A journey through a underground tunnel

So my a friend and I stumble upon this in the woods about two miles out from where we live last night. We were out there drunk and James stepped on something hollow. It sounded like wood and low and behold it was just covered by about an inch of dirt and leaves. It wasn't locked or anything so we just popped it open

This was right below the surface. We couldn't decide whether it was carved or man made. It was crazy dark in there James held his phone flashlight out and I took the pictures. It was also scary cuz we didn't want to make noise in case there was someone inside. Which was really hard since we were pretty tipsy. The ground was really wet too.

Here the tunnel started to close down again. I'd guess 50 yards down from where we started. The whole way to here it was no more than 4 or 5 feet tall. We were hunched down the whole time.

After the closed down part of the tunnel, which got pretty claustrophobic at times, it opened up a little more and split left and right. We started talking about going back when we got here because we didn't wanna get drunkenly lost underground. But we had already gotten this far so I did this thing I do called 1 or 2. Where I choose either option in my head and had James answer. 2. We went left

The tunnel sort of twisted up around the corner and got pretty tight again. Here's James coming up out of the turn. Now we saw the walls and figured this part was underneath a house or something. Which was the point when we knew we should go back. Didn't wanna pop up out into someone's living room and got shot or something.

Then we saw a little hole to the left. There was fucking treasure in there. Like pirates gold. A shit ton of it. We were freaking out and then remembered to be quiet. Dread Pirate Roberts was written on the wall and we knew he didn't take prisoners.

We climbed down into that hole and found a sarcophagus of some kind. It was easy enough to open so we opened it. James is a mummy buff so he accurately assessed that this was indeed the fourth son of the pharaoh Ninjamitis. We pissed on the mummy and had a laugh then continued on our adventure.

Once we came into this room I knew I had to kill James. I'm greedy and so was he. Plus I saw him nervously touching the knife in his boot on occasion. I knocked the phone out of his hand so it was pitch black. He kept saying "this isn't funny....stop.....don't kill me please." I just laughed in the darkness and struck at the opportune moment. He died quickly. I just shoved a bunch of gold in his mouth until he suffocated. Easy work. Clean death. A pirates death.

I placed James in a fuck ugly position and pissed on him for good measure. I wanted to put Googly eyes on him for good measure but I had left my bag of tricksies at home. Then I made my way back out of the tunnel.

I covered up the entrance and pissed on it. I was surprised I hadn't run out of piss by this point but I guess it was all that Hawaiian Punch and Peach Schnopps did the trick. I laughed the whole way home. Skipping and singing "JAMES IS DEAD, IM A FILTHY PIRATE BITCH.." Then I had some Cocoa Puffs and fell into a peaceful sleep. Dreams of treasure and blood kept my insomnia at bay. Then I woke up and took a piss.