harpire19
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Apr 17, 2020 10:43 PM
harpire19
155181
4426
121
RazorAndBladeSavedTheDay
These lobbyists have gone too damn far!
mechsrule009
The scary part is viruses are so small, that many wouldnt even cover a brick
Glen69
Evanrudeplz
Lostradefaog
Onion use to be fake new
alfmeister6227
Dying to get on with life I presume.
stankginchfurbuger
Science/math people, definately more than billions, right?
sweatyfarts
Man, that picture looks just like one of my cousin Hightop Larry’s meatloaf farts.
CaldariBob
Pics or GTFO!
CKilps
Where is the fake news?
ReverseSyzygy
on Fox and OANN, mostly
deechill
That’s not a fake news FFs I’m pissed at the onion for doing real reporting
AlmightyElephant
That's not even satire anymore. That's just accurate reporting.
darkninja2992
It's concerning when the onion is stating facts
EmergencyChocolate
Sadly, in a few days, we will know if any of those protesting were asymptotic carriers.
ZachariasWolfe
asymptomatic*
EmergencyChocolate
Thanks- spell check tried so hard to help my fat fingering! I appreciate you, spell check!
baagroak
Idiots, that's how you catch a bad case of Republican.
IPlayWithFire
Do we really even need Michigan? Let them volunteer to be the Canary in the coal mine to show the rest of americas idiocracy how wave 2 goes
imaxhighsky
https://imgur.com/cRKe0xS
Munchman347
Odd, it's a bunch of Maga-otts and Neo-nazi's protesting a Democratic Governor, in two states. But the Reps get a pass...
analbumcoverfrom1991
Have you been to Michigan! Call it China 2.0
LordSintax79
I long for the days when marching on the state capitol with guns got you shot so full of holes we could sell you as a new type of cheese.
TheTruthHurts51
Trump's wackos.
whitefoxkei
Wait, I thought the Onion only did satire?
whitefoxkei
Oh because they exaggerated with "billions" I see.
Starhaven350
StoicOptimist
I'm sure they are aware of how true this really is.
RabidDingo
CliffCarter
wadatahmydamie
slightlysoggyasparagus
I've been seeing memes deriding the Gadsden flag alot recently. Why? For us navy it's just the flag we fly on the bow of the ship 1/2
slightlysoggyasparagus
And represents that we won't be trampled on by other powers or terrorists.
Geistbar
It's been appropriated by "libertarians" (scare quotes because often just anti-gov-for-them conservatives) for years now. That's why.
johnvictor
Seat belts save lives? NANNY STATE! Stay at home orders to combat a dangerous pathogen? GOVERNMENT TAKING OUR FREEDUMS!
wadatahmydamie
“We don’t want an authoritarian strongman issuing scrip and controlling our lives unless they work for Comcast!”
OnePostCloserToAHappierLIfe
Aw, damn. They should have said "A verifiable disease".
brownribbon
What do you mean by that?
OnePostCloserToAHappierLIfe
Just a salty comment about the covid-denier groups putting their communities at risk.
SoraHjort
Wait, I thought The Onion didn't report on actual news, and only make parody commentary.
MiguelCamino
And if they gathered in crowds of hundreds and there isn't an outbreak among them?
BurntMomWarfare
It would be highly unlikely.
MiguelCamino
True. But if there isn't does that meant they are right?
BurntMomWarfare
If pigs could fly...
MiguelCamino
I'm thinking of them as test subjects.
UrbanNorthern
Just call them what they are. Parasites. No Onion headline required
MrPajamaSam
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8231321/Texas-state-reopen-WEEK.html?ito=social-facebook&fbclid=IwAR1Ta3mMGLk8UQRXwlk1QtKkyrEkBFajK
MrPajamaSam
Texas is reopening next week
MorrighanWolf
Use Castle law.
TigerThong
at least they are more sparsely populated? good luck to them
SquirtleSquad420
Austin and Houston are pretty fucking populated.
magicrhombus
They're carefully cultivated idiots. Republicans been sabotaging education for decades to ensure people are dumb enough to vote for them.
ministryofpeace
I think it's a bipartisan strategy
CallMeIshmael1MoreTimeNPowInTheKisser
That is absolutely true.
BurntToast127
One of them holding a sign 'Heil Witmer" because making you stay in your house is equal to mass genocide.
MiguelCamino
How many times have liberals compared trump to Hitler? Don't be a hypocrite.
BurntToast127
I am not a hypocrite. I'll call anyone who is this fucking stupid.
PoliticalWanderer
I've never seen much signs that Trump voters have much of a problem with Nazis before.
MiguelCamino
There are always the few idiots on every side.
PoliticalWanderer
PoliticalWanderer
MiguelCamino
And I'm sure there were bloods and crips that supported Obama. What's your point?
PoliticalWanderer
Very fine people.
PoliticalWanderer
[deleted]
[deleted]
MrLurkerMcGurker
I mean how else is a US President supposed to get uptodate info? From the CIA or FBI? Those are anti American establishments!!!! /s
boognish115
If they disagree with trump it’s because their democrat. Duh. /s
boognish115
* they’re
LowTinaTurner
Trump is a puppet. He's accelerating a process to divide this country and weaken it from within.
DylanDylanDylanDylanDylanBecauseISpitHotFire
"Looks at Russia"
SimpsonYouDiabolical
At what point does Twitter ban him? Surely he has broken some rule here. In addition, at what point does the US stop this circus?
wholetthisguyin
The settlement needs you!
rezorrand
How about everyone starts reporting his tweets offensive or something to get the account blocked?
rezorrand
Tbh, people are probably already trying to..
KarateCanine
So if he riles up the red voters in michigan, and they go out and protest, get sick and die, doesn't that lead to it going blue?
ImGoingToGoFallAsleepOnABench
Not if they take just as many blue voters with them, which seems to be part of the goal.
KarateCanine
Ahhhhhhhh. Ok I didn't think of that.
memegodtees
Hopefully
CaldariBob
Jesus. Fucking. Wept.
InvalidAsh
No I fucking did not. I am over it. I've abandoned humanity. Y'all ain't worth the muscle power to even facepalm. I'm starting over.
CorwinMacGregor
*weeps* noooouuu. take me with you! I don't wanna live here anymore either!
ReverseSyzygy
worse: his guidelines from the PREVIOUS DAY said those three states aren't ready to popen
Rum0r
this man will say literally anything to get people on his side. IT doesn't matter if its conflicting, as long as he can say it, he will.
koops
trump flip flopping? *shock*
AngryGroundhog
He never read page one of his own guidelines; no States will meet the criteria to begin opening for months.
hddsony
Don't guidelines say no state should open? Though I'm in NY so my perspective is a bit skewed by ... Large ass numbers here
joot
By shouting from both sides of the fence, his idiot supporters can align with whatever. It’s literally doublethink. He’s doing everything he
ReverseSyzygy
Well, yes. THEY WON'T OPEN UP, or THEY OPENED UP TOO SOON are both future viable "defensive" talking points
joot
can to prevent spread of the virus AND “liberate” them with freedom from the oppressive measures to control the virus.
khazaria
Like being both a warmonger and pacifist at the same time. They eat that shit up.
cosmosHiggsBison
This whole COVID shit is being handled SOOO messy. When T was asked as to what metrics would be used to determine whether we are ready...
cosmosHiggsBison
... to re open the country. He didn’t call out data, facts, or science. He pointed to his head.
TheDogEnd
Reporter responding to Trump pointing at his head:
TheGrayBox
That’s because he’s mentally ill and has our lives in his hands. Literally any other republican politician would have taken this seriously.
1LostPuppy
Hey, you idiots voted for him. And now we are all fucked.
trdfrgsn
So the country will be ready to be opened when it’s mushy and full of syphilis. Sounds good.
comicsmakemehappierthanmostpeopledo
Don't forget both shaped and colored to resemble a pumpkin
IAmAnthonyStark
PerpetualExhaustion
Jesus, if Obama had used the words “Liberate” in this context, the people on the right would have been frothing at the mouth. But since it’s
Cutwail
Even worse he said during the briefing something like "Virginia should be undersiege for what they're doing", not the exact quote tho
PerpetualExhaustion
What are they supposedly doing? Enforcing Covid measures? It’s funny how fast he forgets that he said it would be “up to the governors”
PerpetualExhaustion
Basically if you don’t agree with him, he will do anything in his power to make your job difficult. That’s horrible leadership, but his
PerpetualExhaustion
Legions of brainwashed sycophants will never see it like that.
PerpetualExhaustion
Dear leader Trump pushing what is essentially the idea of a one party state, it’s okay. You can’t call yourself a supporter of the
PerpetualExhaustion
Constitution if you are okay with this kind of behavior. How can his supporters not see how dangerous this is???
JohnnySilverballs
It's okay, he's "owning the libs". That's all that matters. /s
PerpetualExhaustion
Yeah, the levels of spite are unreal. “We’ll gleefully watch the republic die if it means the libs get pissed!”
ShawnCurtis
We are getting to the point that only violence will fix things. Just like history shows. The fucked thing about that is which party has
ShawnCurtis
been pushing an agenda to disarm Americans for the last 30 years.
ShawnCurtis
I know someone is going to be like "LOL the US military will stomp you". Fact is all National Guard units answer to sitting governor's.