinsons
So the kids took it four years ago without checking the chip?
Stupidasssmile
I'm not really sure. The dog's real owners have us a reward and went to talk with the other family. Never got an update.
nwreck
I don't know where you were in relation to Texas, but I would drive pretty damn far to get my dog back.
Stupidasssmile
I was in San Diego at the time
MasterFetus
Yeah.... no to that first one. Get your own fucking dog. Those cops can fuck off too
baturro
The "creamy white stuff" girl deserved it.
DrShrinker
Why are high schoolers being drug tested?
bloodydingo
Drugs are a public health problem and are illegal.
Mithi
Because there is money to be made with drug test kits?
OliverClothesoff70
Steroids, probably. A lot of places are rampant with students on steroids to gain an advantage for scholarships, etc.
DrShrinker
Ah, that i could understand.
BareBoneBear
My high school in Texas did (graduated '09). The more extracurriculars you were, the higher your chance of being "randomly" selected.
ashmenon
I think it's a statistical thing. My school didn't, but I know some kids my age whose schools did.
DrShrinker
Is it anonymous then?
ashmenon
Nope, but they test the entire school not just some kids.
JeanZedlav
Five pages means five pages. You show up with six pages and it isn't getting graded. Learn to read, Chuck.
cheekybirch
The people in some of these scenarios are doing some things that are very, very illegal...
Barkinsons
#1 Thos cops are assholes for guilt tripping that guy, I'd get my dog back without hesitation
CardboardPizzas
I saw that one on the site when it was originally posted and she got the dog back.
Jake1702
Well good.
SoonSaysAWhisperAriseArise
Oh, hell yeah. It's not my job to preserve that family's feelings.
NamesAreNotNecessary
I agree 10000 percent. Just because a family has an autistic kid does not give them the right to keep a stolen dog. That's just bullshit.
reediculous84
Preach!
Cptsnuggles
Same. I wouldn't even feel bad.
pringlesyum
Same here. Shame on the family for buying a stolen dog and not rescuing.
Groznek
They probably didn't KNOW it was stolen, I'd bet?
TireaNiwin
They may have even though they were rescuing it
CliffordJohnsonMiller
#19 ain't got no complaining to do. Her boyfriend probably realised, and took her along to show he was not interested.
Fierfly
Some of these would be really shit if they had actually happened
AlwaysSharkWeek
For real. Why does anyone even remotely think these have happened?
brknsoul
#3 sue boss for giving out private info. Or at least inform boss's boss.
Plumpiglet
Not every culture is like America's sueing culture so it may be harder.
adv0catus
It's still a gross violation of privacy.
JustAFellaThatLikesDogs
i think you mean #4
brknsoul
Yes I did. Those darned small numbers are hard one count.
Saintskeeper
What website is this from?
EurondeRivia
http://www.fmylife.com/
Ethansmug
I think it used to be called fuck my life.com or something like that. It was once a good site until all the obviously fake stories.
BannedAgainWTFthatWasntNSFW
He jizzed in the cup twice?
perlcat
Wanker.
lulurafa
Does anybody remember Out Cold when the dude pooped in the cup??
MrRemy
YES! great scene!
lotsoftinyblueletters
Multiple orgasms?
Stuebydoo
Dat recovery time yo
goclimbarock
Separate unrelated incidents.
Goosemus
Roll Tide
MrFather
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )
IamMelonLordeYaYaYa
Either that story is made up or the dude is bad at his job anyway. You're supposed to observe subjects urinating
Monowas
not in every country (please don't be mad)
ImSynnical
yes, lets observe high school kids urinating, no sexual harassment charges there
murkedu1994
Not true. When i had to take a urine test to get my job i was allowed to pee in privacy.
SwitchPup
I've had multiple pee tests for jobs and such -- and I've NEVER been observed. I don't think that's standard practice.
SwitchPup
Hell, I'd be surprised if it was legal -- especially with high school students, who are usually minors!
MrRemy
They watch your ding a ling when you pee for a probation officer.
Jamiejewel74
That's what I was going to say too. I'm a female n I hated it, had to go to PSI probation once a week for 2 years n was tested EVERY time.
MrRemy
Lol that comment was from 2 years ago. Still true and still sucks. I just got off of 36 month probation feb 6th though ?
Jamiejewel74
Sorry, forgot I was in the "random" section of old stuff. Lol Wow! 36 months?? I bet you're happy to be done with that, good luck to you. ☺
MatchGirlMegg
Drug tested for a job. They had strict rules about what you could do(had to hand it out, then could flush and wash hands), not observed.
SometimesILeaveTheHouse
Observing someone urinating for a drug test is a violation of HIPAA policies, and could land you in hot water.
Jamiejewel74
What if it's for probation? I was watched everytime once a week for 2 years straight. It was so uncomfortable.
LanaDelReyy
Never been observed but have been told to hurry up.
xaosbob
http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/Jizz+everywhere+from+aziz+ansari_50ccec_4194779.gif
skatebeard
He was high
Greentie
You have to fill the cup
LanaDelReyy
I work at an outpatient lab and we do semen testing. The patients have to collect in the bathroom and I've been asked several times if they
LanaDelReyy
have to fill the entire cup up.
Lykasmitts
Do they?
LanaDelReyy
No. They just have to produce as much as one ejaculation makes.
NZSheeps
Ah, the energy of youth.
Buckbeak1486
I couldn't even do that in high school!
boroq
SmellOfMonkey
One after the other as well, that's a quick recovery time
MrrSir
I only up voted because it was at 68 now at 69 your welcome
SquanchyPartyBro
The creamy white stuff
Iuseanavatargifforalmostnothing
myusernameiscrazy
Sick reference bro
Elphienis
*chokes on water*
Boltbox01
ProvidesYouShittyLinks
What?
rudejohn
The last image was repeated twice.
ProvidesYouShittyLinks
oh, i didnt even notice lol
ProvidesYouShittyLinks
holy shit why am i getting so many downvotes LOL
undeadcadaver
Have an upvote.
TxDavidxT
Welcome to imgur
ProvidesYouShittyLinks
Imgur, the biggest hivemind next to 9gag and the leafy community
kronikreefer
I gotchu fam. +1 cause why the downvotes for curiosity
oddworldcrash
#1 just buy the child a puppy. Problem solved.
VindictiveRidge
I would think an adult dog might be a better idea than a puppy.
oddworldcrash
But no kid could resist a puppy. Just gifting your dog is like abandoning a family member.
LadyWidebottom
Some of these people just vote "You deserved it" for the hell of it. I swear, they'd say that even if you posted about being set on fire.
bloodydingo
All these responses with a "it doesn't actually mean you deserve it." Man, there's no asterisk. Don't attach meaning to either or responses.
snarkface
GemsAreOutrageousTrulyTrulyTrulyOutrageous
The fuck...?
maybeifthisusernameiswittyenoughsomeonewillfinallyloveme
*whooooooshhhh*
GemsAreOutrageousTrulyTrulyTrulyOutrageous
K.
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
There are flame retardant outfits readily available. What do you mean, you weren't wearing them? You were totally asking for it.
GrundlePlunder
What if you deserved being set on fire?
chakarakarama
Some people suck.
twfeline
The people who vote on these deserve the waste of time.
only90skidswillgetthis
Even 11% of people will say they approve of Congress.
tomyn
karma karma karma chameleon
iamthisguy247
Have you ever considered not being flammable?
Hardstylelover
Well, some deserve to be set on fire
UnprotectedSex
I think the essay "TL'DR" one could be deserved. I've had prof say that if you go over the page limit they won't read it- could be similar?
whatthefreck
It could also mean "I don't feel sorry for you" as in it's not that big of a deal, not that they deserved it.
atleastIwasnt36
Same with the downvote fairies here
TouRyuu
Chicken pox one definitely deserved it. They had 18(?) years to attempt to get vaccines without needing parent consent.
SuwinTzi
8 not 18,and might not have known they weren't vaccinated
vdangit
Yeah, I imagine it was more of a got pox> questioned parents> discovered lack of vaccination scenario
ClassyReposts
I think for some it's more along the lines of "you seem like a good person and deserved the Eye-opener".
StarmanUltra
You got cheated on? You obviously deserved it.
LadyWidebottom
I want to believe, but the cynic in me just knows that 99.9% of those people who vote "you deserved it" are just bastards
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
Am bastard, can confirm.
RaisinZetaJones
The opposite is also true. "Face only a fist could love" dad decided that his daughter's boyfriend was trash for staring at her?
OSCgal
I just want to know why the dad & boyfriend hadn't been previously introduced. Or at least pointed out.
RaisinZetaJones
If one of my parents spoke in terms of faces only fists could love, I'd be remiss to introduce my partner too.
Idriveboats
Most cringe is having to write why IE is better than Chrome.
TheAccursedHamster
Chrome in general is the better browser, but you could always point out how Chrome handles multiple tabs as a possible downside.
Jake1702
I would love to see what he wrote.
GlitterInTheDarkNearTheTannhauserGate
ActiveX controls, group policy integration and guaranteed compatibility with old LOB websites targeting IE
YouAreNowBlinkingAndBreathingManuallyAndHaveTheSuddenUrgeToYawn
Sounds too familiar. I bet MS been pushing exactly that before IE8.
tekkblade
That's not that hard. Chrome is the better browser, but it also can circumvent certain security settings, so in the work place it CAN be 1/
tekkblade
less secure.
Jake1702
He means stopping people from doing things on the computers.
thefrompleman
Last year I had to write an assignment explaining how to stop users from running client side scripts on websites, saying "you can't" in 1/2
Jake1702
Who is that stupid to make you write that?
thefrompleman
BTEC, they don't even acknowledge the existence of SSDs, it's really depressing bc our teacher is like "95% of this is wrong" so we have 1/2
thefrompleman
to learn everything twice, once according to BTEC, and then actually what it is 2/2
Jake1702
I would like to make a donation for brain surgery for that teacher.
thefrompleman
any way was an immediate fail. Ended up writing about obfuscating your code and passed rip 2/2
YouAreNowBlinkingAndBreathingManuallyAndHaveTheSuddenUrgeToYawn
Or is it a sysadmin task, like, filtering traffic in a company's network?
thefrompleman
Prevent someone from running a script (presumably they meant JS) on a website that you (me) would be hosting, sorry, character limitations
findlesticks
Just give them an empty page, so nobody bothers to write one
YouAreNowBlinkingAndBreathingManuallyAndHaveTheSuddenUrgeToYawn
Excuse me, don't get the assignment. Stop users from running js on _other_ websites? Why would one want to do that? Or, on your own site?
LemonFanta
Impossible. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
Whateverthehellyouwant
That one is fake. Internet explorer is called Microsoft Edge now, and that was written too recently to be in the IE time.
SuckAnElf
I feel like that one is fake, for no other reason than Microsoft recently changed the name to Edge.
Cere4l
edge is a different browser, both are installed on windows 10 by default.
Jake1702
They both run on IE's engine. If you take a look at an exploits list, they both basically have the same exploits.
Cere4l
they mostly share exploits because they share ie the flash library.
Cere4l
accidental enter press is stupid, anyways! but LOTS of code was picked out from ies engine to create edge
butmahitsjustmebooo
spaceystacey
I thought you were linking the jizz one. It was way funnier in my head before I clicked your link.
megaparallaxofonearcsecond
Maybe the student exceeded the page count. No professor who asked for 3 pages is gonna grade a 20 page one on top of the 300 other 3 pagers.
StandardDeviant
That's when you escalate that shit to the principal. Hell, take it all the way up to the goddamn superintendent.
failphins2
There are parameters on how long a paper can be. My instructors always stressed not to write something too long or they wouldn't read it
OliverClothesoff70
That was the one I thought was the most likely fake. One thing teachers don't do is risk getting themselves fired and that just might.
butmahitsjustmebooo
It was probably either a student teacher or a college professor.
BardicLasher
Depending on what the assignment was and the length of the paper, this is either complete dickery or entirely justified.
spaceystacey
I thought you were linking the jizz one. It was way funnier in my head before I clicked your link.
maniacalmacaroni
this just sounds like one really shitty spiteful teacher among a lot of good ones. I'd also assume there's more to this story than we know.
failphins2
Teacher probly specifically said not to write a paper over a certain length and the kid did so he was failed for not following instructions
butmahitsjustmebooo
Trust me, in American schools, good teachers are hard to find. All except for maybe a few teachers in elementary school, they sucked. 1/2
butmahitsjustmebooo
EVEN MY KINDERGARTEN TEACHERS WERE TERRIBLE! I'm so glad I'm not in school anymore. 2/2
maniacalmacaroni
I mean, I'll trust you that you had bad teachers, but I had probably 100 teachers over 13 years in public schools and only a few bad ones.
xSquirrelly
"300 words or shorter" proceeds to write a 10 page paper
BreadyStinellis
Exactly. If it was longer than assigned this is totally understandable. I wouldn't read it either. Re do it correctly and you'll get a grade
seemetrollinh8in
I never understood these people, are they hoping for extra credit? They're already (presumably) the good students, unlike my margin and
seemetrollinh8in
font size altering ass hoping they didn't actually count words
Vectorman2
Because teachers in other parts of the world are perfectly flawless with no human tendencies?
master117
Because every exam here is graded by 3 different teachers who each have to write a report and sign it.
Vectorman2
Where is 'here'? That sounds insane
master117
Germany. Its a system to protect students from malicious teachers and the other way around. We have double check systems for nearly everythi
Vectorman2
Sounds like an absurd amount of work if you have a larger school
BasisPoints
How the hell do teachers have enough time to do that!? USA Teacher friend of mine works until 10pm every night on only her own kids' work
master117
Because we pay them a living and have twice as many per student I believe.
hoefty
#4 is straight up unethical and probably illegal!
BardicLasher
"Hey, do you know where Jessie lives now?" "Oh, sure, here's her new address!" Not unethical or illegal.
HornetQueen
You do not understand ethics, clearly.
hoefty
Employers are not supposed to give out any personal info. I remember a mentally challenged guy came by my work a lot asking for one (1/2)
hoefty
guy in particular, we couldn't share his schedule or number.
BardicLasher
Sharing someone's address is not illegal if you don't expect them to mean harm. Addresses are public record. Also, you're a color pie break.
TheClayKnight
How is he a color pie break? By being enemy colors?
BardicLasher
Hornet Queen is a green flier.
HornetQueen
You can't ethically as an EMPLOYER release personal information about an employee, especially information that could put that person (1/2)
HornetQueen
in danger like it clearly does in this instance. That is grossly negligible, and shows no concern for the employee in question's privacy.
srslydude
There's a few that are that way. The guy who got fired so the girlfriend could get the job sounds incredibly illegal.
Jake1702
I hope his girlfriend ends up dumping his ass.
failphins2
Not in a right to work state like NC
Counterfit
It's an at-will issue, not right to work.
srslydude
What does thazt mean? I've never been to NC.
failphins2
You can be fired for literally any reason
srslydude
It sounds like some laws need to be changed.
definitelynotanarc
It means that as long as you aren't discriminating due to race, religion etc., you can fire anyone. For any reason, no matter how dumb.
Counterfit
That's not what right to work means
Aerolfoz
Has to be. You need a good, valid reason for firing people. No way in hell is that one, and if he got another bullshit one
Counterfit
An at-will employee can be fired for any or no reason at all.
Aerolfoz
Then I'm sure there's somewhere you can sue that guy for infringing... something.
DotSlashNatalie
In many big companies - firing has to be approved by HR. In small biz and states like IL I can fire you for any non-discriminating reason.
Aerolfoz
States? as in US? They really are lacking employee stuff then...? Europe is not like that at all
DotSlashNatalie
Yes - I know it is in IL it's called "at will employment". However, it looks like it also works for the employee as well.
DotSlashNatalie
See http://www.ncsl.org/research/labor-and-employment/at-will-employment-overview.aspx
kibbypie
Dear 26-year-old idiot, you're 26. You're an adult. You're in charge of your own vaccinations. Way to blame your parents.
TheyHunger
Not a good idea to get that vaccine as an adult, or you may end up looking like Edward James Olmos.
unefemmeingenieur
I'm 24 and I wasn't vaccinated for chicken pox b/c (I'm fairly certain) the vaccine didn't exist before I got it. My 15yo sister was though
Throwaway856
He likely didn't know he wasn't vaccinated against it. Kids don't exactly keep track of what vaccines they've had, people just assume (1/2)
Throwaway856
their parents got them all of the necessary ones. Especially for the ones usually given in infancy like the chickenpox vaccine. (2/2)
kibbypie
Given the argument of "not right with God", it's likely that he hasn't had many if any vaccinations at all.
SherMattLockSmith
The chicken pox vaccine didn't even come out till 98, most adults don't get vaccinated with it as varicella can be deadly in adults 1/2
SherMattLockSmith
2/2 and there is a possibility of severe reactions developing.
BreadyStinellis
Exactly. What his parents should have done was make him play with someone who had chicken pox so he'd get it too. As a kid.
TheRaiderofRandom
My brother and I both came down with chicken pox despite being vaccinated when we were little. The doctor just shrugged.
impostersquall
They could of told him they did but didnt
maniacalmacaroni
Id say it was their fault for the first 18 yrs, and his fault for the last 8 or so, but also his doctor's for never bringing it up.
youhavemail
I agree with you a doctor would most likely mention it
spongebobmingepants
Don't get routinely vaccinated for chicken pox in Ireland.most kids catch it young.rarely harmful.bloody annoying tho.
kibbypie
The complications for children are rare, but the disease can be very harmful to adults. That's why the vaccine is becoming routine for kids.
gutclusters
I wonder if he even knew that he wasn't vaccinated. It's not like parents hand over your medical records when you turn 18.
kibbypie
No, but you can still access your own medical records as an adult.
gutclusters
Have you pulled your own medical records as an adult? I sure haven't and i bet that is true of almost everybody.
kibbypie
But how familiar are you with your vaccination schedule?
gutclusters
Well I do know for certain that I've got the Hep A/Measles/Small Pox ones done, but that's because the antibody markers are still in me.
ashmenon
Yes but what would prompt you to do so?
kibbypie
The knowledge that your parents did get you vaccinated as a child so you're at risk for just about everything?
kibbypie
*didn't
Adthay
there is a good chance he just assumed everything was normal until he got the pox
kibbypie
Likely, but at 26 that's on him and not his parents.
wellthisjustgotinteresting
What reason would he have to do that?
Adthay
what do you mean? he should have sat down and thought, "did I get vaccinated?" then go check? did you ever check?